Wedding Etiquette Forum

How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?

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Re: How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?

  • I wanted to reiterate this in case the Snowflakes miss it.
    Should we all just put this in our siggies? Burn it into people's brains!

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  • Lolo8383 said:
    Should we all just put this in our siggies? Burn it into people's brains!
    I don't think it will make much of a difference because you know all these snowflakes are "special" and their situation is "different."

  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Oh gah, I'm still having fun keep track of the differences of boston locations.
    I grew up near Concord, but currently live in Boston (and also having a lot of fun learning the boundaries of Boston neighborhoods!).
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • phira said:
    I grew up near Concord, but currently live in Boston (and also having a lot of fun learning the boundaries of Boston neighborhoods!).
    I vaguely know where that is. FI grew up in Sudbury before his family moved to NH. I'm a native of NY so learning my way around has been... interesting. I actually work in the South End, but that's about all I know. Back Bay is just down the street, but I couldn't tell you where it starts.

    Can we just turn this thread into one talking about 1) boston neighborhoods and 2) puppy gifs? Maybe that'll stop the influx of snowflakes...
  • @amrhodes - Back Bay runs from Arlington St (Public Gardens) almost to Mass Ave.  You can tell because the cross streets are alphabetical - Arlington, Berkeley, Clarendon, Dartmouth, Exeter, etc.

    @phira - I know where Concord is, we go out that way semi-regularly to go Minute Man NPS.

    I work in Back Bay.

     

  • sarawifenowsarawifenow member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2014
    Things stupider than using Lauren Conrad for etiquette advice:

    -- Using Kim Kardashian for relationship advice
    -- Using Starr Jones for wedding planning advice
    -- Using Jenny McCarthy for medical advice
    -- Using Heidi Montag for plastic surgery advice (or using Tara Reid for plastic surgery advice)
    -- Using Pam Anderson for sartorial advice


    Feel free to add more!


    Using any of the ridiculous "advice" on this thread when you decide to tell someone that their relationship isn't worthy for YOUR big day!

     

    Aaaaanndd....I just threw up in my mouth a little.

     

    ETA:I seriously don't understand people.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Things stupider than using Lauren Conrad for etiquette advice:

    -- Using Kim Kardashian for relationship advice
    -- Using Starr Jones for wedding planning advice
    -- Using Jenny McCarthy for medical advice
    -- Using Heidi Montag for plastic surgery advice (or using Tara Reid for plastic surgery advice)
    -- Using Pam Anderson for sartorial advice


    Feel free to add more!
    Or using Kim K or Britney Spears for marriage advice.
    Formerly known as bubbles053009





  • Things stupider than using Lauren Conrad for etiquette advice:

    -- Using Kim Kardashian for relationship advice
    -- Using Starr Jones for wedding planning advice
    -- Using Jenny McCarthy for medical advice
    -- Using Heidi Montag for plastic surgery advice (or using Tara Reid for plastic surgery advice)
    -- Using Pam Anderson for sartorial advice


    Feel free to add more!
    --Weight loss tips from Meatloaf.
    --Asking any of the Kardashians about how to be ladylike.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • I know this topic has long been discussed, but I ran into the same problem, however, my guest list is a little bigger. The problem came to cousins and some aunts/uncles wanting to bring their boyfriend/girlfriend. The invitations do not mention "you and a guest" or give a distinct option of a plus 1. We are on a budget, and we prefer to keep our guests to people we personally know.
    It may be considered rude, however, it really isn't up to anyone but the one making the guest list. Family should trump anything else, and if the invited guest is willing to put their "requirement" of bringing their boyfriend/girlfriend to your wedding before their relation to you, well that is RUDE. This is the one day you can make decisions without having to consider anyone elses happieness buy your own and your fiance.
  • Or using Kim K or Britney Spears for marriage advice.
    Or asking Britney for parenting advice
  • I know this topic has long been discussed, but I ran into the same problem, however, my guest list is a little bigger. The problem came to cousins and some aunts/uncles wanting to bring their boyfriend/girlfriend. The invitations do not mention "you and a guest" or give a distinct option of a plus 1. We are on a budget, and we prefer to keep our guests to people we personally know.
    It may be considered rude, however, it really isn't up to anyone but the one making the guest list. Family should trump anything else, and if the invited guest is willing to put their "requirement" of bringing their boyfriend/girlfriend to your wedding before their relation to you, well that is RUDE. This is the one day you can make decisions without having to consider anyone elses happieness buy your own and your fiance.
    At least you acknowledge that what you're doing is rude....?

    The invitation might not have included their significant other, but it should have. It's fantastic that you are on a budget and as unique as you being on a budget is, you should rework your budget to include significant others. Cut corners elsewhere. Family should trump anything else, and you are treating your family terribly.
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  • whitjoywhitjoy member
    100 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    I know this topic has long been discussed, but I ran into the same problem, however, my guest list is a little bigger. The problem came to cousins and some aunts/uncles wanting to bring their boyfriend/girlfriend. The invitations do not mention "you and a guest" or give a distinct option of a plus 1. We are on a budget, and we prefer to keep our guests to people we personally know.
    It may be considered rude, however, it really isn't up to anyone but the one making the guest list. Family should trump anything else, and if the invited guest is willing to put their "requirement" of bringing their boyfriend/girlfriend to your wedding before their relation to you, well that is RUDE. This is the one day you can make decisions without having to consider anyone elses happieness buy your own and your fiance.

    I Would talk about you behind your back so bad.
  • ........

    The fuck did I just read?
    image



    Anniversary
  • How is it that people keep showing up and saying that IT'S OK TO NOT INVITE SOs?????
    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
  • edited April 2014
    I know this topic has long been discussed, but I ran into the same problem, however, my guest list is a little bigger. The problem came to cousins and some aunts/uncles wanting to bring their boyfriend/girlfriend. The invitations do not mention "you and a guest" or give a distinct option of a plus 1. We are on a budget, and we prefer to keep our guests to people we personally know.
    It may be considered rude, however, it really isn't up to anyone but the one making the guest list. Family should trump anything else, and if the invited guest is willing to put their "requirement" of bringing their boyfriend/girlfriend to your wedding before their relation to you, well that is RUDE. This is the one day you can make decisions without having to consider anyone elses happieness buy your own and your fiance.

    Welcome to the etiquette board. You are absolutely right that, whenever a person receives an invitation listing only their name, then they are the only person invited. And no-one has any right to brow-beat their hostess into changing her guest list, even if they are family, even if they are from an older generation.

    Standard etiquette does hold, however, that married couples must always be invited as a couple, to any purely social event (with the exception of gentlemen-only parties or ladies-only parties, of course.) Traditional etiquette also holds that if a hostess does invite just one member of a married couple and leaves the other off, that the person invited should politely decline the invitation. And since what you are celebrating at a wedding reception is somebody's marriage, it does make sense to respect people's marital commitment. Tradition extends that privilege even to couples who are only engaged to become married -- theirs is still a commitment, still marital -- just not yet legalized (I was going to say, "not yet consummated", but that has a double meaning and the second meaning nowadays takes place long before the enagagement in most cases.)

    Of course, boyfriend-hood and girlfriend-hood are not marital commitments. They do not enjoy the same unquestioning inclusion in the rules of standard etiquette. But etiquette is really just the consensus of the society in which you live as to what are considered "polite" behaviours, and modern western society has chosen to accept non-marital cohabitation as a norm. So it has become another sign of commitment -- and there is a longstanding tradition in etiquette of simply accepting cohabiting couples as if what they appear to be (a married couple, since that is how they are living) -- were indeed what they actually are, and extending the "married couples" rule to them also. Hence the generally acknowledged standard of "married, engaged or living together" as being the couples who must be invited as a couple. Of course, you can always choose to invite people as a couple, but those are the categories that most often are sited as must-be-invited-together.

    But that last category (couples treated as married because they live as if married) prompts another question: what about those who live as if they were engaged? People who have apparently pair-bonded, are always seen together, entertain together, make joint decisions; and yet do not seem inclined to announce their engagement any time soon? Shoud not the same rule be extended, and hostesses should treat them as if engaged because they live as if engaged? That certainly makes sense to me. It still does not cover off casual escorts, flavour-of-the week boyfriends that are on-again off-again, or recent romances that have not yet shown signs of functioning couple-like in society. It does require that the as-if-engaged couple actually do some functioning, frankly: entertaining together or attending social events together or, at an absolutely minimum, actually tellling the hostesses in their social circle that they now consider themselves a commied couple. Not "I've started seeing someone and he might just be Mr Right" but (to paraphrase Miss Manners) "actually, Cynthia and I always go out together" or words to that effect. Since many people are less overt, and some people feel sufficiently entitled and are sufficiently unconscious of the impermanence of their own affections that they think a week and a half is equivalent to "always", a hostess still has to use a measure of judgement and treat each case individually rather than applying un-nuanced black-and-white rulings.

    Even in all those categories, of course: married, engaged, equivalent-to-married and equivalent-to-engaged, you still do not have to invite people you do not know. If you want to keep your party to people you know (as, indeed, you generally ought to do) and Auntie insists she always goes out with Hubert, whom you have never met, and whom she has no intention of introducing to you over coffee or dinner because she doesn't plan to make any social effort to introduce him to the rest of her family, but whose invitation she feels entitled to extort from you by bullying, then you simply choose not to invite Auntie, either. Rude and entitled people, on either side of the guest-host line, are often more appreciated in their absence.

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