The dreaded "gap"

Viczaesar · May 2014

stinaann said:

Sure you're a host, but you're also a bride. As others have said, I personally ENJOY spending a full day celebrating a wedding and am absolutely doing so for mine (ceremony at 1 and cocktail hour at 5). Why spend all that time and money and then cram it into as few hours as possible? Where I'm from its fairly common for the wedding party tip go take pictures and even be shuttled around for a couple cocktails in between, while guests check in and have a drink in a smaller group with people they haven't seen in a while.

When you invite other people, you're committing to acting as a good host first and foremost. You can have as long a wedding as you want - as long as you host it from beginning to end and at all points in between.

grumbledore · May 2014

marladanny37 said:

Our wedding ceremony is scheduled for 3pm, expected to end at 4pm, and the cocktail hour is scheduled for 5pm. The distance between the church and the reception is about 20-30 minutes so we figure this gives our guests enough time to stay after the mass for pictures and drive to the hotel for the reception without having to rush or be worried about missing any of the fun things we have planned for the cocktail hour. This is how we've seen it done at past weddings we've attended and people don't seem upset by it. Because it's at a hotel, it gives people time to park or valet, walk around the pool area, check out the hotel, etc before joining the cocktail hour. I think it all depends on you and how you think your guests will handle having a gap between the two. At the end of the day, you do want to make your guests happy, but it is YOUR wedding day. Talk to your bridal party and see what they think

This sucks and your plan is bad.

"Walk around the pool area?"

Seriously?

grumbledore · May 2014

For the absolute last time...

Couples - you choose your venues. Choose venues whose timelines work together. If you are getting married at your own church and there are only a couple of available ceremony times, then choose a reception venue that works. Do not choose your reception venue FIRST if you are having a church wedding. This is really common-sense stuff that any adult human should be capable of doing.

Don't make your guests wait around for you. It's a mildly unpleasant experience for them AT BEST. At worst, it will be extremely uncomfortable. Why would you want to do that to people you love?

Yes, choosing yourself over everyone else is SELFISH. It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you if you do this and I seriously question whether it is in your best interest at your present maturity level to get married, which is a very serious endeavor.

And with that...

climbingsingle · May 2014

I seriously just fucking can't with this post. HFS.

AddieCake · May 2014

grumbledore said:

marladanny37 said:

Our wedding ceremony is scheduled for 3pm, expected to end at 4pm, and the cocktail hour is scheduled for 5pm. The distance between the church and the reception is about 20-30 minutes so we figure this gives our guests enough time to stay after the mass for pictures and drive to the hotel for the reception without having to rush or be worried about missing any of the fun things we have planned for the cocktail hour. This is how we've seen it done at past weddings we've attended and people don't seem upset by it. Because it's at a hotel, it gives people time to park or valet, walk around the pool area, check out the hotel, etc before joining the cocktail hour. I think it all depends on you and how you think your guests will handle having a gap between the two. At the end of the day, you do want to make your guests happy, but it is YOUR wedding day. Talk to your bridal party and see what they think

This sucks and your plan is bad.

"Walk around the pool area?"

Seriously?

Yeah, I have no interest in walking around the pool or checking out the hotel. What's to check out? It's a hotel.

AddieCake · May 2014

stinaann said:

Sure you're a host, but you're also a bride. As others have said, I personally ENJOY spending a full day celebrating a wedding and am absolutely doing so for mine (ceremony at 1 and cocktail hour at 5). Why spend all that time and money and then cram it into as few hours as possible? Where I'm from its fairly common for the wedding party tip go take pictures and even be shuttled around for a couple cocktails in between, while guests check in and have a drink in a smaller group with people they haven't seen in a while.

So the wedding party goes off somewhere else to go have drinks in various places while the guests stay back waiting on them for several hours to get there so the reception can start? Yeah, that sounds like a GREAT time.

JennyColada · May 2014

Next time I invite people over to my house for dinner, I'm going to make them stand out on the lawn in between their meal and dessert. They can look at my flowers or take a jog around the block. After all, I have NO CHOICE. I have to wash my dishes!

Alyssa18o6 · June 2014

I'm having a gap, our ceremony is starting at 2:30, and our reception at 5. It takes about 40mins to get to the reception location from the ceremony location. I've never been to a wedding where there wasn't a gap, and i've never once complained. We're not expecting alot of people for the ceremony anyways. And i'll just say it before everyone else does, i'm rude.

chibiyui · June 2014

Alyssa18o6 said:
I'm having a gap, our ceremony is starting at 2:30, and our reception at 5. It takes about 40mins to get to the reception location from the ceremony location. I've never been to a wedding where there wasn't a gap, and i've never once complained. We're not expecting alot of people for the ceremony anyways. And i'll just say it before everyone else does, i'm rude.

Well. At least you're honest. I appreciate that.

comexwhatxmay · June 2014

I have seriously kept this thread up as a tab on my computer ever since I saw it in the newsletter. Whenever I was bored or had a few minutes where I needed entertainment, I'd read it. All of a sudden, the end hit me hard. I'm sad now.

Also, that zebra gif just makes the world a better place.

Smurf1691 · June 2014

It never even crossed my mind that people would find it rude to have a gap. I plan on having a few hours between the ceremony and reception. Partly because it is what I can afford to do, and we are not serving a dinner at our reception. So this way people can go and have lunch/dinner while my wedding party and I decorate the reception area (which is a different place from the ceremony). I know my friends and family won't and don't mind because they are there to celebrate my fiancé and I. They also know my fiancé and I are solely paying for the wedding so it is up to us how and when we choose to celebrate it. I feel bad for all of you whose friends and family are that difficult to please, and that you have to go out of your way to please them when the day isn't about them.

chibiyui · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

It never even crossed my mind that people would find it rude to have a gap. I plan on having a few hours between the ceremony and reception. Partly because it is what I can afford to do, and we are not serving a dinner at our reception. So this way people can go and have lunch/dinner while my wedding party and I decorate the reception area (which is a different place from the ceremony). I know my friends and family won't and don't mind because they are there to celebrate my fiancé and I. They also know my fiancé and I are solely paying for the wedding so it is up to us how and when we choose to celebrate it. I feel bad for all of you whose friends and family are that difficult to please, and that you have to go out of your way to please them when the day isn't about them.

HOW CAN YOU NOT SERVE PEOPLE DINNER?

Hey grandma, I'd love for you to come to my wedding, but we're not serving a meal, so you'll have to chill at McDonalds for a bit. Who wants to go to a wedding, fend for themselves food wise, and then go to a foodless reception? I mean, come on you can't afford sandwiches, pizza. bbq? There are posters on this board who have served dinners at $10 per person. TEN BUCKS. If you can't afford that, you have no fucking business having a "wedding". Skip the crepe paper streamers and buy some damn food for your reception. Do you know what people care about/remember about weddings? FOOD AND THE DRESS. THATS IT.

People are going to remember and talk about your wedding. IT WILL NOT BE FAVORABLE. They won't say it to your face, but oh, they will talk.

Oh, and FWIW, my family came to celebrate H and I's wedding too. But we cared enough to serve a fuckin meal.

Smurf1691 · June 2014

I am happy you were able to provide that for your family. I'm sure it was a beautiful wedding that people felt blessed that they were able to attend. Keep in mind tho that there is more then clothing and food that matter at a wedding. My fiance, friends, family and I are there to celebrate love. If I could afford a wedding that I could invite and feed every person I ever met, give gifts to, and more, then I would. But I do not have that money. And no need to be nasty towards me and my preferences, especially since you have never met me or know who I am. Besides, I'm solely having that day to celebrate my love and I. When the day comes, if it hasn't already, I hope you and your love have a wonderful day.

LondonLisa · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

I am happy you were able to provide that for your family. I'm sure it was a beautiful wedding that people felt blessed that they were able to attend. Keep in mind tho that there is more then clothing and food that matter at a wedding. My fiance, friends, family and I are there to celebrate love. If I could afford a wedding that I could invite and feed every person I ever met, give gifts to, and more, then I would. But I do not have that money. And no need to be nasty towards me and my preferences, especially since you have never met me or know who I am. Besides, I'm solely having that day to celebrate my love and I. When the day comes, if it hasn't already, I hope you and your love have a wonderful day.

There are plenty of options to not serve a meal at your wedding, the main way is to have it during a non-meal time (with no gap)! Ceremony at 2, reception 3-5 or Ceremony at 8:30, reception at 9. Afternoon cake and punch receptions are lovely, and everyone on here would say how great, inexpensive, and fun they are.

You need to own the fact that you were unwilling to give up your idea of an evening reception at the cost of the people you allegedly love. You say that weddings are more than clothes and food. You are correct, however, you are on the wrong side of that argument, you wanting an evening reception is showing that your "vision" is more important than your guests comfort. You CHOSE to do it rudely, and would rather have your guests spend their own money and wait around then to host them properly.

If you only want a day to celebrate your love and you, elope. As soon as you invite guests, you are a hostess. Why would you treat people you "love" so horribly on a day that celebrates your love? That is selfish and childish.

Viczaesar · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

I am happy you were able to provide that for your family. I'm sure it was a beautiful wedding that people felt blessed that they were able to attend. Keep in mind tho that there is more then clothing and food that matter at a wedding. My fiance, friends, family and I are there to celebrate love. If I could afford a wedding that I could invite and feed every person I ever met, give gifts to, and more, then I would. But I do not have that money. And no need to be nasty towards me and my preferences, especially since you have never met me or know who I am. Besides, I'm solely having that day to celebrate my love and I. When the day comes, if it hasn't already, I hope you and your love have a wonderful day.

There is absolutely nothing that I could find out about you that would excuse you treating your guests so poorly.

chibiyui · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

I am happy you were able to provide that for your family. I'm sure it was a beautiful wedding that people felt blessed that they were able to attend. Keep in mind tho that there is more then clothing and food that matter at a wedding. My fiance, friends, family and I are there to celebrate love. If I could afford a wedding that I could invite and feed every person I ever met, give gifts to, and more, then I would. But I do not have that money. And no need to be nasty towards me and my preferences, especially since you have never met me or know who I am. Besides, I'm solely having that day to celebrate my love and I. When the day comes, if it hasn't already, I hope you and your love have a wonderful day.

Are you having an evening reception? You could have done an evening ceremony, start at 7 or 8, serve cake and punch, boom. fully hosted. You could have done an afternoon cake and punch ceremony/reception. You could have done an early morning brunch reception. Brunch is often cheaper then dinner. There are tons of options.

Do you think I invited every person I ever met? Every person I wanted too? No. I invited who I could afford to invite. The majority of our budget went to food and drink. Decorations are nice, but they are not necessary, and they are not the wedding. Decorations should never supersede your guests comfort. If you want a day that is solely about you and your FI, sorry you goofed. If thats what you want, you should have eloped. Since you invited people to a wedding, you have to take care of them.

And that means getting them some goddamn food.

LDay2014 · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

It never even crossed my mind that people would find it rude to have a gap. I plan on having a few hours between the ceremony and reception. Partly because it is what I can afford to do, and we are not serving a dinner at our reception. So this way people can go and have lunch/dinner while my wedding party and I decorate the reception area (which is a different place from the ceremony). I know my friends and family won't and don't mind because they are there to celebrate my fiancé and I. They also know my fiancé and I are solely paying for the wedding so it is up to us how and when we choose to celebrate it. I feel bad for all of you whose friends and family are that difficult to please, and that you have to go out of your way to please them when the day isn't about them.

because none of us are paying for our own weddings either...give me a break.

The way you are treating your guests is shitty. Have a smaller wedding, over a non meal time. Cake and punch in the afternoon or dessert in the later evening. There's so many options for you to do this properly that you're chosing to ignore because it doesn't fit with what you 'want'.

And FYI, it's no longer 'up to you' on how you celebrate it when you decide to include other people. You want it your way? Elope...

Lizzieyounce · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

I am happy you were able to provide that for your family. I'm sure it was a beautiful wedding that people felt blessed that they were able to attend. Keep in mind tho that there is more then clothing and food that matter at a wedding. My fiance, friends, family and I are there to celebrate love. If I could afford a wedding that I could invite and feed every person I ever met, give gifts to, and more, then I would. But I do not have that money. And no need to be nasty towards me and my preferences, especially since you have never met me or know who I am. Besides, I'm solely having that day to celebrate my love and I. When the day comes, if it hasn't already, I hope you and your love have a wonderful day.

Holy crap! Your'e forcing a GAP AND you AREN'T FEEDING YOUR GUESTS? Terrible. Absolutely terrible. We paid for our wedding ourselves, and since I'm a full time student and SAHM, and my now husband is a cop, we waited until we'd saved enough money to have the wedding we wanted.

If your reception is during a meal time YOU MUST FEED YOUR GUESTS A MEAL!!! It doesn't have to be fancy, but it must be a meal. Move your ceremony time to a non meal time and then serve cake, punch and some nibbles. It's not that hard.

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

Smurf1691 · June 2014

Ladies, I simply posted on here to post and share my opinion with others who have had similar problems and to get positive feedback or positive critique. I did not do it to be berated by people I will never even know. I never told you when each part of my wedding is, I never said I'm not feeding my guests at all, I simply said I'm not feeding them a full dinner. None of you know any details of my wedding. So before you start to virtually rip apart a fellow human you don't know, maybe be nice and simply ask me first. Besides, I am doing the wedding the way I choose to, and my family is more then happy about that.

emmaaa · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

Ladies, I simply posted on here to post and share my opinion with others who have had similar problems and to get positive feedback or positive critique. I did not do it to be berated by people I will never even know. I never told you when each part of my wedding is, I never said I'm not feeding my guests at all, I simply said I'm not feeding them a full dinner. None of you know any details of my wedding. So before you start to virtually rip apart a fellow human you don't know, maybe be nice and simply ask me first. Besides, I am doing the wedding the way I choose to, and my family is more then happy about that.

@smurf1691 We only know what you type. We can not read minds and know what you meant. the description you gave us eluded to the fact the what you were planning is rude. If the celebration of love is what is genuinely important to you, then elope. have the wedding you can afford and treat guests appropriately. It is not berating you to inform you that your plans are rude and will offend guests.

chibiyui · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:
Ladies, I simply posted on here to post and share my opinion with others who have had similar problems and to get positive feedback or positive critique..

Are you new to the Internet?

Look, if you're having any part of your wedding over a meal time, you should provide enough food to make a meal. That's just being polite. If budget is an issue, there are plenty of posters on here who have planned lovely weddings on very small budgets, and give excellent advice. Most posters on here just want to help people avoid situations like yours, because most of us have been to weddings with not enough food or gaps or cash bars. And guests complain. A lot. There have been multiple posts on people who've seen guests take back part of their cash gifts for this stuff.

Your family and friends are nice. They aren't going to tell you your plans suck. I was originally going to do a down payment registry. My mom said nothing about how tacky it was, I learned that on here, from people who I'll probably never meet, who wanted to save me from embarrassment.

Fairyjen1 · June 2014

I don't like gaps because I don't want to spend all day on your wedding. If you have a gap longer than an hour I will either decline completely, or just come to either the ceremony or the reception depending on which is more convenient for me.

beethery · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

I am happy you were able to provide that for your family. I'm sure it was a beautiful wedding that people felt blessed that they were able to attend. Keep in mind tho that there is more then clothing and food that matter at a wedding. My fiance, friends, family and I are there to celebrate love. If I could afford a wedding that I could invite and feed every person I ever met, give gifts to, and more, then I would. But I do not have that money. And no need to be nasty towards me and my preferences, especially since you have never met me or know who I am. Besides, I'm solely having that day to celebrate my love and I. When the day comes, if it hasn't already, I hope you and your love have a wonderful day.

Naaaaaaw girl. Witnessing a union doesn't fill a guest's stomach. If you can't afford to host properly, don't invite people. Have a courthouse wedding, get dinner with you and your new H, and call it good.

Brandylki · June 2014

So, your wedding will end around 315-330. The drive is about 20 mins. Your cocktail hour could start at 4, go for about 90 mins instead of 60, and you could have dinner @ 530.

Brandylki · June 2014

Brandylki · June 2014

charlotte272727 said:

This sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Have the ceremony end at 3:15, with the chatting that goes on afterwards and the drive to the hotel, people will arrive around 3:45-4. They can check in and come back down for a 4:30 cocktail hour. The caterer should plan on people being early for the cocktail hour, so as long as the bar is ready for them at 4/4:15, it'll be fine.

This is the best one so far.

JoanE2012 · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

It never even crossed my mind that people would find it rude to have a gap. I plan on having a few hours between the ceremony and reception. Partly because it is what I can afford to do, and we are not serving a dinner at our reception. So this way people can go and have lunch/dinner while my wedding party and I decorate the reception area (which is a different place from the ceremony). I know my friends and family won't and don't mind because they are there to celebrate my fiancé and I. They also know my fiancé and I are solely paying for the wedding so it is up to us how and when we choose to celebrate it. I feel bad for all of you whose friends and family are that difficult to please, and that you have to go out of your way to please them when the day isn't about them.

Are you freakin' kidding me? You expect guests to come to your ceremony, then go find lunch or dinner on their own before they come back to your reception? This is one of the cheapest and most selfish things I've heard. If you cannot afford to buy your guests a meal, don't have your wedding over a meal time! It's that easy!

Oh, and I would never tell friends or family that their wedding ideas sucked. So take their "approval" with a grain of salt. We talk about the handful of bad weddings we've been to quite often....the bride and groom never know of course!

Viczaesar · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

Ladies, I simply posted on here to post and share my opinion with others who have had similar problems and to get positive feedback or positive critique. I did not do it to be berated by people I will never even know. I never told you when each part of my wedding is, I never said I'm not feeding my guests at all, I simply said I'm not feeding them a full dinner. None of you know any details of my wedding. So before you start to virtually rip apart a fellow human you don't know, maybe be nice and simply ask me first. Besides, I am doing the wedding the way I choose to, and my family is more then happy about that.

You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find you get what you need.

Jen4948 · June 2014

Smurf1691 said:

Ladies, I simply posted on here to post and share my opinion with others who have had similar problems and to get positive feedback or positive critique. I did not do it to be berated by people I will never even know.

Then you clearly aren't aware of how either the Internet or this forum works, or for that matter, the human race.

You are not entitled to expect solely positive feedback, especially when you ask for opinions, which you did by the act of posting. And we are not required to endorse rude behavior. And expecting guests to leave your wedding after the ceremony for a long period of time without even getting fed is so rude, it's one of the worst fails that you could come up with. Stop being defensive about it, because it is indefensible. And don't tell us that you "had" to do it this way, because you didn't. You *chose* to do it this way.

never told you when each part of my wedding is, I never said I'm not feeding my guests at all, I simply said I'm not feeding them a full dinner. None of you know any details of my wedding. So before you start to virtually rip apart a fellow human you don't know, maybe be nice and simply ask me first. Besides, I am doing the wedding the way I choose to, and my family is more then happy about that.

How the fuck do you know this? Do you live in their heads? They're not going to hurt your feelings, and if "none of us know any details of your wedding," why the fuck are you asking or telling us about it? To get patted on the back? Grow up.

jneen101 · June 2014

Pizza321 said:

Hello! I can't really believe all these responses. I feel like they all can't be from people who have planned their own weddings! Sometimes you don't have any control about when things can be scheduled like you said. For example, my wedding is on a Friday at 12:30pm (church ceremony) with a 4:30pm cocktail hour and then reception from 5:30-9:30pm at a reception hall venue that's a half hour from the church. 4:30pm was our ONLY start time option since there is another wedding there that night in the other room that starts at 6:30pm.

I don't understand how you didn't have control over the church and venue you picked? I understand that you can't control the actual vendor but can you not pick a different vendor? I don't understand how this is out of your control.

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