I am "newish" as you say because I don't have all day to sit around being an unpaid message board policeman. I stumbled upon this board because of my knot newsletter. I replied not looking for "wisdom" or to be schooled on the traditions of Victorian bridesmaids, but rather to defend this girl who was bullied into apologizing to her bridesmaid for what I perceive as her friend's faux pas (she should have asked about the shoes first before buying them). I have been utterly put off, however, by the extremely aggressive response to my innocuous comment. And I will let the decision of whether I am "wrong" rest on my own adult shoulders, not those of a bunch of faceless internet trolls who I am grateful will not be in attendance at my stunning, selfish, spoiled brat wedding. Shout out to my incredible bridesmaids who accept my slightly OCD nature and love me regardless. You guys are the most fabulous props a girl could ask for
For the record, I am @lizhurt sister and bridesmaid, and I am appalled at the cattiness and down right bitchiness that the brides on this forum have displayed in response to her opinions. To call another bride a "troll" because she desires a certain look for HER wedding is a display of rudeness and ignorance, and quite frankly, I'm embarrassed for all of you. I am honored to stand up next to her on the happy occasion of her wedding, and I will gladly wear whatever she wants me do because her wedding is NOT ABOUT ME! If she wants to dress me up according to her taste, go for it! I know that she is a thoughtful and considerate bride who will take all her BMs into consideration when picking our look. And for the record, she does have impeccable taste! I'm getting married in 17 days and she is my MOH. I have consulted her on every decision I've made since Day 1 and I am so grateful to have had her here throughout this whole process! She is far from a bridezilla, and I WOULD KNOW! So before you judge my beautiful sister too harshly, consider that each bride is different, as is each wedding. I hope in the future you will recognize that everyone's opinion is valuable, even if it is different from yours! That's why this is a forum not an advice column.
So what you're saying is your sister got to plan TWO weddings, and neither of you consulted your grooms?
I don't think this makes you a Bridezilla. Every bride is different and some want the bridal to pahve the same dress and shoes. It all depends on your situation; I have 4 bridesmaids in 3 different states, so I just told them a shoe color and am letting them get their own shoes, since there is probably no way they could get matching shoes.
However, I do think that you should have had this discussion with your bridal party before anyone made any purchases so that your attendants all knew they would be expected to wear the same shoes. At this point, I would say let the MOH wear what she has. If you want the other girls to have the same shoes, tell them now. The different shoe can just be a way of setting your MOH apart from the rest of the bridal party.
So what you're saying is your sister got to plan TWO weddings, and neither of you consulted your grooms?
Perhaps you might be a little dense, but that's not what I'm saying at all, actually. There's a difference between consulting a trusted sister and MOH and allowing her to plan my wedding. In fact, all have you have been ranting about not consulting BMs in decisions, and that's exactly what we're doing. And I don't remember even mentioning my groom. But since you brought it up, he has been part of every decision made where our wedding is concerned, and our wedding is reflective of our combined styles. But I'll be certain to relay your concern to him.
Is it wrong that I'm just glad the tirade of defensiveness of lizhurt by her sister spelled "cattiness" right instead of the "caddy/caddiness" we usually get?
Smiles on everyone's faces make for a perfect look. It's not about shoes.
SO MUCH THIS. I've been a bridesmaid a couple of times. I can tell the difference in the photos between the weddings in which we were tired and uncomfortable and the photog was like "Ok, now everyone make like you're laughing" and the weddings in which we were having a blast and giggling and the photog caught the moment.
I'm 100% determined to be in a light, happy, laugh-filled mood with my bridesmaids on the wedding day. The less you micromanage, the happier everyone will be and the better the wedding photos.
I was under the impression that your wedding is your day and that your bridesmaids should wear the dress, shoes, hairstyle, and accessories you want if that is your choice. That does NOT make you a bridezilla. I personally am choosing my bridemaids' looks head to toe, and they don't care! They know I have impeccable taste and want a traditional look. I think if you want your bridesmaids to pick their own, they can, and if you don't, you don't have to. Any bridesmaid that puts up a fuss is forgetting the point of being one: to honor and stand next to the bride on HER special day, not to wear an outfit.
That is part of the textbook definition of a micromanaging, controlling Bridezilla.
Any bride who forces her honored loved ones to wear clothing, makeup, and hair styles that they are not comfortable wearing or despise is forgetting the point of having a bridal party and frankly also the point of the wedding ceremony too; you honor your wedding party by asking them to stand with you on a momentous and special occasion. . . They are not just mere props for a Pinterest worthy photo op.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I am "newish" as you say because I don't have all day to sit around being an unpaid message board policeman. I stumbled upon this board because of my knot newsletter. I replied not looking for "wisdom" or to be schooled on the traditions of Victorian bridesmaids, but rather to defend this girl who was bullied into apologizing to her bridesmaid for what I perceive as her friend's faux pas (she should have asked about the shoes first before buying them). I have been utterly put off, however, by the extremely aggressive response to my innocuous comment. And I will let the decision of whether I am "wrong" rest on my own adult shoulders, not those of a bunch of faceless internet trolls who I am grateful will not be in attendance at my stunning, selfish, spoiled brat wedding. Shout out to my incredible bridesmaids who accept my slightly OCD nature and love me regardless. You guys are the most fabulous props a girl could ask for
BINGO! BINGO! So much BINGO I need 3 new cards.
BTW I just wanted to add that there is no way in hell I would let a Bride make me look like shit in photos by acquiescing to wearing a hair style that was unflattering on me just bc it is her wedding day. . . Even if she was paying for it. It's my head and face in those pics too, so I'd make an appointment on my own and pay for a style that looks good on me.
You want me to wear an awful ass colored dress in a crappy style? With the right alterations and accessories I can probably make it work so I don't feel totally hideous and self conscious in front of everyone. But you do t get to eff with my hair.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I was under the impression that your wedding is your day and that your bridesmaids should wear the dress, shoes, hairstyle, and accessories you want if that is your choice. That does NOT make you a bridezilla. I personally am choosing my bridemaids' looks head to toe, and they don't care! They know I have impeccable taste and want a traditional look. I think if you want your bridesmaids to pick their own, they can, and if you don't, you don't have to. Any bridesmaid that puts up a fuss is forgetting the point of being one: to honor and stand next to the bride on HER special day, not to wear an outfit.
That is part of the textbook definition of a micromanaging, controlling Bridezilla.
Any bride who forces her honored loved ones to wear clothing, makeup, and hair styles that they are not comfortable wearing or despise is forgetting the point of having a bridal party and frankly also the point of the wedding ceremony too; you honor your wedding party by asking them to stand with you on a momentous and special occasion. . . They are not just mere props for a Pinterest worthy photo op.
SO MUCH THIS! When I told my sister that I wasn't comfortable with the uniform for her wedding, due to cost (5x more than what by budget was, not that I was asked) as well as not being comfortable wearing parts of the uniform, I was told that "it is her day" that I should "do what she wants" and "the pictures will look awesome" it spoke volumes about what was important to her - Pinterest worthy photos, not having me stand up with her.
I just wanted to post that my sister picked out the shoes for her BM's and it was easily the most miserable shoe experience of my life. They were way too narrow for my feet and I was in absolute pain within 2 minutes of having them on. It ruined some of her pictures because I could not smile it hurt so much. Let your BM's pick their own damn shoes, no one is going to be looking at their feet.
Re: Accidental Bridezilla
I don't think this makes you a Bridezilla. Every bride is different and some want the bridal to pahve the same dress and shoes. It all depends on your situation; I have 4 bridesmaids in 3 different states, so I just told them a shoe color and am letting them get their own shoes, since there is probably no way they could get matching shoes.
However, I do think that you should have had this discussion with your bridal party before anyone made any purchases so that your attendants all knew they would be expected to wear the same shoes. At this point, I would say let the MOH wear what she has. If you want the other girls to have the same shoes, tell them now. The different shoe can just be a way of setting your MOH apart from the rest of the bridal party.
Perhaps you might be a little dense, but that's not what I'm saying at all, actually. There's a difference between consulting a trusted sister and MOH and allowing her to plan my wedding. In fact, all have you have been ranting about not consulting BMs in decisions, and that's exactly what we're doing. And I don't remember even mentioning my groom. But since you brought it up, he has been part of every decision made where our wedding is concerned, and our wedding is reflective of our combined styles. But I'll be certain to relay your concern to him.
Any bride who forces her honored loved ones to wear clothing, makeup, and hair styles that they are not comfortable wearing or despise is forgetting the point of having a bridal party and frankly also the point of the wedding ceremony too; you honor your wedding party by asking them to stand with you on a momentous and special occasion. . . They are not just mere props for a Pinterest worthy photo op.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
BTW I just wanted to add that there is no way in hell I would let a Bride make me look like shit in photos by acquiescing to wearing a hair style that was unflattering on me just bc it is her wedding day. . . Even if she was paying for it. It's my head and face in those pics too, so I'd make an appointment on my own and pay for a style that looks good on me.
You want me to wear an awful ass colored dress in a crappy style? With the right alterations and accessories I can probably make it work so I don't feel totally hideous and self conscious in front of everyone. But you do t get to eff with my hair.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
IT'S MY MOST BEAUTIFUL, PERFECT, SPECIAL DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I'm the fuck out.
That's is the most disgusting and narcissistic thing EVER. wow..I want to vomit
It's a good thing you understand jokes. You and your fiancé must be in for a lifetime of fun with your sense of humor
Oh and your grammar is much more vomit-inducing than my harmless response. That's is your problem though, not mines.
I'm the fuck out.
Sweet, she feels sorry for my FI!
Oh I am sorry, that was a joke? It was so funny, I forgot to laugh.
And I won't bother correcting my typo (because that's what it was) because making fun of a typo is dumber then the typo itself.
I'm the fuck out.
I'm the fuck out.
That was the joke Knot-zis, but I guess it went over your heads. Easy to do when they are so far up your asses. I've got a BA in English over here.
BYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (omg she like totally spelled that wrong wut an idiot!!!)