Oh lordy...
Snarky brides are also known for their brutal etiquette honesty, right?
The March 2014 board has a "vent" by a bride who went to the NJ board...and apparently got it handed to her by brides when she told them there's a 4 hour gap between her ceremony and reception. Allegedly, she told these brides she'd tried to have some sort of hospitality room or something set up at her reception venue, but there's already an ongoing wedding at that time, so she's stuck.
What gets me is that during this 4 hour gap, she and her new husband, bridal party and family will be going to a bowling alley for photos, drinks and FREE BOWLING. You read that right- 4 hour gap and they're bowling. No indication if that was decided BEFORE or AFTER they made the arrangements for the ceremony and reception.
I responded as politely as I could, but would someone read my comment to make sure I'm wording this as best as possible? I've copied the whole thing below, but took out her username. The bolded was added by me.
Thanks.
OP: So, I don't go over to the NJ board that often, unless I absolutely have to get information from them. I popped over there the other day to ask for help filling in my 4 hour gap for my guests before our evening reception and got ripped a new one. I just don't understand how they can rip you a new one when they don't even know you. I clearly (or so I thought) explained I had tried everything to shorten the gap but was unsuccessful. Not to mention I tried to get a hospitality suite so guests had something to do before cocktail hour, but that couldn't be done because there is a wedding going on before my reception, so the rooms I would want to use will be used by them (they booked an extra meeting room for a kids babysitting room/activity room so the kids have something "kiddy" to do. Which I think is great. (I didn't tell them about the kiddy room because it wasn't necessary). I've tried everything and can't do anything to help the gap. After the ceremony we're going to our local bar/bowling alley (same place as our rehearsal dinner) for pictures, drinks and Free Bowling (as of last night). We are going to invite those that want to do something before checking in to the hotel (which is 30-45 minutes from the church) to join us, but who knows who will actually come with us.
Chipmunk:
I'm sorry, but I can't justify your post. Mainly due to the bolded. A four hour gap IS huge, and rude to your guests. I don't have all the details here, ( ie, what time is the ceremony, what time is the reception, how exactly you tried to shorten the gap), but 4 hours for pictures that don't include ceremony AND reception is a bit much. The fact that you're making your guests wait at loose ends so you can not only take pictures, but ALSO have drinks AND play a few games of bowling is very rude, a poor treatment of your guests, and a poor reflection on you and your husband to be.
This isn't bullying, this is etiquette honesty. As I said, I don't know what exactly was said by the NJ bride board; if they called you nasty names, that's bullying. If they said it's rude for you to pull this stunt and leave your guests hanging, that's not bullying, that's honest advice and commentary.
My friend covered her gap between a 3 pm ceremony (ended at 4:30) and a 6:30 reception by having a tea party/mini reception in the church fellowship hall. Have you talked to your church about having some drinks and refreshments in the hall for guests?
Re: Oh lordy...
You were so much nicer than I would have been.
I'm starting to smell a speschul snowflakey.
I've responded again that while the gap might not seem long to her, given all that she's doing, it's still approximately 45 mins from the ceremony site to the reception venue (according to her) so that still leaves guests in the lurch for 3 hours, 15 minutes.
Apparently, the church hall is being used for some other event during the gap period. She hasn't detailed what else she tried, but another gal suggested she try to move the ceremony back- i concurred.
Seriously, did she book the ceremony and reception sites a while ago and then a week or so ago start thinking "oh, maybe I should have something for everyone else to do while I bowl"? I have no idea.
For the Record:
FI and I are doing photos immediately after the ceremony.
Ceremony and reception are at same place, and cocktails and food will be on the verandah of the country club, 100 ft away.
We are doing the family shots first, so our parents, grand parents, aunts uncles etc can all go enjoy the yumminess. THEN we'll do a few B&G shots.
Our photographer knows that this is one hour, and that we're not making everyone wait for us. So do our parents. Honestly, there aren't a ton of posed photos I want anyway
She's getting snippier. Below is the link to her post, along with my latest response.
http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1010557/omg-i-just-got-ripped-a-new-one-vent#latest
OP, I've now seen the NJ posting.
They were not nasty, rude, or bullying. They told you what a horrible idea it was to have a 4 hour gap, and urged you to make alternative arrangements. The ones who agreed with you decried this idea, claiming that since it's "your day" you can do whatever you want. It might be your day, the focus might be on the two of you, but that doesn't give you license to be self centeredly rude to your guests. Think about it- would YOU want to have to stand around in heels for 4 hours, or find some way to pass the time, just because someone else decided they would leave you hanging, justifying it by "oh well, its my day"? Would you want your grandmother to have to be standing around for 4 hours in that position? Additionally, do you really think your guests will be up for bowling in their nice church/wedding reception attire?
If I had been in your position, and the location for the reception could not work with the ceremony time, I would have made arrangments for a reception elsewhere who could. How far out did you plan this? Did you arrange the ceremony and reception, then wait a few months before thinking of something to arrange for the 4 hour time frame, only to realize that everything is booked up? This is something that should have been addressed as soon as you had the ceremony and reception times and realized the length of time in between.
As to your dig against etiquette- you "go by it" every time you say please and thank you, send a thank you note, respond to an invitation in a timely fashion, and make polite conversation. I suggest you visit the etiquette board. I also recommend you check out the website Etiquette Hell, if you truly think no one goes by it anymore.
Etiquette isn't dead, etiquette is the observance of the formal requirements governing behavior in polite society. Leaving your guests with nothing to do for four hours while you take pictures and go bowling in your wedding dress is rude and breaks etiquette badly. Getting defensive does not put you in the right on this.
I've started getting snarky...her last response to me said it was a "mute" point.....part of my response to that...
"Are all of your guests aware of these options? did you include it on the invitations, call/email each and every one of them, or are you spreading it by word of mouth and hoping everyone finds out? Unless you have made sure that all are aware of their choices, it is not a moot point, and guests may not be mute about it."
And even if gaps are "the norm" for Catholic weddings (they aren't), doesn't make it less rude. I once sat in a sports bar all afternoon during a gap and it sucked.
I've been watching it on the Jersey board, and just rolling my eyes so hard that I thought they were going to fall out fo my head!
@Chipmunk45 Your response was VERY nice and you offered a fantastic option. Unfortunately it seems disagreeing is now the new bullying.
I hear it's big with the bowling crowd...
1) I'm dying at the fact she registered for the same waterford at both Macy's and BBB. Plus the fact that no one is buying it, they're all going for cheaper options.
2) In my family (Irish) it's tradition to give the bride and groom fine crystal, both for engagement and wedding. FI and I received a beautiful waterford bowl from my folks for engagement, as did Brother...Sis and her husband got 12 matching wine goblets in the Love millenial pattern. FI and I gave his brother and FSIL a crystal vase amongst Christmas gifts, and I explained the tradition. FSIL was giddy, turned to FBIL and said "WE GOT CRYSTAL! ITS OFFICIAL WE HAVE TO GET MARRIED NOW! CRYSTAL!!!" It was awesome. Bought friend a few years back the crystal vase his bride registerd for.
With my family background of a shitload of crystal and waterford, for me to say "Damn, that's a lot of Waterford"....well, that's saying something.
Side note: tradition in my family also suggests that if you are close to the person, you also buy the groom some whiskey. The original idea was buy the bride some fine crystal with which to serve her guests during her first year hostessing as a married woman, and give the groom some booze for when the honeymoon ends. That friend of mine had been dying to try Johnny Walker Blue Label- guess what they got along with the vase? I've photos they staged where she's in her gown waiting for him, and he's on his knees, back to her, looking up at the bottle. She's an awesome gal to take that photo, but I love it!