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The dreaded "gap"

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Re: The dreaded "gap"

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    creativethriftybridecreativethriftybride member
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    Change your username. .  It should never be an email address.

    And I'm sorry but how is this a money issue?  My budget was $5000 and my guests are properly hosted at a gapless event, thanks.  

    ETA: Btw that's with ZERO financial support from others in my family and I make my money on my own, selling products that I make personally, which doesn't make a lot of money.


    It's a money issue if you're expected to have some sort of cocktail thing, plus the main food, for a tiny 30 minute gap.

    And it won't let me change my user name. I've tried twice.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    hroehrborn8788 said:

    We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up."

    Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

    Ew, gross

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    wuerfleinrswuerfleinrs member
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    @courtneyandjohn2014 Well said. It sounds like you have had to make lot of changes to your original vision. I say don't worry about what everyone else here is saying and do what is best for you. There will be a gap of about an hour at my wedding and I'm hoping my guests will understand and be okay with it. If a gap is what will work for you than I say go for it. Best of luck.
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    creativethriftybridecreativethriftybride member
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    AddieCake said:






    WTF do gaps and cost have to do with each other?
    Yes, swearing is totally appropriate.

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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    LadyMillil said:


    hroehrborn8788 said:

    We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up."

    Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

    I'm from an area that is very hot and humid in the summer. Most weddings are in full afternoon sun with no shade. After sitting in the sun for the ceremony I only need 5-10 minutes to "freshen up", depending on if there is a line in the ladies' room and if there is a bathroom kit to check out.

    This is just as gross. . . No way I'd be sitting outside sweating profusely on nice clothing for a wedding, and I'd definitely want to take a shower after an ordeal like that.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    hroehrborn8788hroehrborn8788 member
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    KGold80 said:

    hroehrborn8788 said:

    We are having a break
    between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up."

    Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

    I'm sorry, but I personally think having an outdoor wedding in July that would necessitate people "freshening up" afterward is really rude. Want an outdoor wedding? Great! But don't have it in July when you know it will be really hot and/or humid. I wouldn't want to sit there and sweat in my nice clothes. I wouldn't want to be all sweaty and gross in my wedding gown either. And men in suits? Poor guys!
    "Really rude." Well here's the thing. We are teachers. We have a very small window of the summer that isn't flooded with professional development or grad school classes. July was the only option, and having an outdoor wedding is pretty much the only part of my original "vision" that I've held onto. I'm glad the original poster came back to share insight into her day. Now maybe everyone will stop calling everything "rude" without considering the situation. Especially things that are not related to the topic at hand: gaps between ceremonies and receptions.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    hroehrborn8788 said:
    We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up." Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.
    I'm sorry, but I personally think having an outdoor wedding in July that would necessitate people "freshening up" afterward is really rude. Want an outdoor wedding? Great! But don't have it in July when you know it will be really hot and/or humid. I wouldn't want to sit there and sweat in my nice clothes. I wouldn't want to be all sweaty and gross in my wedding gown either. And men in suits? Poor guys!
    "Really rude." Well here's the thing. We are teachers. We have a very small window of the summer that isn't flooded with professional development or grad school classes. July was the only option, and having an outdoor wedding is pretty much the only part of my original "vision" that I've held onto. I'm glad the original poster came back to share insight into her day. Now maybe everyone will stop calling everything "rude" without considering the situation. Especially things that are not related to the topic at hand: gaps between ceremonies and receptions.
    If you are talking about those who have said that gaps are rude, there is no "situation" to consider.  They are rude.  Receptions need to follow ceremonies without gaps except for going between the venues, which should take only about 30 minutes at the longest.  Once the first guests reach the reception venue, that's when the reception should start-with a cocktail hour or similar hospitality if the couple and wedding party are going to take pictures between the ceremony and reception.

    If you are talking about those who have complained about those of us who have been upholding what I said in my first paragraph, I agree with you.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Butterflyz419 said:

    Yep, you can decline because of a gap and I'll think your petty. I also think declining a morning wedding, or a night wedding, or a Sunday wedding just because it's not the most convenient thing ever for your precious schedule is also petty.  I think it's petty to complain that the ceremony lasted an hour and a half because the couple wanted to honor their religious traditions in their ceremony. 
    I think it's petty to complain that address labels were used instead of hand addressing the invitation envelope. I think it's petty to complain about a buffet or that a DJ was chosen over a band (or vice versa).  I think it's petty to complain that the bride did a bouquet toss and on and on on all things I've heard complaints about. Guests have become every bit as demanding and little "snowflakes" as any of the brides thinking that weddings ought to be catered to their expectations. And so yup, the wedding reception is to receive the guests, but I will receive them in a way that makes the most sense to my budget and my priorities, which is why I'm doing a receiving line, even if guests think that's inconvenient because I'm not spending my dinner time going from table to table and I will trust that my guests being the adults that they are and that they knowing me and my fiancé that everyone is doing the best they can to serve the diverse interests and needs and expectations of 125 people. 

    Best of luck to you well meaning brides, it's rough out there.
    If you can't understand why wasting my time for the sake of having an evening reception for the look and "vibe" of it is rude, then I don't really care what your opinion is.

    And I'm not sure where you read that a receiving line was rude, but it wasn't here. They aren't rude.

    But since most og you are clearly only here for validation, do whatever you Brides' want, it's your special day.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    hroehrborn8788hroehrborn8788 member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:

    LadyMillil said:



    hroehrborn8788 said:

    We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up."

    Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

    I'm from an area that is very hot and humid in the summer. Most weddings are in full afternoon sun with no shade. After sitting in the sun for the ceremony I only need 5-10 minutes to "freshen up", depending on if there is a line in the ladies' room and if there is a bathroom kit to check out.
    This is just as gross. . . No way I'd be sitting outside sweating profusely on nice clothing for a wedding, and I'd definitely want to take a shower after an ordeal like that.


    Thank you for your insight and wisdom. I hope you are able to continue living your life without ever having to attend one of the disgusting outdoor ceremonies like I am hosting.
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    jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    hroehrborn8788 said:
    We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up." Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.
    I live in Kentucky and having an outdoor ceremony in July is a whole different level of inconsiderate. Aren't you a little worried all that heat is going to very bad for any elderly guest you might have? The heat and humidity is hard for me to handle and I'm 27. I couldn't imagine asking my 68 year old grandma to deal with it for any length of time. I seriously hope you have some plan in place for the people who can't handle that kind of weather. 
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    hroehrborn8788 said:

    PrettyGirlLost said:

    LadyMillil said:



    hroehrborn8788 said:

    We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up."

    Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

    I'm from an area that is very hot and humid in the summer. Most weddings are in full afternoon sun with no shade. After sitting in the sun for the ceremony I only need 5-10 minutes to "freshen up", depending on if there is a line in the ladies' room and if there is a bathroom kit to check out.
    This is just as gross. . . No way I'd be sitting outside sweating profusely on nice clothing for a wedding, and I'd definitely want to take a shower after an ordeal like that.
    Thank you for your insight and wisdom. I hope you are able to continue living your life without ever having to attend one of the disgusting outdoor ceremonies like I am hosting.


    Oh absolutely I will be able to live my life. I'm sorry your guests have to suffer because of your vision and your choice to get married in July.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    tcnobletcnoble member
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    Is it time for puppies yet? And wine.
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    DaisyMaeMommyDaisyMaeMommy member
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    What the hell!?!? Are public love-its gone again!?!?

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    Visit The Knot! Visit The Knot!
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    hroehrborn8788hroehrborn8788 member
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    jdluvr06 said:


    hroehrborn8788 said:

    We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up."

    Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

    I live in Kentucky and having an outdoor ceremony in July is a whole different level of inconsiderate. Aren't you a little worried all that heat is going to very bad for any elderly guest you might have? The heat and humidity is hard for me to handle and I'm 27. I couldn't imagine asking my 68 year old grandma to deal with it for any length of time. I seriously hope you have some plan in place for the people who can't handle that kind of weather. 


    So you've never been to an outdoor wedding? Try it sometime if you have the chance. Kentucky is beautiful and it's a beautiful backdrop. I'll be attending two other outdoor ceremonies this summer in Kentucky. I guess I'm not the only bride who is, according to these lovely posters, inconsiderate or unreasonable. And don't you worry your pretty little heads- we are doing as much as possible for the comfort of our guests as they sit through a 20 minute ceremony.

    God, forgive me for having a dreaded "vision" of my wedding and for being so unquestionably rude.

    I'm out. There is not a speck of help on these forums.
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    beetherybeethery member
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    DaisyMaeMommy said:
    What the hell!?!? Are public love-its gone again!?!?

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    They are still public, they just show up as anon when you like something and stay on the page. If you reload, your like is public.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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    dionnewedding1dionnewedding1 member
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    I'm right there with ya, courtneyandjohn2014!  My fiance & I are both Catholic, having a traditional mass ceremony, also at 2p on Saturday due to 5p mass services.  We are also having our reception at a different site that's about 10-15min away.  Our cocktail hour will begin at 4:30 with dinner set for 5:30-6p, depending on how long our WP pics take after the ceremony.  I, too, have never attended a wedding with different locations for ceremony & reception that didn't have a gap.  As an OOT guest, I am grateful for the gap for not only to freshen up for the party but to also 'take a breather' from the whole wedding scene, whether it be at the hotel or a local bar.  Sometimes I've even taken advantage of the gap to get a last minute card/gift/etc.  I don't see it as rude because as a guest I know about the time needed for pics, etc.  Personally, I would think that the people we're inviting would understand & wouldn't think that about us.  I say, do it how you want.  You're dish'n out plenty of $$ to do so!

    Good luck with the planning! =)
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    jdluvr06 said:


    hroehrborn8788 said:

    We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up."

    Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

    I live in Kentucky and having an outdoor ceremony in July is a whole different level of inconsiderate. Aren't you a little worried all that heat is going to very bad for any elderly guest you might have? The heat and humidity is hard for me to handle and I'm 27. I couldn't imagine asking my 68 year old grandma to deal with it for any length of time. I seriously hope you have some plan in place for the people who can't handle that kind of weather. 

    So you've never been to an outdoor wedding? Try it sometime if you have the chance. Kentucky is beautiful and it's a beautiful backdrop. I'll be attending two other outdoor ceremonies this summer in Kentucky. I guess I'm not the only bride who is, according to these lovely posters, inconsiderate or unreasonable. And don't you worry your pretty little heads- we are doing as much as possible for the comfort of our guests as they sit through a 20 minute ceremony.

    God, forgive me for having a dreaded "vision" of my wedding and for being so unquestionably rude.

    I'm out. There is not a speck of help on these forums.



    I've been to several but never in an overly hot and humid region during the peak season of that weather. . .that would be torture even for 20mins.

    They were all in the spring and the temps were 75 degrees max. They also weren't at the "hottest" part of the day. Because the couples had common sense.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    slensislensi member
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    I'm actually with the person who said they enjoy a little time between the wedding and reception, I'm not just saying that..but that's because I want to mosey on over.. i like to settle into the bar.. chat with the other early arrivers..I don't think people HONESTLY think about it that much. I think that people planning weddings OVER think it. I've never been offended by the timing of any wedding I've been to and EVERY wedding I've been to, with the exception of one (20 people on the beach in florida), had a gap..just my experience. And I've never thought it was rude.
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    singinchick13singinchick13 member
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    OP, if you are not going to listen to the experienced ladies of TK then perhaps it is you who should leave. This whole thread is a catastrophe. Good luck with your gaps, ladies. Hopefully your guests don't get so pissed off waiting on your speshul-ness that they conveniently forget your gift at home. That's what I would be doing, especially if I heard this attitude. Just sayin'.
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    jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    hroehrborn8788 said:
    hroehrborn8788 said:
    We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up." Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.
    I live in Kentucky and having an outdoor ceremony in July is a whole different level of inconsiderate. Aren't you a little worried all that heat is going to very bad for any elderly guest you might have? The heat and humidity is hard for me to handle and I'm 27. I couldn't imagine asking my 68 year old grandma to deal with it for any length of time. I seriously hope you have some plan in place for the people who can't handle that kind of weather. 
    So you've never been to an outdoor wedding? Try it sometime if you have the chance. Kentucky is beautiful and it's a beautiful backdrop. I'll be attending two other outdoor ceremonies this summer in Kentucky. I guess I'm not the only bride who is, according to these lovely posters, inconsiderate or unreasonable. And don't you worry your pretty little heads- we are doing as much as possible for the comfort of our guests as they sit through a 20 minute ceremony. God, forgive me for having a dreaded "vision" of my wedding and for being so unquestionably rude. I'm out. There is not a speck of help on these forums.

    Well... Like I said I life in Kentucky so I'm well aware of how beautiful it is. Also my wedding is going to be outside so I obviously have no problems with an outdoor wedding. I'm having my wedding in the morning before it gets hot out and I have a back up plan for if we feel the temps are too high, which for us would be anything over 75 degrees. I also know how unbearably hot and humid Kentucky is in July and I know that even 20 min (and like someone else pointed out the ceremony will be 20 min but I would estimate most guest will be outside for about an hour) will be unbearable for a lot of people.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    shrekspeare said:
    alexdenisedowling said:
    We have planned a rather large gap between our ceremony (1:30pm at a Catholic Church, the 4pm slot was already taken) and reception. The reception is at the zoo and we can't use it until closing time, 5pm.  Many of our guests are local, so the break means they can go home in between. For out of town guests, we put on our wedding website several places to visit and things to do in the city during the 3hr break. We've also offered that if any of our guests want to visit the zoo before the reception, we'd get them an admission ticket.  It's easier because the ceremony and reception are in the city, where there are lots of things to do in the meantime, many of which are within walking distance of the ceremony and hotel.

    At first I was really concerned about that gap, but everyone in the wedding (and especially my photographer) have told us that having that break time is a great idea. In addition, we don't have to worry about being late to the cocktail hour or reception and we get to take pictures in some awesome spots around the city. 

    I know for sure that my family and his will enjoy the extra time to chat during the day, since we are scattered around the country. As for the out of town friends who might feel lost in that gap period, I'm going to make sure they know who else from their 'group' (e.g. college friends, etc.) is also coming so they can get in touch if they want to make plans. 

    In conclusion, we decided to have this gap because of venue restrictions, but have embraced it for our own sanity that day and we have worked to make it as amenable to our guests as possible. Yes, it is nontraditional, but I do not think it is rude or outrageous. So far, the only antagonism towards such a gap I've heard has been in the comments here, not from anyone we've talked to personally. 
    They lied to you. 
    I actually went and asked again, after reading several of the comments here. And nope, no concerns. And believe me, they aren't shy about voicing concerns. The fact that there are things to do in the city and that it is a long enough gap to actually do them means it isn't a big inconvenience. Lucky I have friends and family care more about celebrating with us and with each other that day and the more time they have to do that, the better!
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    LadyMillilLadyMillil member
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    Yes - if you are a close family member or close friend I will attend your wedding if you have a gap And, Yes - I will not tell you that I found the gap rude. I will smile and tell you your dress is lovely or the ceremony was beautiful But I will spend the 2+ hours of your gap wondering exactly what you are doing. Every wedding I have been to has had a 2-3 hour gap (except my own). I have NEVER been to a Catholic wedding. I have been so bored during gaps that I planned my ceremony (1 hour long) for 4:30, did a receiving line while the ballroom was changed from ceremony to dinner seating, and dinner was served at 6. We provided a "late night" poutine snack at 10. We paid for the wedding ourselves. I am a full time grad student and DH was laid off 3 months before the wedding so we definitely aren't wealthy. The late night snack cost us an additional $500, but I made cuts in flowers and decor to balance out the cost.

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    Rebl90Rebl90 member
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    Words & phrases I am tired of (as a bride)

    "his/her/their/YOUR special day"
    "rude"
    "attacking"
    "bully"
    "inevitable"

    My dear friend here has something to say to all of you lovely, shiny new *SpEsHul* *snowflakes*

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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    jdluvr06 said:


    hroehrborn8788 said:

    jdluvr06 said:


    hroehrborn8788 said:

    We are having a break between ceremony and reception, and for us it makes perfect sense. No one (including my openly-critical family members) have said anything about it. We are having an outdoor wedding, in July, in Kentucky, so even though our guests will be "sitting down for an hour," I think the situation alone will give them plenty of opportunity to "freshen up."

    Furthermore, if you have shown your guests every other possible courtesy, no one will think you are rude.

    I live in Kentucky and having an outdoor ceremony in July is a whole different level of inconsiderate. Aren't you a little worried all that heat is going to very bad for any elderly guest you might have? The heat and humidity is hard for me to handle and I'm 27. I couldn't imagine asking my 68 year old grandma to deal with it for any length of time. I seriously hope you have some plan in place for the people who can't handle that kind of weather. 

    So you've never been to an outdoor wedding? Try it sometime if you have the chance. Kentucky is beautiful and it's a beautiful backdrop. I'll be attending two other outdoor ceremonies this summer in Kentucky. I guess I'm not the only bride who is, according to these lovely posters, inconsiderate or unreasonable. And don't you worry your pretty little heads- we are doing as much as possible for the comfort of our guests as they sit through a 20 minute ceremony.

    God, forgive me for having a dreaded "vision" of my wedding and for being so unquestionably rude.

    I'm out. There is not a speck of help on these forums.




    Well... Like I said I life in Kentucky so I'm well aware of how beautiful it is. Also my wedding is going to be outside so I obviously have no problems with an outdoor wedding. I'm having my wedding in the morning before it gets hot out and I have a back up plan for if we feel the temps are too high, which for us would be anything over 75 degrees. I also know how unbearably hot and humid Kentucky is in July and I know that even 20 min (and like someone else pointed out the ceremony will be 20 min but I would estimate most guest will be outside for about an hour) will be unbearable for a lot of people.

    See, common sense!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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