Our wedding will be on Saturday afternoon at a similar venue. FI wants to wear a tux. I agree that it's a victimless crime. I want him to wear whatever he wants to wear. I'd never dream of telling him, "Oh sorry! You can't wear the tux because it's not 6pm. But I'm wearing my dream wedding dress."
Yes! The bride will most likely be in the fanciest gown of her life, so why should he not dress as formal/in whatever he wants to wear? Sorry, but what an adult chooses to wear is not up to anyone else. *Backs away slowly*
Excellent point, Doeydo, and I agree with this. However, the formal wear is not a tuxedo, it is a morning coat (cutaway).
I pulled up that Morning Dress website and Fi saw it over my shoulder. He asked, "Can I wear THAT? That looks so cool!" Me: "Hon, that's morning dress. Our wedding is at 6.30." "Wait, you mean British people have two different kinds of formal clothes depending on the day?" "Well, it's technically true in America too."
"But what if the party goes all day? Do they change at 6pm?"
Ha I love it. But seriously, DO THEY CHANGE??? That's a real question.
No party goes from 10:00 AM to midnight. There can be a series of parties, and yes, they often do change for dinner. In the UK, most weddings are held in the daytime, like Will and Kate's. This is followed by a wedding "breakfast", which is really a luncheon. The wedding rules are slightly different in the UK. but not the dress rules.
I don't think it is a big deal. My fiance is going to be wearing one and we are getting married at 11am. He will be wearing the Vera Wang one from Men's Wearhouse in grey with a tie. He will not be wearing the vest though. We are trying to keep the cost down a little and felt the vest was not necessary.
We just picked out the same one for my fiance today! He loves it and says it's super comfortable. Our ceremony is at 5:30 and the reception to follow at 6. Is it less expensive without the vest? We didn't find that out today.
Yeap! It's $20 less. It's also $20 less if the men wear their own shoes instead of this plastic looking ones. To get their promo rate you need the jacket, pants, tie, cuff links, and suspenders. You can cut out the vest and shoes and still save the $40 per rental.
Want to add that we asked about not including the vest and the shoes. The default rental included them. (I'm on my iPad having issues with editing my other post)
Sorry, fairiedust and Weesh, but the vest is a necessary accessory. If he doesn't want to wear one, why don't you just buy him a nice gray suit? It should cost about the same, give you the same look, and he won't need a vest - just a belt. He gets to keep the suit after the wedding for other occasions!
I'm sorry, but my FI isn't going to look like a doofus for wearing a tux in the afternoon. You know what - I'll poll my guests anonymously. I'm willing to bet less than 5% even know about this 6pm rule. Again, I'm in the fanciest most formal dress I'm going to wear in my entire life. Why shouldn't my FI be in a tux?
Also, he's 40 years old. He's aware of his options. Showing him or any man for that matter, an article about proper formal daytime attire isn't going to change their mind. He wants to wear a tux. It's his wedding and he can wear whatever he wants.
Sorry, fairiedust and Weesh, but the vest is a necessary accessory. If he doesn't want to wear one, why don't you just buy him a nice gray suit? It should cost about the same, give you the same look, and he won't need a vest - just a belt. He gets to keep the suit after the wedding for other occasions!
He's going to wear it, I just didn't know it was an option to not have it. They did tell us about the shoes. He actually changed his mind from a suit to a tux because of the vest. We're getting married in NY in July and the Vera Wang tux is the one of the most light weight options they have right now. Between that, the color, and the slim fit jacket option, it ended up being the best tux for my fiance and all of the groomsmen.
@doeydo & @climbingbrideNY that's the same way I felt. If he wanted a suit, get a suit. If he wanted a tux, get a tux. He had no input on my dress (which is pretty damn awesome), so he gets to wear what he wants. He could have worn dress blues too, but he didn't want to. At the end of the day, I want him to be comfortable. He is comfortable AND looks insanely good in a tux. Win!
Sorry not sorry, but no one looks like a doofus for being well dressed and killing it, no matter what time of day it is.
It's great to know the sartorial rules for shits and giggles and Jeopardy, but the Fashion Police are never going to show up and close down your wedding ceremony because your FI isn't in a morning coat. By the way, we don't even need flipping "tails" anymore outside of the Dressage and Show Jumping rings because no one rides a damn horse anymore ;-)
I know you already answered but ym opinion is this is a victimless crime. I like ClimbingBrides reasoning, if you (the bride) get to wear the fanciest gown at whatever time of day it is, then why can't he wear a tux. I get it, that technically tuxes should be after 6pm...but shouldn't a huge ballgown wedding dress then also be used only after 6pm? Meaning if a bride decides to get married early in the day, then should she wear a more simple, long dress/gown instead of a big fancy puffy one?
Meh...to me, its a do what you want thing. I doubt anyone I know would be offended.
It's a victimless crime but your husband will look like a doofus wearing a tux in the middle of the day. I wouldn't be offended to see the groom wearing a tux at 2pm, but I would feel the same thing I felt this week when I noticed my coworker wearing square-toed dress shoes - secondhand embarrassment.
But this isn't really an etiquette issue. It's just a serious fashion faux pas. Not saying you should give a shit about fashion, but know that a well-dressed man would not be caught dead wearing a tux before evening.
That is rude, BS, and totally unnecessary. When someone wants to talk about a bride looking like a doofus wearing the most formal gown of her life prior to 6 pm we will have this conversation about the guys.
Sounds like this isn't something I need to really worry about. That's a relief!! I admit I would feel strange dictating to him what to wear. I like to give him my opinion when he asks, but otherwise he does his own thing and I'm cool with it.
I would also say that certain color suits that are "in" now are going to look SUPER dated in photos within a few years. Tuxes are classic....
OP, before your FI decides for certain, please show him the article I posted earlier about proper daytime formal clothes. He should at least know about this. Most American men are not accustomed to wearing formal clothes. Usually it is only for Prom and weddings. Most of them just assume that this is what you are supposed to wear. It is not the end of the world if you and your FI decide he will wear a tuxedo in the daytime, but it isn't proper. About those Vera Wang gray "tuxedos". They are currently fashionable. They do not fit the definition of tuxedos any more than the powder blue tuxedos worn with ruffled shirts did back in the 1970s. A proper tuxedo is black with satin lapels and a satin stripe running down the trousers. The Vera Wang creation (I refuse to call it a tuxedo!) does not have satin lapels, but a sort of cording around the lapels. It looks more like a suit to me. Suits are fine for daytime weddings. I don't think it will be in fashion for very long. I love this website:http://www.blacktieguide.com/Supplemental/Hall_of_Shame.htm
honestly? I think it's an outdated rule. I think people realize someone's wedding, regardless of the time of day it starts (do churches even agree to 6pm weddings or later in an actual church??) is the most formal day of their life. Let them wear a tux as it symbolizes the MOST important day of their life. If they can't wear a tux on THAT day, when the heck CAN they wear it?
I say "go for it" ..Although grey tuxes are in right now, I think many brides who choose them will kick themselves when they look at their wedding photos in 5 years because it will be so dated...
I am in the "victimless crime" camp. If you want to do it, go for it.
But if you are having an afternoon wedding, which i assume isn't super formal, you may want to consider just having FI buy a really nice suit to wear for the wedding...that way he isn't overdressed, and also he will have a really nice suit to wear again in the future.
We're having an evening wedding, but no one is wearing a tux. FI has been a groomsman half a dozen times and really hates renting tuxes - so he decided to not ask his groomsmen to do that. Instead he waited for one of those "buy X get X free" sales at Jos. A. Bank and bought really nice, summerweight grey suits for all of his groomsmen. He is going to wear a very nice black suit that he bought last year - he's going to buy a matching vest for the wedding to class it up a bit.
What about award shows? I'm pretty sure most of those men are dressed in tuxedos before 6pm. I bet you think they all look like doofuses too. Or does it not apply to award show or celebrities?
BlueBirdMB said: Ha I love it. But seriously, DO THEY CHANGE??? That's a real question.
Part of the proper etiquette that goes with wearing formal dress, is that parties do not go all day. Morning visits and morning social affairs wrap up around four o'clock in the afternoon, so that folk have time to dress for the evening.
In the case of weddings, the most formal of which are held in the morning, you wear morning dress to the wedding and to the reception that follows immediately after. If you are invited to an evening wedding-breakfast or dinner dance, which is a separate event, you change between events.
What about award shows? I'm pretty sure most of those men are dressed in tuxedos before 6pm. I bet you think they all look like doofuses too. Or does it not apply to award show or celebrities?
I was actually thinking this exact thing. Most of those red carpet events begin in the afternoon on the west coast. Tuxedos galore.
Look, I never said a man can't wear a tuxedo in the daytime. Obviously a grown man can and should wear whatever he wants on his wedding day and any other day. I do not believe the bride should dictate the groom's or groomsmen's attire.
I just want people to know the rules before they start breaking them. And wearing a tuxedo at 10am is the formalwear equivalent of wearing white athletic socks with black dress pants.
Everyone here is correct that sartorial crimes are victimless crimes.
CMGragain keep on fighting the good fight. I love Black Tie Guide.
What about award shows? I'm pretty sure most of those men are dressed in tuxedos before 6pm. I bet you think they all look like doofuses too. Or does it not apply to award show or celebrities?
@ClimbingBrideNY - I asked CMGr the same thing over in a post on the attire board. And she said that yes she does roll her eyes when men wear tuxes on the red carpets for awards shows. However they are more then welcome to wear formal daytime attire of a cut away coat, striped trousers and an ascot tie.
I just find it hilarious that there are all these rules regarding men's attire at all hours of the day but there are none regarding women's attire.
Look, I never said a man can't wear a tuxedo in the daytime. Obviously a grown man can and should wear whatever he wants on his wedding day and any other day. I do not believe the bride should dictate the groom's or groomsmen's attire.
I just want people to know the rules before they start breaking them. And wearing a tuxedo at 10am is the formalwear equivalent of wearing white athletic socks with black dress pants.
Everyone here is correct that sartorial crimes are victimless crimes.
CMGragain keep on fighting the good fight. I love Black Tie Guide.
No, but you said he would like a doofus if he did.
Sorry, fairiedust and Weesh, but the vest is a necessary accessory. If he doesn't want to wear one, why don't you just buy him a nice gray suit? It should cost about the same, give you the same look, and he won't need a vest - just a belt. He gets to keep the suit after the wedding for other occasions!
Because a nice suit would cost a lot more, and my fiance does not need a suit right now. And I went to a wedding where the groom and groomsmen wore suites and I did not like the look, plus I don't feel it is right to ask the groomsmen to buy a suit.
Sorry, fairiedust and Weesh, but the vest is a necessary accessory. If he doesn't want to wear one, why don't you just buy him a nice gray suit? It should cost about the same, give you the same look, and he won't need a vest - just a belt. He gets to keep the suit after the wedding for other occasions!
Because a nice suit would cost a lot more, and my fiance does not need a suit right now. And I went to a wedding where the groom and groomsmen wore suites and I did not like the look, plus I don't feel it is right to ask the groomsmen to buy a suit.
The bolded does not make any sense. If it is okay to ask the BMs to buy a dress then it is completely okay to ask the GMs to buy a suit. As long as both pieces stay within their set budgets then asking your wedding party to purchase their attire is completely fine.
What about award shows? I'm pretty sure most of those men are dressed in tuxedos before 6pm. I bet you think they all look like doofuses too. Or does it not apply to award show or celebrities?
I was actually thinking this exact thing. Most of those red carpet events begin in the afternoon on the west coast. Tuxedos galore.
They do look silly. That said, wearing a tuxedo in the daytime wouldn't even make a list of the worst sartorial decisions I've seen on the red carpet.
I mean, this is a thing that happened in the world:
Sorry, fairiedust and Weesh, but the vest is a necessary accessory. If he doesn't want to wear one, why don't you just buy him a nice gray suit? It should cost about the same, give you the same look, and he won't need a vest - just a belt. He gets to keep the suit after the wedding for other occasions!
Because a nice suit would cost a lot more, and my fiance does not need a suit right now. And I went to a wedding where the groom and groomsmen wore suites and I did not like the look, plus I don't feel it is right to ask the groomsmen to buy a suit.
The bolded does not make any sense. If it is okay to ask the BMs to buy a dress then it is completely okay to ask the GMs to buy a suit. As long as both pieces stay within their set budgets then asking your wedding party to purchase their attire is completely fine.
Who said my bridesmaids are buying their dresses? They are not and we are actually paying for the tux rental too.
Sorry, fairiedust and Weesh, but the vest is a necessary accessory. If he doesn't want to wear one, why don't you just buy him a nice gray suit? It should cost about the same, give you the same look, and he won't need a vest - just a belt. He gets to keep the suit after the wedding for other occasions!
Because a nice suit would cost a lot more, and my fiance does not need a suit right now. And I went to a wedding where the groom and groomsmen wore suites and I did not like the look, plus I don't feel it is right to ask the groomsmen to buy a suit.
The bolded does not make any sense. If it is okay to ask the BMs to buy a dress then it is completely okay to ask the GMs to buy a suit. As long as both pieces stay within their set budgets then asking your wedding party to purchase their attire is completely fine.
Who said my bridesmaids are buying their dresses? They are not and we are actually paying for the tux rental too.
I do agree it's a victimless crime. A lightning bolt won't come out of nowhere and strike down the groom's party for wearing a tux at 4pm. Besides, the celebration goes into the evening...so it's kind of an evening event anyway. I wouldn't expect them to rent 2 outfits and change in between the ceremony and reception. Modern timing requirements have made some of the old clothing etiquette rules more difficult to follow now and have necessitated blurring some lines a bit.
HOWEVER, in my family, wearing a tux in the daytime ranks right up there on the Reception Discussion Scale at the same level as cash bars and dollar dances. You just don't do it in my family. Period. You wear the morning coat for daytime and a tux in the evening and that's just the way it is. You will be talked about otherwise. And yes, they apply the same consideration to the bride's dress as well. There are bridal gowns more appropriate for day and evening, and you're expected to select based on that. My sister didn't get a dress she loved because it was an evening gown, and she had a morning wedding. Yes, she adored the dress she got, but the time of day of her ceremony tipped the scale for her.
But then, my family is weird like that. No, it's not going to affect the relationship any, but we're expected to know better.
My FI wants to wear a tux at our wedding. We're having a 2pm ceremony, indoors in a "castle"/mansion. I have heard that it's inappropriate for tuxes to be worn for events that begin prior to 6pm. Is this still relevant etiquette? On a scale from "I don't care at all" to "mortally offended", how much would you care about this rule being broken?? I want FI to have what he wants for his attire but I also don't want us to look ridiculous or invoke any eye-rolling...
Uggggghhhhh. Unfortunately I know nothing about formal menswear.
*edited for a missing word*
Yep, I have same scenario. I'm having a 1pm wedding on a Sunday. Personally, I think my FI should just wear a nice suit, but he's pretty set on wanting to wear tux. But, he's the one that has to wear it, so it's his decision. I didn't ask for his advice or approval on my dress, so why should I have any say in his attire?
Sorry, fairiedust and Weesh, but the vest is a necessary accessory. If he doesn't want to wear one, why don't you just buy him a nice gray suit? It should cost about the same, give you the same look, and he won't need a vest - just a belt. He gets to keep the suit after the wedding for other occasions!
Because a nice suit would cost a lot more, and my fiance does not need a suit right now. And I went to a wedding where the groom and groomsmen wore suites and I did not like the look, plus I don't feel it is right to ask the groomsmen to buy a suit.
The bolded does not make any sense. If it is okay to ask the BMs to buy a dress then it is completely okay to ask the GMs to buy a suit. As long as both pieces stay within their set budgets then asking your wedding party to purchase their attire is completely fine.
In fairness, a decent suit is usually upwards of $500, not including a shirt and tie to go with it. My FI just bought two suits a couple of weeks ago and before tailoring it was over $1K. Without shirts, ties, shoes, etc.
Re: Tux etiquette
Yeap! It's $20 less. It's also $20 less if the men wear their own shoes instead of this plastic looking ones. To get their promo rate you need the jacket, pants, tie, cuff links, and suspenders. You can cut out the vest and shoes and still save the $40 per rental.
It's great to know the sartorial rules for shits and giggles and Jeopardy, but the Fashion Police are never going to show up and close down your wedding ceremony because your FI isn't in a morning coat. By the way, we don't even need flipping "tails" anymore outside of the Dressage and Show Jumping rings because no one rides a damn horse anymore ;-)
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I know you already answered but ym opinion is this is a victimless crime. I like ClimbingBrides reasoning, if you (the bride) get to wear the fanciest gown at whatever time of day it is, then why can't he wear a tux. I get it, that technically tuxes should be after 6pm...but shouldn't a huge ballgown wedding dress then also be used only after 6pm? Meaning if a bride decides to get married early in the day, then should she wear a more simple, long dress/gown instead of a big fancy puffy one?
Meh...to me, its a do what you want thing. I doubt anyone I know would be offended.
honestly? I think it's an outdated rule. I think people realize someone's wedding, regardless of the time of day it starts (do churches even agree to 6pm weddings or later in an actual church??) is the most formal day of their life. Let them wear a tux as it symbolizes the MOST important day of their life. If they can't wear a tux on THAT day, when the heck CAN they wear it?
I am in the "victimless crime" camp. If you want to do it, go for it.
But if you are having an afternoon wedding, which i assume isn't super formal, you may want to consider just having FI buy a really nice suit to wear for the wedding...that way he isn't overdressed, and also he will have a really nice suit to wear again in the future.
We're having an evening wedding, but no one is wearing a tux. FI has been a groomsman half a dozen times and really hates renting tuxes - so he decided to not ask his groomsmen to do that. Instead he waited for one of those "buy X get X free" sales at Jos. A. Bank and bought really nice, summerweight grey suits for all of his groomsmen. He is going to wear a very nice black suit that he bought last year - he's going to buy a matching vest for the wedding to class it up a bit.
In the case of weddings, the most formal of which are held in the morning, you wear morning dress to the wedding and to the reception that follows immediately after. If you are invited to an evening wedding-breakfast or dinner dance, which is a separate event, you change between events.
HOWEVER, in my family, wearing a tux in the daytime ranks right up there on the Reception Discussion Scale at the same level as cash bars and dollar dances. You just don't do it in my family. Period. You wear the morning coat for daytime and a tux in the evening and that's just the way it is. You will be talked about otherwise. And yes, they apply the same consideration to the bride's dress as well. There are bridal gowns more appropriate for day and evening, and you're expected to select based on that. My sister didn't get a dress she loved because it was an evening gown, and she had a morning wedding. Yes, she adored the dress she got, but the time of day of her ceremony tipped the scale for her.
But then, my family is weird like that. No, it's not going to affect the relationship any, but we're expected to know better.