How do you tell a bridesmaid she's out of the wedding?
How do you tell a bridesmaid that you no longer want her in the wedding?
I was talking to one of mine about the wedding and how some of the other bridesmaids stood me up at an appointment and it hurt my feelings. She then proceeded to tell me my wedding wasn't a priority for anyone else but me and that I should just understand even if people make plans with me that I should understand their lives change. I then told her that if it wasn't a priority to anyone else that they shouldn't have accepted my invitation to be a bridesmaid, I mean what is the point of them if they aren't there to help and be supportive? And she said well its May and your wedding is December so you can't expect people to remember this stuff.
She truly hurt my feelings and this isn't the first time either.
I am planning to give her the boot bc I don't want to look back in 10 years and regret having her in all my pictures or running the risk she will hurt me again.
Am I wrong?
Re: How do you tell a bridesmaid she's out of the wedding?
As others have said, it is not our bridesmaids responsibility to help, plan or be your gofer. While it would be nice to have them help if you are asking for it, not everyone has the time to do so.
My bridesmaids are all over the country so it would be impossible for them to be by my side for everything. We are going bridesmaid shopping in August, which is still 14 months before my wedding, because it is the only time they will all be in NJ at the same time.
Try and let things roll off your back more and don't put so much pressure on them or yourself or you're just going to drive yourself crazy.
I think everyone completely misunderstood what I wrote. I have never once asked anyone for any help. No one has ever been my "goafer" or "helper" or anything of the sort. I simply only asked for them to buy the dress and i said they can wear whatever shoes they wanted. I have not at any time put any pressure on any of them at all. As far as not expecting them to be supportive? I think that is complete crap, if they aren't there to be supportive and happy for you then what is the point?
It seems like everyone completely misunderstood what I had said. I still stand firmly behind what I said that what she did was extremely hurtful. I never once asked anyone to make this their top priority but it should be expected of them to at least care a little about you as the bride, otherwise having a bridal party is really nothing more than them buying a dress and standing next to you.
JCbride2015 I think you are confused. Not only have I not asked them for help I barely ever seen any of them to discuss this. Rather I spend most of the time discussing them and all their events and happenings. And none of my bridesmaids have complained except this one and that is because she is more concerned about being able to buy herself expensive shoes & purses and thought the dress they ALL agreed on for under $200 was still too expensive. If anything I have heard from my MOH and future SIL that I don't talk about it enough and they want to know more of what I have planned!
Furthermore I do/have honored them every step of the way, when I asked them to be in it, it wasn't just a text or a call. I went out and bought them all gifts and wrote them nice cards asking them. I also let them pick out their own dress, decide on their own hair/makeup/shoes/everything.
It's really quite a shame to see other brides act this way and make it seem as if the idea of having a bridal party to support you is such an awful thing. And why is it so awful to want your BM to help you and give you some second opinions? I mean really is it that much to ask? Again, they are my friends first and isn't that something you'd go to friends for as well?
JCbride2015 Wrong, I never said I wanted help...I said they should be there to help and support you if the bride needed it. I did mention I planned this all myself which would indicate I didn't ask for any help. Asking for help with the appointment came as a request from my FH as he asked me to include his family in some of my appointments.
I also told her this didn't need to be her #1 priority of course but it should still have some level of priority in her life as she was chosen to be a part of a day I put a lot of time into not only for myself but for all of them as well. I am not a bride who was soley focused on herself and that is what you are making me out to be which is completely wrong. I rather instead, planned a lot of my wedding around my family & friends and found ways to make it special for everyone so you should really calm down with your tone.
Also, I did not lose a friend as it was assumed. She admitted she was wrong today and apologized. Again, its really a shame to hear other brides act like this because I can guarantee if anyone treated you this way it would hurt you as well and if you disagree you're only fooling yourself.
JCbride2015 no she was not a family member. It was the family member that stood me up. I am totally fine with someone not being able to attend appointments but at least letting me know you aren't coming when you already said yes would have been nice esp since it was on my birthday which was a double hit that they not only forgot my birthday but also the appt. But I let it go because my FH stepped up and was there.
No I did not kick her out, I did express how she hurt me and was going to see where it went from there and decide. But she came back and apologized because she said she was wrong and she was having a bad day and took it out on me for no reason.
laur6327, I totally agree with you.
3 weeks ago I had asked all my BM to go BM dress shopping this past Saturday. - Followed up an confirmed time/ location with everyone a few days prior. Then day of, I had to call one of my BMs to see if she was on her way because I had not heard from her -- she was sleeping and said she was sick. Well I know she had been sick, but she was also out until the wee hours of the night on the night prior. I couldn't believe that she a) had blown off the appointment and b) hadn't even bothered to try to call me to tell me she couldn't come.
Her friendship is super important to me, but how do you treat a friend like this?
I understand that friends may get "frustrated" with constant wedding talk but if they were true friends they would just be supportive you won't be getting married forever. Planning a wedding is a big part of your life and it's normal to want to talk about it with friends.
Do what feels right in your gut yes it may end the friendship but if she can flake on you so easily is it really a loss to begin with?