I've been pretty lucky, but here's what I have experienced:
A coworker straight out told me that my FI isn't good enough for me and I should break up with him and start dating another work associate we know. I've been with FI for 5 years and we are perfectly happy. I work in a highly professional career and a few years FI decided to change careers and is doing apprenticeship for construction field. So, we have several people who have told me that FI isn't good enough for me, all because I make more money than him. Most just subtly insinuate it, but this coworker said it straight out that he wasn't good enough and I should dump him. Oh, and this was right after I announced my engagement. Oh, in a related instance, the day after I got engaged my dad took me for a walk to ask me if this is "really what I want to do" and "its not too late to change my mind".
This same coworker, along with others, have told me that my honeymoon won't be a "real" honeymoon since FI are already living together. We are having wedding on a cruise ship and have invited our families to join us on the cruise... but we made sure nobody booked cabins near us so we could have our privacy when we wanted to. So, when talking about this, the comment was something along the lines of, "well, its not you are having a real honeymoon anyway, right?". Um, yes, I can and will have a "real" honeymoon, thank you very much.
Oh, I've also had people ask me "So, are you still getting married?" Um, yeah, why would I not be?
My sister is also getting married and she has had a few too. When she announced her engagement online, she had people immediately asking if it will be open bar and announcing what their favorite drinks are (directed to my dad... and sister & her FI are paying for wedding themselves, not my parents). She also had a previous engagement several years ago that broke up shortly before the wedding. My dad asked if her deposits are refundable, since she's already had one wedding that didn't happen and they lost money on. She's also been asked why she doesn't just wear the dress she bought for that wedding, since it hasn't been worn yet so it doesn't have any bad history (um, yeah it does).
After my sister got engaged, my cousin (who I hadn't talked to in over a month) told her that I was really hurt and upset that she was getting married a couple months after me. Um, really? First, I never said that, nor am I hurt and upset. I am very happy for my sister actually. And even if I were upset, it certainly isn't my cousins place to say anything. I did make a comment to my aunt that it means I need to come up with money to go back for her wedding (across country), so we may need to tighten our wedding budget a bit, but that it shouldn't be a problem.
My best friend's wedding present from her father was a letter detailing why the marriage was a mistake, including such gems as "you just want to be a housewife and never achieve anything" and "you are settling for a low-class man". It was really bad. I'm so glad she didn't read it before the wedding, though, or she would have been miserable all day.
OMG! I couldn't even image that... that's so horrible and hurtful.
At least my dad is trying to accept my FI. We have had a couple discussions about how wonderful my FI treats me and the only thing he doesn't have is a high paying career, but he is working on that one. I told my dad that him and my mom did an amazing job at raising me to be independent and able to support myself, so I don't need to depend on a guy for money. And they taught me what qualities are important in a mate, like someone that treats me well, respects me, can communicate, we bring out the best in each other, we push each other to better ourselves, accept each other fully as we are, and we support each other in everything we do or dream to do. And we have all those. He's had higher paying jobs in the past, in an unstable industry that he hated working in, but he went back to school to find a more stable career that he actually likes (I actually pushed him to do that). I want him to be happy and am willing to support that decision, even if it means a smaller income for a few years while going to school and establishing his new career. My dad has also loosened up a lot since FI got a full time job while going to school now, even if it doesn't pay well. My mom was hesitant about FI at first, but opened up to him quickly. She saw how happy he made me and that he did treat me really well. And she saw how many similarities he had to my dad (both good and bad)... which is probably why my dad doesn't like him much. But, regarding the career, she said that if the roles were reversed and he had a good job and could help support me while I went back to school, everyone would think it was absolutely wonderful... so why should it be any different when its the woman being the main breadwinner? I love that she thinks that way and was able to accept him more easily.
The only mean or rude things that have been said to me about my wedding have been right here on this site, by complete strangers. But after reading many of the accounts you all have posted of the awful things equally awful sounding people in your lives have said, and continue to say to some of you, it makes sense now, so much of the bitterness.....
The only mean or rude things that have been said to me about my wedding have been right here on this site, by complete strangers. But after reading many of the accounts you all have posted of the awful things equally awful sounding people in your lives have said, and continue to say to some of you, it makes sense now, so much of the bitterness.....
I vote that we ignore the troll so it goes away. Or stops being obvious and boring.
We haven't gotten rude comments on any wedding planning so far, but that's most likely because I don't discuss the details with anyone other than my FI, coordinator, and parents (who are paying for it).
However, I've had people get really hurtful about our choice of honeymoon destination. We agreed as a couple that we would spend a little over a week in Vegas, as we have been with friends a few times and have had the most incredible experiences. We're young and we like the clubs and restaurants and are excited to see a few shows. Naturally I am very excited about going somewhere that we love and told a couple co-workers after they asked. The responses I got were:
"You can go to vegas anytime, why would you want to go on your honeymoon??" - This person got a blank stare.
"Oh I can't stand vegas, it's so crazy and obnoxious, how are you going to relax??" My answer: we are staying at very nice hotels with top rated pools and day spas, I think it'll work out
ANNNND my favorite:
"Vegas?? Don't you want it to be memorable??" (This was a very close friend) My response - "Um yeah, I think it'll be pretty memorable since it is a honeymoon, and we've waited for a honeymoon for a few years now". That shut her up pretty quickly since some people like to shy away from any mention of sex
The only mean or rude things that have been said to me about my wedding have been right here on this site, by complete strangers. But after reading many of the accounts you all have posted of the awful things equally awful sounding people in your lives have said, and continue to say to some of you, it makes sense now, so much of the bitterness.....
My aunt (whom I'm NOT close to and haven't even seen in years) heard about my engagement and texted me a picture of her absolutely hideous gold, satin gown from the 80's with matching gloves and asked if I wanted to wear it. I politely said thank you but I prefer lace.
So a few weeks later I bought my dress and when I sent my mom a picture (she's out of state) instead of replying how beautiful it was she replied "why didn't you just save money and take Carol's dress?" I lost my cool on her!!!
Nearly everyone has been wonderful and happy for us, and definitely not rude at all. But once in a while I get some form of this: "Why are you having a wedding?"
This would be in reference to our age. We should be over the silliness of wanting to celebrate with family and friends (?) Or maybe b/c we won't be popping out babies.
My family and friends were super supportive of our wedding, though most them found out after the fact. So, the rudest thing said to me was on here. Apparently I didn't have a wedding because I eloped.
My family and friends were super supportive of our wedding, though most them found out after the fact. So, the rudest thing said to me was on here. Apparently I didn't have a wedding because I eloped.
I doubt anyone here told you that your elopement wasn't a wedding.
My family and friends were super supportive of our wedding, though most them found out after the fact. So, the rudest thing said to me was on here. Apparently I didn't have a wedding because I eloped.
I doubt anyone here told you that your elopement wasn't a wedding.
I remember that-- I think it was a new poster who wanted to have a PPD. She said they eloped and now they wanted to plan a "real" wedding.
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."
"You need to make a plan for losing weight so you can look pretty in your dress!"
"Gross! You're going to have uplighting? That's only for (racist remark)."
"Don't you dare pick silver or white shoes for the bridesmaids. They're so ugly."
"What's so tacky about a dollar dance?"
And yes, @grumbledore a new member told @Jells2dot0 that because she eloped she didn't have a real wedding because there weren't a ton of guests. Ignorance at its finest.
The only mean or rude things that have been said to me about my wedding have been right here on this site, by complete strangers. But after reading many of the accounts you all have posted of the awful things equally awful sounding people in your lives have said, and continue to say to some of you, it makes sense now, so much of the bitterness.....
PLEASE don't get it twisted!!!!! I didn't make that point because I'm sad about it, LMFAO! I made it because it's funny as hell reading people who have no problem being rude and judgmental to strangers on the internet whining about the rude and/or judgmental, non supportive shit that has been said to them. It explains a lot though. Nothing that has been said to me here has hurt my feelings or ruffled my feathers. I'd just think for those people who are obviously able to feel some offense at the words or attitudes of others would think twice about being a dick to someone else. That's not the case, clearly, but please, save your violin for someone who needs it, I'm not that girl.
@rebl90 ignore the troll, she just likes to pick fights on the internet. Just let her pretend that's not sad at all.
I know, I tried to, I really did...it was just there and I was weak.... But I didn't REALLY address it, I'll do better next time, I promise
I know, it's tempting XD every time she posts I wanna just respond with random gifs, but then that gives her a soapbox to whine more or pretend that picking fights on the internet totally isn't a sad way to get attention.
My family and friends were super supportive of our wedding, though most them found out after the fact. So, the rudest thing said to me was on here. Apparently I didn't have a wedding because I eloped.
I doubt anyone here told you that your elopement wasn't a wedding.
I remember that-- I think it was a new poster who wanted to have a PPD. She said they eloped and now they wanted to plan a "real" wedding.
Ah, ok. I have gotten so good at ignoring bad advice on here that I must have missed it. That poster was stupid.
HaileyDancingbear said:
@rebl90 ignore the troll, she just likes to pick fights on the internet. Just let her pretend that's not sad at all.
I know, I tried to, I really did...it was just there and I was weak.... But I didn't REALLY address it, I'll do better next time, I promise
Perhaps we can form sponsors for moments of weakness. And, as one would expect, you can't believe anything she says. She may say her feathers have not been ruffled, but her oft profanity strewn rants/responses seem to say otherwise.
ETA....the formatting on this site is beyond horrendous!
Thanks for posting that! because frankly, even though I posted on here earlier about my friends not being super excited for me hurting my feelings, the rudest comments I've gotten by far are from people on this website.
granted, it's the internet, and you have to expect ignorant rude comments, but I still hope for better
Thanks for posting that! because frankly, even though I posted on here earlier about my friends not being super excited for me hurting my feelings, the rudest comments I've gotten by far are from people on this website.
granted, it's the internet, and you have to expect ignorant rude comments, but I still hope for better
@bremnerscmmitz, my pleasure! I don't think anyone should have to endure rude, unwanted comments about their wedding from meddling in-laws, competitive sisters, unhappy parents or dense co-workers. I'm lucky in that I haven't experienced any of that type of nonsense and doubt I will. The closest thing I've come IRL is that my Mom isn't wild about what I'm wearing, but she wasn't shitty about it and we can respect each other's opinion and move on. People on the internet feel they can say whatever they please to people because they're anonymous. I'm not the type to just shut up and not stand up for what I believe is right, neither online or in person or in defense of another. I find the hypocrisy of a bunch of people, many of whom are rude to strangers on the daily, complaining about people being rude to them absolutely stunning. And if you disagree, you're a troll. If you stop them short with a good point, they post a stupid gif. It's hilarious really. @bremnerscmmitz, I hope you and your FI have a great wedding, regardless of where you sign your license or say your I Do's! Happy Saturday folks!
@rebl90 ignore the troll, she just likes to pick fights on the internet. Just let her pretend that's not sad at all.
I know, I tried to, I really did...it was just there and I was weak.... But I didn't REALLY address it, I'll do better next time, I promise
Perhaps we can form sponsors for moments of weakness. And, as one would expect, you can't believe anything she says. She may say her feathers have not been ruffled, but her oft profanity strewn rants/responses seem to say otherwise.
ETA....the formatting on this site is beyond horrendous!
Lady, I've told you this before and am serious as a heart attack - I swear like a longshoreman when I'm elated. Maybe you curse when you're upset but the two are not the least bit related for me. So if that's what you're judging my responses on, you're so off base you're on the next field over in the wrong uniform.
@rebl90 ignore the troll, she just likes to pick fights on the internet. Just let her pretend that's not sad at all.
I know, I tried to, I really did...it was just there and I was weak.... But I didn't REALLY address it, I'll do better next time, I promise
Perhaps we can form sponsors for moments of weakness. And, as one would expect, you can't believe anything she says. She may say her feathers have not been ruffled, but her oft profanity strewn rants/responses seem to say otherwise.
ETA....the formatting on this site is beyond horrendous!
ETA damn quote box.
There's an ignore button. I did find it hilarious she flat out says she likes coming on here just to piss people off and pick fights for laughs, but she's not a troll, the first time she said it. Now I'm just really bored of seeing the same argument over and over again.
I have gotten a few off hand comments since we have been enagaed And more since we started planning. When I was looking at dresses online with my mom I showed her one I really liked and she says "eh I guess you could pull that off" I'm plus sized the model was not. From a stranger "are you getting married before or after you deliver?" I'm not nor will I ever be pregnant. From ffml when she saw the ceremony place for the first time "this is it? What are you going to do to make it pretty?" Um nothing I think its pretty already. Then from my grandmother "yay now you can start having babies!" We have lived together for four years its pretty obvious that if wanted them we would be having them.
About 3 years ago I spent almost 10 months losing nearly 50 pounds. I have kept all but 9 or 10 pounds off. I am pleased that I am so much smaller than I used to be. 50 pounds on a 5 foot person makes a big difference. I show my mother a pic of me in my wedding dress and her response was "It makes your tummy look big" Way to make me feel like shit mom. I am super close to my stepmother and I told her what my mother said. An hour later my dad calls me to tell me that my mom is dumb and that the dress looks gorgeous. Thats why my dad and stepmom are awesome.
I get rude comments about my wedding date being "so far away" even from vendors. It's like nobody wants to even discuss my wedding bcuz I "have plenty of time." We are getting married March 28,2015. I really don't feel like it's too soon to start planning.
I get rude comments about my wedding date being "so far away" even from vendors. It's like nobody wants to even discuss my wedding bcuz I "have plenty of time." We are getting married March 28,2015. I really don't feel like it's too soon to start planning.
Well, to be honest, it is pretty far in advance. A lot can change in a year, even with the venues.
Re: S/O: What is the rudest comment someone has made about your wedding?
OMG! I couldn't even image that... that's so horrible and hurtful.
At least my dad is trying to accept my FI. We have had a couple discussions about how wonderful my FI treats me and the only thing he doesn't have is a high paying career, but he is working on that one. I told my dad that him and my mom did an amazing job at raising me to be independent and able to support myself, so I don't need to depend on a guy for money. And they taught me what qualities are important in a mate, like someone that treats me well, respects me, can communicate, we bring out the best in each other, we push each other to better ourselves, accept each other fully as we are, and we support each other in everything we do or dream to do. And we have all those. He's had higher paying jobs in the past, in an unstable industry that he hated working in, but he went back to school to find a more stable career that he actually likes (I actually pushed him to do that). I want him to be happy and am willing to support that decision, even if it means a smaller income for a few years while going to school and establishing his new career. My dad has also loosened up a lot since FI got a full time job while going to school now, even if it doesn't pay well. My mom was hesitant about FI at first, but opened up to him quickly. She saw how happy he made me and that he did treat me really well. And she saw how many similarities he had to my dad (both good and bad)... which is probably why my dad doesn't like him much. But, regarding the career, she said that if the roles were reversed and he had a good job and could help support me while I went back to school, everyone would think it was absolutely wonderful... so why should it be any different when its the woman being the main breadwinner? I love that she thinks that way and was able to accept him more easily.
I vote that we ignore the troll so it goes away. Or stops being obvious and boring.
It's not like we're planning anything extravagant.
"You need to make a plan for losing weight so you can look pretty in your dress!"
"Gross! You're going to have uplighting? That's only for (racist remark)."
"Don't you dare pick silver or white shoes for the bridesmaids. They're so ugly."
"What's so tacky about a dollar dance?"
And yes, @grumbledore a new member told @Jells2dot0 that because she eloped she didn't have a real wedding because there weren't a ton of guests. Ignorance at its finest.
@grumbledorehere is thread:
http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/985688/i-think-it-s-not-a-problem-but-after-reading-some-posts-i-am-not-too-sure#latest
It wasn't on this board, but it was most definitely said.
HaileyDancingbear said: @rebl90 ignore the troll, she just likes to pick fights on the internet. Just let her pretend that's not sad at all.
I know, I tried to, I really did...it was just there and I was weak.... But I didn't REALLY address it, I'll do better next time, I promise
Perhaps we can form sponsors for moments of weakness. And, as one would expect, you can't believe anything she says. She may say her feathers have not been ruffled, but her oft profanity strewn rants/responses seem to say otherwise.
When I was looking at dresses online with my mom I showed her one I really liked and she says "eh I guess you could pull that off" I'm plus sized the model was not.
From a stranger "are you getting married before or after you deliver?" I'm not nor will I ever be pregnant.
From ffml when she saw the ceremony place for the first time "this is it? What are you going to do to make it pretty?" Um nothing I think its pretty already.
Then from my grandmother "yay now you can start having babies!" We have lived together for four years its pretty obvious that if wanted them we would be having them.
I show my mother a pic of me in my wedding dress and her response was "It makes your tummy look big"
Way to make me feel like shit mom.
I am super close to my stepmother and I told her what my mother said. An hour later my dad calls me to tell me that my mom is dumb and that the dress looks gorgeous.
Thats why my dad and stepmom are awesome.