Wedding Etiquette Forum

Unplugged Wedding - Thoughts?

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Re: Unplugged Wedding - Thoughts?

  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Not a fan at all- treat people like adults. I understand the annoyance from the photographer's perspective but that's something that as professionals they will just have to deal with from time to time. Honestly I've seen several photographer blogs that present this as a good idea and it's a real turnoff for me.

    Like someone else said, I think any sort of clause like that is mostly to cover their own butts in case an important photo does end up getting ruined. I am totally okay with the photographer hissing at someone to sit the heck down if necessary but I'm pretty sure we don't know anyone this would be necessary for. 

    I've snapped photos at weddings but discreetly, from my chair, flash off. I don't see anything wrong with that. I could see it for a very formal and serious wedding though. 

    Sidenote on controlling- I was looking at invites for wording since I am making my own and wanted some examples and I found some that said "please arrive 30 minutes early to dress in white" and other such awfulness. Ughhhh whyyyyy. Whoever said to remember this is not a cosmic event was spot on. It's a wedding, one of a dozen or two or three that any given guest has attended/will attend. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLostemmaaa
  • l9i said:

    @Maggie0829 Yes, we get it.  You've spent zero time worrying about guests - good for you!

    Well, that was a jerk statement (above), but I point it out because it seems like you are/were indeed "worrying" (contrary to your previous statement to me).
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    No, we are not having an "unplugged" ceremony, but I do think taking photos during a wedding ceremony as a guest is beyond rude.  I would never do it.  It's not a sideshow, it's a civil and or religious ceremony you've been invited to solemnly witness.  In church or out of one, I'd expect to behave at a wedding as I would during church service, which is to sit still and keep quiet.
    So how is it not rude for the professional photographer to take photos then?  Is it ok for them to do because they are a paid vendor?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    emmaaacrunchymamaof2
  • So, this is kind of veering off-topic a bit, but why the hell is it even called 'unplugged' anyway? I don't get it. Unless you're sitting there charging your phone during the ceremony, there's no plug involved at all. Who chose such a stupid wording to describe this?

    Also, as a theatre nerd, I fully embrace the request to silence phones and prohibition on flash photography. Nothing wrong with a little curtain-speech from the officiant, but the program notes are passive-aggressive at best.
    image
    PrettyGirlLostclimbingsingle
  • No, we are not having an "unplugged" ceremony, but I do think taking photos during a wedding ceremony as a guest is beyond rude.  I would never do it.  It's not a sideshow, it's a civil and or religious ceremony you've been invited to solemnly witness.  In church or out of one, I'd expect to behave at a wedding as I would during church service, which is to sit still and keep quiet.
    So how is it not rude for the professional photographer to take photos then?  Is it ok for them to do because they are a paid vendor?
    Yes, I think that's fine.  I said I think taking photos as a guest is rude, the photographer is not a guest. He or she is performing a service they've been hired to do. 

    It would be unthinkable to me to pull out a camera and start snapping pics if I were attending a church service, and regardless of whether a wedding is in a church or not, I think it's still due the same degree of solemnity and respect that I would show if I were attending a church service.
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited April 2014
    The "cutesy" poems and such grate on my nerves SO MUCH. They are completely passive-aggressive and will do nothing to curb those rude people who might use their phone during your ceremony. They're just going to annoy those of us who know how to behave during a ceremony.

    I think it's perfectly fine to have the officiant ask for no flash photography, as that's a common request and most people understand the reason for it. Plus, people tend to respect the officiant, whereas a cutesy poem just looks bridezilla-ish and immature.

    Also, for what it's worth, some of my favorite ceremony shots came from friends with either phones or actual cameras. Nobody used a flash. In fact, my brother recorded the ceremony, something I hadn't asked him to do, and it made me incredibly happy. We hadn't paid for a videographer, but his video was so good that it didn't even matter. I thought it was so kind of him to do that.

    If you're concerned about people tagging you in photos on FB, just change your privacy settings so you have to approve all tags.

    Edited to add: I was one of those brides who, honestly, didn't notice what her guests were doing during the ceremony. I locked onto H and the officiant, as I didn't want to miss a single word or make a mistake. I could sense other people there and caught them in my peripheral, but I didn't look at my guests for even a second after I reached H. They could have been dancing the Time Warp for all I knew.
    PrettyGirlLostmollyringwald15climbingsingle
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    phira said:
    RajahBMFD said:
    I've only got one thing to add that hasn't already been said: I am sick and tired of Brides saying that because they didn't notice X, Y, Z then you won't either. You know what? Someone took photos during my ceremony, flash, annoying shutter sound, and everything. They even took a picture during the prayer. I definitely noticed. So can we please just recognize that we all have different preferences and tolerances? Just because you wouldn't care if a camera went off and wouldn't notice it, doesn't mean someone else wouldn't care and notice.
    Agreed. My partner and I both did performance arts in school (and, in my case, beyond that), and so we will definitely notice. It's incredibly distracting, especially when people are using legit cameras (since the flash is loud).

    I really don't think it's rude to have an unplugged ceremony, or even an unplugged wedding in general. Just as people are capable of having fun at a wedding without alcohol or dancing, people can have fun at a wedding where they're not taking photos. To me, it's like inviting guests without giving plus ones to single people, or without inviting children.

    When unplugged weddings turn the corner into, "Nope" territory, though, is when couples give bullshit reasons for it ("We want you to be fully present!"). And honestly, I don't really give a shit if there are photos where people are holding up their phones or iPads. If you want photos of the people who attended your wedding, make sure to get lots of candids and ask group photos during the reception. Like, find your photographer and say, "Can you grab a photo of me and these two people?"

    And of course, as everyone has already pointed out, you can't control your guests. Asking, "Please don't take photos during the ceremony," is okay. But if people then take photos ... whatever. It's like when I tell my students at the beginning of the semester, "Please don't start getting ready to leave before class is over." I'm sure lots of people who would have started getting ready early honored my request. I know for a fact that some people ignored me. Whatever. I just kept teaching.

    tl;dr: I do not think unplugged ceremonies are rude, and I'm considering one. I do think it's rude when people use particular justifications to guests to defend their decisions. At the end of the day, if people take photos anyways, whatever.
    Me too and I never found camera flashes to be annoying or distracting.  I found it kind of hard to see out past the stage lights to begin with ;-)

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I'm just throwing this out there.  During my ceremony I was not looking out to see who was on their phones - if that is what you are doing during your ceremony you are CUH - RAZY.  

    A few friends (just a few)  took pictures during the ceremony.  They were very sweet photos that I love.  Your friends and family will be paying attention because they WANT to pay attention - not because you awkwardly told them to put their phones away.
    image
    PrettyGirlLostemmaaa
  • @phira - thank you for putting into words so eloquently exactly what was going on in my head.
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I can see both sides of this issue. On one hand, I would hate for someone to interrrupt or get in the way of my photographer. Especially, since we pay so much for one.  But on the other hand, I think it would be great to see the pictures from my friends and family of the ceremony. Those pictures would be available much faster than waiting for the pro's pictures. I really can't get too upset either side on this issue. If you want an unplugged ceremony, then go ahead. If not, great.

    cupcait927abbyj700
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    snippet17 said:
    I am actually disappointed that there was not more pictures taken during my ceremony from guests. We only had one photog and he could only get so many photos. 

    Not only is it rude to ask for an unplugged wedding, it is nice to see photos of the wedding asap.
    So true. I was practically begging people to upload them to FB so I could see everything. Our pro pic sneak peek took three weeks, and then our pro pics themselves took about six weeks. It was nice to have some pictures to post the next morning, especially since we had such a small wedding and lots of people were asking for pictures of my dress, etc.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • No, we are not having an "unplugged" ceremony, but I do think taking photos during a wedding ceremony as a guest is beyond rude.  I would never do it.  It's not a sideshow, it's a civil and or religious ceremony you've been invited to solemnly witness.  In church or out of one, I'd expect to behave at a wedding as I would during church service, which is to sit still and keep quiet.
    So how is it not rude for the professional photographer to take photos then?  Is it ok for them to do because they are a paid vendor?
    Yes, I think that's fine.  I said I think taking photos as a guest is rude, the photographer is not a guest. He or she is performing a service they've been hired to do. 

    It would be unthinkable to me to pull out a camera and start snapping pics if I were attending a church service, and regardless of whether a wedding is in a church or not, I think it's still due the same degree of solemnity and respect that I would show if I were attending a church service.

    The way you describe a wedding makes it sound like a funeral. A wedding is supposed to be fun, joyous,exciting, and serious to a point. Guests are happy for you and want to capture your happiness and theirs. If you want or feel your wedding should be very serious and solemn maybe you shouldn't really invite others to witness it. I don't see how taking a picture undermines the seriousness of the event.

    Every photographer is going to get some bad shots. If you're that worried that guests will ruin or block an epic moment then I highly recommend choosing a package with two shooters. I've never met someone who was upset at or regretting their guests taking pictures but I have met several who wished they had gotten more pictures from their guests, especially during moments a photographer isn't present for (cocktail hour, etc).

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    emmaaaMaggie0829PrettyGirlLostbeharrington
  • No, we are not having an "unplugged" ceremony, but I do think taking photos during a wedding ceremony as a guest is beyond rude.  I would never do it.  It's not a sideshow, it's a civil and or religious ceremony you've been invited to solemnly witness.  In church or out of one, I'd expect to behave at a wedding as I would during church service, which is to sit still and keep quiet.
    So how is it not rude for the professional photographer to take photos then?  Is it ok for them to do because they are a paid vendor?
    Yes, I think that's fine.  I said I think taking photos as a guest is rude, the photographer is not a guest. He or she is performing a service they've been hired to do. 

    It would be unthinkable to me to pull out a camera and start snapping pics if I were attending a church service, and regardless of whether a wedding is in a church or not, I think it's still due the same degree of solemnity and respect that I would show if I were attending a church service.

    The way you describe a wedding makes it sound like a funeral. A wedding is supposed to be fun, joyous,exciting, and serious to a point. Guests are happy for you and want to capture your happiness and theirs. If you want or feel your wedding should be very serious and solemn maybe you shouldn't really invite others to witness it. I don't see how taking a picture undermines the seriousness of the event.

    Every photographer is going to get some bad shots. If you're that worried that guests will ruin or block an epic moment then I highly recommend choosing a package with two shooters. I've never met someone who was upset at or regretting their guests taking pictures but I have met several who wished they had gotten more pictures from their guests, especially during moments a photographer isn't present for (cocktail hour, etc).
    Then we will have to agree to disagree.  I don't see a wedding ceremony as a fun-time party, that's the reception.  The wedding itself is, for me at least, a deeply religious/spiritual ceremony.  Honestly, I don't care whether or not there ARE photos of the ceremony, I hired my photographer mainly for posed photographs.  I wouldn't pull out my camera and start snapping pics of my priest as he leads a Divine liturgy, nor would I do so during a ceremony of marriage.  But as I said, we're not asking for an unplugged ceremony, I have faith in the good judgment of my guests.  We're happy to pose for all the pictures they may want after the ceremony.
  • I attended an "unplugged" ceremony before and I thought it was fine.  It wasn't the bride and groom's choice, their priest actually required it!  He took care of everything and politely ask that we share in the celebration of Bride and Groom without the use of technology.  Personally I thought it was redundant but I wasn't offended by any means.  The reception went on as normal and we took tons of pictures there and had lots of fun :)  

    Just to share a "horror" story, during my sister's wedding processional, my Uncle stepped out into the aisle after she passed to take a picture of her from behind (this was before smart phones) and accidentally stepped on her train.  My sister felt the tug, handled it with grace and just kept going.  She actually loves this story and teases my Uncle relentlessly about it.  Point of the story, things will happen that you don't plan in your wedding but if you are getting married for the right reasons, none of it will matter :)

    image
  • RajahBMFD said:
    antoto said:
    I'm just throwing this out there.  During my ceremony I was not looking out to see who was on their phones - if that is what you are doing during your ceremony you are CUH - RAZY.  

    A few friends (just a few)  took pictures during the ceremony.  They were very sweet photos that I love.  Your friends and family will be paying attention because they WANT to pay attention - not because you awkwardly told them to put their phones away.
    Can we please not judge other posters for having different preference and tolerances? 

    Just FYI, our officiant actually had us look out at the crowd as part of the ceremony. So yeah, it was easy to see the person with a camera. I could also hear his shutter going off. So, again, STOP JUDGING. Just because you wouldn't notice, doesn't mean it's wrong that someone else would. 
    Hmmm let's say this - if you are focusing more on someone holding up their iphone for 2 seconds during your ceremony RATHER than focusing on the words your officiant is saying or looking at your spouse... well then I just don't understand you :)
    image
  • Our vidiot (he's a friend of ours, hence the pet name) actually says in our contract that there's to be no outside photography or videography other than those under contract to cover the event. However, there will be two photographers and two vidiots, so that's already a lot of people in a confined area. Our officiant is going to make an announcement prior to the ceremony and we're both putting our vows on paper rather than using our phones or iPad.

    A co-worker showed me a video, I believe it was called "don't be that guy (wedding)", I'm sure it's on YouTube if you are curious. Kind of made me cringe.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    skyhigh27 said:
    Our vidiot (he's a friend of ours, hence the pet name) actually says in our contract that there's to be no outside photography or videography other than those under contract to cover the event. However, there will be two photographers and two vidiots, so that's already a lot of people in a confined area. Our officiant is going to make an announcement prior to the ceremony and we're both putting our vows on paper rather than using our phones or iPad.

    A co-worker showed me a video, I believe it was called "don't be that guy (wedding)", I'm sure it's on YouTube if you are curious. Kind of made me cringe.
    Meaning no other commercial/professional photogs/videographers, right?  He doesn't mean that guests can't take photos, does he?


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • levieenroselevieenrose member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    There are many places and events in this world where respect for sanctity manifests as reserved behavior and the abstention from using recording devices. 

    Here, I am assuming that even if you are not worried about "blessing" your marriage, you are still making a serious commitment and want to have that reflected--at least partly--in your ceremony. 

    If you are getting married in an established holy place, it is usually easy for the officiant to give gentle and subtle reminders. If you are to be married in a place that is not sacred in nature (or, at least not inherently so to your guests), then perhaps your officiant can help establish that feeling in the opening welcome. You can help too, by choosing decorations/arrangements with a quieter beauty. Your poise in and the way you talk about this place with your wedding party will also be a great help--they'll be setting the tone out there before you walk down the aisle.

    The guests at our wedding are people who are naturally respectful, so while this isn't a concern for me (and I also hope to have lots of pictures from guests), it is exactly how I would address it if I did. The nonverbal tone you and your WP/parents/whoever-is-directly-involved is a pretty good way of giving people the cues they need to behave/dress appropriate to your vision without coming off as awkward, micromanaging, or belittling. If you really, really feel it is necessary [which hopefully can be avoided] to have some language for a small sign of some sort, I would suggest the following: "We please request no recording as we sanctify our marriage."

    And then, once you've done what you could to clue in your guests, it's time to trust them and get lost in the beauty of the day. :)  

    Congratulations and best wishes.

    [Edited because proofreading is important...]

    Then happy I, that love and am beloved 
    Where I may not remove nor be removed.

     --William Shakespeare (Sonnet 25)

    netskyblue2
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    antoto said:
    RajahBMFD said:
    antoto said:
    I'm just throwing this out there.  During my ceremony I was not looking out to see who was on their phones - if that is what you are doing during your ceremony you are CUH - RAZY.  

    A few friends (just a few)  took pictures during the ceremony.  They were very sweet photos that I love.  Your friends and family will be paying attention because they WANT to pay attention - not because you awkwardly told them to put their phones away.
    Can we please not judge other posters for having different preference and tolerances? 

    Just FYI, our officiant actually had us look out at the crowd as part of the ceremony. So yeah, it was easy to see the person with a camera. I could also hear his shutter going off. So, again, STOP JUDGING. Just because you wouldn't notice, doesn't mean it's wrong that someone else would. 
    Hmmm let's say this - if you are focusing more on someone holding up their iphone for 2 seconds during your ceremony RATHER than focusing on the words your officiant is saying or looking at your spouse... well then I just don't understand you :)
    You don't have to understand us, but you do have to respect us.  It's really none of your business if we want to focus on something other than our spouse or our officiant for a few seconds during our wedding, so knock off the judgment.  We're not judging you for whatever it is you choose to focus on during a wedding, so we'd appreciate the same consideration from you.
    SKPMMollyandDcupcait927
  • If you're looking at anyone/anything other than your groom during the walk down the aisle/ceremony, you're doing it wrong. 
  • rajahmdrajahmd Galifrey member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    If you're looking at anyone/anything other than your groom during the walk down the aisle/ceremony, you're doing it wrong. 

    So, looking at the ground to keep from tripping was wrong? Oops. Do I get a PPD now?

    On a serious note, stop the freaking judging. There is no "doing it wrong" when it comes to what someone looks at or thinks about or notices at their wedding.

    Also, not everyone has a groom to look. Open your mind.
    Anniversary
    SKPMbeharringtoncupcait927pinkshorts27
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    As a photographer myself I find this new trend of "unplugged weddings" to be atrocious and championed by lazy wedding photogs and pintrest.

    Telling people they can't take photos is rude and an "unplugged" wedding it something devised by the photography industry to make their lives easier bc they don't care if you look rude and what your guests think.
    This all day. In the end if someone does this I'm not going to have a fit over it, but I really hate that a lot of photogs try to push it. Same goes for first look, really- FI is adamantly against it and one photog just assumed we'd do it. She was like "ok let's work out a schedule, so first look will be at 2..." it was a big turnoff. Nothing wrong with other people doing it, but please don't push it on us just because it makes your day go a bit smoother. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • RajahBMFD said:

    If you're looking at anyone/anything other than your groom during the walk down the aisle/ceremony, you're doing it wrong. 

    So, looking at the ground to keep from tripping was wrong? Oops. Do I get a PPD now?

    On a serious note, stop the freaking judging. There is no "doing it wrong" when it comes to what someone looks at or thinks about or notices at their wedding.

    Also, not everyone has a groom to look. Open your mind.
    It was a facetious comment meant to illustrate that nobody should be telling another how to be "in the moment." Nobody should tell a bride what she should be looking at nor should someone tell a guest how they should be "present" during the ceremony. If you wouldn't want someone else telling you how to conduct yourself, then you should imagine that no one else does either. If you can be looking at the ground or something/someone else and still manage to be in the moment, people can do the same while taking a split second look at the camera on their phones.
    PrettyGirlLostInkdancer
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited April 2014
    If you're looking at anyone/anything other than your groom during the walk down the aisle/ceremony, you're doing it wrong. 
    BS.  There is no "wrong."  A bride can look in any direction she chooses.  Judging her about that is so incredibly childishly stupid that it says more about the judger than the bride.
    sydneyviolet
  • Jen4948 said:
    If you're looking at anyone/anything other than your groom during the walk down the aisle/ceremony, you're doing it wrong. 
    BS.  There is no "wrong."  A bride can look in any direction she chooses.  Judging her about that is so incredibly childishly stupid that it says more about the judger than the bride.
    You clearly didn't read my follow up. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    If you're looking at anyone/anything other than your groom during the walk down the aisle/ceremony, you're doing it wrong. 
    BS.  There is no "wrong."  A bride can look in any direction she chooses.  Judging her about that is so incredibly childishly stupid that it says more about the judger than the bride.
    You clearly didn't read my follow up. 
    You're right-my apologies.  I was feeling burned out after long hours of working this week through Tuesday (I'm a tax accountant).  I'm glad we agree.
    jenniferurs
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