Is at home party after destination wedding a PPD?

novodca · November 2013

I don't particularly want to wear the dress as personally I feel it's somewhat inappropriate and I'd feel uncomfortable doing so. However there are several family members that can't afford to come tithe destination wedding and are requesting me to wear the dress to the party so they can see.
Pretty sure I'm not going to do that but was just wondering what the etiquette was with this....

annathy03 · November 2013

novodca said:

I don't particularly want to wear the dress as personally I feel it's somewhat inappropriate and I'd feel uncomfortable doing so. However there are several family members that can't afford to come tithe destination wedding and are requesting me to wear the dress to the party so they can see. Pretty sure I'm not going to do that but was just wondering what the etiquette was with this....

If you read this thread back a little you'll see it's pretty split. Some people (me, @photokitty, etc) think it's fine, but others find it inappropriate.

That said, if YOU don't want to wear it, don't. You shouldn't wear it just to appease other people, especially if you're uncomfortable with the idea.

photokitty · November 2013

annathy03 said:

novodca said:

I don't particularly want to wear the dress as personally I feel it's somewhat inappropriate and I'd feel uncomfortable doing so. However there are several family members that can't afford to come tithe destination wedding and are requesting me to wear the dress to the party so they can see. Pretty sure I'm not going to do that but was just wondering what the etiquette was with this....

If you read this thread back a little you'll see it's pretty split. Some people (me, @photokitty, etc) think it's fine, but others find it inappropriate.

That said, if YOU don't want to wear it, don't. You shouldn't wear it just to appease other people, especially if you're uncomfortable with the idea.

Totally agree! While I'd love to see the dress, I would not expect the bride to do something just bc I want her to...wear whatever you are comfortable in and have a great time!

Nimirra137 · February 2014

I'm new here...what is PPD?

We plan to do a home party after our DW. We are not having a 'reception' because the whole idea of a DW is to not have to worry about that. In fact, I'd prefer NOT to have a home party but fiance and many of our friends/family seem to be pushing us to have one.

The tentative plan is either cocktails/appetizers at a local bar/restaurant we go to often or wait a few months (married in FL in Oct) and then in the spring have a 'celebration' BBQ/picnic thing at our home. Gifts will not be expected/required. By this time we will have our photos back and will be able to show those to guests so if they want to see me in my wedding dress they can in the photos.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

Nimirra137 said:

I'm new here...what is PPD?

We plan to do a home party after our DW. We are not having a 'reception' because the whole idea of a DW is to not have to worry about that. In fact, I'd prefer NOT to have a home party but fiance and many of our friends/family seem to be pushing us to have one.

The tentative plan is either cocktails/appetizers at a local bar/restaurant we go to often or wait a few months (married in FL in Oct) and then in the spring have a 'celebration' BBQ/picnic thing at our home. Gifts will not be expected/required. By this time we will have our photos back and will be able to show those to guests so if they want to see me in my wedding dress they can in the photos.

@Nimirra137 - it is really better to start a new thread with your specific questions then dig up an old thread and add to it.

But a PPD = Pretty Princess Day. That is to say where a couple is already married and then throws themselves a redo or a play type wedding to satiate their need to have the big to do. Typically PPD also come with a couple who is lying to their guests about their marital status. Basically the couple gets married quickly for whatever reason and then plans and throws a "real wedding" and does not tell anyone about the fact that they are already married.

If you are inviting people to your DW then you need to have some sort of reception for your guests. A reception is away to thank your guests for coming to your ceremony. So to not have anything after your DW ceremony is considered rude.

You and your FI need to discuss if having a party at home is something that you both want. Do not let outsiders pressure you into something that you may not want.

I think having a BBQ at your home would be fun and a great way to get everyone together if you wish. What you are thinking about doing is certainly not a PPD in the least. As long as you host your guests properly and don't try to recreate any wedding moments then you should be good to go.

rajahmd · February 2014

Jen4948 said:

annathy03 said:

ETA: Not sure why the quote box isn't showing up right

If you were entitled to see it, you would have been invited to the wedding. If the couple don't want to invite you to the wedding, you're not entitled to see the bride in the dress.

Oh FFS, no one is ENTITLED to see the bride in the dress. I'm simply saying if she (generic "she", not just OP) wants to wear it and show people who didn't make it to the wedding, I don't see it as negatively impacting her guests. If she doesn't want to, that's her choice as well and is NBD.
Oh FFS yourself. This is not a wedding, so the bride should not dress like it's her wedding. If you want to see the dress, then ask to see a photo. But for her to wear the dress suggests (possibly confusingly to guests) that this is the "wedding that counts" when that boat has sailed already.

What if said bride's dress isn't the stereotypical wedding dress? Can she get away with wearing it again? That just screams unfair. Hell, if someone wants to walk down the street in their wedding dress, I say go for it. It doesn't hurt anyone.

huskypuppy14 · February 2014

photokitty said:

Jen4948 said:

photokitty said:

Wearing the dress is the most highly debated aspects of the "PPD" and it is pretty evenly split on here.
I want to see the dress. I don't care if it is big and poofy. I'm going to be disappointed if you don't wear it, others on here will say the opposite. I think it's your call. You want to wear it wear it, if you don't - don't. But I always vote to wear the dress - I want to see that bad boy!!
GL!

So ask them to show you a picture of it-not to wear it to the party.

Nope, I want to see it in person. Plenty of people think it is fine to wear the dress, I'm not alone in this opinion. I don't think wearing the dress makes it a PPD, other stuff does.

I agree with @photokitty. People can wear whatever item of clothing they want. People may find it weird, but it's not necessarily rude to wear a dress that happened to be your wedding dress. Don't we say all the time, FMIL can wear whatever dress she wants. How is this any different? Now, it sounds like the OP doesn't even want to wear her wedding dress to this AHR, so it's a moot point anyway.

Also, in my family/friend circle we have cake for all types of events, as long as the cake doesn't have a bride and groom on top, it's fine.

ETA: Sorry guys, didn't realize this was an older thread.

nebullama · February 2014

I attended a post-DW party once where the former-bride-now-wife put her wedding gown on for 20 minutes or so, after many requests from several of us to see it. In her case it was a backyard party so those who wanted to see it came inside the house while she modeled it. Eventually she did go outside with it on due to popular demand, but didn't stay long.

Personally, I thought it was nice without being awkward or AWish. Just something to think about.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

I think it's fine because it sounds like everyone who would be invited knows that you will be married somewhere else. A friend of mine went to the islands and got married and then came back, they had dinner out with their immidiate family and then later in the evening had a casual get together for friends where we sat around chatting & looked at photos from the wedding. They did it that way due to costs. But if you can afford to do a hall & catered menu, no reason not to go that route either. Maybe you can have table with either a photo album or a few photos in frames from your wedding ceremony for people to see at the party. I'm sure the guests would enjoy seeing how lovely you looked on your wedding day.

Mandafly84 · February 2014

Why don't you just wear something lovely to the party, and if family members start clamoring to see you in your wedding dress, model it for them for a few moments before changing back? They're happy, you're happy, all is well. ETA: exactly what @nebullama wrote and I skimmed too quickly to see haha

jenniferurs · February 2014

Nimirra137 said:
I'm new here...what is PPD?

We plan to do a home party after our DW. We are not having a 'reception' because the whole idea of a DW is to not have to worry about that. In fact, I'd prefer NOT to have a home party but fiance and many of our friends/family seem to be pushing us to have one.

The tentative plan is either cocktails/appetizers at a local bar/restaurant we go to often or wait a few months (married in FL in Oct) and then in the spring have a 'celebration' BBQ/picnic thing at our home. Gifts will not be expected/required. By this time we will have our photos back and will be able to show those to guests so if they want to see me in my wedding dress they can in the photos.

I'm confused by your assertion that the point of a DW is to avoid a reception. Are you suggesting that you're not having a reception for the guests that attend your DW? Or are you confusing DWs with elopement?

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

novodca said:

I don't particularly want to wear the dress as personally I feel it's somewhat inappropriate and I'd feel uncomfortable doing so. However there are several family members that can't afford to come tithe destination wedding and are requesting me to wear the dress to the party so they can see. Pretty sure I'm not going to do that but was just wondering what the etiquette was with this....

I'm in the camp who doesn't really care if a former bride wears her dress to an AHR, nor cares if there is a ceremonial cake cutting either.

If your AHR venue is of comparable formality as your dress, and you want to wear it, go ahead. It's probably the most expensive dress you will ever wear, so wear it again. However, if your dress is like a ballgown and the AHR is a backyard BBQ, I wouldn't suggest wearing your dress. It will really look out of place. Also, if you don't actually want to wear your dress again, then don't.

Many different types of parties and events have a ceremonial cake cutting by a guest of honor, so I think it is fine for the newlyweds to do.

With all that being said, this is one of the reasons I don't care for DW's and I feel that you are better off just going on a honeymoon. I am not trying to be disrespectful of those on this board who chose to have a DW- you all have your reasons and that is just fine.

But personally, if having family and friends present at the wedding ceremony is important to a couple and/or their parents, then I think it is better to have the wedding stateside so that most ppl can be there, and then go to wherever you wish for your honeymoon.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

Nimirra137 said:

I'm new here...what is PPD?

We plan to do a home party after our DW. We are not having a 'reception' because the whole idea of a DW is to not have to worry about that. In fact, I'd prefer NOT to have a home party but fiance and many of our friends/family seem to be pushing us to have one.

The tentative plan is either cocktails/appetizers at a local bar/restaurant we go to often or wait a few months (married in FL in Oct) and then in the spring have a 'celebration' BBQ/picnic thing at our home. Gifts will not be expected/required. By this time we will have our photos back and will be able to show those to guests so if they want to see me in my wedding dress they can in the photos.

Wait, are you eloping in Florida, meaning you are marrying in private without any family or friends present? Or are you inviting guests to witness your marriage in Florida?

If you are inviting guests to your DW, then you MUST have a reception for them. That's the thing- the reception is something you host in honor of your guests; It's not a party for you and your FI.

A reception is thrown in honor of the guests to thank them for witnessing, supporting, and celebrating your marriage with you. So it is considered rude to invite people to witness your ceremony and then not host them afterwards. I think it is especially rude to ask family and friends to take time off and spend thousands of dollars flying to and staying at a resort for a DW and then not hosting a meal and drinks for them.

sofakingmad · February 2014

I'm upset that I just read all this and realized it was from November. GRRRR

Is at home party after destination wedding a PPD?

Re: Is at home party after destination wedding a PPD?

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