Etiquette

Hosting your own meal train?

An old coworker of DH just had their second child. I really don't know her other than being FB friends and her constantly asking for play dates (borderline obsessive IMO). A couple of days ago both my husband and I received a Facebook invite, from her directly, about a meal train she was hosting. For herself. I'm not sure if everyone was supposed to make or drop off meals at the date and time listed or just sign up to make a meal, but this was sent to almost 150 people and it said (paraphrasing) "baby # 2 is coming soon so please sign up to help us with meals after they arrive!" Like, point blank asking people to make them meals to make their lives easier after baby comes. And she's sending this to practical strangers?? I found it so rude and off putting. Please tell me this was rude because if this is a widely accepted thing I think I've lost faith in humanity.

I'm all for making meals and helping out after a baby but it's because I want to, not because I was solicited by the recipients.

After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

MissAmber83
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Re: Hosting your own meal train?

  • KGold80KGold80
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    No, you're not mistaken. That was rude. It's every bit as rude as hosting your own bridal or baby shower.
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    grumbledore
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    oh my.

    I might have to forget I saw that post. yikes.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    stef42188grumbledore
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl
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    An old coworker of DH just had their second child. I really don't know her other than being FB friends and her constantly asking for play dates (borderline obsessive IMO). A couple of days ago both my husband and I received a Facebook invite, from her directly, about a meal train she was hosting. For herself. I'm not sure if everyone was supposed to make or drop off meals at the date and time listed or just sign up to make a meal, but this was sent to almost 150 people and it said (paraphrasing) "baby # 2 is coming soon so please sign up to help us with meals after they arrive!" Like, point blank asking people to make them meals to make their lives easier after baby comes. And she's sending this to practical strangers?? I found it so rude and off putting. Please tell me this was rude because if this is a widely accepted thing I think I've lost faith in humanity.

    I'm all for making meals and helping out after a baby but it's because I want to, not because I was solicited by the recipients.

    I agree with you. She's soliciting. Not cool.
    grumbledore
  • Oh goodness. I didn't even know that was a thing. Even if someone offered to host that for me I'm not sure I'd even be comfortable doing that let alone hosting it myself.
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  • jenna8984jenna8984 clam bakes & patriots
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    I have never heard of a meal train in my life.

    I'm with @photokitty- "Congrats, you are quite capable of calling Dominos"

                                                                     

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    doeydochibiyuigrumbledorecasey8784
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    I've never heard of this either.  But it's rude to solicit gifts for oneself no matter what the occasion.
    doeydogrumbledore
  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH
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    Usually these are organized by friends/family/churches to help the new parents out.  It is VERY rude and tacky to try to organize one for yourself (the mom-to-be, not the OP).

    You know, it is also possible to pre-plan meals and have some stuff ready to go in the freezer...  Just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you are incapable.  My sister handled a toddler while she was 9 months pregnant with twins and she still found time to put some meals in the freezer.
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    lc07grumbledore
  • phiraphira Bahstin
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    Inkdancer said:
    I'd reply with a digital Domino's coupon.
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  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California
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    Guys! I want a meal train. I don't intend to ever have children. So if I'm feeling particularly lazy or my month is super busy with work can I pull a Carrie on SATC and register for a meal train just because? Why should you guys w/ kiddos get one while no one will ever make me a meal train? 

    Sidenote: I eat a lot but I don't want your food if you lick the spoon while you cook and I don't eat gluten. 

    Sign up below, please.
    Simply Fatedgrumbledorelmcooper86
  • Holy shit!  What ever happened to cooking an extra meal a week and freezing it in preparation for the birth of your child?  I did this for both of my pregnancies, and for one of them I was single, working full time and the mother of a three year old.

    It's not that hard.

    My parents came over one day and cooked meals after I had both of my children, but I certainly didn't ASK them to.  Some co-workers delivered pre made dinners to my home after I had my second (prematurely) which was nice, and I was so thankful of that, but then again I DIDN'T ASK and I had plenty in the freezer already.  Because I preplanned!  

    I'm starting my nursing clinical's this fall and I've already started doing freezer meals so that my H and my daughter will have something to eat besides hot dogs and junk when I have a 12 hour day.  It's not that hard and lasagna freezes beautifully.

    I don't get some of the younger generation these days, and I'm only 47.

    That said, I have and will cook meals for the bereaved, new moms, people recovering from surgery etc because I want to, but don't SOLICIT this deed from me.  

    I'd ignore her message.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Aray82Aray82
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    This is something I would offer along with any other kind of help but would find off-putting if the family were soliciting this themselves. I was a bit put off recently when some friends and I offered to host a baby shower for another friend this summer and she declined but also suggested that instead we and our SOs come over to clean her house when she's far along so the baby can have a clean environment to come home to. This I found at least odd if not quite rude--will see what other friends want to do with this suggestion but I barely have time to clean my own house without kids.
  • phira said:
    Inkdancer said:
    I'd reply with a digital Domino's coupon.
    I love you.
    So you're telling me I can sign up for Domino's coupon train? Because I'm in.
  • KGold80KGold80
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    Aray82 said:
    This is something I would offer along with any other kind of help but would find off-putting if the family were soliciting this themselves. I was a bit put off recently when some friends and I offered to host a baby shower for another friend this summer and she declined but also suggested that instead we and our SOs come over to clean her house when she's far along so the baby can have a clean environment to come home to. This I found at least odd if not quite rude--will see what other friends want to do with this suggestion but I barely have time to clean my own house without kids.
    dafuq? Who does that?
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    grumbledoresarawifenow
  • Yeah, I think it's a really nice thing to do for moms who just gave birth, but to request people to sign up?  Holy crap that's rude.

    I'm due in a couple months, and I don't expect anyone to bring us meals.  If someone were to choose to do so, of course I'd be very grateful.  But no way would I ever ask anyone to do that!

    SaveSave
  • AddieCake said:
    I would definitely contribute to one as long as it wasn't set up by the parents themselves. I think it's a wonderful way to help out friends. 

    EXACTLY! Babies and weddings bring out the crazies...

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    PrettyGirlLost
  • Lots of people organize meals for the first few weeks after having a baby, undergoing major surgery, etc. Having someone ask doesn't bother me, per se. But these are usually organized by churches or community volunteers. I think it's tacky to annoy strangers online.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    She isn't annoying strangers. She is asking her friends and family. Still tacky, but I don't know where you got that they were strangers.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • ^The OP used the term "practical strangers".
    I'm always happy to pitch in and help out those I'm close to who need extra help, but the way this woman sent a mass email would irk me too.
  • @northrend best comment of the day!
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    ohannabellePrettyGirlLost
  • AddieCake said:

    I would definitely contribute to one as long as it wasn't set up by the parents themselves. I think it's a wonderful way to help out friends. 

    We just did one for friends of ours who had a baby about four weeks early. The mother's sister organised it.

    I made vegetable lasagna.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    grumbledorePrettyGirlLost
  • Sorry that I'm late to responding. I had to vomit after reading this.

    The fact that this is an old co-worker of your husband's and not even someone you regularly associate indicates to me that they just sent this out to their whole friends list. This would cause me to "unfriend" them.

    I would happily offer to do this if it was organized FOR the couple, if I have a relationship with them outside of Facebook. Old work acquaintances hardly qualify.
    image image image

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    ohannabellegrumbledorePrettyGirlLost
  • ohannabelleohannabelle
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    edited May 2014
    No. Just no. 
    Why why why do people do these shameful things? And without shame?
    And why do I feel shame for them? That's not fair at all.

    Just blech. No.

    ETA: I would be happy to participate in something like this, but not if asked by the recipient. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Now I just want Dominoes pizza at midnight.....sigh

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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder
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    Now I just want Dominoes pizza at midnight.....sigh
    Bite your tongue, @Peaseblossom55! You live in NJ. There are a million and one pizzerias that are infinitely better than Dominoes. Pretty much every one in/near college towns are still open right now, too!
    ~*~*~*~*~

    monkeysip
  • KGold80KGold80
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    Screw pizza. Give me Thai food. But if that isn't an option...pizza.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    Our really good friends who live in another city had a baby recently.   We went them a $100 GC to Peapod.  Its an online grocery delivery service.    They were so excited at the gift.

    We did it because we wanted to, not because it was asked of us.  I knew for a fact the new mom was making freezer meals before giving birth.  Plus her mom was coming for 2 months.  They really didn't need meals.  We figured the everyone would benefit from groceries delivered right to their home.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    lc07PrettyGirlLostbuddysmom80
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