"I'd really prefer to be served" ~FI's Aunt upon hearing that we were doing buffet/stations for dinner (no problem, Aunt, your husband can go get you whatever your lazy ass wants).
"You should just do one of those honeymoon funds" ~my MOTHER of all people. SPOILER ALERT: i have a high paying job and have already saved the $20k i'm planning to use for the honeymoon, so why would i ever ask other people to pay for this? people can write me a check if they want to. i don't need to register for cash.
These people meant well, but there was also a pattern of people not listening to us or to our wishes when we were planning our wedding that we hosted. Sometimes I felt like a child.
-We got a lot of "You have to X. It's not a wedding without X." (Whatever. Just words.)
-I almost had a surprise shower. Those are generally fine and all, but I had already politely declined a shower twice, and the guest list for this thing apparently was a bunch of my friends...who were not invited to our family-only wedding.
-We found out that another person was going behind our backs trying to replan our wedding to include two aspects that he thought were missing. Luckily someone else put a stop to it for us.
We took a long time to choose colors, and once we finally settled, I told them to my dad and he said "God, that sounds gaudy." It stung but we kept with our colors (blush and champagne) and it looked great.
My sister told me my dress was ugly. It was gorgeous and I looked stunning.
Father in law goaded us for weeks after we got engaged to not have a huge wedding, just to elope and spend the money on a downpayment for a house. Then we bought a house without dipping a penny into our wedding budget. So he started goading us about spending the money on a knockout honeymoon instead of a big wedding. So we paid for our whole honeymoon in advance, again without dipping into our wedding fund. He gave us one parting jab about how stupid he thought big weddings were and how they're nothing but a waste, and then never mentioned it again.
I like how you stuck to your guns here, very awesome! Your FIL should be proud how well your finances are that you can afford all of the things you wanted including a house, honeymoon, and spectacular wedding. What an asshat for not being proud of that.
A man I work with asked me a few questions about our wedding and then went on and on about his divorce he is going through right now and how no marriage ever lasts and blah blah blah.
"This isn't the wedding *I* would have planned. There's plenty of things I disagree with. I think I've been keeping a pretty good job of keeping my mouth shut about it too. I think it's way over the top." -- From MIL regarding our decision NOT to have a potluck wedding
"But it's MY time. Maybe I shouldn't even come to the wedding." -Excerpt from MIL's explosion from us asking if we can chop her 7 minute Mother/Son song selection to 3 mins.
MIL wasn't upset we didn't register and didn't have a shower. She said, "Well, I need to make sure my son gets what he is owed. I will tell all of my family that they need to double their wedding gift because they aren't giving a shower gift." She screamed when I asked her not to do that.
"I think you can handle inviting your uncle" -- MIL who hates her brother, hoped he wouldn't show to our wedding, didn't want to be seated near him and complained about him leaving immediately when he did show. He has no relationship with my husband and has seen him twice in 13 years.
The list goes on..... and on....and has never stopped.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you
marry a Muppet Overlord.
I was told by my aunt that I was being selfish for having a sweetheart table because "your bridal party pays all that money to have dinner with you."....
I was told by my aunt that I was being selfish for having a sweetheart table because "your bridal party pays all that money to have dinner with you."....
FMIL said something to that effect the night before last at dinner. I said "Wouldn't it be worse if our WP saw that we were at their table and were excited to spend time with us, but then we got up to go visit other people and snubbed them all night? I wouldn't want to do that to my friends." It shut her up pretty good.
My H asked me to marry him on our 2 year anniversary
SIL: "Why didn't you ask her next weekend, when you knew WE would be in town?"
hmm maybe because our anniversay isn't "next" weekend?
I posted this as a rant before my wedding but My H's cousin asked if she could wear jeans to my wedding since it was in the winter and she didn't feel like it was as big a wedding as normal (btw it was 150 people and it took place at a museum/historical monument)
"You can't get married before we do." - my cousin who had been engaged for 2 years at the time of our engagement, as of our wedding day which was 1 1/2 years after we got engaged he STILL had not picked a date for his wedding.
ETA: UPDATE- said cousin did in fact wear jeans to our wedding...and was the only one wearing jeans at our wedding. I saw her get side eyed a few times.
I've been pretty lucky, but here's what I have experienced:
A coworker straight out told me that my FI isn't good enough for me and I should break up with him and start dating another work associate we know. I've been with FI for 5 years and we are perfectly happy. I work in a highly professional career and a few years FI decided to change careers and is doing apprenticeship for construction field. So, we have several people who have told me that FI isn't good enough for me, all because I make more money than him. Most just subtly insinuate it, but this coworker said it straight out that he wasn't good enough and I should dump him. Oh, and this was right after I announced my engagement. Oh, in a related instance, the day after I got engaged my dad took me for a walk to ask me if this is "really what I want to do" and "its not too late to change my mind".
This same coworker, along with others, have told me that my honeymoon won't be a "real" honeymoon since FI are already living together. We are having wedding on a cruise ship and have invited our families to join us on the cruise... but we made sure nobody booked cabins near us so we could have our privacy when we wanted to. So, when talking about this, the comment was something along the lines of, "well, its not you are having a real honeymoon anyway, right?". Um, yes, I can and will have a "real" honeymoon, thank you very much.
Oh, I've also had people ask me "So, are you still getting married?" Um, yeah, why would I not be?
My sister is also getting married and she has had a few too. When she announced her engagement online, she had people immediately asking if it will be open bar and announcing what their favorite drinks are (directed to my dad... and sister & her FI are paying for wedding themselves, not my parents). She also had a previous engagement several years ago that broke up shortly before the wedding. My dad asked if her deposits are refundable, since she's already had one wedding that didn't happen and they lost money on. She's also been asked why she doesn't just wear the dress she bought for that wedding, since it hasn't been worn yet so it doesn't have any bad history (um, yeah it does).
After my sister got engaged, my cousin (who I hadn't talked to in over a month) told her that I was really hurt and upset that she was getting married a couple months after me. Um, really? First, I never said that, nor am I hurt and upset. I am very happy for my sister actually. And even if I were upset, it certainly isn't my cousins place to say anything. I did make a comment to my aunt that it means I need to come up with money to go back for her wedding (across country), so we may need to tighten our wedding budget a bit, but that it shouldn't be a problem.
My mom: "How DARE you and Jason pick your wedding color's when that's the MOH's job?!" Yelling at me while I confront my MOH (sister) on all the drama she created to just find a freaking dress, any dress, in time for the wedding.
That's the most memorable one but I've had more from both sides of the family. The future in-laws (parents and an aunt, not contributing to the wedding) kept inviting people and trying to add people to guest list. I had to put my foot down and finally tell them they are welcome to come but they must pay for them. My parents can only afford so much.
A final one (I think) "Don't ever get married. Romantic love doesn't exist. The only people you can ever love are your parents and children." My dad said this to me, before I was engaged. He had been married twice and did not like the fact that I was in a relationship. He did at least like my boyfriend(now fiancé) and eventually approved of him before he passed away(my father, not my FI).
I've been pretty lucky, but here's what I have experienced:
A coworker straight out told me that my FI isn't good enough for me and I should break up with him and start dating another work associate we know. I've been with FI for 5 years and we are perfectly happy. I work in a highly professional career and a few years FI decided to change careers and is doing apprenticeship for construction field. So, we have several people who have told me that FI isn't good enough for me, all because I make more money than him. Most just subtly insinuate it, but this coworker said it straight out that he wasn't good enough and I should dump him. Oh, and this was right after I announced my engagement. Oh, in a related instance, the day after I got engaged my dad took me for a walk to ask me if this is "really what I want to do" and "its not too late to change my mind".
This same coworker, along with others, have told me that my honeymoon won't be a "real" honeymoon since FI are already living together. We are having wedding on a cruise ship and have invited our families to join us on the cruise... but we made sure nobody booked cabins near us so we could have our privacy when we wanted to. So, when talking about this, the comment was something along the lines of, "well, its not you are having a real honeymoon anyway, right?". Um, yes, I can and will have a "real" honeymoon, thank you very much.
Oh, I've also had people ask me "So, are you still getting married?" Um, yeah, why would I not be?
My sister is also getting married and she has had a few too. When she announced her engagement online, she had people immediately asking if it will be open bar and announcing what their favorite drinks are (directed to my dad... and sister & her FI are paying for wedding themselves, not my parents). She also had a previous engagement several years ago that broke up shortly before the wedding. My dad asked if her deposits are refundable, since she's already had one wedding that didn't happen and they lost money on. She's also been asked why she doesn't just wear the dress she bought for that wedding, since it hasn't been worn yet so it doesn't have any bad history (um, yeah it does).
After my sister got engaged, my cousin (who I hadn't talked to in over a month) told her that I was really hurt and upset that she was getting married a couple months after me. Um, really? First, I never said that, nor am I hurt and upset. I am very happy for my sister actually. And even if I were upset, it certainly isn't my cousins place to say anything. I did make a comment to my aunt that it means I need to come up with money to go back for her wedding (across country), so we may need to tighten our wedding budget a bit, but that it shouldn't be a problem.
My best friend's wedding present from her father was a letter detailing why the marriage was a mistake, including such gems as "you just want to be a housewife and never achieve anything" and "you are settling for a low-class man". It was really bad. I'm so glad she didn't read it before the wedding, though, or she would have been miserable all day.
I haven't really gotten any nasty comments but I did get two that rubbed me the wrong way right when I first got engaged. We went to dinner with my mom and sister after he proposed to me and my sister asks if she's going to get to be a bridesmaid. FI had decided long before we got engaged that we would have no bridal party and stuck with that decision. I tell this to my sister mere hours after getting the ring on my finger and she goes "You cannot have a lame wedding! You have to have bridesmaids or it's going to be so lame!". So that was nice to hear.
The next day, we tell all of our friends and family that we're engaged, very exciting. I tell my best friend and she goes "OMG congratulations! It's about time! What color am I wearing?", assuming she was going to be in my bridal party (I was her MOH). I text her back and say thank you and also that we're not having a bridal party. She texts me back and just says "oh. ok." and proceeds to stop talking to me for the next week. What is with everyone's obsession with being a bridesmaid!?
I haven't gotten any really out-there comments about the wedding itself. We are paying and keeping the details close to our chest because I don't want to invite input we won't want to hear.
But my dad has said a couple doozies. Most notably, he told me a couple months after we got engaged that he was "concerned" I'll "get bored with Fi." Then he said he's not sure I can be fulfilled by a SAHD.
I asked him, "Would you have the same concerns if I was a man, marrying a woman who planned to stay home with the kids?" That shut him up really fast.
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."
My fiancee and I had talked about marriage before getting engaged, but he's in the military and deploys frequently, so we both knew we couldn't make that kind of a commitment until we'd been through a deployment together. He proposed a month after he returned from deployment, and instead of congratulations a whole group of my friends responded with "Well, you were basically already engaged"
Not to mention that almost every person I knew except my closest friends thought it was ridiculous that I didn't make him marry me before he deployed so we could get the extra money...
I have been reading these and couldn't think of any but right after we announced we were engaged, his grandmother and aunt said, "Don't forget, it's just as easy to fall in love with someone who is rich, as someone who is poor." I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.
My mom: "How DARE you and Jason pick your wedding color's when that's the MOH's job?!" Yelling at me while I confront my MOH (sister) on all the drama she created to just find a freaking dress, any dress, in time for the wedding.
That's the most memorable one but I've had more from both sides of the family. The future in-laws (parents and an aunt, not contributing to the wedding) kept inviting people and trying to add people to guest list. I had to put my foot down and finally tell them they are welcome to come but they must pay for them. My parents can only afford so much.
I have been reading these and couldn't think of any but right after we announced we were engaged, his grandmother and aunt said, "Don't forget, it's just as easy to fall in love with someone who is rich, as someone who is poor." I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed.
My mom's mom used to say that! "Its just as easy to love a rich man as a poor man." When I was younger I thought it meant the opposite- like it was about to true love. It wasn't until I was older and randomly thought of it one day that I realized it was the opposite haha
My fiancee and I had talked about marriage before getting engaged, but he's in the military and deploys frequently, so we both knew we couldn't make that kind of a commitment until we'd been through a deployment together. He proposed a month after he returned from deployment, and instead of congratulations a whole group of my friends responded with "Well, you were basically already engaged"
Not to mention that almost every person I knew except my closest friends thought it was ridiculous that I didn't make him marry me before he deployed so we could get the extra money...
i love you. thank you for being a rational, responsible human being and not "signing the papers" before you were really ready to get married just for the extra benefits (while keeping it a secret and then having a full blown fake wedding years later). one wedding, when you're ready - you are a shining example for other newly engaged ladies. kudos. everyone take note.
also many thanks to your FI for serving his country.
I haven't gotten too many comments about the wedding, these are the ones that come to mind:
"A yellow gold e-ring? I guess there's no accounting for taste." - Some random bitch in a booth at a bridal show; I promptly informed her superior of her comments and told them I was no longer considering using them as a vendor.
"Is your ring real? It looks too big to be real." - A stupid co-worker
"What! You're not having a late-night sweet table? Obviously you're not considering your guests in your decisions." - MIL's response to telling her that we are doing a savoury late-night table instead.
I think the worst was over a year ago and I posted about it in the "everyone's an expert" vent.
Since then, no one's been outright rude, but I get a lot of side eye from FFIL. He does not say a word, but always has a puss on his face during any wedding talk, which I strive to limit. But there's no stopping the topic from coming up during holiday gatherings. I've also caught him giving my e ring the stink eye. FFIL & FMIL and FBIL/FSIL all CHOOSE to work in fields which do not pay very well, and have the lifestyle to prove it. We do not judge them for any of their choices, so I don't appreciate being judged for FI and I earning good livings, living a comfortable life and hosting a fun wedding weekend. He was the same when visiting our new home for the first time. I wish people would deal with their own insecurities privately instead of projecting them onto others.
Re: S/O: What is the rudest comment someone has made about your wedding?
-_-
No. I'm still a bride and its my first wedding to FI. It really chapped my ass when she asked that.
"I'd really prefer to be served" ~FI's Aunt upon hearing that we were doing buffet/stations for dinner (no problem, Aunt, your husband can go get you whatever your lazy ass wants).
"You should just do one of those honeymoon funds" ~my MOTHER of all people. SPOILER ALERT: i have a high paying job and have already saved the $20k i'm planning to use for the honeymoon, so why would i ever ask other people to pay for this? people can write me a check if they want to. i don't need to register for cash.
2 comments that really chapped my ass were:
"Wow, you are inviting a lot of people, how much is this things costing you? Oh wait, I mean costing your parents..."
"Dont worry I lost 10 pounds in the week or two before my wedding, so you still have time."
ETA: I forgot when my mom told me that the chiffon BM dresses I picked reminded her of her grandma's night gown. That was special.
"This isn't the wedding *I* would have planned. There's plenty of things I disagree with. I think I've been keeping a pretty good job of keeping my mouth shut about it too. I think it's way over the top." -- From MIL regarding our decision NOT to have a potluck wedding
"But it's MY time. Maybe I shouldn't even come to the wedding." -Excerpt from MIL's explosion from us asking if we can chop her 7 minute Mother/Son song selection to 3 mins.
MIL wasn't upset we didn't register and didn't have a shower. She said, "Well, I need to make sure my son gets what he is owed. I will tell all of my family that they need to double their wedding gift because they aren't giving a shower gift." She screamed when I asked her not to do that.
"I think you can handle inviting your uncle" -- MIL who hates her brother, hoped he wouldn't show to our wedding, didn't want to be seated near him and complained about him leaving immediately when he did show. He has no relationship with my husband and has seen him twice in 13 years.
The list goes on..... and on....and has never stopped.
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
My H asked me to marry him on our 2 year anniversary
SIL: "Why didn't you ask her next weekend, when you knew WE would be in town?"
hmm maybe because our anniversay isn't "next" weekend?
I posted this as a rant before my wedding but My H's cousin asked if she could wear jeans to my wedding since it was in the winter and she didn't feel like it was as big a wedding as normal (btw it was 150 people and it took place at a museum/historical monument)
"You can't get married before we do." - my cousin who had been engaged for 2 years at the time of our engagement, as of our wedding day which was 1 1/2 years after we got engaged he STILL had not picked a date for his wedding.
ETA: UPDATE- said cousin did in fact wear jeans to our wedding...and was the only one wearing jeans at our wedding. I saw her get side eyed a few times.
I also get a lot of "well, your e-ring isnt my style/ isnt what I would have picked"
Well good bitch, because it isnt your ring.
I've been pretty lucky, but here's what I have experienced:
A coworker straight out told me that my FI isn't good enough for me and I should break up with him and start dating another work associate we know. I've been with FI for 5 years and we are perfectly happy. I work in a highly professional career and a few years FI decided to change careers and is doing apprenticeship for construction field. So, we have several people who have told me that FI isn't good enough for me, all because I make more money than him. Most just subtly insinuate it, but this coworker said it straight out that he wasn't good enough and I should dump him. Oh, and this was right after I announced my engagement. Oh, in a related instance, the day after I got engaged my dad took me for a walk to ask me if this is "really what I want to do" and "its not too late to change my mind".
This same coworker, along with others, have told me that my honeymoon won't be a "real" honeymoon since FI are already living together. We are having wedding on a cruise ship and have invited our families to join us on the cruise... but we made sure nobody booked cabins near us so we could have our privacy when we wanted to. So, when talking about this, the comment was something along the lines of, "well, its not you are having a real honeymoon anyway, right?". Um, yes, I can and will have a "real" honeymoon, thank you very much.
Oh, I've also had people ask me "So, are you still getting married?" Um, yeah, why would I not be?
My sister is also getting married and she has had a few too. When she announced her engagement online, she had people immediately asking if it will be open bar and announcing what their favorite drinks are (directed to my dad... and sister & her FI are paying for wedding themselves, not my parents). She also had a previous engagement several years ago that broke up shortly before the wedding. My dad asked if her deposits are refundable, since she's already had one wedding that didn't happen and they lost money on. She's also been asked why she doesn't just wear the dress she bought for that wedding, since it hasn't been worn yet so it doesn't have any bad history (um, yeah it does).
After my sister got engaged, my cousin (who I hadn't talked to in over a month) told her that I was really hurt and upset that she was getting married a couple months after me. Um, really? First, I never said that, nor am I hurt and upset. I am very happy for my sister actually. And even if I were upset, it certainly isn't my cousins place to say anything. I did make a comment to my aunt that it means I need to come up with money to go back for her wedding (across country), so we may need to tighten our wedding budget a bit, but that it shouldn't be a problem.
That's the most memorable one but I've had more from both sides of the family. The future in-laws (parents and an aunt, not contributing to the wedding) kept inviting people and trying to add people to guest list. I had to put my foot down and finally tell them they are welcome to come but they must pay for them. My parents can only afford so much.
Some of these are just awful! *hugs all around*
I haven't really gotten any nasty comments but I did get two that rubbed me the wrong way right when I first got engaged. We went to dinner with my mom and sister after he proposed to me and my sister asks if she's going to get to be a bridesmaid. FI had decided long before we got engaged that we would have no bridal party and stuck with that decision. I tell this to my sister mere hours after getting the ring on my finger and she goes "You cannot have a lame wedding! You have to have bridesmaids or it's going to be so lame!". So that was nice to hear.
The next day, we tell all of our friends and family that we're engaged, very exciting. I tell my best friend and she goes "OMG congratulations! It's about time! What color am I wearing?", assuming she was going to be in my bridal party (I was her MOH). I text her back and say thank you and also that we're not having a bridal party. She texts me back and just says "oh. ok." and proceeds to stop talking to me for the next week. What is with everyone's obsession with being a bridesmaid!?
I've never heard that one before.
i love you. thank you for being a rational, responsible human being and not "signing the papers" before you were really ready to get married just for the extra benefits (while keeping it a secret and then having a full blown fake wedding years later). one wedding, when you're ready - you are a shining example for other newly engaged ladies. kudos. everyone take note.
also many thanks to your FI for serving his country.
I think the worst was over a year ago and I posted about it in the "everyone's an expert" vent.
Since then, no one's been outright rude, but I get a lot of side eye from FFIL. He does not say a word, but always has a puss on his face during any wedding talk, which I strive to limit. But there's no stopping the topic from coming up during holiday gatherings. I've also caught him giving my e ring the stink eye. FFIL & FMIL and FBIL/FSIL all CHOOSE to work in fields which do not pay very well, and have the lifestyle to prove it. We do not judge them for any of their choices, so I don't appreciate being judged for FI and I earning good livings, living a comfortable life and hosting a fun wedding weekend. He was the same when visiting our new home for the first time. I wish people would deal with their own insecurities privately instead of projecting them onto others.