Wedding Etiquette Forum

Unplugged Wedding - Thoughts?

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Re: Unplugged Wedding - Thoughts?

  • jdluvr06 said:

    No offense to really fantastic wedding photographers but reading some of these post, including this one, you would think wedding photography is where all the reject photographers go when they can't make it in another profession.
    I actually tend to agree with this. There are some amazing photographers out there. But I also think some people buy a shiny new DSLR and think they're suddenly a photographer.

  • Modern manners dictate that if you are invited as a guest to a wedding, you attend as a guest.... not a photographer. See here and here and here.


    @PrettyGirlLost I guess, If you're worried that a guest will get a better shot than the professional photog you have hired, you really have hired the wrong photog.

    @CaseyW212 Absolutely, right! Know your crowd and go with your heart! Unplugged weddings are such common place now and it's a reasonable request for guests to adhere to and respect (without eyerolls @Maggie0829for the day – just like the dress code – even if it doesn't align with their own values.
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  • eg72 said:


    @sabilello As a wedding coordinator you should know that guest's comfort should be one of the top priorities of the bride and groom for the day. I feel sorry for your clients that you reenforced rude behavior. It is coordinators like you, who try to make your job as easy as possible and have no respect for the guests at a wedding, that get fads, like unplugged weddings, started and keep them going.

    If my guests want to take pictures during my ceremony, I will be happy that they feel close enough to me and my FH to want to have pictures of our ceremony.

    Treat adults as such.

    Also, as an EVENT coordinator (yes, I do all types of events), I know better than to be rude and I know how to accomodate guests and adjust when issues occur.

    I am also an event coordinator and I concur! Making my guests and clients comfortable and happy is priority #1--and that means all of them, not just the ones who are paying me.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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  • Hahahaha, love it @wrigleyville.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • @Alexaf2014 So glad that you actually took the time to think about the points raised in this thread!

  • sabilello said:
    Not only am I a wedding coordinator, but also a soon to be bride. I can tell you that it is very reasonable and acceptable to ask folks to attend an "unplugged" ceremony. I am planning to do it as well. Let me tell you some of the experiences I have seen as a wedding coordinator that happens when guests take photos during the ceremony. First of all, you are paying a large amount of money for a photographer or videographer, so guests who feel the need to snap photos instead of watching the ceremony are the rude ones. Wedding ceremonies that take place in churches are especially sacred which is a definite to "unplug" for guests. I know one photographer who had some photos overexposed because there were so many guests using flash photography. These photos cannot be redone,so guests should repeat the role of the professional. Additionally, I had another photographer trying to capture a beautiful moment as the bride walked down the aisle with her father, but the photo was ruined because a guest jumped out in front of her to snap her own photo at the exact moment. It is perfectly ok, for guests to snap photos during the reception, but I would also request that guests do not post them to social media. The bride and groom should provide guest with their emails to send photos. It should be up to the bride and groom to post their own photos, not the guests. In addition to putting it in a program, I also keep a framed request near the guest book and make an announcement before the ceremony begins. I have also tapped guests on the shoulder during the ceremony to tell them to put down their electronics. I assure you, the professional photographer you are spending a hefty sum to pay, will appreciate the thoughtfulness of not having to compete with rude guests who feel they need to snap photos.

    Thank you for posting! Now I know who not to recommend to my friends. As a wedding coordinator you don't get to make the rules. Your job is to make sure everyone is on time and in the right place, etc. and try to steer your clients away from rude things, not suggest them.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • Maggie0829 So many negative vibes, babe. 

    Additionally, this thread has taught us that you have to do what is right and reasonable for you and your guests... and no one is across this more than you.

    I feel that if a guest cares so deeply about a request, I question why they'd bother attending in such oppositional spirit. Not all requests from the bride and groom are going to align with your personal values, it's kinda naive to blanket anything that doesn't match your own values as being a "bridezilla" move. It's etiquette 101 to just sit tight and deal (sans eye-rollz). Most of my friends don't even subscribe to social media - so it's no huge task for me to request an unplugged. Just as they find a dress code, a helpful guide rather than a burden. I'm just thankful I don't know anyone who think 1 or 2 are okay.

    Some people are discreet. Some people don't want to broadcast how much money has been spent on the day – I was listening to a Planet Money (NPR) podcast that was looking into how tax collectors are now using social media to target investigations. There are so many drivers for people to hold values that are different to yours, that's why it's so bizarre to me that some of you would so blindly declare things to be "rude" or "not rude". Context people.

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  • Your parents are correct.  But, I agree that it's tempting to ask people to unplug because so many people DON'T have common sense.  I'm hoping that no one shows up in jeans or they can expect to get launched off the riverboat where our ceremony takes place.  I'm very strong.  I swear I'll do it!  LOL
    Congrats and good luck!
  • Viczaesar I guess, even the land of the free isn't exempt from classism.

    Don't confuse your own values for etiquette.
  • Ps. I'm not a wedding planner :/
  • Your parents are correct.  But, I agree that it's tempting to ask people to unplug because so many people DON'T have common sense.  I'm hoping that no one shows up in jeans or they can expect to get launched off the riverboat where our ceremony takes place.  I'm very strong.  I swear I'll do it!  LOL
    Congrats and good luck!
    Would you seriously kick someone out of your wedding for showing up in jeans? Because, I gotta be honest, it doesn't make an iota of difference in how your day goes. 

    Proof: my boss's shower was hosted by her mom (the owner of our business) a few weeks ago. One day at work, her mom told us all not to wear jeans to the shower. I personally don't like being told, as a grown adult, how to dress myself especially when it's my boss telling me how to dress outside of work. I wore jeans (and a very nice top with a blazer, it was a perfectly appropriate lunch-time shower outfit). I've been hearing, ever since the shower, how amazing it was and how beautiful everything was put together and what a great time everybody had (many of the guests were our clients, that's how I'm hearing all their feedback while at work). This very nice shower didn't seem to be any less awesome by my jeans-wearing. Not only that, nobody mentioned my jeans, not even my boss or her mom. Imagine that!
  • Your parents are correct.  But, I agree that it's tempting to ask people to unplug because so many people DON'T have common sense.  I'm hoping that no one shows up in jeans or they can expect to get launched off the riverboat where our ceremony takes place.  I'm very strong.  I swear I'll do it!  LOL
    Congrats and good luck!

    Wow. You sound like a peach. What other people wear to your wedding will not affect your wedding AT ALL. You should care that people come to share the day with you, not what they are wearing.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Omigosh, I feel like these people have been so rude in their replies! I think it's a really cute way to ask and a perfectly acceptable request. Someone actually asked if you thought you were so cool and popular that people would Facebook??! Well. Yes. You probably are. And people will. And if you think it will throw off the flow of your reception, by God, politely asking them not to is NOT the end of the world or the rudest thing to happen. My only suggestion is not putting it on your actual invitations. This is maybe more a small sign at the entrance of the reception or a word of mouth kind of thing. Good luck and keep your head above these incredibly snarky comments!
  • I think something's in the water. So many special snowflakes in so little time.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • AddieCake said:
    Two thoughts I'm having right now as this thread rages on:

    1. I can't believe nobody has suggested making this thread a sticky, since that's the trend now, and it's about as pointless as the others. 

    2. I am considering just randomly posting that unplugged wedding article link in all kinds of threads just to amuse myself and confuse people.



    I bet doing all that while having cake would make it that much better (thinking about our wedding cake DH was adamant we freeze for our 1st anniversary.....)

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

  • Newsflash: You can change your Facebook settings so people can't tag you (and/or you have to approve the tags). It's really no big deal. Also, I do not tag people. I always post an album and then say something like, "Hey, I put up the pictures from the graduation party. Tag yourselves in any photos you'd like to share."

    Newsflash: Taking photos with my iPhone is possible while the phone is in airplane mode. My phone will not ring, light up, or vibrate - it's simply a camera at that point. So, if you see a phone, don't panic. It doesn't mean I'm not present in your super-speshul moment. It means I'm capturing the moment for my own memories, as I probably don't want to pay for a professional copy of that exact same moment.

    People need to chill out and worry about things they can control, like their dress, the flowers, the music, and their rings.

    You know if you really think about it I bet the people who are taking pictures during the ceremony are paying much more attention to what is going on then the people who aren't... So if a bride wants a guest to "be present" she should probably encourage them to take pictures.
  • jdluvr06 said:

    You know if you really think about it I bet the people who are taking pictures during the ceremony are paying much more attention to what is going on then the people who aren't... So if a bride wants a guest to "be present" she should probably encourage them to take pictures.
    BINGO

    If I'm taking pictures, that means I'm focusing on you and waiting for the perfect moment to get a great shot of you crying, smiling, laughing, being pronounced, the first kiss, etc.

    If I'm not taking pictures, I'm still paying attention, but I'm also looking at other guests, looking at your decorations, looking at your program, checking out the BM dresses, checking out the GMs (in general... giggity...), etc.
  • ItsthevixItsthevix member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited April 2014
    With all respect, your parents are wrong and so are the people telling you that they would ignore the wishes of the couple. I am a professional wedding officiant as well as a newlywed (we got married 3 weeks ago), and I can't tell you how many professional, expensive pictures and videos are ruined by a guest holding up their cell phone during the ceremony, trying to get a picture, or even worse, standing up during the ceremony for a "better shot."

    I talk to the assembled about 10 minutes before EVERY wedding begins and ask everyone to please turn OFF their cell phones during the ceremony. I remind them that the couple has hired a lovely photographer for the pictures and we'd really prefer to see their faces in the pictures, and not their phones. Of course there are people that ignore me, but those people are being terrible guests, and bad friends. 

    Would you bring your own meal to a reception? Would you bring your own music? Of course not. Respect the wishes of the couple, and just be with them during the ceremony. If you think a couple that has spent a small fortune and a year of their lives planning an event doesn't have the right to request that you not interrupt it with your phone, you really shouldn't attend, because you don't respect them or their wishes. 

    Take all the pictures you want during the reception but your phone was not invited to the wedding and no one wants to see (or God forbid) hear it. Just put your ego - and your phone - aside for 15 minutes on ONE day and be there for the couple. They'll appreciate it, and so will the photographer they spent $4 grand on. 
  • Viczaesar I guess, even the land of the free isn't exempt from classism.

    Don't confuse your own values for etiquette.

    Classism? Oh honey, don't use words of which you don't know the meaning. "Land of the free" =/= you can be as much of an asshole as you like and nobody will care. Don't confuse your own lack of class for etiquette.



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    I don't understand why this thread is still going.
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