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Politely Requesting to PUT YOUR DAMN PHONE AWAY

Wegl13Wegl13 member
250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi all- so we are getting married in December and one of the few things we have already picked out (and splurged heavily for) is the photographer. The photographer is awesome. And wonderful. And I love their work. And they have one request of us as a couple (which seems perfectly reasonable): to make sure they are the only ones taking photos at the wedding (you know, so you aren't screwing up their shots, and you don't get those ridiculous portraits where the entire party is looking at three different cameras, etc). I remember a time when this wasn't an issue, but it seems so long ago. How do you propose we ask our guests to refrain from taking photos so we can let our fantastic photogs do their job, and get the pictures we are paying such good money for?
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Re: Politely Requesting to PUT YOUR DAMN PHONE AWAY

  • cupcait927cupcait927 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Does someone have a nope GIF?
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  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I've read over about 2 pages of that other thread and so far, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree on this issue. One of the most important things for us when hiring a photographer was finding someone who got great shots without anyone noticing they were there getting great shots. They respect that the point is to get married, and the pictures are kind of secondary. Which is what I hope the guests will feel. From a lot of what I've read, it sounds like "but I always take pictures at important events so I'm just going to do it descretely. No one will mind or notice." Which isn't true- I find it incredibly disrespectful to take personal pictures during a wedding ceremony- just like I would find it incredibly disrespectful to pull out your phone during church. I have been to a lot of weddings and would never do such a thing, and it would be distracting to me as a GUEST if I looked over and saw another guest doing this, and I really would be hurt if someone treats my ceremony like its a production for their entertainment. I am fine with shots at the reception but to me taking photos during the ceremony and when a photographer is clearly trying to do their job of taking family portraits is disrespectful to why I invited you there- to share 15-20 minutes of my fiancé and I committing our lives to one another. However I think asking people outright as a couple is also kinda rude so I think having the officiant say something along the lines of "hey we're about to get started for those of you that forgot to turn your phones to silent; and if you could refrain from pictures during the ceremony, I'd appreciate it- don't worry I will be here all afternoon for you to get pictures of my wonderful face later"
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    My photographer didn't say Shit about people on taking pictures on cell phones interfering with his job. Cause he's a pro.

    Seriously though, if you really don't want any cell phone pics, your officiant can make an announcement at the beginning of the ceremony, but the egregious example of the uncle standing in the middle of the aisle and blocking the photog, and isn't going to listen to any announcements. Don't worry about whether jackasses will be jackasses or not.
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    Anniversary
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  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Hahaha. I hope it doesn't get put in the newsletter. I think I'm just going to go with having the officiant say something quick and simple- gets the point across, we've done our jobs, and done. To be honest my only fear of someone taking pictures is my cousins that are about my parents age and only so-so technically savvy (the only young people there will be our super-close friends and I feel like we can be honest with them about what makes us uncomfortable when we are discussing the upcoming wedding without sounds as "shame-y"). I feel like our cousins might need to be reminded but are also respectful enough to be like "oh, yeah, well duh I won't take pictures now" if someone says something. Our families are not really the type to "do what they want" if someone makes a polite, direct request. I just needed some help on how to get that polite direct request out without sounding like I was going to put them in time out if they didn't do as I wanted.
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  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    We are not inviting jackasses to our wedding. :-) http://blog.theknot.com/2014/03/21/7-reasons-why-having-a-donkey-at-your-wedding-is-a-great-idea/ Edit: although these are pretty darn cute.
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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Wegl13 said:
    I've read over about 2 pages of that other thread and so far, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree on this issue. One of the most important things for us when hiring a photographer was finding someone who got great shots without anyone noticing they were there getting great shots. They respect that the point is to get married, and the pictures are kind of secondary. Which is what I hope the guests will feel. From a lot of what I've read, it sounds like "but I always take pictures at important events so I'm just going to do it descretely. No one will mind or notice." Which isn't true- I find it incredibly disrespectful to take personal pictures during a wedding ceremony- just like I would find it incredibly disrespectful to pull out your phone during church. I have been to a lot of weddings and would never do such a thing, and it would be distracting to me as a GUEST if I looked over and saw another guest doing this, and I really would be hurt if someone treats my ceremony like its a production for their entertainment. I am fine with shots at the reception but to me taking photos during the ceremony and when a photographer is clearly trying to do their job of taking family portraits is disrespectful to why I invited you there- to share 15-20 minutes of my fiancé and I committing our lives to one another. However I think asking people outright as a couple is also kinda rude so I think having the officiant say something along the lines of "hey we're about to get started for those of you that forgot to turn your phones to silent; and if you could refrain from pictures during the ceremony, I'd appreciate it- don't worry I will be here all afternoon for you to get pictures of my wonderful face later"
    Some of my FAVORITE wedding pictures were ones my guests took on the fly. Trust me, it's the guest who get the great shots on occasions. Be thankful they care enough to take your picture. It says alot about their feelings toward you. Be even happier when you see them pop up with excitedment on facebook because it will be weeks or months before you see the proofs from the wedding.
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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    If your photographer is making this requests then I think they have to be one of three things. Bad at what they do, lazy, or greedy.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Wegl13 said:
    Hi all- so we are getting married in December and one of the few things we have already picked out (and splurged heavily for) is the photographer. The photographer is awesome. And wonderful. And I love their work. And they have one request of us as a couple (which seems perfectly reasonable): to make sure they are the only ones taking photos at the wedding (you know, so you aren't screwing up their shots, and you don't get those ridiculous portraits where the entire party is looking at three different cameras, etc). I remember a time when this wasn't an issue, but it seems so long ago. How do you propose we ask our guests to refrain from taking photos so we can let our fantastic photogs do their job, and get the pictures we are paying such good money for?
    This has been going on for a long time.  People only used different devices.  You know Polaroids, Kodak disk cameras, big ass 35 mm film cameras with hugh ass flashes, point-n-shoot, blah, blah.

    I agree with another PP, some of my favorite pics were from guests taking pictures on the fly.   Photographer can't be everywhere at all times and sometimes someone else gets the shot.  Also, you often see your guest's shot LONG before you get to see the photographers.

    Personally I would leave the ceremony part alone, but during formal shots I would ask people not to take pictures.  In that case it's most just the family and WP, I think it would be easy to ask them to let the photographer do their job.   The rest of the time just let it go.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • PrincessOfHavocPrincessOfHavoc member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Our photographer only has one camera rule - during the formal portraits, let her get a picture first, then she'll help get everyone else in a good place for family photographer fun.

    But there might have been a donkey in a certain engagement picture. He is stuffed and looks like he's laughing. He wore a bowtie, my Figment stuffy wore a veil. The live donkey at my barn however is a bit of a diva and has kicked people who annoy him. He's not invited to the wedding.
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  • Wegl13Wegl13 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    My parents were professional wedding photographers in the 70s and 80s and you are right- they had to contend with the problem then, though not as much, and if you are really implying that this was just as much of a problem then as it is now, you are ridiculously oversimplifying for the sake of starting an argument, or you haven't paid much attention to the ubiquity of iPhones in the world. Again, though, I return to my original point of respectfully disagreeing. I am there to get married, the guests are there to witness me getting married, and the photographer is there to discreetly create photos of me getting married. I don't care about having pictures popping up excitedly on Facebook because that is not important to me. I also resent the comments that our photographer is lazy, bad at their job, or greedy. I feel like requesting that guests don't take pictures during the ceremony is perfectly reasonable, seeing as how their job is to do their best work for our wedding. They have been nothing but kind towards us, clearly work very hard at taking wonderful "in the moment" shots, and are on-point with our number one concern: that I am there to get married, and not "photographed getting married." I am very grateful for the responses for ways to politely ask guests to refrain from taking photos during the ceremony. I would appreciate your kindness if you could refrain from making personal attacks against our photographers. Their philosophy on respecting the ceremony as a serious and sacred time was the main reason we chose them; I believe our family and friends feel the same way (although I realize some of them can get caught up in the moment,which is why I was looking for suggestions on polite ways to say please don't).
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  • PrincessOfHavocPrincessOfHavoc member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I will say a few friends had NO pictures of the ceremony based on personal religious beliefs. The officiant was VERY clear that it's not welcomed to photograph inside the chapel. Seemed odd, but not my church so I can play along.

    But, I will side eye a photographer asking/demanding that. Others being that happy for you isn't an insult. When I did an outdoor shoot with our photographer (she's a friend, she likes to take pictures of me being weird and I'm a camera hog so yes please) and had my left leg up straight behind me and catching my foot over my head with my right hand, apparently she noticed seven strangers taking pictures. That's a little creepy, but if I had a problem, I shouldn't be doing odd things in public.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    QueerFemme said:
    Before you walk down the aisle, you could have your officiant say "Please refrain from taking photos during the ceremony".   And then, let it go.  People are still going to do it. 
    Exactly this.  And especially the bolded.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    Here is some light reading for ya on this topic. Enjoy!

    We have learned the hard way that posts are not read in their entirety.  I'm quoting you only so that this thread be interspersed among the asinine responses in the hope that a few will review this link before posting.

    I can dream, right?

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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Wegl13 said:

    My parents were professional wedding photographers in the 70s and 80s and you are right- they had to contend with the problem then, though not as much, and if you are really implying that this was just as much of a problem then as it is now, you are ridiculously oversimplifying for the sake of starting an argument, or you haven't paid much attention to the ubiquity of iPhones in the world. Again, though, I return to my original point of respectfully disagreeing. I am there to get married, the guests are there to witness me getting married, and the photographer is there to discreetly create photos of me getting married. I don't care about having pictures popping up excitedly on Facebook because that is not important to me. I also resent the comments that our photographer is lazy, bad at their job, or greedy. I feel like requesting that guests don't take pictures during the ceremony is perfectly reasonable, seeing as how their job is to do their best work for our wedding. They have been nothing but kind towards us, clearly work very hard at taking wonderful "in the moment" shots, and are on-point with our number one concern: that I am there to get married, and not "photographed getting married." I am very grateful for the responses for ways to politely ask guests to refrain from taking photos during the ceremony. I would appreciate your kindness if you could refrain from making personal attacks against our photographers. Their philosophy on respecting the ceremony as a serious and sacred time was the main reason we chose them; I believe our family and friends feel the same way (although I realize some of them can get caught up in the moment,which is why I was looking for suggestions on polite ways to say please don't).

    TL; DR.

    Paragraphs are your friend.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • hgminorhgminor member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its
    Wegl13 said:
    I've read over about 2 pages of that other thread and so far, I'm going to have to respectfully disagree on this issue. One of the most important things for us when hiring a photographer was finding someone who got great shots without anyone noticing they were there getting great shots. They respect that the point is to get married, and the pictures are kind of secondary. Which is what I hope the guests will feel. From a lot of what I've read, it sounds like "but I always take pictures at important events so I'm just going to do it descretely. No one will mind or notice." Which isn't true- I find it incredibly disrespectful to take personal pictures during a wedding ceremony- just like I would find it incredibly disrespectful to pull out your phone during church. I have been to a lot of weddings and would never do such a thing, and it would be distracting to me as a GUEST if I looked over and saw another guest doing this, and I really would be hurt if someone treats my ceremony like its a production for their entertainment. I am fine with shots at the reception but to me taking photos during the ceremony and when a photographer is clearly trying to do their job of taking family portraits is disrespectful to why I invited you there- to share 15-20 minutes of my fiancé and I committing our lives to one another. However I think asking people outright as a couple is also kinda rude so I think having the officiant say something along the lines of "hey we're about to get started for those of you that forgot to turn your phones to silent; and if you could refrain from pictures during the ceremony, I'd appreciate it- don't worry I will be here all afternoon for you to get pictures of my wonderful face later"


    SITB----

    I don't really have an opinion either way on the announcing part, but I have to address the bolded.  A wedding ceremony is partially a production.  I'm not saying that's it's entire purpose, but when I chose musicians and music for my wedding, I picked based on what we loved but also what our guests would like, thus making sure it would be entertaining to them. 

    If I didn't want my ceremony to be a production, I would have gotten married privately or at the courthouse.  That being said, if someone took pictures of my ceremony because they thought the handbell choir was really cool or loved the dresses, I'm happy that they liked it enough to get a picture of it.
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    This is a new one. The photographer wants everyone to be in the moment. Usually it's the bride.

    My father was also a professional wedding photographer for 25 years.
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  • tortoisebridetortoisebride member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    I am also hoping that a polite request to not take photos during the ceremony will be useful.  I think it's really weird to need to witness all events through the "lens" and it feels impersonal. It's also doubly distracting and obnoxious when it's a flipping iPad. Maybe I'm a curmudgeon, but fuck that. It's rude to the people behind you. I don't care if it's a phone or a real camera. I DO NOT WANT THIS:
    This is me reading threads on TK
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  • PrincessOfHavocPrincessOfHavoc member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    beethery said:

        


    tortoisebride said:

    I am also hoping that a polite request to not take photos during the ceremony will be useful.  I think it's really weird to need to witness all events through the "lens" and it feels impersonal. It's also doubly distracting and obnoxious when it's a flipping iPad. Maybe I'm a curmudgeon, but fuck that. It's rude to the people behind you. I don't care if it's a phone or a real camera. I DO NOT WANT THIS:

    Lmao when people take pictures with an iPad, it looks like they're trying to signal aliens with a cookie sheet. I will never be able to find that anything but hilarious

    Hey! Did you stalk my instagram during 2012 DNC? I had so many iPad signal devices going on. Gave up and said "The extraterrestrial aliens already know they're welcome given as we're all Democrats and we accept anyone. Stop calling them."
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