Unplugged Wedding - Thoughts?

l9i · April 2014

So I've been thinking very strongly about having an unplugged ceremony. I want guests to be there and not worry about taking pictures and Facebooking the event. I've read articles about putting a little note at the bottom of the program along the lines of:

"We want you to be able to relax and have fun with us today! This in mind, we invite you to put down your favorite devices and just be present in the moment with us. Please leave your camera in your bag (we've got photography covered!), and put your cell phone on mute (we promise they'll call back!).
We're happy to share our professional wedding photos later, but the greatest gift you can give us today is just being fully here with us in this sacred and special moment."

I see the benefits and generally like the idea of just taking some time to be "unplugged". My parents see it as telling guests they have no common sense and that they will get extremely offended. I feel as though if I was a guest at a wedding I wouldn't care and would respect their wishes.

Any thoughts? Anyone been to a wedding like this or had one? How did it go over?

loro929 · April 2014

l9i said:

So I've been thinking very strongly about having an unplugged ceremony. I want guests to be there and not worry about taking pictures and Facebooking the event. I've read articles about putting a little note at the bottom of the program along the lines of:
"We want you to be able to relax and have fun with us today! This in mind, we invite you to put down your favorite devices and just be present in the moment with us. Please leave your camera in your bag (we've got photography covered!), and put your cell phone on mute (we promise they'll call back!).
We're happy to share our professional wedding photos later, but the greatest gift you can give us today is just being fully here with us in this sacred and special moment."
I see the benefits and generally like the idea of just taking some time to be "unplugged". My parents see it as telling guests they have no common sense and that they will get extremely offended. I feel as though if I was a guest at a wedding I wouldn't care and would respect their wishes.
Any thoughts? Anyone been to a wedding like this or had one? How did it go over?

Your parents are right.

It is offensive and rude to tell guests to "unplug". People are there because they want to see and share in your and your FH's special moment. Give them credit, they do *shock* tend to have common sense. However, if I was told to unplug, I would make sure that I was 100% plugged in.

KGold80 · April 2014

We've decided to have an unplugged ceremony as well. We don't like the idea of looking out at our friends and family and seeing a sea of iPhones. We want people to be present with us as we say our vows and not trying to get the best shot. That's why we spent a bunch of money on a great photographer! I guess in this case I don't really care if guests get offended. The ceremony part of the wedding IS completely about us. We've bent over backward to accommodate all of our guests for the reception. The least they can do is keep their phone in their pocket/purse and respect our wishes for the ceremony.

That said, I like the wording you're thinking of using. Would you mind if I borrow and tweak it?

emmaaa · April 2014

I agree with your parents. Telling people to put their cameras and cell phones away reminds me of being in high school where your phone got taken away if you used it during class. If I were you I would just let this one go. Most people know to be present in the moment and some people may want some pictures of their own. If I were a guest, I would think it was rude of you to tell me to "unplug."

l9i · April 2014

I found it online so its absolutely fine!

I'm just thinking the ceremony, not the reception. I don't think people will get in the way as much physically, but I know the flash is distracting and cause problems for the photographer. Most people I've talked with love the idea execpt my parents.

Lizzieyounce · April 2014

You won't notice. I didn't.

Your parents are right, it is rude and insulting.

We had a professional photographer too, and we still got awesome pictures in spite of guests taking their own pictures on their phones.

And shame on you KGold80 if you don't care if you offend your guests.

l9i · April 2014

loro929 said:

show previous quotes

l9i said:

So I've been thinking very strongly about having an unplugged ceremony. I want guests to be there and not worry about taking pictures and Facebooking the event. I've read articles about putting a little note at the bottom of the program along the lines of:
"We want you to be able to relax and have fun with us today! This in mind, we invite you to put down your favorite devices and just be present in the moment with us. Please leave your camera in your bag (we've got photography covered!), and put your cell phone on mute (we promise they'll call back!).
We're happy to share our professional wedding photos later, but the greatest gift you can give us today is just being fully here with us in this sacred and special moment."
I see the benefits and generally like the idea of just taking some time to be "unplugged". My parents see it as telling guests they have no common sense and that they will get extremely offended. I feel as though if I was a guest at a wedding I wouldn't care and would respect their wishes.
Any thoughts? Anyone been to a wedding like this or had one? How did it go over?

Your parents are right.

It is offensive and rude to tell guests to "unplug". People are there because they want to see and share in your and your FH's special moment. Give them credit, they do *shock* tend to have common sense. However, if I was told to unplug, I would make sure that I was 100% plugged in.

I respect your opinion and I do want to hear both sides.

On a side note, I would certainly hope someone wouldn't do this at anyone's wedding - it is far more offensive and rude in my book.

happywiggle · April 2014

l9i said:

I found it online so its absolutely fine!
I'm just thinking the ceremony, not the reception. I don't think people will get in the way as much physically, but I know the flash is distracting and cause problems for the photographer. Most people I've talked with love the idea execpt my parents.

Because everything you find online is absolutely fine...

Is there a particular reason why you want this, or is it just because you want them to be "present for the event"? We're only making a request for people not be in the aisle at a request from the photographer (we decided on the ribbon idea, guys!). I couldn't give two craps if someone wanted to take photos from their seats as long as the photographer gets her shots at the end of the day.

chibiyui · April 2014

Ask your officiant to make an announcement at tge beginning, Please keep phones on silent, etc" like at the movies.

Other than that, if people want to be rude, they'll be rude.

l9i · April 2014

amrhodes23 said:

show previous quotes

l9i said:

I found it online so its absolutely fine!
I'm just thinking the ceremony, not the reception. I don't think people will get in the way as much physically, but I know the flash is distracting and cause problems for the photographer. Most people I've talked with love the idea execpt my parents.

Because everything you find online is absolutely fine...

Is there a particular reason why you want this, or is it just because you want them to be "present for the event"? We're only making a request for people not be in the aisle at a request from the photographer (we decided on the ribbon idea, guys!). I couldn't give two craps if someone wanted to take photos from their seats as long as the photographer gets her shots at the end of the day.

I was just stating it was ok to use the wording I posted.

I'm thinking about unplugged from the picture aspect as you stated, although there is nothing wrong with wanting guests to just sit back and relax. I have thought about doing a request for something like that and perhaps no flash (Our venue is more dim and I think I would find this very distracting if flash was constantly going off). How did you go about it?

happywiggle · April 2014

l9i said:

show previous quotes

amrhodes23 said:

l9i said:

I found it online so its absolutely fine!
I'm just thinking the ceremony, not the reception. I don't think people will get in the way as much physically, but I know the flash is distracting and cause problems for the photographer. Most people I've talked with love the idea execpt my parents.

Because everything you find online is absolutely fine...

Is there a particular reason why you want this, or is it just because you want them to be "present for the event"? We're only making a request for people not be in the aisle at a request from the photographer (we decided on the ribbon idea, guys!). I couldn't give two craps if someone wanted to take photos from their seats as long as the photographer gets her shots at the end of the day.

I was just stating it was ok to use the wording I posted.
I'm thinking about unplugged from the picture aspect as you stated, although there is nothing wrong with wanting guests to just sit back and relax. I have thought about doing a request for something like that and perhaps no flash (Our venue is more dim and I think I would find this very distracting if flash was constantly going off). How did you go about it?

I'm getting married, not married yet. We'll be putting a ribbon along the aisle so guests can't exit the rows that way. We may also ask the officiant to just announce to stay out of the way of the photographer.

The guests are going to be there to watch you get married. If they want to take a picture or two, who cares?

loro929 · April 2014

chibiyui said:

Ask your officiant to make an announcement at tge beginning, Please keep phones on silent, etc" like at the movies. Other than that, if people want to be rude, they'll be rude.

This. I think if you need people to be unplugged at the ceremony. This is the ONLY way to do so that does not come off as rude.

As I mentioned, I would think that every single guest at your wedding already has the common sense to put their phone on silent during the ceremony. I think that it is almost a given, which is why I consider it rude to insinuate that they do not already know to do this by specifically writing in on the program...

manateehugger · April 2014

Just have your officiant make a short announcement before the show gets rolling. Anything more comes off as obnoxious. You don't need a note telling your guests to relax, that their greatest gift is being there (which has nothing to do with them taking pictures), and reminding them you have a pro photographer (which they will have to buy pictures from later at high cost if they want them).

Edited because I forget words. .

theartistformerlyknownas · April 2014

I have the unpopular opinion of being SOMEWHAT in favor of an unplugged ceremony... but it really is a stretch to tell people how much they should "be there in the moment." It's your moment, not theirs. You can't control how they react or feel about it. I'll be blocking off the aisle with a lace swag and asking people not to take their own photography because it has been annoying to me at every wedding I've ever been at when people stand up, lean out, or obstruct the aisle during the wedding to take pictures with their bright ass phone and audible digital shutter noise. The request is to keep my other guests from being pissed off by this AND to keep from mucking up my pictures, NOT about telling them how they need to personally experience anything. But hell, you wanna liveblog my damn wedding on Twitter or text your babysitter go right ahead, as long as you can do it from the privacy of your own lap.

loro929 · April 2014

l9i said:

show previous quotes

loro929 said:

l9i said:

So I've been thinking very strongly about having an unplugged ceremony. I want guests to be there and not worry about taking pictures and Facebooking the event. I've read articles about putting a little note at the bottom of the program along the lines of:
"We want you to be able to relax and have fun with us today! This in mind, we invite you to put down your favorite devices and just be present in the moment with us. Please leave your camera in your bag (we've got photography covered!), and put your cell phone on mute (we promise they'll call back!).
We're happy to share our professional wedding photos later, but the greatest gift you can give us today is just being fully here with us in this sacred and special moment."
I see the benefits and generally like the idea of just taking some time to be "unplugged". My parents see it as telling guests they have no common sense and that they will get extremely offended. I feel as though if I was a guest at a wedding I wouldn't care and would respect their wishes.
Any thoughts? Anyone been to a wedding like this or had one? How did it go over?

Your parents are right.

It is offensive and rude to tell guests to "unplug". People are there because they want to see and share in your and your FH's special moment. Give them credit, they do *shock* tend to have common sense. However, if I was told to unplug, I would make sure that I was 100% plugged in.

I respect your opinion and I do want to hear both sides.
On a side note, I would certainly hope someone wouldn't do this at anyone's wedding - it is far more offensive and rude in my book.

Plus: when I said I would 100% not unplug, I hope you realize that I meant I would simply NOT turn off my phone even if it was mentioned in the program. As I mentioned, I already think that keeping it silent is a given for most people. However, I do think it is a bit extreme to ask them to turn off their phones and devices.

misshart00 · April 2014

I think asking guests to "be present" is extremely lame. I can be completely present and take a photo. I can also have no electronic devices out and be stressed or worrying about something.

ei34 · April 2014

Your parents are correct.
I've seen brides act super controlling and their reasons for wanting an unplugged wedding is that they don't want other people's pictures ending up on social media sites without their approval. You, however, seemed to be concerned about your guests "not worrying" about taking pictures. My advice is that YOU shouldn't worry about this. Guests that want to take pictures should feel free to do so, and guests that don't want to, simply won't.

l9i · April 2014

eileenrob said:

Your parents are correct. I've seen brides act super controlling and their reasons for wanting an unplugged wedding is that they don't want other people's pictures ending up on social media sites without their approval. You, however, seemed to be concerned about your guests "not worrying" about taking pictures. My advice is that YOU shouldn't worry about this. Guests that want to take pictures should feel free to do so, and guests that don't want to, simply won't.

I would agree with this. I don't think anyone will physically get in the way as we are on a stage. Like I said, I am worried about flash as I think it will be extremely distracting in the dimmer venue. As others said, I don't think it would be as much of an issue for the pastor to say "Please turn off your flash" Thoughts?

manateehugger · April 2014

lolo883 said:

I have the unpopular opinion of being SOMEWHAT in favor of an unplugged ceremony... but it really is a stretch to tell people how much they should "be there in the moment." It's your moment, not theirs. You can't control how they react or feel about it. I'll be blocking off the aisle with a lace swag and asking people not to take their own photography because it has been annoying to me at every wedding I've ever been at when people stand up, lean out, or obstruct the aisle during the wedding to take pictures with their bright ass phone and audible digital shutter noise. The request is to keep my other guests from being pissed off by this AND to keep from mucking up my pictures, NOT about telling them how they need to personally experience anything. But hell, you wanna liveblog my damn wedding on Twitter or text your babysitter go right ahead, as long as you can do it from the privacy of your own lap.

I've never seen this happen at a ceremony...and I go to a lot of weddings. Regardless, people who are this rude and ridiculous aren't going to be deterred by a long-winded note in the program.

larrygaga · April 2014

I agree with PP's. Also, why do you think everyone is going to be facebooking the event? Are you really cool and popular?

TheGrimReaper · April 2014

People posted pictures online that they took on their iphone during the ceremony. I am so happy with them, they were fantastic. No one's going to sit there on their phone the entire time. I find the "be present with us" line to be insulting. I think you're worrying too much about nothing.

l9i · April 2014

Thank you all!

One outstanding question: Like I said, I am worried about flash as I think it will be extremely distracting in the dimmer venue. As others said, I don't think it would be as much of an issue for the pastor to say "Please turn off your flash" Thoughts?

Maggie0829 · April 2014

I have never seen anyone actually get up and stand in the aisle or block the photographer from getting shots at any wedding I have been to. I have seen people, sit comfortably in their seat, lift their phone or camera and take a picture quietly.

Also, when you are actually getting married you will not be looking out in your crowd counting how many people have their phones out taking pictures. You will be concentrating on not fumbling your words, looking at your groom and trying to remember that moment. At that time you couldn't give two fucks what anyone else in the room was doing.

I think asking people "to be present" is rude. I am an adult and I know the ceremony is important and I should be paying attention to what is going on rather then playing Candy Crush. I am not a fucking moron. And again, this is a case of your wedding is more important to you then it is to anyone else. As a guest I am excited for you to get married but guess what? It isn't my ceremony. It is your ceremony. The people who should be present the most are you and your groom. I am more then capable of listening and watching your ceremony but I will never be fully present in the moment because while you are saying your vows I am doing more then listening to what you are saying. I am looking at your decorations. I am checking out your dress. I am looking around to see else is at your wedding. I am thinking about how my stomach is starting to growl. I am looking forward to grabbing a glass of wine at cocktail hour. But I won't be sitting there with my heart pounding and dabbing a tissue at my weepy eyes because no matter who I am or how close to you I am, I really don't want to be THAT involved in your vows, cause that is just weird.

ei34 · April 2014

l9i said:

show previous quotes

eileenrob said:

Your parents are correct.
I've seen brides act super controlling and their reasons for wanting an unplugged wedding is that they don't want other people's pictures ending up on social media sites without their approval. You, however, seemed to be concerned about your guests "not worrying" about taking pictures. My advice is that YOU shouldn't worry about this. Guests that want to take pictures should feel free to do so, and guests that don't want to, simply won't.

I would agree with this. I don't think anyone will physically get in the way as we are on a stage. Like I said, I am worried about flash as I think it will be extremely distracting in the dimmer venue. As others said, I don't think it would be as much of an issue for the pastor to say "Please turn off your flash" Thoughts?

Oh, okay. Your original question had nothing to do with the flash being a concern. At my own wedding, the professional photographers' cameras had much more of a flash than my guests' cameras and iphones. But to answer your question, a pastor's request would irk me less than the couple's, especially if the ceremony took place in a house of worship.

misshart00 · April 2014

I think it's fine for the pastor to request no flash photography at the beginning of the ceremony.

loro929 · April 2014

Agree with PPs. If the pastor says it, I would not be bothered at all.

saacjw · April 2014

PDKH said:

show previous quotes

lolo883 said:

I have the unpopular opinion of being SOMEWHAT in favor of an unplugged ceremony... but it really is a stretch to tell people how much they should "be there in the moment." It's your moment, not theirs. You can't control how they react or feel about it. I'll be blocking off the aisle with a lace swag and asking people not to take their own photography because it has been annoying to me at every wedding I've ever been at when people stand up, lean out, or obstruct the aisle during the wedding to take pictures with their bright ass phone and audible digital shutter noise. The request is to keep my other guests from being pissed off by this AND to keep from mucking up my pictures, NOT about telling them how they need to personally experience anything. But hell, you wanna liveblog my damn wedding on Twitter or text your babysitter go right ahead, as long as you can do it from the privacy of your own lap.

I've never seen this happen at a ceremony...and I go to a lot of weddings. Regardless, people who are this rude and ridiculous aren't going to be deterred by a long-winded note in the program.

I've also never seen this at a wedding either. One person took pictures during the ceremony, and honestly, it was at an appropriate moment and they did nothing to block anyone or anything. This one friend is someone who didn't even pick up a program (she came in late so wasn't handed one by the ushers when they sat people), so would have taken the pictures no matter what. I did not notice this friend taking pictures or that she and a couple others came in late. Seriously, had no idea until they told me later. Make this one less thing on your list of things to worry about.

If you are concerned about people posting things to social media without you're OK, adjust your settings so that you have to OK any picture of you. It doesn't stop people from putting them up, but honestly, nothing will, so at least control what gets tagged in your name.

l9i · April 2014

eileenrob said:

show previous quotes

eileenrob said:

Your parents are correct. I've seen brides act super controlling and their reasons for wanting an unplugged wedding is that they don't want other people's pictures ending up on social media sites without their approval. You, however, seemed to be concerned about your guests "not worrying" about taking pictures. My advice is that YOU shouldn't worry about this. Guests that want to take pictures should feel free to do so, and guests that don't want to, simply won't.

I would agree with this. I don't think anyone will physically get in the way as we are on a stage. Like I said, I am worried about flash as I think it will be extremely distracting in the dimmer venue. As others said, I don't think it would be as much of an issue for the pastor to say "Please turn off your flash" Thoughts?
Oh, okay. Your original question had nothing to do with the flash being a concern. At my own wedding, the professional photographers' cameras had much more of a flash than my guests' cameras and iphones. But to answer your question, a pastor's request would irk me less than the couple's, especially if the ceremony took place in a house of worship.

Yes, you guys are helping me think through this which is why I posted! It's been helpful to hear everyone's thoughts.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

eg72 said:
I agree with your parents. Telling people to put their cameras and cell phones away reminds me of being in high school where your phone got taken away if you used it during class. If I were you I would just let this one go. Most people know to be present in the moment and some people may want some pictures of their own. If I were a guest, I would think it was rude of you to tell me to "unplug."

And not only that, but I would still take whatever pictures I wanted to anyways. I know how to turn off the flash and be discreet.

I don't like it when Bride's try to micromanage and conyrol their guests by telling them what to wear, what to turn off, etc.

You aren't going to be looking at your guests during the ceremony you anyways. . . You will be looking at your FI and your officiant. Once you are pronounced married and you turn and face the audience for the 1st time, who cares if everyone wants to take photos? That's a happy moment that many of your guests will want to capture.

KGold80 · April 2014

I don't think our guests will actually be offended by the request because we're having a relatively small wedding and we know the family and friends who will be attending pretty well. I think it's another one of those "know your crowd" things. Flashes from camera phones taken at the exact same time as the photographer can actually cause professional images to be washed out. You can ask people to turn their flashes off until the cows come home, but chances are good some won't know how or won't bother. I don't really want our professional wedding photos to be ruined.

ZiggyZos · April 2014

Honestly, I didn't notice a single phone or other camera in the crowd when I looked out...

But despite our AMAZING photographer, the best picture of our ceremony? One that my friend got on her own camera of our first kiss. She got just the right angle, had just the right timing, and got the full force of DH bending me down as he kissed me - it's one of my favorites from the wedding and I'm thrilled she got it. The photographer's shots were great - but they were all cropped in to our faces/upper bodies.

I know to put my phone on silent at a wedding. Those that don't are going to be the same people who won't notice it in a program, either.

FWIW, apparently our nephew (ring bearer) screamed and cried through our whole ceremony. I was so busy focusing on marrying the love of my life that I didn't notice it.

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