The dreaded "gap"

purdueenggrad · May 2014

If you read other etiquette boards, no it is not rude to not allow guests a plus one. In fact, many people suggest this to be a great way to cut down on people at a reception if you are tight on space. If the person invited is dating them when we send out an invitation then they will get an invitation addressed to the both of them. I am not here to dictate which of our friends are in serious relationships. That's besides the point. My point was that everyone invited to the wedding knows each other and there won't be any guests left out in the cold.

I do believe that I know my family and friends better than you do and how dare you insult or be sarcastic towards their culture. Changing does not just mean changing their dress. To them it is also changing hair, clothes, make up. Which can take longer than 15 minutes.

Our guests do not have to drive anywhere. They can park their cars at the reception venue and walk the two blocks to the church. And there are dozens of riverwalks, bars, restaurants, shops, and sites within just a three block radius. So they don't have to drive around the city.

Unfortunately, when you are having an event like a wedding, you can't please everyone, and we can't. If we don't have the gap my fiance and I would have to do a first look which no one in our families believes in and the women who are going to change would miss the cocktail hour. If we have the gap, there might be a few guests who won't be thrilled, but you can't please everyone. Guests don't have to spend any money during the gap. Isn't gathering with your friends and family and enjoying the time together enough? Well for them it is.

So yes. If you believe a gap is rude, then I'm rude for trying to accommodate the majority of my guests while trying to adhere to my families wishes. It's not an easy thing to do. We chose to have a gap because it works for 95% of the people we have invited. We could have chosen to not have a gap. We could have started the reception at any time. But starting the cocktail hour at 4 does not work for most of the guests invited.

Tell me I'm rude, teach me proper etiquette. Because apparently I'm a horrible person who doesn't know how to have a wedding. And my guests are ignorant because they don't think a gap is rude either.

ashleyep · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

hroehrborn8788 said:

We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up." Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

I'm from an area that is very hot and humid in the summer. Most weddings are in full afternoon sun with no shade. After sitting in the sun for the ceremony I only need 5-10 minutes to "freshen up", depending on if there is a line in the ladies' room and if there is a bathroom kit to check out.
This is just as gross. . . No way I'd be sitting outside sweating profusely on nice clothing for a wedding, and I'd definitely want to take a shower after an ordeal like that.

I went to an outdoor wedding last summer. It was uncharacteristically warm for Massachusetts - 90+ degrees. I had sweat pouring down my cleavage. You know what I wouldn't have wanted? A gap where I had to take off my sweaty dress and then put it back on! I went to the restroom during the cocktail hour and wiped myself down.

APDSS22 · May 2014

foundtheone8815 said:

@apdss22

If you read other etiquette boards, no it is not rude to not allow guests a plus one. In fact, many people suggest this to be a great way to cut down on people at a reception if you are tight on space. If the person invited is dating them when we send out an invitation then they will get an invitation addressed to the both of them. I am not here to dictate which of our friends are in serious relationships. That's besides the point. My point was that everyone invited to the wedding knows each other and there won't be any guests left out in the cold.

I do believe that I know my family and friends better than you do and how dare you insult or be sarcastic towards their culture. Changing does not just mean changing their dress. To them it is also changing hair, clothes, make up. Which can take longer than 15 minutes.

Our guests do not have to drive anywhere. They can park their cars at the reception venue and walk the two blocks to the church. And there are dozens of riverwalks, bars, restaurants, shops, and sites within just a three block radius. So they don't have to drive around the city.

Unfortunately, when you are having an event like a wedding, you can't please everyone, and we can't. If we don't have the gap my fiance and I would have to do a first look which no one in our families believes in and the women who are going to change would miss the cocktail hour. If we have the gap, there might be a few guests who won't be thrilled, but you can't please everyone. Guests don't have to spend any money during the gap. Isn't gathering with your friends and family and enjoying the time together enough? Well for them it is.

So yes. If you believe a gap is rude, then I'm rude for trying to accommodate the majority of my guests while trying to adhere to my families wishes. It's not an easy thing to do. We chose to have a gap because it works for 95% of the people we have invited. We could have chosen to not have a gap. We could have started the reception at any time. But starting the cocktail hour at 4 does not work for most of the guests invited.

Tell me I'm rude, teach me proper etiquette. Because apparently I'm a horrible person who doesn't know how to have a wedding. And my guests are ignorant because they don't think a gap is rude either.

@foundtheone8815 it is not rude to not allow plus ones. That means the single ladies and gents don't get to bring random guests, not that people who are in relationships (whether you consider them serious or not) can be split up. You said you weren't inviting "random plus ones that aren't in a serious relationship." Which sounded like you were judging what is serious. If they're deciding, that's fine. It's great you know all your wedding guests. You still don't know what they're thinking unless you have telepathy.

You said you were going to give them things to do in Chicago. Usually means driving, but if you want them to walk around an unfamiliar and large city with some of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the country, that's an alternate plan I guess. I wasn't being sarcastic to their culture, I literally have never heard of an outfit that would take hours to change into. You still haven't told me how that's even possible.

Not only do I believe a gap is rude. It actually IS rude. If you have read the Etiquette board, you should already know this. Not an opinion thing. If you have guests that want to spend their time exploring Chicago, they can turn it into a family vacation, come down a few days early or stay late. They can spend as much time getting together with family as they want. In fact they could even do that at the reception! I'm betting the tradition of spending hours changing in between ceremony and reception came about because there were brides and grooms who thought they were more important than their guests and started breaking up events so the guests came up with something to do in the interim. I have done full costume changes in less than 5 minutes, including hairstyle. So I'm still not sure what cultural garment you are talking about that would need hours to get into.

I'm still impressed with your ability to read the minds of your guests.

cupcait927 · May 2014

This thread has killed my spirit and any hope for the future of proper hosting.

APDSS22 · May 2014

shrekspeare said:

APDSS22 said:

foundtheone8815 said:

@apdss22

If you read other etiquette boards, no it is not rude to not allow guests a plus one. In fact, many people suggest this to be a great way to cut down on people at a reception if you are tight on space. If the person invited is dating them when we send out an invitation then they will get an invitation addressed to the both of them. I am not here to dictate which of our friends are in serious relationships. That's besides the point. My point was that everyone invited to the wedding knows each other and there won't be any guests left out in the cold.

I do believe that I know my family and friends better than you do and how dare you insult or be sarcastic towards their culture. Changing does not just mean changing their dress. To them it is also changing hair, clothes, make up. Which can take longer than 15 minutes.

Our guests do not have to drive anywhere. They can park their cars at the reception venue and walk the two blocks to the church. And there are dozens of riverwalks, bars, restaurants, shops, and sites within just a three block radius. So they don't have to drive around the city.

Unfortunately, when you are having an event like a wedding, you can't please everyone, and we can't. If we don't have the gap my fiance and I would have to do a first look which no one in our families believes in and the women who are going to change would miss the cocktail hour. If we have the gap, there might be a few guests who won't be thrilled, but you can't please everyone. Guests don't have to spend any money during the gap. Isn't gathering with your friends and family and enjoying the time together enough? Well for them it is.

So yes. If you believe a gap is rude, then I'm rude for trying to accommodate the majority of my guests while trying to adhere to my families wishes. It's not an easy thing to do. We chose to have a gap because it works for 95% of the people we have invited. We could have chosen to not have a gap. We could have started the reception at any time. But starting the cocktail hour at 4 does not work for most of the guests invited.

Tell me I'm rude, teach me proper etiquette. Because apparently I'm a horrible person who doesn't know how to have a wedding. And my guests are ignorant because they don't think a gap is rude either.

@foundtheone8815 it is not rude to not allow plus ones. That means the single ladies and gents don't get to bring random guests, not that people who are in relationships (whether you consider them serious or not) can be split up. You said you weren't inviting "random plus ones that aren't in a serious relationship." Which sounded like you were judging what is serious. If they're deciding, that's fine. It's great you know all your wedding guests. You still don't know what they're thinking unless you have telepathy.

You said you were going to give them things to do in Chicago. Usually means driving, but if you want them to walk around an unfamiliar and large city with some of the most dangerous neighborhoods in the country, that's an alternate plan I guess. I wasn't being sarcastic to their culture, I literally have never heard of an outfit that would take hours to change into. You still haven't told me how that's even possible.

Not only do I believe a gap is rude. It actually IS rude. If you have read the Etiquette board, you should already know this. Not an opinion thing. If you have guests that want to spend their time exploring Chicago, they can turn it into a family vacation, come down a few days early or stay late. They can spend as much time getting together with family as they want. In fact they could even do that at the reception! I'm betting the tradition of spending hours changing in between ceremony and reception came about because there were brides and grooms who thought they were more important than their guests and started breaking up events so the guests came up with something to do in the interim. I have done full costume changes in less than 5 minutes, including hairstyle. So I'm still not sure what cultural garment you are talking about that would need hours to get into.

I'm still impressed with your ability to read the minds of your guests.

TELEPATHY!

That's probably the last blackout square. Are you guys drunk yet? You're all probably dead by now.

I'm so glad I didn't get that bottle of wine from the liquor store yesterday like I planned. Otherwise I'd have one heck of a hangover. Or I'd still be drinking even though it's 9 o'clock in the morning.

ashleyep · May 2014

Look, at the end of the day a gap isn't the end of the world. Your guests will probably still come and have a good time and they'll be happy to celebrate with you.

But it's an inconvenience! It's annoying, I have to find something to do for an hour. Even if you have activities planned, I'm not going to gallivanting around the city in my dress and heels. Why would you *want* to inconvenience your guests like that?

Maybe in some places every single female guest changes outfits between the ceremony and reception. But that's not the case for most people.

purdueenggrad · May 2014

Like I keep saying, what works for one family might not work for another. When I attend a wedding I expect it to take up my whole day whether there is a gap or not. Our families are incredibly close and being scattered around the country, weddings to them are like family reunions. Gaps might be inconvenient for some people. I never said they might not be inconvenient. But sometimes in certain circumstances they work out better for the couples and families involved. Oh, and apparently I'm telepathic because I'm incredibly close with my family and we talk about everything. I guess our honest and open relationships aren't the norm.

Maggie0829 · May 2014

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

THE RULES:

1. Zero Tolerance for Bullies (aka- how to get banned)

We know you are all adults, and no, we’re not going to ban you for using profanity, sarcasm or sharing your opinion in conversation. However, we are going to ban you if you’re malicious towards another user.

Malicious, petty and/or personal attacks of any kind are unacceptable, so please be mindful of the way you address and discuss others.

Personal attacks include, but are not limited to: starting a thread with a user’s name as the topic/title to “bash” them, linking to a thread to call out a user on their post, thoughts or beliefs (not a topic), calling a username out maliciously, starting a malicious or derogatory poll/question about a user, using images (memes, gifs, etc.) in a direct attack/vicious manner, etc.

The Knot encourages you to share your opinions while respecting others’ thoughts and feelings as well. Feel free to share, but be ready to hear and accept other opinions that you may not always agree with. Because you do not agree with someone, does not mean this is the place to attack anyone else’s beliefs.

Congrats for reading the TOS. If you had actually read this thread instead, you'd find that none of the people disagreeing with gaps were attacking anyone, or bullying anyone. Disagreeing with people, not validating their awful ideas, providing rebuttal to arguments, and even swearing are not attacking, bulling, or against the TOS.

Some people believe a gap is rude. For some it's the norm. Voice your opinion but stop attacking each other because of something you believe is rude. I don't think the word "attack" means what you think it means.

Our ceremony is at 3pm because our church, with a priest whom we are very close with, only has weddings at 3pm on Saturdays due to Saturday evening mass. How are we rude for wanting to be married by a man who is very near and dear to our hearts? The cocktail hour begins at 6pm. That's the part that is rude in your plan- having a 2 hour gap. Start your cocktail hour right after your ceremony. The family I am marrying into, in their culture they change between the ceremony and cocktail hour/reception. How are we rude for allowing our guests to embrace their own culture and still be able to attend all wedding events. You are being rude to the rest of your guest list who has no need to change after a wedding. So now they are going to be standing around, with nothing to do, because your FI's family has to re-fo their hair and makeup? If your FI's family wants to change they can do so during cocktail hour. I can also tell you that my family; aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends, don't mind the gap. We embrace it. Uh huh. Everyone told you that, to your face? I have lied to ppl's faces in order to be polite too. Go read the Worst Weddng thread on the E board. . . the overarching theme of those stories are that the worst weddings had gaps. No one said anything to the couple in person, but they complained to other family and friends during the gap and for years afterwards in some cases. They would also be disappointed if the reception ended at 9 as opposed to the planned time of 11:30. Logic fail. Why would your reception *have* to end at 9:30 if it begins right after your ceremony? You could pay for a longer reception.

My ceremony starts at 3pm, will be over around 4pm, and our reception will begin right after with wiggle room for travel time. Guess what time my reception will end? 11pm. So an 11pm reception end time w/o any gap. It's not that hard.

We are only inviting those nearest and dearest to us. So why would you want to waste their time by having a gap? No acquaintances or or random plus ones that aren't in a serious relationship. Ugh. I hope that you realize the difference between a Plus One for a truly single guest and inviting anyone in a relationship with their SO. And I hope that you are not trying to judge the significance or length of those relationships. Everyone attending knows each other. There is only one girl, the wife of one of the groomsman who is shy and may be uncomfortable during the gap. For that reason she is invited to come around on the bus with us while we take pictures in the city. Guests will also be provided with fun things to do in the city, Chicago, during the gap.

In the end, you are the one who knows your guests the best. What some consider rude might be completely non offensive to someone else. Some people think it is rude for their children not to be invited to the wedding. That is their belief. My belief is that it is rude for parents to expect their children to be invited. In the Persian culture, weddings are the event of the season and people wear their absolute best. They might find it rude when they arrive at a casual rustic wedding to see people in simple dockers and a button down shirt. Huh? If your Iranian guests are offended by what other ppl are wearing, then that's their issue to deal with, and frankly they can get over themselves. Nothing is stopping them from dressing like they are going to a black tie function, even if it's not appropriate to the theme and venue of the wedding, and even if no one else is that dressed up.

What works for one bride and groom's family and friends might not work for another. So knock it off with the personal and vicious attacks. Again, I think you are confused as to what an attack is. Not one of you is better than the other or is your wedding better than the other.

ShallowSeas · May 2014

purdueenggrad · May 2014

Well, I guess I'm a rude, inconsiderate, selfish snob with a family full of obnoxious liars. Good thing none of you are invited to our wedding! You'd be so miserable! Enjoy your special days!

bmydesigner · May 2014

So I guess I missed a blizzard?

Simky906 · May 2014

@foundtheone8815 If your FI's family needs to have time to change after the ceremony, how about having your cocktail hour immediately following the ceremony but stretching to to 90 minutes in length?

That way they should still have plenty of time to change and hopefully still make the last half hour of cockatils. And your guests who don't need/want to change are still hosted but no one feels rushed.

Edited because I can't spell today.

DaisyMaeMommy · May 2014

bmydesigner said:
So I guess I missed a blizzard?

A huge one...

APDSS22 · May 2014

foundtheone8815 said:

Like I keep saying, what works for one family might not work for another. When I attend a wedding I expect it to take up my whole day whether there is a gap or not. Our families are incredibly close and being scattered around the country, weddings to them are like family reunions. Gaps might be inconvenient for some people. I never said they might not be inconvenient. But sometimes in certain circumstances they work out better for the couples and families involved. Oh, and apparently I'm telepathic because I'm incredibly close with my family and we talk about everything. I guess our honest and open relationships aren't the norm.

I have an open and honest relationship with several family members and still could not tell you what they are thinking in their minds. What they say with their mouths could be quite different.

It's like those tv documentaries about serial killers. Everyone always says how shocked they were by the serial killer's arrest and how they seemed like such nice people. The neighbors and family members had no idea they were dismembering people in their free time. So you just have no way of knowing how much of your guest list really and truly is inconvenienced by gaps and just never says anything about it.

A good sampling of the world and its various religions and cultures have posted on the Worst Weddings thread. A large number mention gaps. Now if you have a perfectly lovely wedding for your guests otherwise, they might excuse a gap, especially if they're used to them. The gap is still rude, but it's not like you vandalized their car or kicked their puppy. The problem is, most of the weddings on that Worst Weddings thread that have a gap also have multiple other etiquette flaws that lead to a miserable experience for the invited guests. A large number of the posters mention never having said anything to the wedding couple, the wedding couple's friends and family or maybe even anyone else but still being deeply bothered by being treated like their time was worthless and they were taken in by the wedding couple's "special day".

So the real question is: do you want to be the wedding couple that everyone raves about your wedding and how awesome it was years later, or the one they call "gap-tastic"?

APDSS22 · May 2014

foundtheone8815 said:

Well, I guess I'm a rude, inconsiderate, selfish snob with a family full of obnoxious liars. Good thing none of you are invited to our wedding! You'd be so miserable! Enjoy your special days!

And you also have no way of knowing if any of us are on your guest list. I'm not, because I'm not going to a wedding in Chicago anytime soon, but that's a little food for thought. (And I'm glad I'm not invited to your special day honey, I have better things to do than wander around a city that made the 20 Worst Neighborhoods of America list multiple times for hours in cocktail attire.)

tcnoble · May 2014

Dear god I hate TK newsletters.

purdueenggrad · May 2014

@apdss22

First of all. I'm not your "honey" and thank god for that, so I'd appreciate it if you cut the use of your disrespectful pet names. Second of all. The wedding is not in the freaking ghetto. I'm not hosting the wedding in Washington Park or North Lawndale. Every bride's situation is different. And if you took those blinders off when you read the etiquette boards gaps are acceptable provided you warn the guests ahead of time and give them something to do. Not really sure how you can compare serial killers to a two hour gap in a wedding day. But hey, whatever logic works for you! We can agree to disagree.

saacjw · May 2014

APDSS22 said:

foundtheone8815 said:

Well, I guess I'm a rude, inconsiderate, selfish snob with a family full of obnoxious liars. Good thing none of you are invited to our wedding! You'd be so miserable! Enjoy your special days!

And you also have no way of knowing if any of us are on your guest list. I'm not, because I'm not going to a wedding in Chicago anytime soon, but that's a little food for thought. (And I'm glad I'm not invited to your special day honey, I have better things to do than wander around a city that made the 20 Worst Neighborhoods of America list multiple times for hours in cocktail attire.)

I am actually going to a wedding in Chicago this year. There's a LONG gap and I am dreading it, for the reasons a lot of people have stated. I don't really have much to do (I'll end up at a bar, maybe go back to a friend's place), I'll be in heels and a cocktail dress and I'll have to carry make up to "freshen up" which I wouldn't have needed to do without a gap. Luckily, in this instance, I actually know people going to the wedding, unlike MOST of the other gapped weddings I've attended. I don't need the gap to catch up with them though.

As for the dangerous neighborhoods- I lived in Chicago and worked in a real estate related job, so I know the neighborhoods really well, and know that the church is in a really nice neighborhood and the reception is in a not bad neighborhood and right between them is a neighborhood where I was nearly sexually assaulted at a park in broad daylight on my lunch break and where I was once punched randomly on the street. I won't be hanging out in said neighborhood, but straight up, if you were unfamiliar with the city, it'd be super easy to stop there.

APDSS22 · May 2014

foundtheone8815 said:

@apdss22

First of all. I'm not your "honey" and thank god for that, so I'd appreciate it if you cut the use of your disrespectful pet names. Second of all. The wedding is not in the freaking ghetto. I'm not hosting the wedding in Washington Park or North Lawndale. Every bride's situation is different. And if you took those blinders off when you read the etiquette boards gaps are acceptable provided you warn the guests ahead of time and give them something to do. Not really sure how you can compare serial killers to a two hour gap in a wedding day. But hey, whatever logic works for you! We can agree to disagree.

First of all, using 'honey' is a colloquialism from the area I live in, bless your little heart if you thought that meant anything different.

Secondly, Chicago has a lot of crime. Some neighborhoods have higher murder rates, etc. but there's a lot of overall crime there. It's historically not a very safe place, especially for people unfamiliar with it. I'm not saying all your guests are going to get mugged, but it's a higher possibility than having your wedding elsewhere. Especially if you leave a gap of several hours for them to wander around on foot by themselves.

Third, the Etiquette board has never said gaps were acceptable as long as you tell your guests ahead of time. I've been on there quite awhile, I post there frequently and that is simply untrue. Gaps are always rude. That's what they say on the Etiquette board, that's what has been backed up countless times with posters of good common sense and hosting abilities as well as etiquette gurus such as Miss Manners. Having a cocktail hour as your "gap" is perfectly fine, and is, in fact, why cocktail hours exist. For proper, continuous hosting during the hour in which the wedding couple are taking pictures after the ceremony and before the reception.

I am comparing what people say about serial killers to what they're going to be saying after your wedding. Because unless you have powers beyond human ken, you cannot read minds. So you really DON'T know what your friends and family are thinking. You can continue on with your wedding plans and be as inconsiderate of your guests as you want to be, but it will always be rude no matter what kind of wedding blinders you're wearing.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

foundtheone8815 said:

@apdss22

First of all. I'm not your "honey" and thank god for that, so I'd appreciate it if you cut the use of your disrespectful pet names. Second of all. The wedding is not in the freaking ghetto. I'm not hosting the wedding in Washington Park or North Lawndale. Every bride's situation is different. And if you took those blinders off when you read the etiquette boards gaps are acceptable provided you warn the guests ahead of time and give them something to do. Not really sure how you can compare serial killers to a two hour gap in a wedding day. But hey, whatever logic works for you! We can agree to disagree.

Which boards are you reading? The vapid validation squads on WW and WB, will agree with the bolded, but I have never seen a majority of E posters here say that gaps are fine. Ever.

If 95% of your guest list is Iranian and they are expecting a gap to change, then I think you could get rid of the gap, lengthen your cocktail hour so that they can change and hey still enjoy it, and that way the other 5% of your guest list who doesn't "need" to change after your ceremony won't get stuck with nothing to do for like 2 hours.

I know you said you are going to provide your guests with info for thigs to do in Chicago during the gap, but your wedding guests are coming into the city for your wedding, not to sight see, driving around in Chicago is a PIA as far as I have been told by natives, and it's not the safest city in the country. . . I'm sure your wedding isn't going to be in a ghetto, but if someone unfamiliar with the city and the bad areas gets lost and drives into the wrong neighborhood, there could be issues.

VulgarGirl · May 2014

I just want to say I'm very happy public love-it's are back.

I'm judging the shit out of who is loving what.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

shrekspeare said:

APDSS22 said:

foundtheone8815 said:

Well, I guess I'm a rude, inconsiderate, selfish snob with a family full of obnoxious liars. Good thing none of you are invited to our wedding! You'd be so miserable! Enjoy your special days!

And you also have no way of knowing if any of us are on your guest list. I'm not, because I'm not going to a wedding in Chicago anytime soon, but that's a little food for thought. (And I'm glad I'm not invited to your special day honey, I have better things to do than wander around a city that made the 20 Worst Neighborhoods of America list multiple times for hours in cocktail attire.)

Ouch. That's a little much. Maybe don't bash the city someone wants to hold their wedding in? That's not cool.

Meh, it's just a fact that Chicago has one of the highest crime rates in the US. It's been that way for years.

saacjw said:

APDSS22 said:

foundtheone8815 said:

Well, I guess I'm a rude, inconsiderate, selfish snob with a family full of obnoxious liars. Good thing none of you are invited to our wedding! You'd be so miserable! Enjoy your special days!

And you also have no way of knowing if any of us are on your guest list. I'm not, because I'm not going to a wedding in Chicago anytime soon, but that's a little food for thought. (And I'm glad I'm not invited to your special day honey, I have better things to do than wander around a city that made the 20 Worst Neighborhoods of America list multiple times for hours in cocktail attire.)

I am actually going to a wedding in Chicago this year. There's a LONG gap and I am dreading it, for the reasons a lot of people have stated. I don't really have much to do (I'll end up at a bar, maybe go back to a friend's place), I'll be in heels and a cocktail dress and I'll have to carry make up to "freshen up" which I wouldn't have needed to do without a gap. Luckily, in this instance, I actually know people going to the wedding, unlike MOST of the other gapped weddings I've attended. I don't need the gap to catch up with them though.

As for the dangerous neighborhoods- I lived in Chicago and worked in a real estate related job, so I know the neighborhoods really well, and know that the church is in a really nice neighborhood and the reception is in a not bad neighborhood and right between them is a neighborhood where I was nearly sexually assaulted at a park in broad daylight on my lunch break and where I was once punched randomly on the street. I won't be hanging out in said neighborhood, but straight up, if you were unfamiliar with the city, it'd be super easy to stop there.

Case in point.

PrettyGirlLost · May 2014

shrekspeare said:

I think a lot of people are confusing gaps with cocktail hour.

Could be!

chibiyui · May 2014

shrekspeare said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

foundtheone8815 said:

@apdss22

First of all. I'm not your "honey" and thank god for that, so I'd appreciate it if you cut the use of your disrespectful pet names. Second of all. The wedding is not in the freaking ghetto. I'm not hosting the wedding in Washington Park or North Lawndale. Every bride's situation is different. And if you took those blinders off when you read the etiquette boards gaps are acceptable provided you warn the guests ahead of time and give them something to do. Not really sure how you can compare serial killers to a two hour gap in a wedding day. But hey, whatever logic works for you! We can agree to disagree.

Which boards are you reading? The vapid validation squads on WW and WB, will agree with the bolded, but I have never seen a majority of E posters here say that gaps are fine. Ever.

If 95% of your guest list is Iranian and they are expecting a gap to change, then I think you could get rid of the gap, lengthen your cocktail hour so that they can change and hey still enjoy it, and that way the other 5% of your guest list who doesn't "need" to change after your ceremony won't get stuck with nothing to do for like 2 hours.

I know you said you are going to provide your guests with info for thigs to do in Chicago during the gap, but your wedding guests are coming into the city for your wedding, not to sight see, driving around in Chicago is a PIA as far as I have been told by natives, and it's not the safest city in the country. . . I'm sure your wedding isn't going to be in a ghetto, but if someone unfamiliar with the city and the bad areas gets lost and drives into the wrong neighborhood, there could be issues.

I think a lot of people are confusing gaps with cocktail hour.

I think that too. And travel times.

30-45 minute travel time and cocktail hour starts when people get there? Not a gap. 30-45 minute travel time and then there's still an hour before cocktail hour starts? GAP.

APDSS22 · May 2014

shrekspeare said:

APDSS22 said:

foundtheone8815 said:

Well, I guess I'm a rude, inconsiderate, selfish snob with a family full of obnoxious liars. Good thing none of you are invited to our wedding! You'd be so miserable! Enjoy your special days!

And you also have no way of knowing if any of us are on your guest list. I'm not, because I'm not going to a wedding in Chicago anytime soon, but that's a little food for thought. (And I'm glad I'm not invited to your special day honey, I have better things to do than wander around a city that made the 20 Worst Neighborhoods of America list multiple times for hours in cocktail attire.)

Ouch. That's a little much. Maybe don't bash the city someone wants to hold their wedding in? That's not cool.

I wanted to find this article, and Chicago is one of the top featured cities in that article. Being from another state, I would be one of those not familiar with the city and more likely to go into an area like the one mentioned above that seems nice but assaults happen frequently. I don't mean Chicago is a terrible place and no one should get married there, but encouraging your guests to go out walking around Chicago during your gap seems very irresponsible to me.

thisismynickname2 · May 2014

So is having your wedding in a place that non-natives think isn't safe the new etiquette faux-pas?

Guess I should expect more declines to my Michigan Ave wedding venue, because those flash mobs of meanie teenagers just knock people down and steal tourists' iPhones and OMG why would I subject my guests to walking one block from hotel to restaurant in the Big Bad City?

mollyringwald15 · May 2014

You know what gaps remind me of? 3 hour layovers at the airport.

cupcait927 · May 2014

TRUE STORY ALERT - I JUST heard my coworker telling another one about a wedding that she was invited to for a good friend that has a gap. All she could do was shake her head in dismay and exclaim "what is that all about?!" And this is from the same coworker that had 3 DAYS worth of wedding events at her wedding three years ago.

ohannabelle · May 2014

.Weird double post with bizarre formatting. Apologies for the delete.

The dreaded "gap"

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