Ladies, I could really use a friend right now. I am so confused and upset and I don't really know what to think. This is also probably going to be a long post so I'm sorry in advance. I have been posting on here a lot so many of you probably already know my back story. Anyway, I am graduating undergrad in May and my FI is currently in his first year of med school. We are getting married on April 25, 2015.
So here is what is going on. My mom came up to me today and said that she wanted to have a conversation with me tonight about the wedding, when I asked for the condensed version now she said that she thinks we should push the wedding back because it is just not a good time and not at all what I wanted. I think she is right. I haven't gotten a job yet but I have tons of interviews so I will most likely have a job by graduation which means I will have one year of salary saved before I move out of my parents house. My FI can't work because of school so I will be the primary financial supporter of the both of us (his parents said they would continue to pay for what they pay for now ex. anything school related, cell phone bill and car insurance until he graduates to help us out). My mom is concerned that I will be under a lot of stress supporting him because not only will all financial responsibility be on me but he will also not be around much because 3rd year is apparently just insane. I totally agree with her, I have already felt this stress when it comes to finding a job. I have been more concerned with pay and benefits than I have about what the job actually is and if I will really like it. I mean we never see each other now (currently going on 3 weeks only seeing his face through a computer screen) so I am not concerned with not seeing him much when we get married because chances are it will be more than we do now.
The other thing my mom brought up was that this wedding is nothing at all like what I wanted for myself. I am getting married in a season I never wanted on a day I NEVER would have picked (the day after my birthday). We did not have much of a choice because with his schedule that is the only weekend that would have worked for 2nd year. I always pictured a Cape Cod wedding in July but we are doing pretty much the opposite. Part of the reason we want to get married before 3rd year is we want to live together. His mom is VERY religious and is very set against us living together before marriage. She is supporting him completely with tuition for med school and we love her so we want to respect her wishes. But also, since we don't see each other living together would make things much much easier. Also, I have heard that med school really does just get worse so we wanted to find a time that he wasn't super stressed and busy to plan the wedding. My mom is suggesting waiting until 4th year or the time after he graduates and before residency. The only problem with that is we don't know where he will be doing his residency and if it is out of state that would make planning the wedding even harder.
We already put the deposit down on the reception venue but my mom (who is also paying for the entire wedding) has said she is willing to lose the deposit. As much as I hate to say it, my mom is probably right. Postponing the wedding is probably the best idea. She said that she thinks getting married now will be damaging to our relationship because of the financial and emotional stress. I really don't know what to think and I need advice. If anyone has been with someone through medical school and can give some insight into the 4 years and everything I would be beyond appreciative. No one in my family has done it and none of my friends so I don't really have anyone to consult on this stuff.