Wedding Etiquette Forum

Elopement étiquette

gla2492gggla2492gg member
10 Comments
edited May 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My daughter just eloped. Advice?

Mom of daughter that just eloped

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Re: Elopement étiquette

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My daughter just eloped. I need to know all the etiquette about what happens now. I was going to send out announcements saying she eloped. She put her elopement pictures on fb. I told her bf You mean her husband, yes?  not to do that. Their pictures, their elopement, not in any way your decision. We are giving them a celebration party in about 2 months. We do not live in the same state. I ordered the best selling book on Amazon re this issue. I read somewhere there are no toasts at the party, no wedding cake, ect. Can someone lead me to all the rules we need to follow and how to handle her mess up. Not a mess up, it's an elopement. She is on her honeymoon now. She just had 2 witnesses. She told us about it the day before. We were supporting and loving about it. I am so angry with her about putting it up on fb to announce it. Her friends are aghast. His family has made no comments. Someone please help me out. Thank you.
    Are you sure she even wants a party? The whole point of eloping would be to avoid the big to-do. That said, if you do go through with this party it is NOT a wedding re-do. It should just be a party to celebrate with them - no wedding dress, no bridal party, no ceremony, no first dance, none of the wedding traditions because it's not a wedding.


    ArtemischiefBlue_Birdchibiyui
  • The best case scenario is to not have a party. Elopement means you don't get all the fun frills of a full-blown wedding (that's kind of the point). So, with that in mind, if the party is non-negotiable, just strip it of anything you'd see in a wedding. No white dress, no first dances, no cake cutting, no garter toss, etc. Just make it a regular party, add free booze, and nobody should really side-eye you.



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    chibiyui
  • When I said bf, I meant before. I know he is her husband. Did you even read my post?

    Mom of daughter that just eloped

  • But why does it matter so much to you if they announce their elopement on FB?  

    I don't get the big deal, since they did tell you first.  


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    misshart00chibiyui
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Um, how are we supposed to know that you meant before? That could have easily stood for boyfriend and that is the typical acronym for boyfriend around here.
    kitsunegari89
  • Thanks for your kindness.

    Mom of daughter that just eloped

  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    When I said bf, I meant before. I know he is her husband. Did you even read my post?
    bf= boyfriend. I don't think anyone is going to get that it means before. I agree that it's a bit harsh to announce her elopment via Facebook to her friends and family, but there is nothing for you to do here. Did they agree to a party? It really isn't appropriate. I don't understad why you're sending out announcements either. This is for them to do. I'm beginning to see why they eloped.
  • gla2492gggla2492gg member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2014

    Mom of daughter that just eloped

  • gla2492gggla2492gg member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2014

    Mom of daughter that just eloped

  • Your daughter may choose to announce her marriage however she pleases, including through social media. It might not be what you would have preferred, but what's done is done.

    You may still announce it to your family members through a traditional announcement if you wish.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I'd also like to know how you know her friends are "aghast"?? And why are they? We married and our photographer posted our pics on FB and tagged me in them. That is how almost everyone found out. It was so fun to read the comments. It was a surprise, after all! If someone did not like what we did, they didn't verbalize it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but we did not break etiquette, so if someone had a problem, it was a personal issue on their end. So, IMHO, your daughter did nothing wrong and had her reasons for doing what she did.

     







  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Will you please quote who you're responding to? It's a little hard to follow. Yes, you can have a celebration party if your daughter wants it. Ask her about it. If she declines, just respect her decision and move on.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2014
    Because I read after you elope you tell your friends with a phone call not just announce it on social media. then you send out an announcement that you are married.
    But they chose to announce it using Facebook. And I'm sure that might sting for some people but honestly some people would probably be butt hurt the eloped no matter how they announced it and it's their news so it's their choice.

    Whatever their reason for choosing to announce it on Facebook doesn't really matter. What's done is done.  You're just going to have to let this go.

    Also, I'm curious - Are your daughter and her husband on board for this party you're planning?


  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Because I read after you elope you tell your friends with a phone call not just announce it on social media. then you send out an announcement that you are married.
    I think this just depends on the individual.

    Personally, I announced my engagement (I would have done the same for an elopement) on FB to my friends and family (other than my parents and Fi's parents). While it may not be the "best" or more "etiquette approved" manner, it's what some people feel comfortable with. So it's a personal choice on behalf of your daughter. You are totally welcome to not like it or not approve of it, but it's her choice to make.

    I'd wait to discuss with her if she wants a party or to send out announcements. She might not want any of that (but she also might want some of it). Personally, I do want to send out wedding announcements, but everyone is different.

    If you want to throw her a party, just keep in mind, it's not a "wedding reception", but will instead be a "wedding celebration": more of a party just to celebrate love in general, rather than to receive guests after a wedding (so, as you noted, there won't be wedding toasts or a formal cake cutting or a white wedding-style dress).

    It sounds like you may be having some trouble accepting her decision, which I think may be normal when your whole life you are told that weddings are supposed to be like XYZ and all of a sudden someone changes it up on you. But just take a breath and realize that your daughter made this choice (hopefully) because it makes her happy, and just keep reminding yourself of that. She's an adult and can make her own decisions, so you don't have to carry the burden of planning everything and making all of these decisions, that's something that you can partner with her on.
    gla2492gg
  • gla2492gggla2492gg member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2014

    Mom of daughter that just eloped

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    We told you - no wedding traditions (like the dress, bridal party, etc) and that there isn't really an etiquette issue with how she chose to announce her elopement.

    I'm confused as to why you're doing research at all to be honest. Your daughter eloped, she announced it, it's done. What is there to research?


    misshart00[Deleted User]
  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    It honestly sounds like you're not that okay with her decision to elope, even though you say you are. The thing is, she's not breaking any rules. While you might have purchased a book on the subject, I think you're better off talking to people who've eloped (including your daughter) to better understand what the elopement meant for them, instead of trying to read about it in a book.

    She can announce her marriage any way she pleases; these days, formal wedding announcements are uncommon anyway. She can put photos on Facebook whenever she pleases; why does she need to wait until you host a reception for her?

    The wedding is over. There's nothing to plan.
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  • gla2492gggla2492gg member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2014

    Mom of daughter that just eloped

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Well you have your answer for that. Just a party, no wedding traditions


  • gla2492gggla2492gg member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2014

    Mom of daughter that just eloped

  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Yes, we discussed it and she wants a celebration party for family and close friends.

    Glad to hear she agrees with you and wants a party.

    You have gotten some good advice already on how to properly host a party following an elopement. It can be very similar to a wedding reception, minus anything that is actually wedding related. So, as pps said, no wedding gown, no wedding party. The invitations should note it's a celebration of marriage. You can have awesome food, drinks, cake, and dancing. I would definitely collaborate with your daughter upon her return to ensure she is on the same page.

     







  • Thank you!

    Mom of daughter that just eloped

  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Yes, we discussed it and she wants a celebration party for family and close friends.
    Glad to hear she agrees with you and wants a party. You have gotten some good advice already on how to properly host a party following an elopement. It can be very similar to a wedding reception, minus anything that is actually wedding related. So, as pps said, no wedding gown, no wedding party. The invitations should note it's a celebration of marriage. You can have awesome food, drinks, cake, and dancing. I would definitely collaborate with your daughter upon her return to ensure she is on the same page.

    All of this. I'm glad you've already discussed it with her. Happy planning.
    gla2492gg
  • gla2492gggla2492gg member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2014

    Mom of daughter that just eloped

  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    We are totally supportive of our daughter eloping. Yes we discussed what she wanted after. She wants to send out "We Eloped" announcements. She wants a celebration party that we will plan together. I love my daughter very much and will always support her decision. It is okay with us that she did not have a wedding. You are right, what she wants after is their decision. Thank you for understanding.

    I'm glad we were able to help! However, an elopement is a wedding. It's a ceremony where the couple exchanges vows, rings, and becomes legally married. It just happens to be private as opposed to having guests witness it.

     







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  • gla2492gggla2492gg member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2014

    Mom of daughter that just eloped

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