Holy #@*%!!! Cant believe what I just read!

amakayeb · March 2014

My fiance is going to be a pastor (he is finishing up his last quarter at the seminary). I'm so thankful that he and I are on the same page as for the fact that he is the one being called by the congregation, not me. I will be the same as any other member of the congregation as far as being expected to be involved, lead activities, etc. I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that if any of what you have had to deal with happened to me, those ladies would be having a serious chat with their pastor. While you are in a fishbowl, being the pastor's wife (or fiancee) does NOT mean you should be treated the way you have. I hope your fiance had some ideas on how to approach the situation.

abbyj700 · March 2014

Hey OP - how was church this weekend? Any news from the e-mail lady?

Chipmunk415 · March 2014

OP I'm just now reading this....and the crackling noise you hear is me opening up the bourbon to share with you.

Evil Chipmunk would like to interject and suggest you tell pushy church old bat that you two prayed about who to invite from the congregation, put names in a bowl, and let God guide you to pick the sweetest, most selfless people in the church who truly embody Christian living and practicing faith....but that might be too sacreligious. It would be fun to watch the bat's head pop off when she realizes "God didn't pick her"

Amyzen83 · March 2014

Welcome back evil chipmunk!

LAM524 · March 2014

Lucky me, I did not attend church last week (or tomorrow) because I have to work a small part time job that I just started (2 weeks ago) until May! Darn! My fiance and I constructed an email response to the "infamous" emailer. We then shared it with the elders and received there approval to send it to her (we didnt need their approval but wanted them to be aware of what is going on). It was short and sweet. Basically we wrote:

"Dear _______, We would like to extend our gratitude for your making us aware of the potential feelings that you and the other ladies may feel when we do not extend an invite to our wedding. With 700+ in our church family, we, unfortunately, are not able to take on the financial task of inviting/hosting everyone, not especially on a Pastors salary. All who are aware of our personal choice to include family and close friends have shown their complete understanding/support and have gifted us with their blessings, for which we have been deeply moved.

We will be personally contacting all the women who you had mentioned in your email to extend to them our appreciation for their care and concern. We thank you and send our blessings to you in advance for your understanding and support as we enter our marriage covenant.

We look forward to seeing you at service this week." Sincerely, _______"

So guess what she did??? She responded (all most immediately) with a " do not trouble your hearts or minds with such a task as to contact all of the ladies that Ive mentioned. I am sure that you both have enough on your plates. I will personally explain to them such an understandable position as you are in and Im can assure you that you will have their blessings and support, as you do mine."

I couldn't help but laugh at her expected reaction. I knew that she would not want us to speak with the women she had included in her email!!! Someone here commented that those ladies didnt even know she was writing for them! I think her response may prove this true!

Don't you agree?

LAM524 · March 2014

@Chipmunk415....Thanks for the laugh!! "...bats head pop off..." LOL!

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

It's always fun when people are caught out in their lies. Yes, I agree that the other ladies didn't know she was doing that on their behalf and would be horrified.

I would probably still mention it in passing to one or two of them, to see if it gets back to the trouble maker.

People who are rude deserve to be discomfitted by the repercussions of their rude behaviour.

LAM524 · March 2014

@HisGirlFriday13...boy I am so tempted to do just that! My fiance suggested I leave it alone now.

I also find it important to "acknowledge" knowing when someone lies! It is sooooo difficult to let someone think they have gotten over on me! Hmmmm...is this sinful?

Sugargirl1019 · March 2014

Thanks for the update! She is trying to cover herself now, it seems. I agree that the other ladies may not have known!

How crazy.

HisGirlFriday13 · March 2014

LAM2228 said:
@HisGirlFriday13...boy I am so tempted to do just that! My fiance suggested I leave it alone now. I also find it important to "acknowledge" knowing when someone lies! It is sooooo difficult to let someone think they have gotten over on me! Hmmmm...is this sinful?

On the contrary -- calling out hypocrisy and liars is not only in the Bible, it's in the Gospels. Jesus does it.

I would frame it to your FI that you can't be responsible for the messages other people relay and that you'd feel more comfortable if the message was being relayed and controlled by you and him.

Because of course, as a pastor, he wants people to hear things directly from him, to know that he will answer complicated and difficult situations directly and honestly.

(Evil HisGirl can be passive-aggressive sometimes. And Evil HisGirl enjoys making people squirm while being irreproachably correct.)

hyechica81 · March 2014

can you say something like although we would love to invite everyone from the church unfortunately we are unable to invite everyone, but we are planning on having a punch and cake get together a few weeks after we are married in the church after services and would love for you to come and share in our joy with us

something to that effect

classyduck · March 2014

I'm just now reading this thread, but I have to respond to some older comments:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I believe that OP was married for 25 years and is now divorced, making the parents card seem implausible at best and an outright lie at worst.

I would, however, say, 'Our invitations have been sent and our guest list is finalised. I'm sure you understand that weddings involve making decisions, sometimes hard ones, and I trust that you will respect our decision regarding our guest list.'

I wouldn't give her the social nicety of saying, 'We weren't able to invite everyone we wanted,' because that rewards her rude behaviour by letting her think she was wanted.

I would, however, probably remind her that the church is a public space and she is therefore more than welcome to attend the ceremony -- and that, after all, the spiritual part is the important part, and the part that matters and she'll get to witness that part, which is what she seems to want.

I would also mention it to your FI and let him handle it.

Second time today I'm giving you props for cutting out unnecessary social excuses.

offthemarket915 said:

It comes off to me as if this woman, and the others who think "so fondly" of you, are just jockeying for an invite so they can feel good about themselves and prove that they made the cut, and are in the pastor's inner circle. It may take place within a church, but it all sounds straight outta highschool.

Bingo!

LAM2228 said:
"Dear _______, We would like to extend our gratitude for your making us aware of the potential feelings that you and the other ladies may feel when we do not extend an invite to our wedding. With 700+ in our church family, we, unfortunately, are not able to take on the financial task of inviting/hosting everyone, not especially on a Pastors salary. All who are aware of our personal choice to include family and close friends have shown their complete understanding/support and have gifted us with their blessings, for which we have been deeply moved.

We will be personally contacting all the women who you had mentioned in your email to extend to them our appreciation for their care and concern. We thank you and send our blessings to you in advance for your understanding and support as we enter our marriage covenant.

We look forward to seeing you at service this week." Sincerely, _______"

Oh, perfect. I LOVE how direct it is. But you know, you said you will be contacting all those women, so you'd better follow through, lest you bear false witness, which is a mortal sin.

AddieCake · March 2014

Oh, wow. I hadn't opened this until now. This is my new favorite WTF wedding incident.

Holy #@*%!!! Cant believe what I just read!

Re: Holy #@*%!!! Cant believe what I just read!

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