I think I would have killed someone - UPDATE in Comments

melbenso · April 2014

So FI and I attended our friend's wedding this weekend. It was beautiful and properly hosted (at least as far as the bride and groom could control) - lovely food, no gaps, fully hosted bar, etc. The one problem: the wedding started 45 minutes late, and that threw off the timeline for the whole night.

The ceremony was supposed to start at 4. At about 4:10, someone came out and announced they would be starting late. I didn't hear the reason it would be starting late (guests were still chatting and the acoustics in the room weren't that great), but it turns out the ceremony musicians were running late. My first thought was that I would kill my vendor if that happened to me (and that I was glad I insisted on clauses in contracts that docked fees paid for this kind of behavior - the lawyer in me couldn't help it). So we wait.

About 15 minutes later, we see the groom's father standing at the back of the aisle and think the wedding is going to start. Everyone quiets down. Nothing happens. So we wait.

A few minutes later, I get up to get a drink of water, because it appears nothing will be starting soon and I've been really thirsty since we got there. I have to walk past the room the bride is getting ready in to get there to get to the water fountain. She hears me coming and thinks it is someone coming to tell her the musicians are finally there, so she runs out of the room smiling. I felt so bad for her when she realized... I return to my seat, and we wait.

About 40 minutes after the ceremony was supposed to start, someone announces that we are going to get started. The DJ has downloaded the songs the musicians were going to play.

The ceremony was lovely, even without live music. But it threw everything off. Dinner was not served until an hour later than was planned. Apparently, the ceremony musicians were friends of the couple. They were supposed to be sitting at the table FI and I were at. They never showed. Still don't know why.

At the end of the day, my friend is still married to a wonderful man who makes her very happy. And they handled the situation with grace. I seriously doubt I could have handled it that well.

Edit: my early a.m. typing skills are not up to par

jenna8984 · April 2014

I wouldn't have been that mad and I wouldn't have waited. If it were the officiant, obviously that's crucial and can't go on wtihout. But musicians? Nope, not imortant, carry on. lol

abbyj700 · April 2014

I would have killed them.

Thank you for sharing this as we are most likely having a friend play for the ceremony. As a back-up I'll have the DJ download the songs in advance as well. I would never think a vendor (friend or no friend) would do something like this - but I shouldn't be surprised!

grumbledore · April 2014

jenna8984 said:

I wouldn't have been that mad and I wouldn't have waited. If it were the officiant, obviously that's crucial and can't go on wtihout. But musicians? Nope, not imortant, carry on. lol

Seriously? You must be the most relaxed person in the world then. If I hired musicians, even friends, and they didn't show up, I'd be livid.

Maggie0829 · April 2014

It is bad enough that one of her vendors didn't show, but then for that vendor to turn out to be supposed friends, that has to sting even more. Hopefully nothing horrible happened to the musicians that caused them not to show and instead they were just unthinking rude asses.

But after about 15 minutes my but would have just gone with the DJ and got the ceremony going. Not worth making your guests sit around for so long just because your musicians didn't show.

Hopefully whatever they paid they will get back in full.

melbenso · April 2014

Maggie0829 said:

Hopefully nothing horrible happened to the musicians that caused them not to show and instead they were just unthinking rude asses.

I was wondering whether something happened. Based on the fact that they waited so long, I assume that if there was some kind of an emergency, they didn't know about it. Seriously, if my friend (or someone who hired me) expected me to be a part of their wedding ceremony and something happened to stop me from being there on time, I would have called immediately or had someone else do it for me unless I was unconscious.

But I didn't want to ask and remind them of the one negative thing about their day.

jenna8984 · April 2014

grumbledore said:

jenna8984 said:

I wouldn't have been that mad and I wouldn't have waited. If it were the officiant, obviously that's crucial and can't go on wtihout. But musicians? Nope, not imortant, carry on. lol

Seriously? You must be the most relaxed person in the world then. If I hired musicians, even friends, and they didn't show up, I'd be livid.

I'd be curious & trying to call and figure out if they were in a horrible car accident or something. But to me it's a 2 min song down the aisle and a 2 min song back up the aisle. Sure it's nice to have but wouldn't ruin my whole day. If it were the actual DJ for the reception, yea, then I'd lose my shit.

netskyblue2 · April 2014

Did the bride try to call the musician friends? I'd have been on my phone to them after about 10 minutes.

melbenso · April 2014

netskyblue2 said:

Did the bride try to call the musician friends? I'd have been on my phone to them after about 10 minutes.

No clue. Didn't want to focus on that with her. Instead, we danced a lot.

climbingsingle · April 2014

Wow! I would have been livid! How do you just not show up?!!?

emmyg65 · April 2014

I would have been furious, but I would have tried to move on and start the ceremony, even if it had to be silent.

KatWAG · April 2014

I would be livid. That is a friendship ending move

HaileyDancingbear · April 2014

grumbledore said:

jenna8984 said:

I wouldn't have been that mad and I wouldn't have waited. If it were the officiant, obviously that's crucial and can't go on wtihout. But musicians? Nope, not imortant, carry on. lol

Seriously? You must be the most relaxed person in the world then. If I hired musicians, even friends, and they didn't show up, I'd be livid.

I agree they're not super crucial and maybe the DJ could have just downloaded the songs a bit earlier, but it's the principle of it- This is your job, this is what you are paid for, show the fuck up and do your fucking job. THAT is what would piss me off. I HATE it when people are unprofessional- at bare minimum as a vendor I should be able to trust you will even show up.

And I am usually a very calm, easygoing person, I probably would have just walked without music or had someone use an ipod speaker etc. and been fine, but I would have torn someone a new asshole afterward.

phira · April 2014

Geez. That really sucks.

In the shoes of the couple getting married, I'd like to say I would have only waited about 10 minutes (max), but who knows? Sometimes, when you're feeling stressed and overly panicked, you don't always realize that there are simple solutions (walk in silence, or have the DJ play some songs).

wrigleyville · April 2014

I would have been pissed. First, you don't show up or call. Second, now I'm worried that you got into a horrible car accident when I should be focusing on my wedding.

If the musicians ARE okay, and I hope they are, then I'd seriously reconsider my friendship with them.

lyndausvi · April 2014

grumbledore said:

jenna8984 said:

I wouldn't have been that mad and I wouldn't have waited. If it were the officiant, obviously that's crucial and can't go on wtihout. But musicians? Nope, not imortant, carry on. lol

Seriously? You must be the most relaxed person in the world then. If I hired musicians, even friends, and they didn't show up, I'd be livid.

I wouldn't not have waited 40 mins either. Its just music. And I would wait to see what the reason was before I became livid.

Then again I was to have a beach wedding and a tropical storm hit and we didnt let it ruin our day. It didn't delay us either.

delujm0 · April 2014

this is why you never use friends as vendors. ever. unless you are paying them their going rate and have signed the same contract that they have with all of their non-friend clients.

thelastdreamer · April 2014

good for the bride for not getting all upset and letting it ruin her day.

melbenso · April 2014

I don't know that I would have waited 40 minutes to start, but knowing them, I don't think they did. My guess is that they decided to start without the musicians when father of the groom was standing at the back of the aisle (and that this is why he was there) and it just took a bit for the DJ to download the music and get everything set up.

photokitty · April 2014

I have to say, I don't think the B&G were proper hosts. Musicians are not that important. You wait 15 mins and then start. I don't think you should ever wait more than 15 mins for any vendor besides the officiant to start the ceremony. You don't need flowers, music, programs or decor to get married.

IMHO, the B&G were rude to make everyone wait. I would have been livid if I was said bride, but I would have started without them and demanded a full refund. I also would not have made my guests wait 40 mins to download music. Walk down in silence, it would be dramatic and moving.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2014

HaileyDancingbear said:

grumbledore said:

jenna8984 said:

I wouldn't have been that mad and I wouldn't have waited. If it were the officiant, obviously that's crucial and can't go on wtihout. But musicians? Nope, not imortant, carry on. lol

Seriously? You must be the most relaxed person in the world then. If I hired musicians, even friends, and they didn't show up, I'd be livid.

I agree they're not super crucial and maybe the DJ could have just downloaded the songs a bit earlier, but it's the principle of it- This is your job, this is what you are paid for, show the fuck up and do your fucking job. THAT is what would piss me off. I HATE it when people are unprofessional- at bare minimum as a vendor I should be able to trust you will even show up.

And I am usually a very calm, easygoing person, I probably would have just walked without music or had someone use an ipod speaker etc. and been fine, but I would have torn someone a new asshole afterward.

I agree with this.

However, I would not and will not hold up my ceremony and inconvenience and piss off all of my guests just for he sake of having music to walk down the aisle to.

The show must go on!

ei34 · April 2014

My limo driver got lost after he dropped off hubby and the GM at the church and was coming to pick up my BMs and me at my parents' house. This is a 5-minute drive and somehow it took him 40 minutes. I know it took 40 minutes because that's when I had missed calls and voice messages saying "I'm here..where are you?". At that point I was already at the church getting married! Once he was 10 minutes late, and the limo company dispatcher wasn't picking up her phone, I called my dad and asked him to come get us (he was already at church). I'm embarrassed that my ceremony started 20 minutes late, I hate thinking about my guests sitting around that long!
My god I couldn't imagine delaying my guests for 45 minutes waiting for a musician...if the officiant, bride, and groom are there, the show must go on.

netskyblue2 · April 2014

OP - Please do let us know if/when you find out what happened to the musicians.

lyndausvi · April 2014

netskyblue2 said:

OP - Please do let us know if/when you find out what happened to the musicians.

This. I would find out the reason for them no showing before I ask for their heads on a plate. Sure, maybe they are assholes, but maybe something tragic happened?

melbenso · April 2014

I will let you know if I find out. I'm not going to pester her about it though. "Hey, your wedding was lovely. But what ever happened with the ceremony musicians?" just seems a little rude.

banana468 · April 2014

At least it was just the musicians. Our friend's wedding started a good 45 minutes late when their officiant didn't show up!

Finally after waiting long enough the FOG asked a guest with the legal authority in a different state to "marry" the couple so they would be able to say the words in front of their guests and the cocktail hour could start.

Their officiant showed up well over an hour late in the middle of cocktail hour. At least they were able to be married at their reception and boy was our friend (the groom) pissed off at their JoP.

We did get to tease him later that our Catholic ceremony wound up being shorter.

lyndausvi · April 2014

melbenso said:

I will let you know if I find out. I'm not going to pester her about it though. "Hey, your wedding was lovely. But what ever happened with the ceremony musicians?" just seems a little rude.

Oh, I agree.

I just get irrationally annoyed with all the "off with their heads" talk without knowing the whole story. These people are suppose to be friends, I would be first concerned with their safety and well being than how they "ruined the wedding". Then once I know what happened then I may or may not become livid.

I often wonder if the "off with their heads" people got called to be on a jury if they would just convict with hearing the whole story?

Shit happens, there are terrible vendors out there, but before you convict find out the reason.

Long time ago a bride was PISSED that a vendor has not called her back. PISSED beyond belief. Everyone was all "off with his head" write reviews, sue him, blah, blah. Come to find out the photographer had DIED. Pretty sure him dying was a little worse then you having for find another photographer?

phira · April 2014

lyndausvi said:

melbenso said:

I will let you know if I find out. I'm not going to pester her about it though. "Hey, your wedding was lovely. But what ever happened with the ceremony musicians?" just seems a little rude.

Oh, I agree.

I just get irrationally annoyed with all the "off with their heads" talk without knowing the whole story. These people are suppose to be friends, I would be first concerned with their safety and well being than how they "ruined the wedding". Then once I know what happened then I may or may not become livid.

I often wonder if the "off with their heads" people got called to be on a jury if they would just convict with hearing the whole story?

Shit happens, there are terrible vendors out there, but before you convict find out the reason.

Long time ago a bride was PISSED that a vendor has not called her back. PISSED beyond belief. Everyone was all "off with his head" write reviews, sue him, blah, blah. Come to find out the photographer had DIED. Pretty sure him dying was a little worse then you having for find another photographer?

At the most recent wedding I went to, the shuttle driver dropped the ball. The bride assured us that the wedding was going to end at 9:30 and that the shuttle would leave after that. But when we and a bunch of other guests went to grab the shuttle (at 9:30 on the dot), it wasn't anywhere in sight. We had to get a cab home--no small feat on a Sunday night in Maine. Especially since I didn't have any cash on me.

I did NOT complain to the bride. Not only am I pretty sure other people did, but I also felt like ... I don't want to be the asshole who says, "YAY your wedding was awesome but we had to take a fucking cab back to the hotel."

And @lyndausvi that reminds me of a Sex and the City episode where Miranda gets super pissed and calls her date to tell him off for standing her up--and it turns out he'd died.

ElcaB · April 2014

The same thing happened at my mom's wedding, but we continued on time anyway. She arrived after the ceremony and then we had her sing her three songs, anyway.

pinkcow13 · April 2014

phira said:

lyndausvi said:

melbenso said:

I will let you know if I find out. I'm not going to pester her about it though. "Hey, your wedding was lovely. But what ever happened with the ceremony musicians?" just seems a little rude.

Oh, I agree.

I just get irrationally annoyed with all the "off with their heads" talk without knowing the whole story. These people are suppose to be friends, I would be first concerned with their safety and well being than how they "ruined the wedding". Then once I know what happened then I may or may not become livid.

I often wonder if the "off with their heads" people got called to be on a jury if they would just convict with hearing the whole story?

Shit happens, there are terrible vendors out there, but before you convict find out the reason.

Long time ago a bride was PISSED that a vendor has not called her back. PISSED beyond belief. Everyone was all "off with his head" write reviews, sue him, blah, blah. Come to find out the photographer had DIED. Pretty sure him dying was a little worse then you having for find another photographer?

At the most recent wedding I went to, the shuttle driver dropped the ball. The bride assured us that the wedding was going to end at 9:30 and that the shuttle would leave after that. But when we and a bunch of other guests went to grab the shuttle (at 9:30 on the dot), it wasn't anywhere in sight. We had to get a cab home--no small feat on a Sunday night in Maine. Especially since I didn't have any cash on me.

I did NOT complain to the bride. Not only am I pretty sure other people did, but I also felt like ... I don't want to be the asshole who says, "YAY your wedding was awesome but we had to take a fucking cab back to the hotel."

And @lyndausvi that reminds me of a Sex and the City episode where Miranda gets super pissed and calls her date to tell him off for standing her up--and it turns out he'd died.

Didn't she tell off his mom first, too? She was all " I don't know what kind of son you raised, but he stood me up!" And the mom was all "He died last night." Yea it's a crappy situation. I was thinking that hopefully something didn't happen to them.

ac411020 · April 2014

My BIL's wedding started over an hour late because the bride had a "hair emergency." I was in the wedding and was there when the bride had a full on melt down, threw the hair dressers out of the house, and had a family friend start over on her hair. If only that was her only bridezilla moment...

I think I would have killed someone - UPDATE in Comments

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