How bad can it be?

Jchi001 · February 2014

My Mom suddenly called me and demanded that I make seating chart of guests because we are having a buffet. With two weeks left, and so many details to fix due to having to drop everything an fix both great and small details my family complain about, I really want to tell everyone that I don't care where people sit.

We currently have 131, but due to the bad weather, expect more responses to arrive this week. I am not thrilled with planning an arrangement with twenty unaccounted guests who I may or may not know their names (thanks Mom.) I am also basing my stance of no placement cards due bad experiences being seated with people I don't know or being seated too far away from everything interesting. The last wedding I attended had the same number of guest with a buffet, no did not have a seating chart, and everything was OK..

The restaurant will have the buffet in two lines and there will be passed appetizers. Would it be possible to just give a card with a name and number and just have the restaurant say what number they are serving so people can sit where they want?

Jen4948 · February 2014

Please don't do unassigned seating-especially if you're doing a buffet.

People do not like to carry around plates or trays of food while looking for an unoccupied and unreserved seat. When there is no assigned seating, people have a tendency to "reserve" seats at the expense of other guests. It is not a fun experience to carry around heavy trays or plates of food along with your other belongings while looking for an open seat like in a school cafeteria.

Being a good host/ess does involve thinking about your guests' needs-even if it momentarily inconveniences you. So make a seating chart. You can number tables and put people who know each other together. And of course, don't split up couples. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.

AprilH81 · February 2014

You don't have to do escort/place cards, but if you don't you need to make sure you have MORE seats/tables than you have guests so families don't have to split up to eat.

With 130ish guests you shouldn't have any "bad" tables that are too far from everything and honestly the seating chart shouldn't be that hard to do. Sit people with others that they know and it is okay to leave a seat or two "empty" if there isn't a couple that fits in.

We assigned tables at our wedding (but not seats). We had tables of 6, 8 and 10 based on family size and making sure people weren't sitting with strangers.

indianaalum · February 2014

It sounds like you are willing to inconvenience your guests to have less work right now. BAD IDEA

Guests like seats. They also don't like to have to sit with random strangers that they don't know at all because they didn't get to the reception early enough to reserve a seat next to their friend.

Also, your rationale make no sense. People will STILL get "bad" seats as those tables will still exist whether you assign it or not. If you don't reserve tables, your grandma can be at a crappy table far away from you and your mom's second cousin whom you never met might sit at the table closest to you.

With the amount of people you are having, you could have alot of "who sits where" chaos that will make your wedding less enjoyable for your guests.

Please reconsider this as it leads to a much smoother and more relaxed setting for all.

and like others said, if you don't do this, you need extra seating so families don't get broken up which MIGHT mean extra tables which could cost MORE.

mlg78 · February 2014

I thought the seating chart was kind of fun to do. It's super simple, I think. We split people up: Husband's dad's family, husband's mom's family, cousins, husband's friends, my mom's family, my dad's family, mom's church friends, mom's other friends, my friends (2 tables) and my coworkers. For the most part each list came out to being between 8-10 people in each group and then you suddenly have a table and it made sense pretty easily. One of my "friend" tables has become quite popular. They happened to be "Table #9" and now about once a month there's a "Table #9 Reunion". Many of these friends didn't know each other before my shower or bachelorette party but the whole group has clicked very well. You also don't need seating cards. You can easily print up in a pretty script the list of who is at table 1, table 2, etc...

phira · February 2014

A seating chart doesn't take long to come up with. Think about it this way: if it really couldn't be THAT hard for guests to find a place to sit, how hard could it be for you to come up with a seating chart?

I went to a wedding recently where they had a buffet and no assigned seating. It. Was. Awkward. There were tons of tables where a couple people sat alone, and there were a few tables that were full and had people pulling up more chairs so they could sit with who they wanted to. Walking through the room became difficult because of how chairs got moved around.

So please take one hour of your time to make your reception a lot more enjoyable for your guests.

Simply Fated · February 2014

You can assign tables and not assign specific seats at the table, if that's a good compromise.

If you don't have exact names and it's your mom's fault, then she either needs to do the chart herself or give you those names. I'm not sure how that didn't come up in the conversation lol.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

It took me literally 20 minutes to do our seating charts. Most people come in nice sets (couples, families, whatever) and you just put them together in sets and groups.

Our tables seated eight -- four couples, two families of four, a family of four and a couple (yes, that's 7; you can do less than the max).

It's better to just assign tables than to make people guess.

BMoreBride6 · February 2014

I will admit that the seating chart was my least favorite part of all. I hated it. It was like one massive puzzle for us, but it worked out. I feel like unassigned seats just lead to "movie theater syndrome" where you get a lot of random single seats everywhere and people can't find spots to sit with their family/SO. Don't do it.

chibiyui · February 2014

Do the seating chart. My family went to a wedding once where there was no seating chart (and worse, 4 tables were in a slightly different room due to venue size) So, even though we were family, we were off to the side. My parents, Aunts and Uncles thought it was kinda rude.

I personally didn't care as much, cause it was right next to teh bar.

jdluvr06 · February 2014

I think if it is the norm in the social circle then you should do the seating chart. If not then I wouldn't worry too much about it. We haven't decided if we are going to do a seating chart or not.

Jen4948 · February 2014

jdluvr06 said:

I think if it is the norm in the social circle then you should do the seating chart. If not then I wouldn't worry too much about it. We haven't decided if we are going to do a seating chart or not.

I'd do it whether it's a "norm in the social circle" or not for the reasons I stated above. I'd rather my guests know that I thought about their needs and arranged for them not to have to worry about finding seats together. I'm not sympathetic to the idea that it's "insulting them to assume that they can't find seats of their own."

WildMagelet · February 2014

If you don't want assigned seats consider assigned tables. The free-for-all weddings I've been to have never had enough extra seats and it really is weird/awkward to balance food like a school cafeteria and try to make sure you find a seat, while so and so is trying to save empty seats for their friends who are already seated halfway across the reception hall.

phira · February 2014

Yeah, honestly I wouldn't do assigned seats anyway unless there was a really compelling reason. Like ... I have no idea, but maybe some other people have ideas?

But yes, assigned tables are easier.

mrs4everhart · February 2014

We didn't have assigned tables at my first wedding. The restaurant we had our reception in was a converted Victorian house with different dining areas throughout the first floor and garden. It worked out great. Most people set themselves up where they were comfortable prior to the buffet being put out so they had their space all decided upon in advance. Guests gravitated to their social groups, or they mingled. It worked out great, it was exactly what we wanted. To this day I'm not a fan of being told where to sit and with whom. I wouldn't want to do that to my guests either. A lot of people like the idea of seating arrangements, I'm just not a fan personally.

LadyMillil · February 2014

At least do assigned tables. I went to a wedding with 140 guests and buffet dinner and a bunch of families ended up having to split up. My family group had 5 and we ended up with 2 at one table, 2 at another table and 1 at a third table. My aunt and uncle had to ask someone to switch tables so they could have 3 seats at a table so they could both be at a table with their young child.

Liatris2010 · February 2014

If you have your guestlist in excel, just add a column for how you know the people, and then sort by that column. With a little arranging from there you should have everyone in a group with people they know (mom's friends from work, FI's frat brothers, etc.).

I would rather have an assigned table than carry my plate of food, wandering from table to table looking for a familiar face at a table with two empty chairs.

s-aries8990 · February 2014

Unless you are going to have plenty of extra seats available and can afford the associated cost (I think the suggestion is 20% extra? which means a few more tables, a few more centerpieces to have, a few more linens to purchase/pay for) I suggest assigning tables.

If you know families that are already close, it should be pretty easy to figure out.

lyndausvi · February 2014

I'm an assigned table girl. We had 145 guest and it took me about 30 minutes to do. Like Hisgirlfriday a lot of our groups that naturally fit a table. Our table sizes were between 8-10 with one being only 6.

If you are not doing assigned tables then you need 10% more seats than the guest list in order not to split people up.

AprilH81 · February 2014

GlitterWitch22 said:

Alright, here's a tricky one: we have rented an entire restaurant for our wedding/reception. This restaurant has a combination of seating options - tables that seat 4, booths that seat 2, 4, 6. The booths MUST be used, or else we won't have enough seating (at all) so how do you assign seats like that?

Start with the bigger families and put them at the bigger tables and go down from there. If you have some "misfits" of couples who don't know anyone else then put them at the tables for two (just don't put two complete strangers at one).

I think once you start putting it on paper it won't be as hard as you think.

MyNameIsNot · February 2014

Jen4948 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I think if it is the norm in the social circle then you should do the seating chart. If not then I wouldn't worry too much about it. We haven't decided if we are going to do a seating chart or not.

I'd do it whether it's a "norm in the social circle" or not for the reasons I stated above. I'd rather my guests know that I thought about their needs and arranged for them not to have to worry about finding seats together. I'm not sympathetic to the idea that it's "insulting them to assume that they can't find seats of their own."

This. I let my mom talk me out of assigning tables because "no one in our family does it and it will make the wedding too stuffy." We did do plenty of extra space to avoid people having to break up, and it wasn't an outright disaster, but I wish I had gone with my instinct and assigned. People would have been happier that way.

I figured out that my mom had come around to my way of thinking when she started pushing my sister to assign seating at her wedding last year.

jdluvr06 · February 2014

Jen4948 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I think if it is the norm in the social circle then you should do the seating chart. If not then I wouldn't worry too much about it. We haven't decided if we are going to do a seating chart or not.

I'd do it whether it's a "norm in the social circle" or not for the reasons I stated above. I'd rather my guests know that I thought about their needs and arranged for them not to have to worry about finding seats together. I'm not sympathetic to the idea that it's "insulting them to assume that they can't find seats of their own."

This. I let my mom talk me out of assigning tables because "no one in our family does it and it will make the wedding too stuffy." We did do plenty of extra space to avoid people having to break up, and it wasn't an outright disaster, but I wish I had gone with my instinct and assigned. People would have been happier that way.

I figured out that my mom had come around to my way of thinking when she started pushing my sister to assign seating at her wedding last year.

I have a hard time believing there are so many issues without having assigned tables. I've been to tons of wedding without assigned tables and there were never any problems.

Jen4948 · February 2014

jdluvr06 said:

Jen4948 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I think if it is the norm in the social circle then you should do the seating chart. If not then I wouldn't worry too much about it. We haven't decided if we are going to do a seating chart or not.

I'd do it whether it's a "norm in the social circle" or not for the reasons I stated above. I'd rather my guests know that I thought about their needs and arranged for them not to have to worry about finding seats together. I'm not sympathetic to the idea that it's "insulting them to assume that they can't find seats of their own."

This. I let my mom talk me out of assigning tables because "no one in our family does it and it will make the wedding too stuffy." We did do plenty of extra space to avoid people having to break up, and it wasn't an outright disaster, but I wish I had gone with my instinct and assigned. People would have been happier that way.

I figured out that my mom had come around to my way of thinking when she started pushing my sister to assign seating at her wedding last year.
I have a hard time believing there are so many issues without having assigned tables. I've been to tons of wedding without assigned tables and there were never any problems.

How would you know "there were never any problems" ? You might not have had them, but other guests may have.

Your personal experience doesn't constitute a basis for not having assigned tables. As mentioned above, there are many good reasons for doing it and really, none for not doing it.

jdluvr06 · February 2014

jdluvr06 said:

Jen4948 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I think if it is the norm in the social circle then you should do the seating chart. If not then I wouldn't worry too much about it. We haven't decided if we are going to do a seating chart or not.

I'd do it whether it's a "norm in the social circle" or not for the reasons I stated above. I'd rather my guests know that I thought about their needs and arranged for them not to have to worry about finding seats together. I'm not sympathetic to the idea that it's "insulting them to assume that they can't find seats of their own."

This. I let my mom talk me out of assigning tables because "no one in our family does it and it will make the wedding too stuffy." We did do plenty of extra space to avoid people having to break up, and it wasn't an outright disaster, but I wish I had gone with my instinct and assigned. People would have been happier that way.

I figured out that my mom had come around to my way of thinking when she started pushing my sister to assign seating at her wedding last year.
I have a hard time believing there are so many issues without having assigned tables. I've been to tons of wedding without assigned tables and there were never any problems.

How would you know "there were never any problems" ? You might not have had them, but other guests may have.

Your personal experience doesn't constitute a basis for not having assigned tables. As mentioned above, there are many good reasons for doing it and really, none for not doing it.

I have one very good reason for not doing it. It is actually the one thing holding us up from doing it. Everyone is going to want to sit with my great grandmother. Add to that if you try to tell my great grandmother what table to sit at, she won't do it anyway. She will sit wherever she wants regardless.

Jen4948 · February 2014

jdluvr06 said:

jdluvr06 said:

Jen4948 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I think if it is the norm in the social circle then you should do the seating chart. If not then I wouldn't worry too much about it. We haven't decided if we are going to do a seating chart or not.

I'd do it whether it's a "norm in the social circle" or not for the reasons I stated above. I'd rather my guests know that I thought about their needs and arranged for them not to have to worry about finding seats together. I'm not sympathetic to the idea that it's "insulting them to assume that they can't find seats of their own."

This. I let my mom talk me out of assigning tables because "no one in our family does it and it will make the wedding too stuffy." We did do plenty of extra space to avoid people having to break up, and it wasn't an outright disaster, but I wish I had gone with my instinct and assigned. People would have been happier that way.

I figured out that my mom had come around to my way of thinking when she started pushing my sister to assign seating at her wedding last year.
I have a hard time believing there are so many issues without having assigned tables. I've been to tons of wedding without assigned tables and there were never any problems.

How would you know "there were never any problems" ? You might not have had them, but other guests may have.

Your personal experience doesn't constitute a basis for not having assigned tables. As mentioned above, there are many good reasons for doing it and really, none for not doing it.
I have one very good reason for not doing it. It is actually the one thing holding us up from doing it. Everyone is going to want to sit with my great grandmother. Add to that if you try to tell my great grandmother what table to sit at, she won't do it anyway. She will sit wherever she wants regardless.

Sorry, but I doubt everyone at the wedding is going to want to sit with your great-grandmother, because some people are going to be non-relatives of yours, others will be related to you on the other side of your family, and still others are going to be on your FI's side? They are not all going to want to sit with your great-grandmother, and the fact that she won't respect assigned seating doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. This is a crock. Don't try to use this to talk everyone else out of assigned seating.

jdluvr06 · February 2014

jdluvr06 said:

jdluvr06 said:

Jen4948 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I think if it is the norm in the social circle then you should do the seating chart. If not then I wouldn't worry too much about it. We haven't decided if we are going to do a seating chart or not.

I'd do it whether it's a "norm in the social circle" or not for the reasons I stated above. I'd rather my guests know that I thought about their needs and arranged for them not to have to worry about finding seats together. I'm not sympathetic to the idea that it's "insulting them to assume that they can't find seats of their own."

This. I let my mom talk me out of assigning tables because "no one in our family does it and it will make the wedding too stuffy." We did do plenty of extra space to avoid people having to break up, and it wasn't an outright disaster, but I wish I had gone with my instinct and assigned. People would have been happier that way.

I figured out that my mom had come around to my way of thinking when she started pushing my sister to assign seating at her wedding last year.
I have a hard time believing there are so many issues without having assigned tables. I've been to tons of wedding without assigned tables and there were never any problems.

How would you know "there were never any problems" ? You might not have had them, but other guests may have.

Your personal experience doesn't constitute a basis for not having assigned tables. As mentioned above, there are many good reasons for doing it and really, none for not doing it.
I have one very good reason for not doing it. It is actually the one thing holding us up from doing it. Everyone is going to want to sit with my great grandmother. Add to that if you try to tell my great grandmother what table to sit at, she won't do it anyway. She will sit wherever she wants regardless.

Sorry, but I doubt everyone at the wedding is going to want to sit with your great-grandmother, because some people are going to be non-relatives of yours, others will be related to you on the other side of your family, and still others are going to be on your FI's side? They are not all going to want to sit with your great-grandmother, and the fact that she won't respect assigned seating doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. This is a crock. Don't try to use this to talk everyone else out of assigned seating.

My FI has exactly three relatives and they come to all my family things. They all love my great grandmother. We invited very few non-relatives, only friends that we are so close to they are like family. My dad's side of the family all live in Ireland and they aren't coming. The majority of my guest list are my great grandmother's children, grandchildren, great grand children and great great grandchildren. Literally everyone who will be at my wedding knows eachother. I know that is hard for people to wrap their head around but it is the truth.

Jen4948 · February 2014

jdluvr06 said:

jdluvr06 said:

jdluvr06 said:

Jen4948 said:

jdluvr06 said:

I think if it is the norm in the social circle then you should do the seating chart. If not then I wouldn't worry too much about it. We haven't decided if we are going to do a seating chart or not.

I'd do it whether it's a "norm in the social circle" or not for the reasons I stated above. I'd rather my guests know that I thought about their needs and arranged for them not to have to worry about finding seats together. I'm not sympathetic to the idea that it's "insulting them to assume that they can't find seats of their own."

This. I let my mom talk me out of assigning tables because "no one in our family does it and it will make the wedding too stuffy." We did do plenty of extra space to avoid people having to break up, and it wasn't an outright disaster, but I wish I had gone with my instinct and assigned. People would have been happier that way.

I figured out that my mom had come around to my way of thinking when she started pushing my sister to assign seating at her wedding last year.
I have a hard time believing there are so many issues without having assigned tables. I've been to tons of wedding without assigned tables and there were never any problems.

How would you know "there were never any problems" ? You might not have had them, but other guests may have.

Your personal experience doesn't constitute a basis for not having assigned tables. As mentioned above, there are many good reasons for doing it and really, none for not doing it.
I have one very good reason for not doing it. It is actually the one thing holding us up from doing it. Everyone is going to want to sit with my great grandmother. Add to that if you try to tell my great grandmother what table to sit at, she won't do it anyway. She will sit wherever she wants regardless.

Sorry, but I doubt everyone at the wedding is going to want to sit with your great-grandmother, because some people are going to be non-relatives of yours, others will be related to you on the other side of your family, and still others are going to be on your FI's side? They are not all going to want to sit with your great-grandmother, and the fact that she won't respect assigned seating doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. This is a crock. Don't try to use this to talk everyone else out of assigned seating.
My FI has exactly three relatives and they come to all my family things. They all love my great grandmother. We invited very few non-relatives, only friends that we are so close to they are like family. My dad's side of the family all live in Ireland and they aren't coming. The majority of my guest list are my great grandmother's children, grandchildren, great grand children and great great grandchildren. Literally everyone who will be at my wedding knows eachother. I know that is hard for people to wrap their head around but it is the truth.

But none of this makes it a good reason for other people with other friends and relatives to not have assigned seating at their wedding receptions.

phira · February 2014

Um, if everyone is going to want to sit with your great grandmother, do you not see how this will be an issue without a seating chart?

I think that a lot of couples assume that people won't move chairs. People will move chairs. You will have 15 people at a 10-person table. You will have guests who don't know a lot of people sitting at a 10-person table that is down to 4-chairs and it's just this one person and their date sitting alone.

People talk about how assigning tables is bossing adults around and telling them where to sit. However, this isn't like having some people come to your house for dinner:

- If you go to a nice restaurant, you don't just sit wherever you want. The host finds a table that's appropriate for your party so you can all sit together. At a wedding, the couple is finding a table that's appropriate for you to sit at.

- If you are spending time with friends, you've selected who to hang out with. The assumption is that you know at least one person you're hanging out with. At a wedding, the couple is trying to make sure you're sitting with at least one person you know.

Honestly, I think that a lot of people just don't want to do a seating chart and convince themselves that their guests "don't want to be bossed around." I call bullshit. Seating charts at formal events are not just common; they're expected. Hell, we had a seating chart at my Bat Mitzvah party, which was held in a tent on our front lawn. Seating charts make it easier for guests to find a seat, they make it more likely guests will enjoy the company at the table they're sitting at, and they make it easier on the host (YES) because your event space won't turn into a mess of chairs.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

@jdluvr, I ditto @phira that if literally everyone at your wedding is going to want to sit with your great-grandmother, you'd be a fool not to do a seating chart.

The fact your great-grandmother is rude and won't sit where she's assigned doesn't excuse you from doing what's proper for the rest of your family.

jdluvr06 · February 2014

@jen4948 I was explains why I'm not sure we want to do a seating chart. Everyone is different. This is one if those things that I feel is a preference. If someone wants to have a seating chart then they should but if they don't I don't think it is an issue. @phira we don't be ones who tick people off because they couldn't sit with my great grandmother. Like I said we haven't decided whether or not we're going to do it. My mom actually said that since this isn't something we care either way about we should just our guest what they would prefer.

Jen4948 · February 2014

jdluvr06 said:

@jen4948 I was explains why I'm not sure we want to do a seating chart. Everyone is different. This is one if those things that I feel is a preference. If someone wants to have a seating chart then they should but if they don't I don't think it is an issue. @phira we don't be ones who tick people off because they couldn't sit with my great grandmother. Like I said we haven't decided whether or not we're going to do it. My mom actually said that since this isn't something we care either way about we should just our guest what they would prefer.

Sorry, but you still haven't come up with a good reason for not doing assigned seating. You may not think it is an issue, but the 20 or so people who won't fit at the table with your great grandmother, and who then have to troll for a seat WILL. Not to mention, your specific experience is not good advice for other brides and grooms.

Assigned seating is not and should never be a "preference." That's garbage.

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