Trying to keep calm

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

Some of you may remember I posted a couple weeks ago about my brother deciding not to come to my wedding because he wanted to go to his high school reunion instead. Wellll, today I get a call from my mom asking if it's too late to add him and his family! Apparently, instead of calling me, he called my mom this weekend and said he is now planning on flying back into town the morning of my wedding, so he and his family of six can now come to my wedding! WTH?? I mean, I'm grateful he had a change of heart and decided my wedding is important, but good grief, it's 6 days away! When he told me he wasn't coming, I moved people around and eliminated an entire table. I already gave my final numbers to the linen and chair rental company. Now, I have to add that table back, move people around again, change my seating chart and place cards, order another centerpiece, and call to order 6 more chairs. UGH! Okay, vent over.

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

What happened to my paragraphs?? Sorry everyone, formatting is not working for me today.

lyndausvi · May 2014

That sucks, but I would have done the same by accommodating him. Just relax and it will be over in a few days. EKKK. NOTE - no paragraphs for me too

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

I'm tempted to put his table in the corner. A "time out" of sorts...but, no I won't really

Jen4948 · May 2014

Well, you could sit your brother down at some point and tell him that his going back-and-forth is stressing you out financially and psychologically, although I don't know what good it will do. GIven how indifferent he seems to have been to his own sister's wedding in the first place, none.

lyndausvi · May 2014

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

I'm tempted to put his table in the corner. A "time out" of sorts...but, no I won't really

I have a brother I would love to put in a timeout. Just hearing his name puts me in a bad mood. Grr. I only see him once every 3 years or so it's not too bad. Next time will be in 3 weeks. Sadly he has already gotten on my nerves.

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

@Jen4948; you're absolutely right. It would do no good. He couldn't even bother to call me himself, he had to go through my mom!

Jen4948 · May 2014

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

@Jen4948; you're absolutely right. It would do no good. He couldn't even bother to call me himself, he had to go through my mom!

You could seat him and his family away from the rest of you and minimize your time in his presence.

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

Jen4948 said:

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

@Jen4948; you're absolutely right. It would do no good. He couldn't even bother to call me himself, he had to go through my mom!

You could seat him and his family away from the rest of you and minimize your time in his presence.

And that's my plan. Or sit him with my mom so she can shame him all night! Gotta love good ol' Catholic Italian guilt trips!

phira · May 2014

I would totally put him in time out.

abbyj700 · May 2014

Ugh...the corner wouldn't even be time out to me - it would just be "hey, you didn't even bother calling - so you get what you get."

My brother can be inconsiderate but I think maybe yours gets to win the cake on this...anyone who would skip their sisters wedding for a high school reunion should be smacked.

HisGirlFriday13 · May 2014

phira said:

I would totally put him in time out.

I may or may not have seated DH's grandmother at a table that was literally the further point in the room from me.

I will say that DH approved the seating chart, and his grandmother's table placement, prior to my arranging it, so if it could be construed that she was in time-out, it wasn't SOLELY on me.

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

abbyj700 said:

Ugh...the corner wouldn't even be time out to me - it would just be "hey, you didn't even bother calling - so you get what you get."

My brother can be inconsiderate but I think maybe yours gets to win the cake on this...anyone who would skip their sisters wedding for a high school reunion should be smacked.

Oh, I agree, but I don't want to go to jail on my wedding day!

My brother and his wife are notorious AW's, so his last minute change really shouldn't surprise me. It just pisses me off that I'm now expected to rearrange everything because he is suddenly so generous to make these last minute flight changes to be able to be there. Which, BTW, both he and his wife work for a major airline. So, they don't even pay to fly!

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

HisGirlFriday13 said:

phira said:

I would totally put him in time out.

I may or may not have seated DH's grandmother at a table that was literally the further point in the room from me.

I will say that DH approved the seating chart, and his grandmother's table placement, prior to my arranging it, so if it could be construed that she was in time-out, it wasn't SOLELY on me.

Can I put him in the hallway?!

Jen4948 · May 2014

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

phira said:

I would totally put him in time out.

I may or may not have seated DH's grandmother at a table that was literally the further point in the room from me.

I will say that DH approved the seating chart, and his grandmother's table placement, prior to my arranging it, so if it could be construed that she was in time-out, it wasn't SOLELY on me.

Can I put him in the hallway?!

How about the parking lot? He can tailgate. ;-)

thisismynickname2 · May 2014

Wait... please don't tell me they're flying standby to your wedding. Please. After all your rework, they might not even show up. "Man, bad weather, and the plane we wanted to take got overbooked; sorry." Vent away. My sister and I certainly weren't BFFs growing up, but if either of us didn't attend each other's wedding, it would be a relationship-ending move. Unbelievable. Stick them in a corner next to the DJ speakers. Make sure they're served last. Assholes.

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

Jen4948 said:

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

phira said:

I would totally put him in time out.

I may or may not have seated DH's grandmother at a table that was literally the further point in the room from me.

I will say that DH approved the seating chart, and his grandmother's table placement, prior to my arranging it, so if it could be construed that she was in time-out, it wasn't SOLELY on me.

Can I put him in the hallway?!

How about the parking lot? He can tailgate. ;-)

He told me before that if he was able to make it at the last minute they would bring their own cheeseburgers. Forget the fancy plated dinner...for you, you get cheeseburgers in the parking lot!

lyndausvi · May 2014

thisismynickname said:

Wait... please don't tell me they're flying standby to your wedding. Please. After all your rework, they might not even show up. "Man, bad weather, and the plane we wanted to take got overbooked; sorry." Vent away. My sister and I certainly weren't BFFs growing up, but if either of us didn't attend each other's wedding, it would be a relationship-ending move. Unbelievable. Stick them in a corner next to the DJ speakers. Make sure they're served last. Assholes.

I was just thinking that!

Jen4948 · May 2014

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

Jen4948 said:

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

phira said:

I would totally put him in time out.

I may or may not have seated DH's grandmother at a table that was literally the further point in the room from me.

I will say that DH approved the seating chart, and his grandmother's table placement, prior to my arranging it, so if it could be construed that she was in time-out, it wasn't SOLELY on me.

Can I put him in the hallway?!

How about the parking lot? He can tailgate. ;-)

He told me before that if he was able to make it at the last minute they would bring their own cheeseburgers. Forget the fancy plated dinner...for you, you get cheeseburgers in the parking lot!

Maybe that's the perfect solution. It would keep him away from you.

Seriously, I would just invite him and give him no other special treatment. Seating him away from you, as previously suggested, would be enough. Doing more would give some him some dignity he doesn't deserve.

RebeccaFlower · May 2014

I would have to say something after the wedding about how hurtful it was and that you will no longer accommodate their every douche-y whim.

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

thisismynickname said:

Wait... please don't tell me they're flying standby to your wedding. Please. After all your rework, they might not even show up. "Man, bad weather, and the plane we wanted to take got overbooked; sorry." Vent away. My sister and I certainly weren't BFFs growing up, but if either of us didn't attend each other's wedding, it would be a relationship-ending move. Unbelievable. Stick them in a corner next to the DJ speakers. Make sure they're served last. Assholes.

Honestly, I don't know what his actual flight plans are. That's an assumption on my part. For all I know, he may have actually bought the tix to guarantee their flight.

I certainly felt his declining was a relationship ending move. I sent him an email telling him that, and that I love him and hope he one day sees how his actions hurt me so badly. 2 days later was when he called our mom and said he had a change of heart and now plans on coming. Coincidence? I think not.

Like I said above, he and his wife are very much into themselves and making themselves the center of attention. This is absolutely his attempt at a "Look at how wonderful we are. Despite being out of town, we made all these arrangements just to be here" type show. He's not fooling anyone, the asshat.

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

RebeccaFlower said:

I would have to say something after the wedding about how hurtful it was and that you will no longer accommodate their every douche-y whim.

I already sent him an email. I think that's what spurred the last minute change of plans. He doesn't want to look like the douche among the family.

Jen4948 · May 2014

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

RebeccaFlower said:

I would have to say something after the wedding about how hurtful it was and that you will no longer accommodate their every douche-y whim.

I already sent him an email. I think that's what spurred the last minute change of plans. He doesn't want to look like the douche among the family.

Too late for that, I think.

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

Jen4948 said:

SoontobeMrsNytes said:

RebeccaFlower said:

I would have to say something after the wedding about how hurtful it was and that you will no longer accommodate their every douche-y whim.

I already sent him an email. I think that's what spurred the last minute change of plans. He doesn't want to look like the douche among the family.

Too late for that, I think.

I'm certain of it.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

Why do you need to move people around at all? Just rent the extra table and chairs and seat your brother and his family at that table. Done.

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

Why do you need to move people around at all? Just rent the extra table and chairs and seat your brother and his family at that table. Done.

I thought about that, but was trying to be considerate and sit him with my parents and other brother.

buttercup1958 · May 2014

this sounds like something that my brother would do. I agree with everyone and send you internet hugs! At least he is coming? Sometimes I debate whether I want my brother in my life or not. Grr douchy brothers
ETA: My gif covers it for me I think!

beethery · May 2014

I need to find a gif of Cartman going, "but meeeemmmmmmmmm!"

All this crying to mom BS needs to end.

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

beethery said:

I need to find a gif of Cartman going, "but meeeemmmmmmmmm!"

All this crying to mom BS needs to end.

I could not agree more!

SoontobeMrsNytes · May 2014

buttercup1958 said:

this sounds like something that my brother would do. I agree with everyone and send you internet hugs! At least he is coming? Sometimes I debate whether I want my brother in my life or not. Grr douchy brothers
ETA: My gif covers it for me I think!

Thank you! I've had to do alot of work on myself to realize I probably need to cut this relationship. It's exhausting, but it seems to be so only for me. He flits in and out of my life when it's convenient for him. It hurts me because I really don't want the next time I see my brother to be at our parent's funerals, but I can't continue to leave myself vulnerable either.

weddingmcgee · May 2014

I would definitely have a talk with your brother at some point. Rearrange the wedding stuff, etc, and focus on your big day because it's about you. But definitely have a talk with your brother soon because this behavior is NOT acceptable. It was rude and inconsiderate of him. Plus, he didn't even call you- he called your MOM! I would have told your mother to have him call you personally because she doesn't need to be a messenger. Like some people other people, this reminds me of frustrations with my family so that's part of my venting. But seriously, say your piece because it sounds like you wouldn't treat him this way.

Trying to keep calm

Re: Trying to keep calm

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