Wedding Etiquette Forum

Asking a Bridesmaid to Step Down?

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Re: Asking a Bridesmaid to Step Down?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited April 2014
    Bare legged and proud!  Fuck hose, screw tights and to hell with stockings.

    But then again the only time I wear skirts is in the hottest part of summer and when my legs are tan. Throughout the rest of the year I wear dress pants to work.  It is just to damn cold in my office for anything less then pants.

    Oh and my shoes slip like crazy if I am anything but bare legged.

    Edited because words are hard.

    pinkcow13sarawifenow
  • @phira, those some judges tend to have dress codes for men to, what color suits, ties and shirts. And trust me, skirt suits and hose are the least sexist thing about being a female lawyer, esp in my field. 



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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
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    phira said:
    @lennonkdc ahhh that is such a fucking sexist thing.

    (ETA I am referring to the judges who don't let female attorneys wear slacks.)
    I happen to agree.  I don't care if they have a dress code for men in regards to what colors they can wear, but to not allow a woman to wear a nice pants suit is fucked up.

    chibiyuiJCbride2015luckysnorkel
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
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    I wear tights/stockings for fashion purposes. And warmth in the winter.

    I also find the idea that skin tone hose being "required" for professional dress stupid/sexist. If you like them, awesome. But I personally don't think they make anyone look more polished.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
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    chibiyui said:
    I wear tights/stockings for fashion purposes. And warmth in the winter. I also find the idea that skin tone hose being "required" for professional dress stupid/sexist. If you like them, awesome. But I personally don't think they make anyone look more polished.
    Especially if they are starting to slowly fall down so that it makes your ankles and lower calves look darker then the rest of your legs or you get a huge run down the side.

    jenniferurs
  • chibiyui said:
    I wear tights/stockings for fashion purposes. And warmth in the winter. I also find the idea that skin tone hose being "required" for professional dress stupid/sexist. If you like them, awesome. But I personally don't think they make anyone look more polished.
    I have white-ass legs and on top of that I'm blessed with keratosis pilaris (red bumps).  I guarantee hose make me look more polished.  I wish I didn't need to wear them when I dressed up!
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  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
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    LOL at nylons. Is this 1965? 

    Look, if you're going to require your bridesmaids to look like little perfect bridesmaid robots, you need to pay for it. If you want them to have up-dos, you need to foot the bill. It sounds like you're treating these women as props and not friends. 

    Did you ask her what her budget was before you picked out a dress? Or did you just demand she buy a dress that you had already picked out? 

    If it were me, I would want my close friend beside me in my bridal party on my wedding day no matter what. I would figure out a way to help her and make it work. But again, it sounds like your vision is probably more important. 
    I never go bare legged if the dress/skirt I am wearing is short.  I feel naked and gross.
    I can understand!! I was laughing at them being called nylons! :-) 
    I think that's a regional thing, because almost everyone I know calls them that. But my Southern friends call them 'hose.'

    And I remember getting roundly criticised and told I was old-fashioned when I proffered the opinion on TK that hose/nylons were appropriate/expected at a funeral. At the time, I was told no one under the age of 50 wears them at all anymore, ever, anywhere, and I was just crazy.

    My only objection to hose is the funky dance I have to do to get them on, and also the fact that I have long legs but a short torso, so til I get them long enough to fit my legs and not have the crotch hanging to my knees, there's TONS of extra material at the top that I have to fold over.
    @HisGirlFriday13 I'm with you that bare legs at a funeral is inappropriate. I don't work in a field where anyone would care if I wore pantyhose or not at work. But funerals = no bare legs IMO.
    HisGirlFriday13
  • edited April 2014

    I guess I'm the only person here who loves control top pantyhose. What? They stay put.

    I'm with you! I have a pretty good technique now for getting into panty hose, so I don't usually have to fight with them too much.
    Again...short torso. If I pull them the whole way up, they're under my armpits. If I roll them down to where they don't constrict my torso, I get this funky bump thing around my mid-section/hips.

    I usually buy thigh-highs, though, because they work for me height-wise. Unless I get a run in them and forget to buy a new pair the night before I need to wear them and then I can't find any in my size at the store and I have to buy regular hose and then DH gets to see the funky butt-wiggle dance that is me trying to put them on.


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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    pinkshorts27
  • What ever happened to OP? She better be talking her friend out of dropping out and making it work for her to be in it!
    climbingwife
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
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    I guess I'm the only person here who loves control top pantyhose. What? They stay put.

    I'm with you! I have a pretty good technique now for getting into panty hose, so I don't usually have to fight with them too much.
    Again...short torso. If I pull them the whole way up, there under my armpits. If I roll them down to where they don't constrict my torso, I get this funky bump thing around my mid-section/hips.

    I usually buy thigh-highs, though, because they work for me height-wise. Unless I get a run in them and forget to buy a new pair the night before I need to wear them and then I can't find any in my size at the store and I have to buy regular hose and then DH gets to see the funky butt-wiggle dance that is me trying to put them on.

    This is me. My pantyhouse end just beneath my bra.

    Also I wear them for interviews and funerals, but not for hanging with friends. They are a god-send because my legs usually have odd soccer tan lines and no big deal if I forget to shave.

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    rajahmdHisGirlFriday13
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
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    Ah, nylons. My mom taught me how to put them on when I was in my teens. The easiest way so there's no crazy dance is to bunch the entire leg up all the way to the toes and then pull it on slowly letting it out if that makes sense.

    I hate stockings/thigh highs because they won't stay up. I should try a garter belt. However, thigh highs leave a line around my thigh (I think I just need to tone my thighs) that can be seen if I'm wearing a tighter skirt.

    KeptInStitches
  • @prettygirllost I totally agree. What is offensive about bare legs?

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • lightningsnowlightningsnow New Hampshire member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    Ah, nylons. My mom taught me how to put them on when I was in my teens. The easiest way so there's no crazy dance is to bunch the entire leg up all the way to the toes and then pull it on slowly letting it out if that makes sense. I hate stockings/thigh highs because they won't stay up. I should try a garter belt. However, thigh highs leave a line around my thigh (I think I just need to tone my thighs) that can be seen if I'm wearing a tighter skirt.
    This is how I was taught by my mother to put on pantyhose. Never had a problem except when I'm hobbling around with both feet in them.
    Formerly known as bubbles053009





  • I am firmly in the camp of "only wears pantyhose when absolutely needed." I usually wear pants to interviews, but I will wear hose with a skirt suit.

    My father declared that he wanted ALL the women (VIPs, guests, WP) wearing skirts/dresses above the ankle to wear pantyhose to the wedding. I asked him if he was going to stand at the back of the church handing out L'eggs to everyone...Sigh.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
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    I am firmly in the camp of "only wears pantyhose when absolutely needed." I usually wear pants to interviews, but I will wear hose with a skirt suit.

    My father declared that he wanted ALL the women (VIPs, guests, WP) wearing skirts/dresses above the ankle to wear pantyhose to the wedding. I asked him if he was going to stand at the back of the church handing out L'eggs to everyone...Sigh.

    Wow!  What is everyone's aversion to bare legs?

    ashley8918Sars06SKPM
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
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    edited April 2014
    lennonkdc said:
    phira said:
    I still hate wearing them. I don't really care if other people do. I just think we kind of need to get out of the mindset that they're required for anything in particular. It's a look; whatever.
    I have to disagree a little with this.  It's not professional, imo, to go around with bare legs.  So, pants or stockings, whichever.
    Before law school I would have agreed with @phira, since I've started practicing I would never dream of walking into a courthouse without them. 

    I'm with @grumbledore, in the legal field barelegs =/= unprofessional. Hell some judges have dress codes stating that female attorneys have to wear skirt suits with hose. No slacks. Slacks get you a contempt of court citation. 


    I work at a bank and my office takes it a step farther. Our dress code states that women should wear skirts, hose and a jacket. Apparently, to my company, pants are more casual for women and they are frowned upon. But the office lets it slide in the winter.

    As I type this I am sitting here wearing a cotton sun dress and no hose. Oops. I am blaming this on the pregnancy.

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    Ah, nylons. My mom taught me how to put them on when I was in my teens. The easiest way so there's no crazy dance is to bunch the entire leg up all the way to the toes and then pull it on slowly letting it out if that makes sense. I hate stockings/thigh highs because they won't stay up. I should try a garter belt. However, thigh highs leave a line around my thigh (I think I just need to tone my thighs) that can be seen if I'm wearing a tighter skirt.
    Yep, I put mine on the same way.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
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    I fucking hate pantyhose. I went to catholic school all through high school, and I HATED having to wear those damn things every damn day. I work in a huge insurance company, and it is a very corporate environment. In the summer we have business casual attire, and there is nothing wrong with going bare legged. It's probably a 50/50 split between women who go bare legged and women who wear pantyhose. The only time I ever wear pantyhose is if I wear a skirt or dress to work in the winter (if I'm going to a dressy affair like the holiday party), and even then I tend to wear hose with patterns on them or something to spice them up.

    You will not ever catch me walking around a heat wave in the hot, humid streets of NYC in pantyhose. Ever.
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    jdluvr06
  • I hate hose and refuse to wear them unless to Easter/Christmas service and funerals (but not weddings). Tried to get my mom to get a short MOB dress, but she said if she did she would have to wear hose.

    My question is, my mom used to keep her hose in the freezer, insisting that it would keep them from running, anyone else heard of such a silly thing?


  • I'm assuming the 'you' in that sentence should have been a 'she'... or at least I hope so.
    You assumed correctly, I really should have proof read my comment before posting. 
  • phira said:
    As for your friend, talk to her. Call her up and say, "I care about you a lot, and your well-being is really important to me. If you want to step down and be a guest instead of a bridesmaid, I completely understand, and I will definitely NOT be upset with you. If you need some time to think about it, that's completely fine. I'd feel terrible if you had to spend more than you could afford because you were afraid of offending me."
    This.

    Thank you for your advice. 
    lc07Amyzen83
  • Did you ask her what her budget was before you picked a dress?

    Anything beyond the dress you specifically require, you must pay for (shoes, hair, makeup, jewellery etc)

    Asking someone to step down is a friendship ending move. I think you should call her as a friend and ask how she is (don't mention your wedding). It seems like she is going through some financial troubles and just needs to talk to a friend. 

    If she removes herself, then so be it, it is perfectly understandable (especially if you didn't ask the budget for her wedding dress). But I think kicking her out is a fairly harsh move. 
    I would never "kick her out" and explained she doesn't need to participate in any other parties/showers but I can tell its hurting her feelings. 

    I did ask her about her budget and offered to let her stay with me in my hotel since I'm kicking the fiance out on the wedding night and I wouldn't charge her. I guess I could buy her dress too but I am afraid it will look like I am favoring one bridesmaid over the other. Maybe I will tell her its our little secret. 
  • larrygaga said:

    Or are they just props to you?
    You're comment is rude and disrespectful. Also, I don't see how it was constructive in helping this situation. Why is there no one moderating these boards??
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