Tux etiquette

CMGragain · February 2014

Sars06 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

photokitty said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

photokitty said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

photokitty said:

The person who has not worn black shoes after Memorial Day can cast the first stone ;-p

What? This was a fashion rule too now?

No white before Memorial Day, no black after. Rinse and repeat the reverse for Labor Day :-p

White after Labor Day has long been debunked.

Depends who you ask…same as tuxes before 6pm ;-)
If it doesn't affect hosting your guests, I say who cares.

There have been scores and scores of articles in the fashion mags and blog posts by the Tim Gunns and Rachel Zoes of the world over the past few years talking about how wearing white after Labor Day is actually on trend. Whatever that is worth. But I digress!

I believe the rule is just no white shoes after Labor Day, which would make more sense. I don't know how often I see people wearing white dress shoes any time of year though.

I've put on my pearls to answer this one.
The rule is no white shoes after Labor Day, with the following exceptions:

1. Brides may wear white shoes with a white dress or gown.
2. The white shoes rule does not apply in tropical climates. (That does not mean Washington DC in September, though it does seem to be a tropical climate!)
3. This rule applies only to dress shoes, not athletic shoes.
4. White is always appropriate on the tennis court.

s-aries8990 · February 2014

I think that a Groom and his GM wearing tuxes during the day is a victimless crime.

ASKING guests to wear tuxes for a "*quote-unquote* Black Tie" wedding that starts in the afternoon IS in poor taste though.

I got BF a plain black wool suit at Men's Wearhouse for less than $200 - they had a BOGO 50% sale a while back and both he and my brother needed suits as we are just getting into the age where our friends/cousins are getting married.

He wears it 1-2x/year (weddings and funerals).

ETA: He's a welder & mechanic so there is ZERO reason for him to spend a TON of money on a suit that gets worn once a year.

photokitty · February 2014

CMGragain said:

Sars06 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

photokitty said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

photokitty said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

photokitty said:

The person who has not worn black shoes after Memorial Day can cast the first stone ;-p

What? This was a fashion rule too now?

No white before Memorial Day, no black after. Rinse and repeat the reverse for Labor Day :-p

White after Labor Day has long been debunked.

Depends who you ask…same as tuxes before 6pm ;-)
If it doesn't affect hosting your guests, I say who cares.

There have been scores and scores of articles in the fashion mags and blog posts by the Tim Gunns and Rachel Zoes of the world over the past few years talking about how wearing white after Labor Day is actually on trend. Whatever that is worth. But I digress!

I believe the rule is just no white shoes after Labor Day, which would make more sense. I don't know how often I see people wearing white dress shoes any time of year though.

I've put on my pearls to answer this one.
The rule is no white shoes after Labor Day, with the following exceptions:

1. Brides may wear white shoes with a white dress or gown.
2. The white shoes rule does not apply in tropical climates. (That does not mean Washington DC in September, though it does seem to be a tropical climate!)
3. This rule applies only to dress shoes, not athletic shoes.
4. White is always appropriate on the tennis court.

5. Nurses excluded - they were always allowed to wear white shoes regardless of the season.

I was always told growing up you couldn't wear black shoes during the white shoes time, but I'm from the generation that stopped following the rule so it never really matter in my world. :-p

abbyj700 · February 2014

In the days that the black shoes/white shoes rule and no tux before 6pm etiquette were developed - women were also not allowed to wear pants. A little food for thought...

If he wants a tux - he should have that option. I agree with PP that if a woman gets free reign on her dress - would we really want to dictate no tux based on times to man who pictures what he wants his wedding to be?

csaville · February 2014

Our wedding is at 1:30 and my groom and all the groomsmen will be wearing tuxes. Its difficult enough to get them into 1 outfit much less tell them to change from a suit to a tux later in the day.

CMGragain · February 2014

I was always told growing up you couldn't wear black shoes during the white shoes time, but I'm from the generation that stopped following the rule so it never really matter in my world. :-p

You can wear black shoes anytime. No such rule ever existed. My mother (who was a clothes horse) said that white shoes were not worn in the city in the old days, but that rule has changed.

CMGragain · February 2014

csaville said:

Our wedding is at 1:30 and my groom and all the groomsmen will be wearing tuxes. Its difficult enough to get them into 1 outfit much less tell them to change from a suit to a tux later in the day.

Why the gap? I would be more concerned about that!

Inkdancer · February 2014

CMGragain said:

csaville said:

Our wedding is at 1:30 and my groom and all the groomsmen will be wearing tuxes. Its difficult enough to get them into 1 outfit much less tell them to change from a suit to a tux later in the day.

Why the gap? I would be more concerned about that!

I didn't think this indicated a gap, just that the reception would hit 6 pm and then the guys would be in day wear instead of evening wear.

CMGragain · February 2014

abbyj700 said:

In the days that the black shoes/white shoes rule and no tux before 6pm etiquette were developed - women were also not allowed to wear pants. A little food for thought...

If he wants a tux - he should have that option. I agree with PP that if a woman gets free reign on her dress - would we really want to dictate no tux based on times to man who pictures what he wants his wedding to be?

Brides do not have free reign on their dresses. If you go into a bridal shop, the consultant will ask a lot of questions about your wedding, including budget, time of day, location. It is inappropriate to wear a full ball gown to an afternoon garden wedding. You do not wear low cut necklines in church. Many churches require shoulders to be covered. The current fad for huge statement rhinestone necklaces is side-eyed by many people, especially for simple daytime weddings. (Under the old rules, brides were supposed to wear only pearls as jewelry along with their engagement ring.)
If the groom wears a tuxedo in the daytime, he inappropriately dressed. Men who do wear tuxedos in their social lives, already know this. If the groom wants to look ignorant, he is free to wear the tuxedo in the daytime, just as the bride may wear her ballgown to her cake and punch afternoon garden wedding. Both will look silly.

sofakingmad · February 2014

I'm going to guess that most brides just pick whatever dress they want.

And honestly, I have been to a million church weddings and most of the girls have strapless and low cut necklines.

Marzipan13 · February 2014

We're having a 2:30 pm Saturday Mass w/ reception to start at 5 pm. I know the "etiquette", but this honestly never even occurred to us, because FI wants to wear a tux, and wants his groomsmen to wear tuxes. Our dads want to wear tuxes as well. If they want to wear a tux in the middle of the day, why not? This is a wedding, not a picnic!

CMGragain · February 2014

Marzipan13 said:

We're having a 2:30 pm Saturday Mass w/ reception to start at 5 pm. I know the "etiquette", but this honestly never even occurred to us, because FI wants to wear a tux, and wants his groomsmen to wear tuxes. Our dads want to wear tuxes as well. If they want to wear a tux in the middle of the day, why not? This is a wedding, not a picnic!

Of course they can wear formal clothes to your wedding! That would be a morning coat (cutaway).

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

I'm going to guess that most brides just pick whatever dress they want.

And honestly, I have been to a million church weddings and most of the girls have strapless and low cut necklines.

I have never been to a church wedding that required anyone to cover their shoulders. Although the trend is beginning to shift, the majority of wedding dresses are strapless.

Also, when I went dress shopping no one asked me anything except my budget and when I was getting married.

I can see the logic behind what CMGr is saying, but I don't think any of that is the case any longer. . . and hasn't been for a long time.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

DragonBlood13 said:

I'm going to guess that most brides just pick whatever dress they want.

And honestly, I have been to a million church weddings and most of the girls have strapless and low cut necklines.

I have never been to a church wedding that required anyone to cover their shoulders. Although the trend is beginning to shift, the majority of wedding dresses are strapless.

Also, when I went dress shopping no one asked me anything except my budget and when I was getting married.

I can see the logic behind what CMGr is saying, but I don't think any of that is the case any longer. . . and hasn't been for a long time.

This.

What CMGr is stating are not rules about what type of dress to wear during certain times of day, but rather personal opinions and possible rules in specific venues regarding attire (which is not the same as general rules for attire) as to what is and is not okay for wedding dresses. But there are no set rules, like there are for tuxedos, that say a woman can't wear a ballgown to an afternoon garden wedding. Rather just eye-rolls and snark.

abbyj700 · February 2014

CMGragain said:

abbyj700 said:

In the days that the black shoes/white shoes rule and no tux before 6pm etiquette were developed - women were also not allowed to wear pants. A little food for thought...

If he wants a tux - he should have that option. I agree with PP that if a woman gets free reign on her dress - would we really want to dictate no tux based on times to man who pictures what he wants his wedding to be?

Brides do not have free reign on their dresses. If you go into a bridal shop, the consultant will ask a lot of questions about your wedding, including budget, time of day, location. It is inappropriate to wear a full ball gown to an afternoon garden wedding. You do not wear low cut necklines in church. Many churches require shoulders to be covered. The current fad for huge statement rhinestone necklaces is side-eyed by many people, especially for simple daytime weddings. (Under the old rules, brides were supposed to wear only pearls as jewelry along with their engagement ring.)
If the groom wears a tuxedo in the daytime, he inappropriately dressed. Men who do wear tuxedos in their social lives, already know this. If the groom wants to look ignorant, he is free to wear the tuxedo in the daytime, just as the bride may wear her ballgown to her cake and punch afternoon garden wedding. Both will look silly.

Like PrettyGirlLost - at my first appointment (I have two more Saturday) no one asked what time my wedding was or what type of venue it is taking place in. They asked my budget, my style preferences and the time of year.

Our wedding is at 5:30PM with a reception at 6pm- if my other half wants suits, or tuxes or whatever - I'm sure it will break some hidden rule of the fashion police - and we'll look "silly" and "ignorant". Not a soul at our wedding will care, laugh or judge.

dxavierah · February 2014

If a tux is what he wants then a tux is what he gets. It might look a little odd if you're in soffe shorts and a bikini top...but it's your wedding, and you're really the only two who will have to love or hate the decisions you make for your wedding. Leave the guy alone and let him have his day....my wedding was at 1pm in a garden and no one had a problem with our guys being in tuxes, our girls being in WHITE floor length gowns or me being in a platinum a-line gown with tons of pick-ups and wearing a cathedral veil. I've said it a million times before and ticked off a lot of people here, but I will continue to say it....it's your wedding, do what feels right for you and the two of you will love your day.

dxavierah · February 2014

abbyj700 said:

CMGragain said:

abbyj700 said:

In the days that the black shoes/white shoes rule and no tux before 6pm etiquette were developed - women were also not allowed to wear pants. A little food for thought...

If he wants a tux - he should have that option. I agree with PP that if a woman gets free reign on her dress - would we really want to dictate no tux based on times to man who pictures what he wants his wedding to be?

Brides do not have free reign on their dresses. If you go into a bridal shop, the consultant will ask a lot of questions about your wedding, including budget, time of day, location. It is inappropriate to wear a full ball gown to an afternoon garden wedding. You do not wear low cut necklines in church. Many churches require shoulders to be covered. The current fad for huge statement rhinestone necklaces is side-eyed by many people, especially for simple daytime weddings. (Under the old rules, brides were supposed to wear only pearls as jewelry along with their engagement ring.)
If the groom wears a tuxedo in the daytime, he inappropriately dressed. Men who do wear tuxedos in their social lives, already know this. If the groom wants to look ignorant, he is free to wear the tuxedo in the daytime, just as the bride may wear her ballgown to her cake and punch afternoon garden wedding. Both will look silly.

Like PrettyGirlLost - at my first appointment (I have two more Saturday) no one asked what time my wedding was or what type of venue it is taking place in. They asked my budget, my style preferences and the time of year.

Our wedding is at 5:30PM with a reception at 6pm- if my other half wants suits, or tuxes or whatever - I'm sure it will break some hidden rule of the fashion police - and we'll look "silly" and "ignorant". Not a soul at our wedding will care, laugh or judge.

Agreed!!!! Life is too short for anyone to be so concerened about what OTHER people think of them. No one asked my venue while shopping, or the time of day....they asked "what are you looking for".....regardless, if they had tried to force me into something i didn't want, they would have seen my back go out the door. Wear what you want when you want, but own it....your confidence in wht you'e wearing will speak much louder than the bogus rules made up by so-called pros which change with the wind. Just because S&E said a movie was bad it didn't mean you'd hate it....ijs

indianaalum · February 2014

CMGragain said:

Marzipan13 said:

We're having a 2:30 pm Saturday Mass w/ reception to start at 5 pm. I know the "etiquette", but this honestly never even occurred to us, because FI wants to wear a tux, and wants his groomsmen to wear tuxes. Our dads want to wear tuxes as well. If they want to wear a tux in the middle of the day, why not? This is a wedding, not a picnic!

Of course they can wear formal clothes to your wedding! That would be a morning coat (cutaway).

you do realize you really are only one of a million people in this post are advocating for it being tacky. Most people accept its your wedding and you can wear a tux regardless of the time.

photokitty · February 2014

indianaalum said:

CMGragain said:

Marzipan13 said:

We're having a 2:30 pm Saturday Mass w/ reception to start at 5 pm. I know the "etiquette", but this honestly never even occurred to us, because FI wants to wear a tux, and wants his groomsmen to wear tuxes. Our dads want to wear tuxes as well. If they want to wear a tux in the middle of the day, why not? This is a wedding, not a picnic!

Of course they can wear formal clothes to your wedding! That would be a morning coat (cutaway).

you do realize you really are only one of a million people in this post are advocating for it being tacky. Most people accept its your wedding and you can wear a tux regardless of the time.

Don't assume that…most people just think it's not worth pitching a fit over. I would agree that a morning is a better choice for an afternoon wedding. But I don't really care if an adult chooses to make a fashion faux pas and wear a tux. It doesn't affect how the guests are hosted so I don't care nearly as much

offthemarket915 · February 2014

This reminded me of that scene from 30 Rock where Liz asks Jack why he's wearing a tux, and he replies, "it's after 6:30 Lemon, what am I, a farmer?"

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

photokitty said:

indianaalum said:

CMGragain said:

Marzipan13 said:

We're having a 2:30 pm Saturday Mass w/ reception to start at 5 pm. I know the "etiquette", but this honestly never even occurred to us, because FI wants to wear a tux, and wants his groomsmen to wear tuxes. Our dads want to wear tuxes as well. If they want to wear a tux in the middle of the day, why not? This is a wedding, not a picnic!

Of course they can wear formal clothes to your wedding! That would be a morning coat (cutaway).

you do realize you really are only one of a million people in this post are advocating for it being tacky. Most people accept its your wedding and you can wear a tux regardless of the time.

Don't assume that…most people just think it's not worth pitching a fit over. I would agree that a morning is a better choice for an afternoon wedding. But I don't really care if an adult chooses to make a fashion faux pas and wear a tux. It doesn't affect how the guests are hosted so I don't care nearly as much

Actually, I think a very small portion of the population cares about tuxes worn before 6pm. I think few consider it a fashion faux pas.

It may have been in the 1800's or the 1900's, but not anymore. I really don't think celebrity stylists who make a living dressing celebs so that they are listed on the Best Dressed lists would put anyone in a tux before 6pm if it was truly a faux pas.

I love the look of morning coats better by far, but let me pose this philosophical question: The reason morning coats ever existed was because gentlemen rode horses. No one does that anymore, so any article of clothing with tails worn outside of a Dressage or Show Jumping arena is anachronistic, no matter what time of day it is worn. How then can they still be sartorially correct if they are sooooooo far outdated?

Lavender123 · February 2014

What time does the wedding end? Frankly I think it would be stranger to see someone in morning dress at 11pm than a dinner jacket at 2pm... convincing my FI that he needs to change mid way through an event seems unlikely, not sure about yours! I also recall reading somewhere (and it's mentioned again on that black tie guide someone posted) that the end time is more important for dress than the start time, traditionally events did not progress from morning to evening. If the groom is buying, you're far more likely to be able to wear a dinner jacket again... Finally, you're American, so I have no idea why you'd care - I thought you guys left England because of our ridiculous rules (I say this in advance of marrying an American who will be wearing a "tux" in the afternoon *gasp*).

[Deleted User] · February 2014

Lavender123 said:

What time does the wedding end? Frankly I think it would be stranger to see someone in morning dress at 11pm than a dinner jacket at 2pm... convincing my FI that he needs to change mid way through an event seems unlikely, not sure about yours! I also recall reading somewhere (and it's mentioned again on that black tie guide someone posted) that the end time is more important for dress than the start time, traditionally events did not progress from morning to evening. If the groom is buying, you're far more likely to be able to wear a dinner jacket again... Finally, you're American, so I have no idea why you'd care - I thought you guys left England because of our ridiculous rules (I say this in advance of marrying an American who will be wearing a "tux" in the afternoon *gasp*).

Wedding ends around 8 and then it's on to the after party!

grumbledore · February 2014

I'm wearing a big fancy ball gown to my 4 pm wedding and then all night and probably out for drinks and dancing after. My FI will wear whatever formalwear he chooses. It will be awesome.

DotQuaid · February 2014

BlueBirdMB said: JCBride2014 said: I pulled up that Morning Dress website and Fi saw it over my shoulder. He asked, "Can I wear THAT? That looks so cool!" Me: "Hon, that's morning dress. Our wedding is at 6.30." "Wait, you mean British people have two different kinds of formal clothes depending on the day?" "Well, it's technically true in America too."
"But what if the party goes all day? Do they change at 6pm?" Ha I love it. But seriously, DO THEY CHANGE??? That's a real question.

Yes. If a formal event is scheduled to go from morning and into the evening, traditional etiquette would have everyone retire for a brief time to change from their daytime formal wear into their evening formal wear.
But seriously, no one practical does this anymore. Most (American) weddings these days are no where near that formal, nor do they typically last 12 hours at a stretch.
Then again, it's not unheard of for brides to have a Ceremony gown and a different Reception gown (for those who can afford it). Why not have the groom change costumes, too, if they want?

KittyKaty20 · February 2014

nsweare said:

What about award shows? I'm pretty sure most of those men are dressed in tuxedos before 6pm. I bet you think they all look like doofuses too. Or does it not apply to award show or celebrities?
I was actually thinking this exact thing. Most of those red carpet events begin in the afternoon on the west coast. Tuxedos galore.

The only reason red carpet events start in the afternoon on the West Coast is so they can be shown "LIVE" on the East Coast...which is 3 hours ahead.

As the event "start" time for an East Coast broadcast at 8pm would actually start airing at 5pm in Hollywood, CA, I would comfortably argue that the tuxedos on the red carpet ARE in keeping with time-of-day-etiquette.

Justus2Plus2 · February 2014

I think that yes, people believe that tux shouldn't be worn before 6, however, every circumstance is different. You are in a castle/mansion, therefore I think that a tux is appropriate. Besides it is YOUR wedding. Whatever you and your fiance think is perfect for your day is what is right.

I am walking down the aisle at 4:30PM, and my fiance is wearing a tux along with the groomsmen because that is what makes our day perfect. I do not think that it is a set in stone rule.

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