Etiquette

Did you make an ettiquette mistake?

1246

Re: Did you make an ettiquette mistake?

  • phira said:
    I'm having a gap of about 2 hours between the end of my ceremony and the start of the cocktail hour.   Fuck it, I don't really care since our reception is in a hotel with a full, very nice bar.   Its a Catholic mass that the church requires afternoon ceremonies.   Everyone in NJ is used to it.  
    Hope you've got a tab open at the bar :\
    I don't and I have been to at least 10 weddings in recent years that did something similar.   The only weddings where I didn't have a gap were where the couple got married at the reception site.   Every single church where I live requires a mid-afternoon wedding ceremony because of their vigil mass around 5.    The only time someone complains is when its over 3 hours.
  • phira said:
    I'm having a gap of about 2 hours between the end of my ceremony and the start of the cocktail hour.   Fuck it, I don't really care since our reception is in a hotel with a full, very nice bar.   Its a Catholic mass that the church requires afternoon ceremonies.   Everyone in NJ is used to it.  
    Hope you've got a tab open at the bar :\
    I don't and I have been to at least 10 weddings in recent years that did something similar.   The only weddings where I didn't have a gap were where the couple got married at the reception site.   Every single church where I live requires a mid-afternoon wedding ceremony because of their vigil mass around 5.    The only time someone complains is when its over 3 hours.
    Just because everyone else has done this doesn't make it right.  It would be like everyone else you know requesting cash as a gift.  Even though it is done doesn't make it not rude.

    And when you have a Catholic ceremony then you have to be an adult and realize that you will have to forgo your evening reception.  That is the breaks.  You can't have both unless you want to be extremely rude.
    This.  To accommodate your guests you give up the evening reception.  I have heard of some gaps that really and truly couldn't be closed.  This one sounds like it could be, which means you are purposefully inconveniencing your guests.

    And seriously... why they heck would you want your guests drinking on an empty stomach for 2 hours?  Do you WANT people to be vomiting at your reception?   
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    grumbledorePrettyGirlLostAuroraRose41
  • antoto said:
    phira said:
    I'm having a gap of about 2 hours between the end of my ceremony and the start of the cocktail hour.   Fuck it, I don't really care since our reception is in a hotel with a full, very nice bar.   Its a Catholic mass that the church requires afternoon ceremonies.   Everyone in NJ is used to it.  
    Hope you've got a tab open at the bar :\
    I don't and I have been to at least 10 weddings in recent years that did something similar.   The only weddings where I didn't have a gap were where the couple got married at the reception site.   Every single church where I live requires a mid-afternoon wedding ceremony because of their vigil mass around 5.    The only time someone complains is when its over 3 hours.
    Just because everyone else has done this doesn't make it right.  It would be like everyone else you know requesting cash as a gift.  Even though it is done doesn't make it not rude.

    And when you have a Catholic ceremony then you have to be an adult and realize that you will have to forgo your evening reception.  That is the breaks.  You can't have both unless you want to be extremely rude.
    This.  To accommodate your guests you give up the evening reception.  I have heard of some gaps that really and truly couldn't be closed.  This one sounds like it could be, which means you are purposefully inconveniencing your guests.

    And seriously... why they heck would you want your guests drinking on an empty stomach for 2 hours?  Do you WANT people to be vomiting at your reception?   

    Funny, I have never been to a wedding where someone got sick, except the wedding in VA where there was no gap, but was no dinner aside from a mashed potato bar.   Adults should be able to know their limit drinking.   I would think that drinking to excess where one got ill would be worse etiquette than a gap,  most of which will be taken up by time to get to the reception after our receiving line after mass.   The distance between the church and reception site is approximately 7 miles, however due to local traffic it can take 1/2 an hour - 45 minutes

    And for the record, we're not going somewhere to take pictures during the gap.   Any pictures we do take will be taken at the reception site and at the church. 

     


     

  • antoto said:
    phira said:
    I'm having a gap of about 2 hours between the end of my ceremony and the start of the cocktail hour.   Fuck it, I don't really care since our reception is in a hotel with a full, very nice bar.   Its a Catholic mass that the church requires afternoon ceremonies.   Everyone in NJ is used to it.  
    Hope you've got a tab open at the bar :\
    I don't and I have been to at least 10 weddings in recent years that did something similar.   The only weddings where I didn't have a gap were where the couple got married at the reception site.   Every single church where I live requires a mid-afternoon wedding ceremony because of their vigil mass around 5.    The only time someone complains is when its over 3 hours.
    Just because everyone else has done this doesn't make it right.  It would be like everyone else you know requesting cash as a gift.  Even though it is done doesn't make it not rude.

    And when you have a Catholic ceremony then you have to be an adult and realize that you will have to forgo your evening reception.  That is the breaks.  You can't have both unless you want to be extremely rude.
    This.  To accommodate your guests you give up the evening reception.  I have heard of some gaps that really and truly couldn't be closed.  This one sounds like it could be, which means you are purposefully inconveniencing your guests.

    And seriously... why they heck would you want your guests drinking on an empty stomach for 2 hours?  Do you WANT people to be vomiting at your reception?   

    Funny, I have never been to a wedding where someone got sick, except the wedding in VA where there was no gap, but was no dinner aside from a mashed potato bar.   Adults should be able to know their limit drinking.   I would think that drinking to excess where one got ill would be worse etiquette than a gap,  most of which will be taken up by time to get to the reception after our receiving line after mass.   The distance between the church and reception site is approximately 7 miles, however due to local traffic it can take 1/2 an hour - 45 minutes

    And for the record, we're not going somewhere to take pictures during the gap.   Any pictures we do take will be taken at the reception site and at the church. 

     


     

    You mentioned before that you felt okay about the gap because there was a sweet ass bar at the venue, so obviously people will be drinking, and when they haven't eaten anything for several hours even a normal amount of alcohol consumption can make people sick.  It doesn't mean they are running around naked and wasted and vomiting on everyone, it means that their stomachs are upset from only have alcohol (even a small amount) in it without any food.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • antoto said:
    phira said:
    I'm having a gap of about 2 hours between the end of my ceremony and the start of the cocktail hour.   Fuck it, I don't really care since our reception is in a hotel with a full, very nice bar.   Its a Catholic mass that the church requires afternoon ceremonies.   Everyone in NJ is used to it.  
    Hope you've got a tab open at the bar :\
    I don't and I have been to at least 10 weddings in recent years that did something similar.   The only weddings where I didn't have a gap were where the couple got married at the reception site.   Every single church where I live requires a mid-afternoon wedding ceremony because of their vigil mass around 5.    The only time someone complains is when its over 3 hours.
    Just because everyone else has done this doesn't make it right.  It would be like everyone else you know requesting cash as a gift.  Even though it is done doesn't make it not rude.

    And when you have a Catholic ceremony then you have to be an adult and realize that you will have to forgo your evening reception.  That is the breaks.  You can't have both unless you want to be extremely rude.
    This.  To accommodate your guests you give up the evening reception.  I have heard of some gaps that really and truly couldn't be closed.  This one sounds like it could be, which means you are purposefully inconveniencing your guests.

    And seriously... why they heck would you want your guests drinking on an empty stomach for 2 hours?  Do you WANT people to be vomiting at your reception?   

    Funny, I have never been to a wedding where someone got sick, except the wedding in VA where there was no gap, but was no dinner aside from a mashed potato bar.   Adults should be able to know their limit drinking.   I would think that drinking to excess where one got ill would be worse etiquette than a gap,  most of which will be taken up by time to get to the reception after our receiving line after mass.   The distance between the church and reception site is approximately 7 miles, however due to local traffic it can take 1/2 an hour - 45 minutes

    And for the record, we're not going somewhere to take pictures during the gap.   Any pictures we do take will be taken at the reception site and at the church. 

     


     


    So, why is there a gap? People tend to drink at bars when there is nothing else for them to do.

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    antoto
  • antoto said:
    phira said:
    I'm having a gap of about 2 hours between the end of my ceremony and the start of the cocktail hour.   Fuck it, I don't really care since our reception is in a hotel with a full, very nice bar.   Its a Catholic mass that the church requires afternoon ceremonies.   Everyone in NJ is used to it.  
    Hope you've got a tab open at the bar :\
    I don't and I have been to at least 10 weddings in recent years that did something similar.   The only weddings where I didn't have a gap were where the couple got married at the reception site.   Every single church where I live requires a mid-afternoon wedding ceremony because of their vigil mass around 5.    The only time someone complains is when its over 3 hours.
    Just because everyone else has done this doesn't make it right.  It would be like everyone else you know requesting cash as a gift.  Even though it is done doesn't make it not rude.

    And when you have a Catholic ceremony then you have to be an adult and realize that you will have to forgo your evening reception.  That is the breaks.  You can't have both unless you want to be extremely rude.
    This.  To accommodate your guests you give up the evening reception.  I have heard of some gaps that really and truly couldn't be closed.  This one sounds like it could be, which means you are purposefully inconveniencing your guests.

    And seriously... why they heck would you want your guests drinking on an empty stomach for 2 hours?  Do you WANT people to be vomiting at your reception?   

    Funny, I have never been to a wedding where someone got sick, except the wedding in VA where there was no gap, but was no dinner aside from a mashed potato bar.   Adults should be able to know their limit drinking.   I would think that drinking to excess where one got ill would be worse etiquette than a gap,  most of which will be taken up by time to get to the reception after our receiving line after mass.   The distance between the church and reception site is approximately 7 miles, however due to local traffic it can take 1/2 an hour - 45 minutes

    And for the record, we're not going somewhere to take pictures during the gap.   Any pictures we do take will be taken at the reception site and at the church. 

     


     


    So, why is there a gap? People tend to drink at bars when there is nothing else for them to do.

    Short answer: there are a ton of logistical reasons for a gap.   Typically, because of church schedules and venue time constraints.

     

    Long answer: 

    The church will only have a 2:30 ceremony, that gives them adequate time to clean up in time for 5 PM vigil mass without rushing people out the door.  For those who do not know, most Catholic churches have a Saturday evening mass for people who like to sleep in on Sundays.

    The reception hall will not allow an event to start before 5:30 PM because they have afternoon events that run from 1-4 PM.   This is pretty standard for almost all halls, aside from the huge ones that host 300+ people weddings(I don't even know that many people).   The hour and a half gives the staff enough time to turn the rooms over, clean up and prep for the next event. 

    The time gap is unavoidable.   Before anyone else asks, to have the ceremony at the reception site would mean renting it for the afternoon event slot, literally, increasing the cost of the reception by 50%.  This is because they cannot have an afternoon party(they host a ton of showers and birthday parties.

    Also, we were limited in terms of reception sites because the one thing I insisted on was a reception in a hotel.   Not so that my friends could get wasted and sleep over, but because my father is a rectal cancer survivor and often gets super tired.  I wanted him to be able to lie down if need be without having to drive home.   Also, he's got a colostomy bag, which has the potential for leaks and all sorts of super fun issues (sarcasm).   So god forbid his bag leaks, he can go upstairs, shower if need be, and change and return to the party.    I'm not sorry if I have inconvenienced by FI's 3rd cousin if it means making my father, who is paying BTW, comfortable.

    Honestly,  I never would have thought that a gap between the reception and service was rude until I came here.   But after reading about how long ceremonies are rude, I am sure that my hour long mass would be considered rude as well.   But again, super Catholic, cancer-beating dad wanted a Catholic mass.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited February 2014
    A gap is avoidable.  You just didn't want to find a solution.  You could have gotten married at your venue and just had your ceremony in your reception space at 5:30 and then your reception could have started at 6pm.

    PrettyGirlLostSars06jendemeyer
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm having a gap of about 2 hours between the end of my ceremony and the start of the cocktail hour.   Fuck it, I don't really care since our reception is in a hotel with a full, very nice bar.   Its a Catholic mass that the church requires afternoon ceremonies.   Everyone in NJ is used to it.  
    Oh yay!  So as a guest I get to pay for my own highly overpriced drinks while trying to kill time for 2 hours?

    Oh wait, no.  If I was going to drink during a two hour gap I would go to a liquor store and buy what I wanted for much less, then have a party in my room with whomever else has to kill time for 2 hours.  I can't guarantee I will show up to your reception on time, sober, or at all.  Sorry.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    grumbledoreAshleyNicole1218pinkshorts27
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    A gap is avoidable.  You just didn't want to find a solution.  You could have gotten married at your venue and just had your ceremony in your reception space at 5:30 and then your reception could have started at 6pm.
    If she and her dad are devout Catholics, then this wouldn't have been an option.

    I agree that there are other ways to avoid the gap. . . other reception venues, different day, etc.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    lc07
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Inkdancer said:
    @tesgirl123 It sounds to me like there is a pretty easy way to close your gap.

    Having a long ceremony is not rude. Having a long ceremony without seating is super rude. So go ahead and have your full Mass! Assuming Mass lasts 1 hour, you'll be out by 3:30. Assuming 30 minutes of travel time, that gets your guests to the hotel at 4:00 or thereabouts.

    Then, instead of leaving everyone to fend for themselves, get a hospitality room where your guests can mingle until 5:30. Serve some crudites or finger-foods. Voila: you are now hosting a cocktail hour (and a half) and etiquette is preserved.
    You could throw a receiving line in there too, in order to help close the gap.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    A gap is avoidable.  You just didn't want to find a solution.  You could have gotten married at your venue and just had your ceremony in your reception space at 5:30 and then your reception could have started at 6pm.
    If she and her dad are devout Catholics, then this wouldn't have been an option.

    I agree that there are other ways to avoid the gap. . . other reception venues, different day, etc.
    Missed that part. But I still stand behind the fact that gaps are avoidable and it is only those that don't feel like working hard to not have one who think that they are ok.

  • Inkdancer said:
    @tesgirl123 It sounds to me like there is a pretty easy way to close your gap.

    Having a long ceremony is not rude. Having a long ceremony without seating is super rude. So go ahead and have your full Mass! Assuming Mass lasts 1 hour, you'll be out by 3:30. Assuming 30 minutes of travel time, that gets your guests to the hotel at 4:00 or thereabouts.

    Then, instead of leaving everyone to fend for themselves, get a hospitality room where your guests can mingle until 5:30. Serve some crudites or finger-foods. Voila: you are now hosting a cocktail hour (and a half) and etiquette is preserved.

    The venue will not do that because they are turning over the rooms from the earlier parties in the afternoon, and again I was very limited in terms of reception sites 

    My point with this entire thing is that, before people go all judgey judgey on someone else's wedding, you don't consider that often decisions are made for numerous reasons.   I am guilty of it too.   Quite frankly if my FI's father's co-worker is annoyed that there is a gap at my wedding, I honestly don't care.   The gap is there because of several issues mainly due to my parent's religion and my father's health.    I plan to throw a kick-ass, amazing party with an awesome DJ, great food and a beautiful venue.  At the end of the night, if someone complains about the gap, they ruined the party for themselves because they couldn't get over that.    The ones that really know what went into the decisions, don't care about the gap.   The ones that don't will probably only show up for the reception.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Inkdancer said:
    @tesgirl123 It sounds to me like there is a pretty easy way to close your gap.

    Having a long ceremony is not rude. Having a long ceremony without seating is super rude. So go ahead and have your full Mass! Assuming Mass lasts 1 hour, you'll be out by 3:30. Assuming 30 minutes of travel time, that gets your guests to the hotel at 4:00 or thereabouts.

    Then, instead of leaving everyone to fend for themselves, get a hospitality room where your guests can mingle until 5:30. Serve some crudites or finger-foods. Voila: you are now hosting a cocktail hour (and a half) and etiquette is preserved.

    The venue will not do that because they are turning over the rooms from the earlier parties in the afternoon, and again I was very limited in terms of reception sites 

    My point with this entire thing is that, before people go all judgey judgey on someone else's wedding, you don't consider that often decisions are made for numerous reasons.   I am guilty of it too.   Quite frankly if my FI's father's co-worker is annoyed that there is a gap at my wedding, I honestly don't care.   The gap is there because of several issues mainly due to my parent's religion and my father's health.    I plan to throw a kick-ass, amazing party with an awesome DJ, great food and a beautiful venue.  At the end of the night, if someone complains about the gap, they ruined the party for themselves because they couldn't get over that.    The ones that really know what went into the decisions, don't care about the gap.   The ones that don't will probably only show up for the reception.

    I'm sorry but I find it hard to believe that your hotel that you are using for your reception is using every single conference and ballroom they have on your wedding day ranging from the small to the large rooms.

    But if that is true then at least foot the freaking bill at the hotel bar.  Don't make your guests shell out money because you can't come up with any other solutions.

    PrettyGirlLostjendemeyer
  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2014
    antoto said:
    phira said:
    I'm having a gap of about 2 hours between the end of my ceremony and the start of the cocktail hour.   Fuck it, I don't really care since our reception is in a hotel with a full, very nice bar.   Its a Catholic mass that the church requires afternoon ceremonies.   Everyone in NJ is used to it.  
    Hope you've got a tab open at the bar :\
    I don't and I have been to at least 10 weddings in recent years that did something similar.   The only weddings where I didn't have a gap were where the couple got married at the reception site.   Every single church where I live requires a mid-afternoon wedding ceremony because of their vigil mass around 5.    The only time someone complains is when its over 3 hours.
    Just because everyone else has done this doesn't make it right.  It would be like everyone else you know requesting cash as a gift.  Even though it is done doesn't make it not rude.

    And when you have a Catholic ceremony then you have to be an adult and realize that you will have to forgo your evening reception.  That is the breaks.  You can't have both unless you want to be extremely rude.
    This.  To accommodate your guests you give up the evening reception.  I have heard of some gaps that really and truly couldn't be closed.  This one sounds like it could be, which means you are purposefully inconveniencing your guests.

    And seriously... why they heck would you want your guests drinking on an empty stomach for 2 hours?  Do you WANT people to be vomiting at your reception?   

    Funny, I have never been to a wedding where someone got sick, except the wedding in VA where there was no gap, but was no dinner aside from a mashed potato bar.   Adults should be able to know their limit drinking.   I would think that drinking to excess where one got ill would be worse etiquette than a gap,  most of which will be taken up by time to get to the reception after our receiving line after mass.   The distance between the church and reception site is approximately 7 miles, however due to local traffic it can take 1/2 an hour - 45 minutes

    And for the record, we're not going somewhere to take pictures during the gap.   Any pictures we do take will be taken at the reception site and at the church. 

     


     


    So, why is there a gap? People tend to drink at bars when there is nothing else for them to do.

    Short answer: there are a ton of logistical reasons for a gap.   Typically, because of church schedules and venue time constraints.

     

    Long answer: 

    The church will only have a 2:30 ceremony, that gives them adequate time to clean up in time for 5 PM vigil mass without rushing people out the door.  For those who do not know, most Catholic churches have a Saturday evening mass for people who like to sleep in on Sundays.

    The reception hall will not allow an event to start before 5:30 PM because they have afternoon events that run from 1-4 PM.   This is pretty standard for almost all halls, aside from the huge ones that host 300+ people weddings(I don't even know that many people).   The hour and a half gives the staff enough time to turn the rooms over, clean up and prep for the next event. 

    The time gap is unavoidable.   Before anyone else asks, to have the ceremony at the reception site would mean renting it for the afternoon event slot, literally, increasing the cost of the reception by 50%.  This is because they cannot have an afternoon party(they host a ton of showers and birthday parties.

    Also, we were limited in terms of reception sites because the one thing I insisted on was a reception in a hotel.   Not so that my friends could get wasted and sleep over, but because my father is a rectal cancer survivor and often gets super tired.  I wanted him to be able to lie down if need be without having to drive home.   Also, he's got a colostomy bag, which has the potential for leaks and all sorts of super fun issues (sarcasm).   So god forbid his bag leaks, he can go upstairs, shower if need be, and change and return to the party.    I'm not sorry if I have inconvenienced by FI's 3rd cousin if it means making my father, who is paying BTW, comfortable.

    Honestly,  I never would have thought that a gap between the reception and service was rude until I came here.   But after reading about how long ceremonies are rude, I am sure that my hour long mass would be considered rude as well.   But again, super Catholic, cancer-beating dad wanted a Catholic mass.

    Translation:  "We're having a gap because we are selfish and didn't plan properly." 

    Got it, thanks.

    It's great to accommodate your dad, but not at the cost of everyone else's comfort.  Pay for the damn cocktail hour.  Problem more or less solved.

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  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm much less forgiving of etiquette mistakes when the couple knows they're being rude (not that I'm 100% forgiving when they don't realize they're being rude, just WAY less when they know it). You're being a bad host because everyone expects it?
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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    grumbledoreAshleyNicole1218
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Inkdancer said:
    @tesgirl123 It sounds to me like there is a pretty easy way to close your gap.

    Having a long ceremony is not rude. Having a long ceremony without seating is super rude. So go ahead and have your full Mass! Assuming Mass lasts 1 hour, you'll be out by 3:30. Assuming 30 minutes of travel time, that gets your guests to the hotel at 4:00 or thereabouts.

    Then, instead of leaving everyone to fend for themselves, get a hospitality room where your guests can mingle until 5:30. Serve some crudites or finger-foods. Voila: you are now hosting a cocktail hour (and a half) and etiquette is preserved.

    The venue will not do that because they are turning over the rooms from the earlier parties in the afternoon, and again I was very limited in terms of reception sites 

    My point with this entire thing is that, before people go all judgey judgey on someone else's wedding, you don't consider that often decisions are made for numerous reasons.   I am guilty of it too.   Quite frankly if my FI's father's co-worker is annoyed that there is a gap at my wedding, I honestly don't care.   The gap is there because of several issues mainly due to my parent's religion and my father's health.    I plan to throw a kick-ass, amazing party with an awesome DJ, great food and a beautiful venue.  At the end of the night, if someone complains about the gap, they ruined the party for themselves because they couldn't get over that.    The ones that really know what went into the decisions, don't care about the gap.   The ones that don't will probably only show up for the reception.

    You keep saying you don't care if "rando's" are upset by your gap.  Do you care if your family and friends care about the gap?  Because some of them will be annoyed, even if they know you and your father and his special circumstances.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    grumbledoreAshleyNicole1218jendemeyer



  • Inkdancer said:

    @tesgirl123 It sounds to me like there is a pretty easy way to close your gap.

    Having a long ceremony is not rude. Having a long ceremony without seating is super rude. So go ahead and have your full Mass! Assuming Mass lasts 1 hour, you'll be out by 3:30. Assuming 30 minutes of travel time, that gets your guests to the hotel at 4:00 or thereabouts.

    Then, instead of leaving everyone to fend for themselves, get a hospitality room where your guests can mingle until 5:30. Serve some crudites or finger-foods. Voila: you are now hosting a cocktail hour (and a half) and etiquette is preserved.



    The venue will not do that because they are turning over the rooms from the earlier parties in the afternoon, and again I was very limited in terms of reception sites 

    My point with this entire thing is that, before people go all judgey judgey on someone else's wedding, you don't consider that often decisions are made for numerous reasons.   I am guilty of it too.   Quite frankly if my FI's father's co-worker is annoyed that there is a gap at my wedding, I honestly don't care.   The gap is there because of several issues mainly due to my parent's religion and my father's health.    I plan to throw a kick-ass, amazing party with an awesome DJ, great food and a beautiful venue.  At the end of the night, if someone complains about the gap, they ruined the party for themselves because they couldn't get over that.    The ones that really know what went into the decisions, don't care about the gap.   The ones that don't will probably only show up for the reception.


    You keep saying you don't care if "rando's" are upset by your gap.  Do you care if your family and friends care about the gap?  Because some of them will be annoyed, even if they know you and your father and his special circumstances.


    My family and friends do not care, or if they do, they would be hypocritical since they all had gaps at their weddings(I have several older cousins who are married and am really the last of my friends to get married). The only wedding I have been to where there was a church wedding without a gap was a friend from college where there was a cocktail reception from 5-9 pm where people got shit- faced because they expected to be fed at some point (though that wedding was a shit show from the start and I am shocked the couple is still married).

    And truth be told, there were a lot of people invited that my FIL insisted on inviting(which is bad because he is not paying). I don't know these people, my FI doesn't know them. These people will likely not go to the church, which I am also fine with.

    But further explain other factors. We had a choice of essentially three venues. We chose our site for pricing, room size and because it was a hotel. There are exactly 3 rooms. One holds 15 people. One is being used for a baby shower that afternoon. One is the "ball room" which they will not allow us to us for a pre- cocktail hour cocktail hour. Our cocktail hour will open its doors at 5:15, because I begged the manager and we went to high school together.

    I never knew the gap was a big issue until I came here. I have read countless articles on etiquette from Emily Post to Martha Stewart, non of them mentioned a gap. Countless invitation samples showed a ceremony and reception gap. Thank you all for making me realize that I am a spoiled bitch who is selfish. When my sister gets married next year, I will tell her that making sure our father is comfortable is of the least importance and that we should probably not even have him there less we spoil the fun for others. He can watch it all via skype.
  • lyndausvi said:
    A gap is avoidable.  You just didn't want to find a solution.  You could have gotten married at your venue and just had your ceremony in your reception space at 5:30 and then your reception could have started at 6pm.
    As a devote Catholic getting married at the venue is NOT an option.   And she is correct that a lot of venues do like to have 2 different events on the same day so they put time limits like 12-5 and 6-12. Sure they might not be sold at the time when she booked, but they will much rather bank on it will be booked, than to give up the space far out.  It's a business after all.

    That said, there is some sort of strange entitlement of HAVING TO HAVE AN EVENING WEDDING that causes these gaps.  My sister faces the same issues.  Last mass was at 2:30 or so and the venue they wanted had restrictions of 12-5 and 6-12 event times.  So what did she do?  She had a 10:30am wedding with a noon reception.  Top shelf open bar, filet of beef craved at your tables (plus other options) and a fully packed dance floor.  After the wedding about half the 298 guests continued to party at my parents house until 3am in the morning.

    There are other options, but people have some sort of weird obsession with evening receptions.
    This is exactly it.

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    PrettyGirlLostphira
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
      Thank you all for making me realize that I am a spoiled bitch who is selfish. When my sister gets married next year, I will tell her that making sure our father is comfortable is of the least importance and that we should probably not even have him there less we spoil the fun for others. He can watch it all via skype.
    Sooooooooo, what is your father going to be doing during your 2hour gap then?  What are you doing to ensure his comfort during that time?

    Since you are having a gap how about you host it at the hotel before the reception, will you consider doing that?  Host apps and drinks at the bar or see if the hotel will set up a hospitality room elsewhere in the hotel where you can have food and apps for your guests.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    grumbledore
  • I'm having a buffet.

    We have many people in FI's family who do not eat meat and will not eat if it is on their plate with other things. They also don't eat anything that has GMO's, lard, gluten, the list goes on and on. It would be near impossible to plan individual meals for them and I'm not sure that our venue would accomodate that anyway. Our best attempt at giving everyone options is to have a buffet that way they can pick and chose what they eat. There *should* be something that everyone can eat on the buffet. 

    MollyandD
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'm having a buffet.

    We have many people in FI's family who do not eat meat and will not eat if it is on their plate with other things. They also don't eat anything that has GMO's, lard, gluten, the list goes on and on. It would be near impossible to plan individual meals for them and I'm not sure that our venue would accomodate that anyway. Our best attempt at giving everyone options is to have a buffet that way they can pick and chose what they eat. There *should* be something that everyone can eat on the buffet. 
    Buffets are a preference.  You are good there.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    grumbledorePrettyGirlLostKeptInStitches
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm having a buffet.

    We have many people in FI's family who do not eat meat and will not eat if it is on their plate with other things. They also don't eat anything that has GMO's, lard, gluten, the list goes on and on. It would be near impossible to plan individual meals for them and I'm not sure that our venue would accomodate that anyway. Our best attempt at giving everyone options is to have a buffet that way they can pick and chose what they eat. There *should* be something that everyone can eat on the buffet. 
    Not an etiquette mistake at all! Buffets are not bad (only if they don't have enough food!!) :)  And you are catering to your crowd which is nice and thoughtful.

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    MollyandDPrettyGirlLostKeptInStitches
  • I'm having a buffet.

    We have many people in FI's family who do not eat meat and will not eat if it is on their plate with other things. They also don't eat anything that has GMO's, lard, gluten, the list goes on and on. It would be near impossible to plan individual meals for them and I'm not sure that our venue would accomodate that anyway. Our best attempt at giving everyone options is to have a buffet that way they can pick and chose what they eat. There *should* be something that everyone can eat on the buffet. 
    Not an etiquette mistake at all! Buffets are not bad (only if they don't have enough food!!) :)  And you are catering to your crowd which is nice and thoughtful.

    I agree. I prefer buffets, since plated dinners usually serve meat in the main dishes. I actually think it's more considerate to have a well done buffet meal than a plated dinner that I can't eat.
    pinkshorts27PrettyGirlLost
  • I am so over hearing that a cash bar is bad etiquette. I would love to have an open bar but to even think about how my fiancé and I would be able to afford it, is absurd. We are paying for everything ourselves and have a decent budget of $12,000. I think the couple bottles of wine on tables will just have to do. 
  • Ionewton said:

    I am so over hearing that a cash bar is bad etiquette. I would love to have an open bar but to even think about how my fiancé and I would be able to afford it, is absurd. We are paying for everything ourselves and have a decent budget of $12,000. I think the couple bottles of wine on tables will just have to do. 

    Then if your guests are charged for anything else it IS rude. Stop by the Budget board for a way you can make the $12,000 last without pushing your costs onto your guests.
    pinkshorts27PrettyGirlLost
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