I do agree that you probably should have anticipated room for SOs. However, there are some rules of etiquette when it comes to plus ones that I think have been overlooked. It really depends on the depth of the relationships. Are these long-term and/or live-in SOs? Have you interacted with them on other occasions, especially family gatherings? Do you forsee meeting with them for dinner or another occasion in the next year. Then, yes. They need to be invited. However, if they are not live-in or have been together less than, say, six months, it's totally acceptable to not invite them especially on the grounds of venue size (you shouldn't be forced to lose out on a deposit OR pay for a more expensive and larger one if you can't afford it). Hope this helps!
I do agree that you probably should have anticipated room for SOs. However, there are some rules of etiquette when it comes to plus ones that I think have been overlooked. It really depends on the depth of the relationships. Are these long-term and/or live-in SOs? Have you interacted with them on other occasions, especially family gatherings? Do you forsee meeting with them for dinner or another occasion in the next year. Then, yes. They need to be invited. However, if they are not live-in or have been together less than, say, six months, it's totally acceptable to not invite them especially on the grounds of venue size (you shouldn't be forced to lose out on a deposit OR pay for a more expensive and larger one if you can't afford it). Hope this helps!
If you don't believe me, ask Emily Post: http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/656-inside-weddings-handling-your-guests-with-grace
PS. You can call it your special day all you want (just remember it's also special to your husband to be and your family, too).
Emily Post or not, I think that's bad advice. Attempting to judge the seriousness of someone's relationship just opens things up to hurt feelings. People get engaged and married within 6 months of a relationship.
I do agree that you probably should have anticipated room for SOs. However, there are some rules of etiquette when it comes to plus ones that I think have been overlooked. It really depends on the depth of the relationships. Are these long-term and/or live-in SOs? Have you interacted with them on other occasions, especially family gatherings? Do you forsee meeting with them for dinner or another occasion in the next year. Then, yes. They need to be invited. However, if they are not live-in or have been together less than, say, six months, it's totally acceptable to not invite them especially on the grounds of venue size (you shouldn't be forced to lose out on a deposit OR pay for a more expensive and larger one if you can't afford it). Hope this helps!
If you don't believe me, ask Emily Post: http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/656-inside-weddings-handling-your-guests-with-grace
PS. You can call it your special day all you want (just remember it's also special to your husband to be and your family, too).
Go back and read the rest of this thread and then come back and comment. You do realize people become engaged after 6 months, yes? Also, I did not live with my boyfriend, now FI, for personal reasons...which included the fact that he serves in the military. How dare you suggest that people who choose not to live with their SO (for whatever reason) don't deserve the same consideration as those who do.
I feel sorry for anyone who is too cheap to show courtesy for others at their own wedding. How shameful. No one else should have to be the victim of your poor planning.
I do agree that you probably should have anticipated room for SOs. However, there are some rules of etiquette when it comes to plus ones that I think have been overlooked. It really depends on the depth of the relationships. Are these long-term and/or live-in SOs? Have you interacted with them on other occasions, especially family gatherings? Do you forsee meeting with them for dinner or another occasion in the next year. Then, yes. They need to be invited. However, if they are not live-in or have been together less than, say, six months, it's totally acceptable to not invite them especially on the grounds of venue size (you shouldn't be forced to lose out on a deposit OR pay for a more expensive and larger one if you can't afford it). Hope this helps!
If you don't believe me, ask Emily Post: http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/656-inside-weddings-handling-your-guests-with-grace
PS. You can call it your special day all you want (just remember it's also special to your husband to be and your family, too).
I do agree that you probably should have anticipated room for SOs. However, there are some rules of etiquette when it comes to plus ones that I think have been overlooked. It really depends on the depth of the relationships. Are these long-term and/or live-in SOs? Have you interacted with them on other occasions, especially family gatherings? Do you forsee meeting with them for dinner or another occasion in the next year. Then, yes. They need to be invited. However, if they are not live-in or have been together less than, say, six months, it's totally acceptable to not invite them especially on the grounds of venue size (you shouldn't be forced to lose out on a deposit OR pay for a more expensive and larger one if you can't afford it). Hope this helps!
If you don't believe me, ask Emily Post: http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/656-inside-weddings-handling-your-guests-with-grace
PS. You can call it your special day all you want (just remember it's also special to your husband to be and your family, too).
You don't read much, do you?
I was thinking the same thing. None of the issues PP mentioned were overlooked. In fact, they were pointed out repeatedly.
Hello-
first of all i want to congradulate you on your engagement! secondly, i dont think you deserve the ludicrous comments that are coming your way. keep in mind: this is YOUR wedding and however you and your future spouse decide to make that dream come true is up to you. of course, in the ideal world, we'd like to have everyone we know to attend. but in reality, looking into your future and finances, you have to make some tough choices. you dont want to start off a union together buried in debt just to temporarily please people who you dont even know and will likely just come to criticize the details of the wedding anyhow. not saying all people are like that, you just cannot please everyone!
also, if someone is a TRUE friend, even if they may be slightly offended, they should have your best interest at heart. in the long run, it's about you, your spouse and your close family and friends. they just have to understand that a tight budget doesn't warrant everyone to come.
i myself am a money-conscious person who believes there should be no debt beginning in a marriage, in addition to the fact that you will likely be needing to save for a home, future kids, etc (whatever fits your lifestyle). The point is, you still have to LIVE after this is all said and done. the smoke will clear, those so-called friends will be long gone...and here you and hubbby are stuck with a nice size bill or debt to pay off for years to come. there is NO logic in that. now it's one thing if your budget allows for it and you can afford to invite a "plus one"; but if that's not the case then bottom line, live within your means rather than trying to please others.
As for me, i kindly have let my friends know ahead of time that "my fiance and i would love to have you be apart of our special day; however, due to the fact we are working on a very tight budget, our finances will not allow us to invite significant others who are not married. we hope you understand"...end of story! every person i said this to has understood and life goes on. those are TRUE friends. period.
sorry for the LONG response, i usually don't do this but i felt disturbed by all the comments that were sent to you about what you HAVE to do...who makes the rules??
It's all up to YOU and your spouse! Happy planning:)
Hello-
first of all i want to congradulate you on your engagement! secondly, i dont think you deserve the ludicrous comments that are coming your way. keep in mind: this is YOUR wedding and however you and your future spouse decide to make that dream come true is up to you. of course, in the ideal world, we'd like to have everyone we know to attend. but in reality, looking into your future and finances, you have to make some tough choices. you dont want to start off a union together buried in debt just to temporarily please people who you dont even know and will likely just come to criticize the details of the wedding anyhow. not saying all people are like that, you just cannot please everyone!
also, if someone is a TRUE friend, even if they may be slightly offended, they should have your best interest at heart. in the long run, it's about you, your spouse and your close family and friends. they just have to understand that a tight budget doesn't warrant everyone to come.
i myself am a money-conscious person who believes there should be no debt beginning in a marriage, in addition to the fact that you will likely be needing to save for a home, future kids, etc (whatever fits your lifestyle). The point is, you still have to LIVE after this is all said and done. the smoke will clear, those so-called friends will be long gone...and here you and hubbby are stuck with a nice size bill or debt to pay off for years to come. there is NO logic in that. now it's one thing if your budget allows for it and you can afford to invite a "plus one"; but if that's not the case then bottom line, live within your means rather than trying to please others.
As for me, i kindly have let my friends know ahead of time that "my fiance and i would love to have you be apart of our special day; however, due to the fact we are working on a very tight budget, our finances will not allow us to invite significant others who are not married. we hope you understand"...end of story! every person i said this to has understood and life goes on. those are TRUE friends. period.
sorry for the LONG response, i usually don't do this but i felt disturbed by all the comments that were sent to you about what you HAVE to do...who makes the rules??
It's all up to YOU and your spouse! Happy planning:)
Hello-
first of all i want to congradulate you on your engagement! secondly, i dont think you deserve the ludicrous comments that are coming your way. keep in mind: this is YOUR wedding and however you and your future spouse decide to make that dream come true is up to you. of course, in the ideal world, we'd like to have everyone we know to attend. but in reality, looking into your future and finances, you have to make some tough choices. you dont want to start off a union together buried in debt just to temporarily please people who you dont even know and will likely just come to criticize the details of the wedding anyhow. not saying all people are like that, you just cannot please everyone!
also, if someone is a TRUE friend, even if they may be slightly offended, they should have your best interest at heart. in the long run, it's about you, your spouse and your close family and friends. they just have to understand that a tight budget doesn't warrant everyone to come.
i myself am a money-conscious person who believes there should be no debt beginning in a marriage, in addition to the fact that you will likely be needing to save for a home, future kids, etc (whatever fits your lifestyle). The point is, you still have to LIVE after this is all said and done. the smoke will clear, those so-called friends will be long gone...and here you and hubbby are stuck with a nice size bill or debt to pay off for years to come. there is NO logic in that. now it's one thing if your budget allows for it and you can afford to invite a "plus one"; but if that's not the case then bottom line, live within your means rather than trying to please others.
As for me, i kindly have let my friends know ahead of time that "my fiance and i would love to have you be apart of our special day; however, due to the fact we are working on a very tight budget, our finances will not allow us to invite significant others who are not married. we hope you understand"...end of story! every person i said this to has understood and life goes on. those are TRUE friends. period.
sorry for the LONG response, i usually don't do this but i felt disturbed by all the comments that were sent to you about what you HAVE to do...who makes the rules??
It's all up to YOU and your spouse! Happy planning:)
First off, paragraphs, capitalization and grammar are all good things. Yes, a couple getting married have some tough choices. Which couples to cut from their guest list so they aren't rude and invite only half of a social unit, for example. Not everyone you know can be invited to your wedding in most cases. That is fine. My husband and I did not go into debt paying for our wedding and we also didn't have to cut our guests' social units in half. We didn't even consider it, as it is terribly rude behavior. You are being rude by telling people that they can come to your wedding, but the person they care about cannot. You won't even be married before your wedding ceremony, so I hope you didn't invite your groom to the wedding.
They told you they were okay with it to your face. True friends are nice like that. If you were a true friend, you would've been nice by not separating them from their significant others on the day you marry yours. I bet they're all actually pissed off at you and just too nice to say it to your face. Don't believe me? Check out how many threads there are on this forum about being "and guested" or not invited to a wedding their significant other was invited to. @eg72 had one on the first page last I checked. Once you invite other people to your wedding, it's not just about you and your soon-to-be-spouse. If you treat people like dirt, eventually they'll start wondering why they're so nice to you when you obviously don't give a crap about them.
Hello-
first of all i want to congradulate you on your engagement! secondly, i dont think you deserve the ludicrous comments that are coming your way. keep in mind: this is YOUR wedding and however you and your future spouse decide to make that dream come true is up to you. of course, in the ideal world, we'd like to have everyone we know to attend. but in reality, looking into your future and finances, you have to make some tough choices. you dont want to start off a union together buried in debt just to temporarily please people who you dont even know and will likely just come to criticize the details of the wedding anyhow. not saying all people are like that, you just cannot please everyone!
also, if someone is a TRUE friend, even if they may be slightly offended, they should have your best interest at heart. in the long run, it's about you, your spouse and your close family and friends. they just have to understand that a tight budget doesn't warrant everyone to come.
i myself am a money-conscious person who believes there should be no debt beginning in a marriage, in addition to the fact that you will likely be needing to save for a home, future kids, etc (whatever fits your lifestyle). The point is, you still have to LIVE after this is all said and done. the smoke will clear, those so-called friends will be long gone...and here you and hubbby are stuck with a nice size bill or debt to pay off for years to come. there is NO logic in that. now it's one thing if your budget allows for it and you can afford to invite a "plus one"; but if that's not the case then bottom line, live within your means rather than trying to please others.
As for me, i kindly have let my friends know ahead of time that "my fiance and i would love to have you be apart of our special day; however, due to the fact we are working on a very tight budget, our finances will not allow us to invite significant others who are not married. we hope you understand"...end of story! every person i said this to has understood and life goes on. those are TRUE friends. period.
sorry for the LONG response, i usually don't do this but i felt disturbed by all the comments that were sent to you about what you HAVE to do...who makes the rules??
It's all up to YOU and your spouse! Happy planning:)
You realize that you don't have to go into debt to invite people's SO?
Hello-
first of all i want to congradulate you on your engagement! secondly, i dont think you deserve the ludicrous comments that are coming your way. keep in mind: this is YOUR wedding and however you and your future spouse decide to make that dream come true is up to you. of course, in the ideal world, we'd like to have everyone we know to attend. but in reality, looking into your future and finances, you have to make some tough choices. you dont want to start off a union together buried in debt just to temporarily please people who you dont even know and will likely just come to criticize the details of the wedding anyhow. not saying all people are like that, you just cannot please everyone!
also, if someone is a TRUE friend, even if they may be slightly offended, they should have your best interest at heart. in the long run, it's about you, your spouse and your close family and friends. they just have to understand that a tight budget doesn't warrant everyone to come.
i myself am a money-conscious person who believes there should be no debt beginning in a marriage, in addition to the fact that you will likely be needing to save for a home, future kids, etc (whatever fits your lifestyle). The point is, you still have to LIVE after this is all said and done. the smoke will clear, those so-called friends will be long gone...and here you and hubbby are stuck with a nice size bill or debt to pay off for years to come. there is NO logic in that. now it's one thing if your budget allows for it and you can afford to invite a "plus one"; but if that's not the case then bottom line, live within your means rather than trying to please others.
As for me, i kindly have let my friends know ahead of time that "my fiance and i would love to have you be apart of our special day; however, due to the fact we are working on a very tight budget, our finances will not allow us to invite significant others who are not married. we hope you understand"...end of story! every person i said this to has understood and life goes on. those are TRUE friends. period.
sorry for the LONG response, i usually don't do this but i felt disturbed by all the comments that were sent to you about what you HAVE to do...who makes the rules??
It's all up to YOU and your spouse! Happy planning:)
Oh please. You should be budgeting and planning so that there is no need for you to explain to your guests why you're being unspeakably rude.
Do you realize that if you're cutting off your guest list at SOs who aren't married then YOUR FIANCE wouldn't be invited??? Do you get how insane that sounds?
I guarantee you that not all your friends understand but they don't have the heart to tell you that they're really offended.
Hello-
first of all i want to congradulate you on your engagement! secondly, i dont think you deserve the ludicrous comments that are coming your way. keep in mind: this is YOUR wedding and however you and your future spouse decide to make that dream come true is up to you. of course, in the ideal world, we'd like to have everyone we know to attend. but in reality, looking into your future and finances, you have to make some tough choices. you dont want to start off a union together buried in debt just to temporarily please people who you dont even know and will likely just come to criticize the details of the wedding anyhow. not saying all people are like that, you just cannot please everyone!
also, if someone is a TRUE friend, even if they may be slightly offended, they should have your best interest at heart. in the long run, it's about you, your spouse and your close family and friends. they just have to understand that a tight budget doesn't warrant everyone to come.
i myself am a money-conscious person who believes there should be no debt beginning in a marriage, in addition to the fact that you will likely be needing to save for a home, future kids, etc (whatever fits your lifestyle). The point is, you still have to LIVE after this is all said and done. the smoke will clear, those so-called friends will be long gone...and here you and hubbby are stuck with a nice size bill or debt to pay off for years to come. there is NO logic in that. now it's one thing if your budget allows for it and you can afford to invite a "plus one"; but if that's not the case then bottom line, live within your means rather than trying to please others.
As for me, i kindly have let my friends know ahead of time that "my fiance and i would love to have you be apart of our special day; however, due to the fact we are working on a very tight budget, our finances will not allow us to invite significant others who are not married. we hope you understand"...end of story! every person i said this to has understood and life goes on. those are TRUE friends. period.
sorry for the LONG response, i usually don't do this but i felt disturbed by all the comments that were sent to you about what you HAVE to do...who makes the rules??
It's all up to YOU and your spouse! Happy planning:)
Sorry, I guess I wouldn't be considered a TRUE friend if my friend did this to me. My FI and I have been together over 10 years. We've seen others get married and then divorced during that time. To imply our relationship doesn't mean crap, but someone else who got married after a year of being together is somehow more serious, is ridiculous and offensive to me.
Hello-
first of all i want to congradulate you on your engagement! secondly, i dont think you deserve the ludicrous comments that are coming your way. keep in mind: this is YOUR wedding and however you and your future spouse decide to make that dream come true is up to you. of course, in the ideal world, we'd like to have everyone we know to attend. but in reality, looking into your future and finances, you have to make some tough choices. you dont want to start off a union together buried in debt just to temporarily please people who you dont even know and will likely just come to criticize the details of the wedding anyhow. not saying all people are like that, you just cannot please everyone!
also, if someone is a TRUE friend, even if they may be slightly offended, they should have your best interest at heart. in the long run, it's about you, your spouse and your close family and friends. they just have to understand that a tight budget doesn't warrant everyone to come.
i myself am a money-conscious person who believes there should be no debt beginning in a marriage, in addition to the fact that you will likely be needing to save for a home, future kids, etc (whatever fits your lifestyle). The point is, you still have to LIVE after this is all said and done. the smoke will clear, those so-called friends will be long gone...and here you and hubbby are stuck with a nice size bill or debt to pay off for years to come. there is NO logic in that. now it's one thing if your budget allows for it and you can afford to invite a "plus one"; but if that's not the case then bottom line, live within your means rather than trying to please others.
As for me, i kindly have let my friends know ahead of time that "my fiance and i would love to have you be apart of our special day; however, due to the fact we are working on a very tight budget, our finances will not allow us to invite significant others who are not married. we hope you understand"...end of story! every person i said this to has understood and life goes on. those are TRUE friends. period.
sorry for the LONG response, i usually don't do this but i felt disturbed by all the comments that were sent to you about what you HAVE to do...who makes the rules??
It's all up to YOU and your spouse! Happy planning:)
I see it's Standing Room Only on the Crazy Train tonight. What I don't understand, is if these rude and completely wrong women are so poor they can't afford to host properly, how are they all affording the tickets on this train??
I've said this before and I'll say it again: Just because they say they understand, does not mean that they like it.
You're so hellbent on them being true friends and UNDERSTANDING your situation, but do YOU understand that what you're doing is not being a true friend? Embrace the irony.
I would never think splitting up couples was a way to save money. Who thinks of these things? If you need to cut your guest list, you need to cut couples, not just the SO that you don't know.
Do you not realize that they are coming to your wedding to support you and your soon to be spouse in your relationship, and you are going to disrespect theirs?
MrsMack10612 (from many pages back). Metrowest is the towns between 95 and 495 (Framingham, Ashland, Hopkinton, Natick et. Phira where did you grow up?
Apparently, metrowest and metroeast is also used around Springfield.
I do agree that you probably should have anticipated room for SOs. However, there are some rules of etiquette when it comes to plus ones that I think have been overlooked. It really depends on the depth of the relationships. Are these long-term and/or live-in SOs? Have you interacted with them on other occasions, especially family gatherings? Do you foresee meeting with them for dinner or another occasion in the next year. Then, yes. They need to be invited. However, if they are not live-in or have been together less than, say, six months, it's totally acceptable to not invite them especially on the grounds of venue size (you shouldn't be forced to lose out on a deposit OR pay for a more expensive and larger one if you can't afford it).
This is a good example of using judgement and seeing gradations and shadings: your level of acquaintanceship with each guest allows you to treat them individually rather than as cookie-cutters that need a single one-size-fits-all rule. Your guests who really are committed to functioning as part of a couple will be socializing that way, and you will be acquainted with both and aware of their commitment. Your guests who met someone divine at the sport club last week are unlikely to have the overblown sense of entitlement to think that their sudden crush is going to drive a major change of your planned arrangements. Those who were invited as singles because they were single, and accepted as singles, made a social obligation as singles. They would be boorish to expect that to automatically change -- and I see no need to expect my friends and family to be boorish.
I need to clarify (or just back track?)...I do think any couple in a committed relationship (regardless if they together or not) should be invited together because, of course, that's just damn rude if you don't (and that commitment could happen in two weeks let alone six months, a year, etc.). I realize that's not how I wrote my comment out initially. She's going to have to bite the bullet, but I guess I was thinking of it this way: if my hypothetical guest wanted to bring someone they started seeing not too long ago, and neither my fiancé and I had met this person, I'd have a hard time inviting them if it meant I couldn't invite another close friend or family member because of the limited number of spots.Then again, should've just done more research and found a more accommodating space in the first place.
I do agree that you probably should have anticipated room for SOs. However, there are some rules of etiquette when it comes to plus ones that I think have been overlooked. It really depends on the depth of the relationships. Are these long-term and/or live-in SOs? Have you interacted with them on other occasions, especially family gatherings? Do you foresee meeting with them for dinner or another occasion in the next year. Then, yes. They need to be invited. However, if they are not live-in or have been together less than, say, six months, it's totally acceptable to not invite them especially on the grounds of venue size (you shouldn't be forced to lose out on a deposit OR pay for a more expensive and larger one if you can't afford it).
This is a good example of using judgement and seeing gradations and shadings: your level of acquaintanceship with each guest allows you to treat them individually rather than as cookie-cutters that need a single one-size-fits-all rule. Your guests who really are committed to functioning as part of a couple will be socializing that way, and you will be acquainted with both and aware of their commitment. Your guests who met someone divine at the sport club last week are unlikely to have the overblown sense of entitlement to think that their sudden crush is going to drive a major change of your planned arrangements. Those who were invited as singles because they were single, and accepted as singles, made a social obligation as singles. They would be boorish to expect that to automatically change -- and I see no need to expect my friends and family to be boorish.
There is quite a big difference between using judgment and judging. The first time and new posters all trying to justify their boorish hospitality are merely judging.
I disagree with the majority of people replying on this board. Like you, we have a fairly limited venue and can only accommodate 150 people maximum at our reception, which means decisions must be made. I have read on multiple etiquette sites that who you invite to your wedding is discretionary. You do not have to invite people who you do not want at your wedding because, after all, it is your wedding. The most important aspect of this to consider is that you and your fiancee need to come up with some sort of an invitation matrix that you both align and agree you will adhere to when inviting significant others.
In our case, we decided that if someone was married, engaged, or is living with their significant other, we extended a +1. This seems to be by and large the most common approach to invitations - see attached links for further reference. We also extended a +1 to anyone in our bridal party, but the people who are not in relationships ended up not bringing dates anyway. We wanted to invite the most important people to us whom we know we will still have a relationship with after the wedding, and have decided to stick to the aforementioned rules in order to avoid having flings/casual guests who we most likely will not see again after the wedding. For us, it was the most consistent, cut and dry, and least-painful approach to be able to adequately cut down our guest list while still including the most important people in our lives, as several of our dearly-loved friends have a "flavor of the week" attitude towards dating and relationships.
@futuremrsmerati I just rolled my eyes so hard, it actually hurt.
Do you know who Lauren Conrad is? She is a washed up realtiy star who is known for her ugly crying. The fact that you final her a valid reference for etiquette is appalling and terrifying.
I'm still reading on page 10, so much to catch up on. but
Hello-
first of all i want to congradulate you on your engagement! secondly, i dont think you deserve the ludicrous comments that are coming your way. keep in mind: this is YOUR wedding and however you and your future spouse decide to make that dream come true is up to you. of course, in the ideal world, we'd like to have everyone we know to attend. but in reality, looking into your future and finances, you have to make some tough choices. you dont want to start off a union together buried in debt just to temporarily please people who you dont even know and will likely just come to criticize the details of the wedding anyhow. not saying all people are like that, you just cannot please everyone!
also, if someone is a TRUE friend, even if they may be slightly offended, they should have your best interest at heart. in the long run, it's about you, your spouse and your close family and friends. they just have to understand that a tight budget doesn't warrant everyone to come.
i myself am a money-conscious person who believes there should be no debt beginning in a marriage, in addition to the fact that you will likely be needing to save for a home, future kids, etc (whatever fits your lifestyle). The point is, you still have to LIVE after this is all said and done. the smoke will clear, those so-called friends will be long gone...and here you and hubbby are stuck with a nice size bill or debt to pay off for years to come. there is NO logic in that. now it's one thing if your budget allows for it and you can afford to invite a "plus one"; but if that's not the case then bottom line, live within your means rather than trying to please others.
As for me, i kindly have let my friends know ahead of time that "my fiance and i would love to have you be apart of our special day; however, due to the fact we are working on a very tight budget, our finances will not allow us to invite significant others who are not married. we hope you understand"...end of story! every person i said this to has understood and life goes on. those are TRUE friends. period.
sorry for the LONG response, i usually don't do this but i felt disturbed by all the comments that were sent to you about what you HAVE to do...who makes the rules??
It's all up to YOU and your spouse! Happy planning:)
Ugh, please refer to my previous comment about 5-6 pages back about money. I'm going to go into it further. On top of all that, we are still saving for 1) emergency savings, 2) child care because we would like to start a family, and 3) for a home. If I can do it, SO CAN YOU!! Oh, and there's not debt for the damn wedding.
I do agree that you probably should have anticipated room for SOs. However, there are some rules of etiquette when it comes to plus ones that I think have been overlooked. It really depends on the depth of the relationships. Are these long-term and/or live-in SOs? Have you interacted with them on other occasions, especially family gatherings? Do you forsee meeting with them for dinner or another occasion in the next year. Then, yes. They need to be invited. However, if they are not live-in or have been together less than, say, six months, it's totally acceptable to not invite them especially on the grounds of venue size (you shouldn't be forced to lose out on a deposit OR pay for a more expensive and larger one if you can't afford it). Hope this helps!
If you don't believe me, ask Emily Post: http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/656-inside-weddings-handling-your-guests-with-grace
PS. You can call it your special day all you want (just remember it's also special to your husband to be and your family, too).
Fuck this. I was "officially dating" FI for less than 3 months before we got engaged. Guess what, STILL ENGAGED with a date set of July 2015 because we're saving for the wedding! Oh, and you know what else, during those 2-3 months we did date? I got TWO invites from people with BOTH our names on it, neither of which are going into debt over their VERY elaborate weddings and paying for it themselves. Oh, and they both have very high student loan payments. Nice Try, learn what a budget is and plan accordingly.
@laurynm84 - I thought that was the general vicinity for MetroWest. I've never heard MetroEast before. I think a lot of us only know the various regions based on news & traffic reports
It's kind of like figuring out all the differences in Boston between North End (not in the North), South End & Southie (2 different places) and East Boston which is actually West of Boston proper.
Hello-
first of all i want to congradulate congratulateyou on your engagement! secondly, i dont think you deserve the ludicrous comments that are coming your way. keep in mind: this is YOUR wedding and however you and your future spouse decide to make that dream come true is up to you. of course, in the ideal world, we'd like to have everyone we know to attend. but in reality, looking into your future and finances, you have to make some tough choices. you dont want to start off a union together buried in debt just to temporarily please people who you dont even know and will likely just come to criticize the details of the wedding anyhow. not saying all people are like that, you just cannot please everyone!
also, if someone is a TRUE friend, even if they may be slightly offended, they should have your best interest at heart. in the long run, it's about you, your spouse and your close family and friends. they just have to understand that a tight budget doesn't warrant everyone to come.
i myself am a money-conscious person who believes there should be no debt beginning in a marriage, in addition to the fact that you will likely be needing to save for a home, future kids, etc (whatever fits your lifestyle). The point is, you still have to LIVE after this is all said and done. the smoke will clear, those so-called friends will be long gone...and here you and hubbby are stuck with a nice size bill or debt to pay off for years to come. there is NO logic in that. now it's one thing if your budget allows for it and you can afford to invite a "plus one"; but if that's not the case then bottom line, live within your means rather than trying to please others.
As for me, i kindly have let my friends know ahead of time that "my fiance and i would love to have you be apart of our special day; however, due to the fact we are working on a very tight budget, our finances will not allow us to invite significant others who are not married. we hope you understand"...end of story! every person i said this to has understood and life goes on. those are TRUE friends. period.
sorry for the LONG response, i usually don't do this but i felt disturbed by all the comments that were sent to you about what you HAVE to do...who makes the rules??
It's all up to YOU and your spouse! Happy planning:)
First bolded, FTFY. But then all the rest of the missing capitalization and paragraphs made me dizzy.
I need to clarify (or just back track?)...I do think any couple in a committed relationship (regardless if they together or not) should be invited together because, of course, that's just damn rude if you don't (and that commitment could happen in two weeks let alone six months, a year, etc.). I realize that's not how I wrote my comment out initially. She's going to have to bite the bullet, but I guess I was thinking of it this way: if my hypothetical guest wanted to bring someone they started seeing not too long ago, and neither my fiancé and I had met this person, I'd have a hard time inviting them if it meant I couldn't invite another close friend or family member because of the limited number of spots.Then again, should've just done more research and found a more accommodating space in the first place.
@laurynm84 - I thought that was the general vicinity for MetroWest. I've never heard MetroEast before. I think a lot of us only know the various regions based on news & traffic reports
It's kind of like figuring out all the differences in Boston between North End (not in the North), South End & Southie (2 different places) and East Boston which is actually West of Boston proper.
Oh gah, I'm still having fun keep track of the differences of boston locations.
Hello-
first of all i want to congradulate you on your engagement! secondly, i dont think you deserve the ludicrous comments that are coming your way. keep in mind: this is YOUR wedding and however you and your future spouse decide to make that dream come true is up to you. of course, in the ideal world, we'd like to have everyone we know to attend. but in reality, looking into your future and finances, you have to make some tough choices. you dont want to start off a union together buried in debt just to temporarily please people who you dont even know and will likely just come to criticize the details of the wedding anyhow. not saying all people are like that, you just cannot please everyone!
also, if someone is a TRUE friend, even if they may be slightly offended, they should have your best interest at heart. in the long run, it's about you, your spouse and your close family and friends. they just have to understand that a tight budget doesn't warrant everyone to come.
i myself am a money-conscious person who believes there should be no debt beginning in a marriage, in addition to the fact that you will likely be needing to save for a home, future kids, etc (whatever fits your lifestyle). The point is, you still have to LIVE after this is all said and done. the smoke will clear, those so-called friends will be long gone...and here you and hubbby are stuck with a nice size bill or debt to pay off for years to come. there is NO logic in that. now it's one thing if your budget allows for it and you can afford to invite a "plus one"; but if that's not the case then bottom line, live within your means rather than trying to please others.
As for me, i kindly have let my friends know ahead of time that "my fiance and i would love to have you be apart of our special day; however, due to the fact we are working on a very tight budget, our finances will not allow us to invite significant others who are not married. we hope you understand"...end of story! every person i said this to has understood and life goes on. those are TRUE friends. period.
sorry for the LONG response, i usually don't do this but i felt disturbed by all the comments that were sent to you about what you HAVE to do...who makes the rules??
It's all up to YOU and your spouse! Happy planning:)
First of all, plus one is for truly single people. if someone has a SO, that's not a plus one.
Also, for all the engaged/living together/married only people, my FI and I are not living together before marriage but from the second date on, we started planning our future together. We met each other's family pretty early on in our relationship. We were serious but according to the standards of some people here, not serious enough (even though we were serious enough to plan on getting married) to be invited together. That makes no sense. Why does our relationship not fall under the serious enough? Just because we don't cohabitate? Because at the time, I didn't have a piece of jewelry? Why would you, as a friend or family member, judge my relationship?
Presumably, your closest friends and family members are invited to your wedding. Why wouldn't you want to treat those people with the most respect.
Re: How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?
If you don't believe me, ask Emily Post: http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planning-your-wedding/656-inside-weddings-handling-your-guests-with-grace
PS. You can call it your special day all you want (just remember it's also special to your husband to be and your family, too).
I was thinking the same thing. None of the issues PP mentioned were overlooked. In fact, they were pointed out repeatedly.
They told you they were okay with it to your face. True friends are nice like that. If you were a true friend, you would've been nice by not separating them from their significant others on the day you marry yours. I bet they're all actually pissed off at you and just too nice to say it to your face. Don't believe me? Check out how many threads there are on this forum about being "and guested" or not invited to a wedding their significant other was invited to. @eg72 had one on the first page last I checked. Once you invite other people to your wedding, it's not just about you and your soon-to-be-spouse. If you treat people like dirt, eventually they'll start wondering why they're so nice to you when you obviously don't give a crap about them.
ETA: username
You realize that you don't have to go into debt to invite people's SO?
You're so hellbent on them being true friends and UNDERSTANDING your situation, but do YOU understand that what you're doing is not being a true friend? Embrace the irony.
It's kind of like figuring out all the differences in Boston between North End (not in the North), South End & Southie (2 different places) and East Boston which is actually West of Boston proper.
First of all, plus one is for truly single people. if someone has a SO, that's not a plus one.
Also, for all the engaged/living together/married only people, my FI and I are not living together before marriage but from the second date on, we started planning our future together. We met each other's family pretty early on in our relationship. We were serious but according to the standards of some people here, not serious enough (even though we were serious enough to plan on getting married) to be invited together. That makes no sense. Why does our relationship not fall under the serious enough? Just because we don't cohabitate? Because at the time, I didn't have a piece of jewelry? Why would you, as a friend or family member, judge my relationship?
Presumably, your closest friends and family members are invited to your wedding. Why wouldn't you want to treat those people with the most respect.
editted to add: