I guess I should know better after posting on TK for a while - but I felt I gave a response that was decent advice (do research, know what things cost, talk to the dad openly). I didn't just reply "it's rude to ask for money." But, OP's response after so many responses with great advice then turned into along the lines of "I'm going to ask for $50K to over shoot." I get that some think your father should just offer (rather than have you name a price.) But, he might not know what things cost and feels comfortable with you figuring out some things. But don't take advantage of him!
I also want to point out that no matter how wealthy a family is - it can run out. Quickly. It's awesome your father has offered to pay. It's great your family is in that situation. But, don't over-estimate him cause you think you "deserve" a certain type of wedding. Not cool. Don't think "oh he can afford it." Maybe he can. He probably can (or he wouldn't have offered.) But, it's definitely not a nice trait of yours to feel that way.
Did you read any of the replies?
I did not have a budget wedding. I did not cut corners. According to you, our wedding would "fit" in in your area...and still think your replies come off as entitled.
Please, really read the replies and advice given. There is nothing wrong with an expensive (or inexpensive) wedding, but the attitude of the bride speaks volumes.
So, everyone here weighed in and gave you unbiased responses. You put out feelers on an issue, and I guess didn't like the responses - so you come back and say you are just going to ask for an extra amount? Not cool. Not cool.
Good luck with your planning - and life. I fear there may be some tough lessons ahead.
293 (Adults) Invited 198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies) 95 No 0 Unknown
Rich people have different standards of rudeness and entitlement, guys.
Don't agree. There are plenty of other people in this thread who have money or were raised with money who are neither rude nor act entitled.
And plenty of snowflakes who expect their guests to fund their wedding (cash bar) or honeymoon (honeyfund) for them, and all the regs here just don't understand that they can't afford an open bar and don't need anything for the house but need to know their cash gifts in advance.
It's like Lizzie said, how much you spend isn't tied to how well you host your guests, and THAT's what matters. My sister's wedding was under $1000 (borrowed dress, chapel wedding with about 10 guests and dinner after) and was great. FWIW our mom gave us the same amount, my sister preferred to put it towards a house or something more longstanding, we opted to throw a big traditional affair and put a lot of our own cash into it as well. Neither wedding was better, just different, and more importantly, well hosted.
Wow I don't know how some of you planned a wedding for under 15k! You must have had to skip a ton of corners. I am thinking that I will over estimate and give him a number of 50k that way I have plenty of wiggle room.
Really? Our wedding is costing us right around $10,000 and that includes all attire and most gifts. We are paying that on our own. We skipped no corners but we knew where to reduce costs. No real flowers, they die. Awesome photographer with a great price, same for the DJ. All of the decorations and stationery are DIY. Please, don't assume things like that, it's very rude and tacky. A wedding can be done for less than $100 if you wanted it to. I would never, myself, spend anything over $10,000 on one day. But, that's just me
I am a former mother-of-the-bride. With the help of my daughter, I planned a very elegant church wedding and country club brunch reception in the Washington, DC area, where prices are very high. We did not cut any corners, but neither did we try to impress anyone with our wealth. That would have been extremely tacky! My daughter considers me a "social dragon" with membership in the DAR and several other socially beneficial organizations.
My husband and I paid for daughter's wedding, except for the rehearsal dinner, engagement ring and honeymoon. Generally people who have money to spend are very careful not to waste it. Currently my own investments are headed for college funds for the grandchildren, and charities, all of which are much more important than having a frivolous celebration called "a wedding". We spent approximately $12,000 on daughter's wedding. I would not change a thing. The location was perfect, and our out-of-town family was very complimentary. The food was the best ever! Daughter's dress had been featured on the cover of a bridal magazine. She looked beautiful!
I think what has upset most of the ladies here is that you seem overly concerned about dollar amount. Your parents do not owe you any money at all. It is very generous of them to offer to pay for your wedding. Many brides on this board do not have your good fortune. The fact that your sister was given a certain amount has nothing to do with you. It is your parent's money, not yours. My in-laws gave a lot of help to my SIL and her husband early in their marriage, and now they are very wealthy. We were never given the same financial help, but we are comfortable enough, having more money than we need to maintain our lifestyle. We retired early to Grand Junction, up on the Redlands.
You need to be more careful about how you speak to others about money. It is OK to ask money questions here, but be aware that you will not get much sympathy expecting an amount of money that would pay for ten budget weddings.
I think you should accept whatever amount of money your father offers you with gratitude. Make no reference to your sister's wedding. That has nothing to do with you. To think 'She got $$$, so I should get $$$, too!" is entitled thinking. Your Dad's finances may have changed since then.
When I lived in Washington, very expensive, showy weddings were side-eyed. Miss Manners' daughter was married in a garden, with sandwiches, cake, coffee and punch. The two of them wrote a wonderful (and funny) book about wedding planning and etiquette. I really think you should read it. It has so much helpful advice.
I do find it interesting that the assumption that Daddy wants to talk money means he wants to give it to her. Maybe, just maybe, he wants to say...'I don't have the money to give you'.
at which point, it might be a big reality check to OP about what is really important here - a $30k + wedding, or being married to someone you love.
Wow I don't know how some of you planned a wedding for under 15k! You must have had to skip a ton of corners. I am thinking that I will over estimate and give him a number of 50k that way I have plenty of wiggle room.
I would just go with whatever you can afford dad, anything is appreciated. None of us know how big your guest list is going to be and what the prices are in the area that you live in. If you have to invite 300 people between your two sides @ $70.00 a person which from what I read can be normally depending on where you live, that's $21,000 right there.
Maybe try to find out what your guest list will look like from both families and then start checking out venues to get prices and ideas. That will help you know what you need for the reception and give you a good starting off place.
I really appreciate people who took the time to respond to my post. I am still really upset by the name calling. I don't think it was called for. Just in case anyone really wants to know, I spoke with my father last night and he is contributing more than expected. Not trying to rub it in anyone's face, just thought if you were curious you would want to know.
And to whoever implied that 30k+ wedding is more important than sharing my life with my fiance...shame on you!
I really appreciate people who took the time to respond to my post. I am still really upset by the name calling. I don't think it was called for. Just in case anyone really wants to know, I spoke with my father last night and he is contributing more than expected. Not trying to rub it in anyone's face, just thought if you were curious you would want to know.
And to whoever implied that 30k+ wedding is more important than sharing my life with my fiance...shame on you!
I really appreciate people who took the time to respond to my post. I am still really upset by the name calling. I don't think it was called for. Just in case anyone really wants to know, I spoke with my father last night and he is contributing more than expected. Not trying to rub it in anyone's face, just thought if you were curious you would want to know.
And to whoever implied that 30k+ wedding is more important than sharing my life with my fiance...shame on you!
I'm glad that you were able to have a productive conversation with your father.
You have to remember that the internet is anonymous. We can only take what you write at face value, as we don't know the emotion or person behind the words. Based on what you wrote, you made it sound like your wedding would be imperfect or almost ruined if you had less than $30k to spend. Many people do not want or care to have $30k weddings and a lot of people simply cannot afford that. Again, we can only see words and it came across that you wanted that $30k wedding and nothing else!
I really appreciate people who took the time to respond to my post. I am still really upset by the name calling. I don't think it was called for. Just in case anyone really wants to know, I spoke with my father last night and he is contributing more than expected. Not trying to rub it in anyone's face, just thought if you were curious you would want to know.
And to whoever implied that 30k+ wedding is more important than sharing my life with my fiance...shame on you!
I have to agree with you on one point.... I don't think it was right for PPs to call you a brat, spoiled, ungrateful, etc. right off the bat. We don't know you, we don't know your life or your upbringing. It could be extremely normal to you that your dad offers you money for things, and you were just unsure of how to proceed on this particular conversation. Just because you have the luxury of having a parent who is willing to finance your wedding, that doesn't give us the right to judge you for it.
That being said, I do hope you are grateful and appreciative of everything you have. I always used to take my grandma for granted when she would happily open her wallet to give me whatever I wanted (in her attempt to make up for the fact that both my parents were drug addicts and virtually absent from my life). When I lost her as a teenager, learning how to fend for myself and take care of myself was very difficult. Just my two cents on this situation. Have fun planning your dream wedding, and come back anytime (with an open mind, of course) you need advice on etiquette-related issues
Well, when you imply that somebody cheaped out on their wedding, people will get offended. I too would have had a hard time with anything less than $50k, but I live in an expensive area with a big guest list. I would never suggest that somebody who spend less than $10k cheaped out on their wedding. For your reference, the national average cost of a wedding is $18,900 - so it's really possible so do it for far less than $30k without cutting corners.
That said, I do think there may be some family dynamics that people may be overlooking. While my parents didn't pay for any of our wedding, they have helped my siblings and I out with loans or larger gifts in the past. And in my family when my mother says, "Give me a number" she seriously means "Give me a number - do not play some polite game with me where you say 'Help where you can' or 'Well, it's this but...'." She just wants to know the number so she can make decisions. If - and *only if* this describes your family dynamic, you should just pick a reasonable number and give it. And if you don't have any idea what your budget is yet, you should postpone the conversation until you've done your research, drafted a guest list, priced some venues and gotten an idea of what a realistic budget is for you.
Wow I don't know how some of you planned a wedding for under 15k! You must have had to skip a ton of corners. I am thinking that I will over estimate and give him a number of 50k that way I have plenty of wiggle room.
I did not comment originally. I would have if I was not in the car for 6 hours (I don't have the patience for mobile knot.) The above comment is what bothered me. I grew up in an affluent town in Fairfield County Connecticut. You don't get much more well off than that. My family is not nearly as wealthy as my peers, though we are highly educated and have not struggled. I understand feeling like "how on earth do people survive??" in a purely awe inspired sense (accompanied with sadness for the inequality of this nation.) The above comment (I'll ask for 50k for wiggle room! giggle!) made me want to ram my head into the dashboard. I wanted to scream "DO YOU READ??!!" Seriously, for someone who is so privileged, you make a mockery of what you may be able to achieve with a modicum of sense, knowledge, reading comprehension, and social skills. And you make people who do come from privilege but maintain their intelligence and work ethic look life fools. I grew up knowing a lot of people like you. I also grew up with a lot of well off people who use their brains. Work on being part of the latter group.
Had you said "yeah, I worded that wrongly" rather than "you guys were mean, btw, my dad gave me tons of $$$" I would not feel this way. I stuck my foot in my mouth and acted bratty on this board recently. I acknowledged my folly. Being self aware is important. I hope you learn from this.
A couple of points
1. guest list - you should have an estimate of how many people might be invited and how many guest your parents want to invite.
2. Type of wedding - receptions range from cake and punch to black tie affairs. Have an idea of what type you and your FH want and ask your father is he has any specific type of reception in mind.
3. Location. I'm guessing you live in a large city. I live outside Chicago and I know if I wanted a formal dinner reception in the city it would be very difficult to pull it off for less than $20k. The farther you get away from the city the lower the prices drop. I will also mention that time of year effects price too.
So for your original questions, I would suggest looking up some venues you might consider and getting an idea of their cost. A rough estimate is 40% of the budget goes towards the venue/caterer. Hope that helps. And please try to remember to be thankful you have parents that can afford to offer you such a significant gift.
I really appreciate people who took the time to respond to my post. I am still really upset by the name calling. I don't think it was called for. Just in case anyone really wants to know, I spoke with my father last night and he is contributing more than expected. Not trying to rub it in anyone's face, just thought if you were curious you would want to know.
And to whoever implied that 30k+ wedding is more important than sharing my life with my fiance...shame on you!
I'm glad that you were able to have a productive conversation with your father.
You have to remember that the internet is anonymous. We can only take what you write at face value, as we don't know the emotion or person behind the words. Based on what you wrote, you made it sound like your wedding would be imperfect or almost ruined if you had less than $30k to spend. Many people do not want or care to have $30k weddings and a lot of people simply cannot afford that. Again, we can only see words and it came across that you wanted that $30k wedding and nothing else!
Best wishes on planning with the budget you have!
I agree with all of this and just want to offer one more small piece of advice to the OP. While its wonderful that your father offered to give you money towards your wedding, be careful when counting on this money. Not saying this would happen to you, but you never know what might happen and we see stories on these boards all the time of people who were promised money that they never received and then scrambling to make up the difference. Don't count on money until its in your bank account or one of your vendor's pockets.
Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
I really appreciate people who took the time to respond to my post. I am still really upset by the name calling. I don't think it was called for. Just in case anyone really wants to know, I spoke with my father last night and he is contributing more than expected. Not trying to rub it in anyone's face, just thought if you were curious you would want to know.
And to whoever implied that 30k+ wedding is more important than sharing my life with my fiance...shame on you!
I'm glad that you were able to have a productive conversation with your father.
You have to remember that the internet is anonymous. We can only take what you write at face value, as we don't know the emotion or person behind the words. Based on what you wrote, you made it sound like your wedding would be imperfect or almost ruined if you had less than $30k to spend. Many people do not want or care to have $30k weddings and a lot of people simply cannot afford that. Again, we can only see words and it came across that you wanted that $30k wedding and nothing else!
Best wishes on planning with the budget you have!
But who cares if that's what she wants?? Her OP mentioned that she wants to plan her dream wedding, and she can't imagine doing that for less than $30k. A dream wedding is just that, a dream, and it can be as luxurious and expensive as she imagines it to be. How is it, then, her fault if her dad has the money to finance it and is willing to do so? I'll admit, some of her comments about cutting corners do make her sound close-minded and somewhat immature, but she's hardly said anything that warrants the character assassination of being spoiled, ungrateful, or @lilacck28's assessment that she needs to work on being a well-off person who uses her brain.
I'm just saying, the regular posters here get bashed all the time for being rude, awful bitches (which I don't think we are). Coming down on the OP like this when she has said nothing that indicates she's planning to host her guests poorly, which is all etiquette should really be concerned about, is unnecessary.
I really appreciate people who took the time to respond to my post. I am still really upset by the name calling. I don't think it was called for. Just in case anyone really wants to know, I spoke with my father last night and he is contributing more than expected. Not trying to rub it in anyone's face, just thought if you were curious you would want to know.
And to whoever implied that 30k+ wedding is more important than sharing my life with my fiance...shame on you!
I'm glad that you were able to have a productive conversation with your father.
You have to remember that the internet is anonymous. We can only take what you write at face value, as we don't know the emotion or person behind the words. Based on what you wrote, you made it sound like your wedding would be imperfect or almost ruined if you had less than $30k to spend. Many people do not want or care to have $30k weddings and a lot of people simply cannot afford that. Again, we can only see words and it came across that you wanted that $30k wedding and nothing else!
Best wishes on planning with the budget you have!
But who cares if that's what she wants?? Her OP mentioned that she wants to plan her dream wedding, and she can't imagine doing that for less than $30k. A dream wedding is just that, a dream, and it can be as luxurious and expensive as she imagines it to be. How is it, then, her fault if her dad has the money to finance it and is willing to do so? I'll admit, some of her comments about cutting corners do make her sound close-minded and somewhat immature, but she's hardly said anything that warrants the character assassination of being spoiled, ungrateful, or @lilacck28's assessment that she needs to work on being a well-off person who uses her brain.
I'm just saying, the regular posters here get bashed all the time for being rude, awful bitches (which I don't think we are). Coming down on the OP like this when she has said nothing that indicates she's planning to host her guests poorly, which is all etiquette should really be concerned about, is unnecessary.
I disagree with your last sentence. Etiquette is not just about how you treat your wedding guests. It is about how you treat all people, including people who work for you, people with whom you talk, and in public life, people who might read what you say. The OP thoughtlessly insulted many of the brides on this board. It was not intentional on her part, but it was rude. People who are privileged should never flaunt their wealth. This is tacky, crass, and ill mannered. I hope the OP has learned from her mistake and will have a happy wedding.
I really appreciate people who took the time to respond to my post. I am still really upset by the name calling. I don't think it was called for. Just in case anyone really wants to know, I spoke with my father last night and he is contributing more than expected. Not trying to rub it in anyone's face, just thought if you were curious you would want to know.
And to whoever implied that 30k+ wedding is more important than sharing my life with my fiance...shame on you!
I'm glad that you were able to have a productive conversation with your father.
You have to remember that the internet is anonymous. We can only take what you write at face value, as we don't know the emotion or person behind the words. Based on what you wrote, you made it sound like your wedding would be imperfect or almost ruined if you had less than $30k to spend. Many people do not want or care to have $30k weddings and a lot of people simply cannot afford that. Again, we can only see words and it came across that you wanted that $30k wedding and nothing else!
Best wishes on planning with the budget you have!
But who cares if that's what she wants?? Her OP mentioned that she wants to plan her dream wedding, and she can't imagine doing that for less than $30k. A dream wedding is just that, a dream, and it can be as luxurious and expensive as she imagines it to be. How is it, then, her fault if her dad has the money to finance it and is willing to do so? I'll admit, some of her comments about cutting corners do make her sound close-minded and somewhat immature, but she's hardly said anything that warrants the character assassination of being spoiled, ungrateful, or @lilacck28's assessment that she needs to work on being a well-off person who uses her brain.
I'm just saying, the regular posters here get bashed all the time for being rude, awful bitches (which I don't think we are). Coming down on the OP like this when she has said nothing that indicates she's planning to host her guests poorly, which is all etiquette should really be concerned about, is unnecessary.
I disagree with your last sentence. Etiquette is not just about how you treat your wedding guests. It is about how you treat all people, including people who work for you, people with whom you talk, and in public life, people who might read what you say. The OP thoughtlessly insulted many of the brides on this board. It was not intentional on her part, but it was rude. People who are privileged should never flaunt their wealth. This is tacky, crass, and ill mannered. I hope the OP has learned from her mistake and will have a happy wedding.
I doubt she learned her lesson since she decided to flaunt how much her Father was going to give her for her wedding on another board. Flaunting your budget is the same as flaunting your diamond size...unnecessary and AWish.
I really appreciate people who took the time to respond to my post. I am still really upset by the name calling. I don't think it was called for. Just in case anyone really wants to know, I spoke with my father last night and he is contributing more than expected. Not trying to rub it in anyone's face, just thought if you were curious you would want to know.
And to whoever implied that 30k+ wedding is more important than sharing my life with my fiance...shame on you!
Don't take all the crap people write on here to heart. One pounces and the rest will follow. I mean we're talking about "You sound entitled" on the freaking internet!!
To answer a few of your questions, honestly, I would ask what your dad is willing to contribute. While they still live in a very nice area, he might not have as much to offer up as before. Him giving you any money is really generous, so ask what he thinks. Be honest, if you think you can get it done for 40K, tell him that. Maybe show him some figures for things when you go in IE the hall,the dress etc
And to answer your question about cutting corners; yes and no. My wedding was 14k. I grew up middle class, and for me, spending 50 k on one day would be like out of this world insane. I think my actual budget was only 10K to start with, but then my father in law, and my parents paid for certain things. We ended up only paying for half. Did I sacrifice, I honestly don't think I did. The only thing i would have done differently was hire another photographer. We hired my dad's friend (who is a brialliant photographer) but who is "not into weddings" and i think it showed in his work. Other than that, if i had extra cash to blow, it would have been that, just to blow cash.
My father also wanted to give me money, but didn't want to suggest an amount. So i did some research and put together what i believed to be a reasonable budget given where we were doing the wedding, the amount of guests we were inviting, and the things that we wanted to have. I then sent him that budget and he offered to pay for half of it. My mother committed to another 25% (they are divorced) and FI and I covered the rest.
My sister is getting married next year, and my dad plans to just give her the same amount as he gave me, to be fair. Like he said when i was planning the wedding, "i'm going to give you $X regardless, you can use it to plan a wedding or run off and elope and use it to buy a house, whatever you want." Most parents aren't that easy. He is giving my sister the same amount, and her guest list is about half the size of mine, so she expects it will cover almost 100% of her expenses. My wedding and my sister's wedding will be similar as far as style/food/booze/venue, but since her guest list is so much smaller, hers will cost less. And since FI and I have higher paying jobs than she and her FI do, we could afford to pay the excess ourselves. You can plan a beautiful wedding on any budget. If your dad refuses to offer a specific amount, perhaps you can show him your proposed budget and see what he has to say about that.
Cherry Creek--- so... Denver, then? Sorry, but saying Cherry Creek to me is just like the people who say they live in Highland Park because they don't want to admit to living in Dallas.
I'm glad that everything went the way you hoped it would with your father. To me, it is hard to wrap my brain around 40K.. if someone threw 40k at me right now, the wedding and honeymoon would be paid for, my student loans would be paid off, and I'd have a decent down payment on a home.
In terms of "cutting corners" to have a more budget friendly wedding....
When I started looking around, there were tons of lovely venues that I enjoyed. But, I couldn't justify 12K minimums on food, etc. So I kept shopping. Then, I found it.
I am getting married in a venue that I consider absolutely stunning. I'm having a daytime wedding, with full lunch for my guests-- including salads, sodas, etc. (approx 100). My venue is all inclusive. They provide decor, the cake, the food, the DJ, the photographer, the officiant... all we have to do is pay up and show up. Our total for everything... venue, my dress, my bridesmaid dresses (I'm paying), his tux, the groomsmen tuxes (also paying), limo, STD's, invitations, thank you cards, AND our Honeymoon..... right at 10K. And that is with taking a 7 day all inclusive Honeymoon in a top-tier suite. One doesn't have to sacrifice ANYTHING... aside from maybe a little time shopping.
But who cares if that's what she wants?? Her OP mentioned that she wants to plan her dream wedding, and she can't imagine doing that for less than $30k. A dream wedding is just that, a dream, and it can be as luxurious and expensive as she imagines it to be. How is it, then, her fault if her dad has the money to finance it and is willing to do so? I'll admit, some of her comments about cutting corners do make her sound close-minded and somewhat immature, but she's hardly said anything that warrants the character assassination of being spoiled, ungrateful, or @lilacck28's assessment that she needs to work on being a well-off person who uses her brain.
I'm just saying, the regular posters here get bashed all the time for being rude, awful bitches (which I don't think we are). Coming down on the OP like this when she has said nothing that indicates she's planning to host her guests poorly, which is all etiquette should really be concerned about, is unnecessary.
I don't care if that's what she wants, and I think it's wonderful that she will be able to finance her dream wedding. I took no issue with any of this. In fact, I will be able to have my "dream wedding" because my parents are generously contributing.
What I found maddening, as I mentioned in my post, was that the OP wrote her post and asked her question, received responses, and proceeded to update us all with the gem that she would be padding the amount of money she requested from her father, based not on actual budgeting, but "for wiggle room." Her statement implied she was trying to pull the wool over the eyes of her father to milk him of more cash.
Again, had the OP after receiving more comments about how terribly rude that was, then responded with "oh! that was not what I meant! I worded that terribly. I meant that I researched my ideal choices and came up with this budget, and since my dad wants a particular number, I will show him my research and see what he says" then I would no longer feel that OP was being purposefully inconsiderate or obtuse. Because after receiving the responses she did, her "I'll just ask for 50k for wiggle room" statement WAS obtuse and is the type of statement that paints all priveledged people as at minimum rude if not ignorant and malicious. Hence my desire to shout "DO YOU READ??"
Cherry Creek--- so... Denver, then? Sorry, but saying Cherry Creek to me is just like the people who say they live in Highland Park because they don't want to admit to living in Dallas.
I'm glad that everything went the way you hoped it would with your father. To me, it is hard to wrap my brain around 40K.. if someone threw 40k at me right now, the wedding and honeymoon would be paid for, my student loans would be paid off, and I'd have a decent down payment on a home.
In terms of "cutting corners" to have a more budget friendly wedding....
When I started looking around, there were tons of lovely venues that I enjoyed. But, I couldn't justify 12K minimums on food, etc. So I kept shopping. Then, I found it.
I am getting married in a venue that I consider absolutely stunning. I'm having a daytime wedding, with full lunch for my guests-- including salads, sodas, etc. (approx 100). My venue is all inclusive. They provide decor, the cake, the food, the DJ, the photographer, the officiant... all we have to do is pay up and show up. Our total for everything... venue, my dress, my bridesmaid dresses (I'm paying), his tux, the groomsmen tuxes (also paying), limo, STD's, invitations, thank you cards, AND our Honeymoon..... right at 10K. And that is with taking a 7 day all inclusive Honeymoon in a top-tier suite. One doesn't have to sacrifice ANYTHING... aside from maybe a little time shopping.
Cherry Creek--- so... Denver, then? Sorry, but saying Cherry Creek to me is just like the people who say they live in Highland Park because they don't want to admit to living in Dallas.
I'm glad that everything went the way you hoped it would with your father. To me, it is hard to wrap my brain around 40K.. if someone threw 40k at me right now, the wedding and honeymoon would be paid for, my student loans would be paid off, and I'd have a decent down payment on a home.
In terms of "cutting corners" to have a more budget friendly wedding....
When I started looking around, there were tons of lovely venues that I enjoyed. But, I couldn't justify 12K minimums on food, etc. So I kept shopping. Then, I found it.
I am getting married in a venue that I consider absolutely stunning. I'm having a daytime wedding, with full lunch for my guests-- including salads, sodas, etc. (approx 100). My venue is all inclusive. They provide decor, the cake, the food, the DJ, the photographer, the officiant... all we have to do is pay up and show up. Our total for everything... venue, my dress, my bridesmaid dresses (I'm paying), his tux, the groomsmen tuxes (also paying), limo, STD's, invitations, thank you cards, AND our Honeymoon..... right at 10K. And that is with taking a 7 day all inclusive Honeymoon in a top-tier suite. One doesn't have to sacrifice ANYTHING... aside from maybe a little time shopping.
This is why I loved your post.
Lol-- can't help it. I mean, I can totally understand using your neighborhood when talking to others who live in the same metro... but in a national (International) forum... there is really no difference between Cherry Creek and Denver... or Highland Park and Dallas. I'm a fan of brevity.
And as a side note... I'm leaning towards the side of the fence that thinks the OP is merely a troll. I mean, her 40K budget just magically mushroomed to 150K. C'mon now.
I really appreciate people who took the time to respond to my post. I am still really upset by the name calling. I don't think it was called for. Just in case anyone really wants to know, I spoke with my father last night and he is contributing more than expected. Not trying to rub it in anyone's face, just thought if you were curious you would want to know.
And to whoever implied that 30k+ wedding is more important than sharing my life with my fiance...shame on you!
I'm glad that you were able to have a productive conversation with your father.
You have to remember that the internet is anonymous. We can only take what you write at face value, as we don't know the emotion or person behind the words. Based on what you wrote, you made it sound like your wedding would be imperfect or almost ruined if you had less than $30k to spend. Many people do not want or care to have $30k weddings and a lot of people simply cannot afford that. Again, we can only see words and it came across that you wanted that $30k wedding and nothing else!
Best wishes on planning with the budget you have!
But who cares if that's what she wants?? Her OP mentioned that she wants to plan her dream wedding, and she can't imagine doing that for less than $30k. A dream wedding is just that, a dream, and it can be as luxurious and expensive as she imagines it to be. How is it, then, her fault if her dad has the money to finance it and is willing to do so? I'll admit, some of her comments about cutting corners do make her sound close-minded and somewhat immature, but she's hardly said anything that warrants the character assassination of being spoiled, ungrateful, or @lilacck28's assessment that she needs to work on being a well-off person who uses her brain.
I'm just saying, the regular posters here get bashed all the time for being rude, awful bitches (which I don't think we are). Coming down on the OP like this when she has said nothing that indicates she's planning to host her guests poorly, which is all etiquette should really be concerned about, is unnecessary.
She certainly did not offend me in any way. I had an open check book for my first wedding- no questions asked. It wasn't the idea of having a dream wedding either. Everyone has a dream! It was how she went about it. If you take the words at face value, it comes off poorly. As stated previously, etiquette is not just about how you host wedding guests, it's also manners. I totally understand being apprehensive about having to go about discussing a $30+k wedding budget with a father. And I get wanting to ask on here how to do it tactfully. Been there, done that. However, the way I read some of the posts was not just being concerned about chatting about money- it was being concerned that she wouldn't get the $30+k she thought she needed to have a perfect wedding and anything below that would be "sacrificing" and be beneath her ideas of what a wedding should be.
My budget is 40K, we're hoping to come in well under budget (so far so good), but that's the money we have to spend and we'll spend it on things that are important to us for the wedding (like having really awesome food). However, I would never (ever!) say someone having a wedding for less then 15K was cutting corners. Hell I'll probably stalk their posts to figure out what they're doing differently. Because if we come in under budget we can keep the money we save and spend on important things. Like shoes.
It's fine and all to have a big to do wedding that costs a zillion bucks. If that's what you want to spend your money on, more power to ya. But it's not fine to say anyone who spends less is cutting corners. And to believe that a wedding must cost X amount or it's not up to snuff, is a very immature point of view.
mmoss042515 do you honestly think everyone has as much money as your family does? Surely you've interacted with people not as well off as you? Or at least are aware that out in the world there are people who don't have it as well as you do? And that they still throw wonderful weddings?
Wow I don't know how some of you planned a wedding for under 15k! You must have had to skip a ton of corners. I am thinking that I will over estimate and give him a number of 50k that way I have plenty of wiggle room.
Another example where money does not buy class.
ETA - OP, given that another post mentions that your father is now giving you $150k budget, I'm curious.....how much of your own money are you contributing to your wedding?
Cherry Creek--- so... Denver, then? Sorry, but saying Cherry Creek to me is just like the people who say they live in Highland Park because they don't want to admit to living in Dallas.
I'm glad that everything went the way you hoped it would with your father. To me, it is hard to wrap my brain around 40K.. if someone threw 40k at me right now, the wedding and honeymoon would be paid for, my student loans would be paid off, and I'd have a decent down payment on a home.
In terms of "cutting corners" to have a more budget friendly wedding....
When I started looking around, there were tons of lovely venues that I enjoyed. But, I couldn't justify 12K minimums on food, etc. So I kept shopping. Then, I found it.
I am getting married in a venue that I consider absolutely stunning. I'm having a daytime wedding, with full lunch for my guests-- including salads, sodas, etc. (approx 100). My venue is all inclusive. They provide decor, the cake, the food, the DJ, the photographer, the officiant... all we have to do is pay up and show up. Our total for everything... venue, my dress, my bridesmaid dresses (I'm paying), his tux, the groomsmen tuxes (also paying), limo, STD's, invitations, thank you cards, AND our Honeymoon..... right at 10K. And that is with taking a 7 day all inclusive Honeymoon in a top-tier suite. One doesn't have to sacrifice ANYTHING... aside from maybe a little time shopping.
This is why I loved your post.
Lol-- can't help it. I mean, I can totally understand using your neighborhood when talking to others who live in the same metro... but in a national (International) forum... there is really no difference between Cherry Creek and Denver... or Highland Park and Dallas. I'm a fan of brevity.
I completely agree. I usually just say Dallas, unless I'm speaking to someone IN Dallas, even then I sometimes just say Dallas proper, because not everyone is familiar with all parts of the city.
Re: The Money Talk Update in comments
I am a former mother-of-the-bride. With the help of my daughter, I planned a very elegant church wedding and country club brunch reception in the Washington, DC area, where prices are very high. We did not cut any corners, but neither did we try to impress anyone with our wealth. That would have been extremely tacky! My daughter considers me a "social dragon" with membership in the DAR and several other socially beneficial organizations.
My husband and I paid for daughter's wedding, except for the rehearsal dinner, engagement ring and honeymoon. Generally people who have money to spend are very careful not to waste it. Currently my own investments are headed for college funds for the grandchildren, and charities, all of which are much more important than having a frivolous celebration called "a wedding". We spent approximately $12,000 on daughter's wedding. I would not change a thing. The location was perfect, and our out-of-town family was very complimentary. The food was the best ever! Daughter's dress had been featured on the cover of a bridal magazine. She looked beautiful!
I think what has upset most of the ladies here is that you seem overly concerned about dollar amount. Your parents do not owe you any money at all. It is very generous of them to offer to pay for your wedding. Many brides on this board do not have your good fortune. The fact that your sister was given a certain amount has nothing to do with you. It is your parent's money, not yours.
My in-laws gave a lot of help to my SIL and her husband early in their marriage, and now they are very wealthy. We were never given the same financial help, but we are comfortable enough, having more money than we need to maintain our lifestyle. We retired early to Grand Junction, up on the Redlands.
You need to be more careful about how you speak to others about money. It is OK to ask money questions here, but be aware that you will not get much sympathy expecting an amount of money that would pay for ten budget weddings.
I think you should accept whatever amount of money your father offers you with gratitude. Make no reference to your sister's wedding. That has nothing to do with you. To think 'She got $$$, so I should get $$$, too!" is entitled thinking. Your Dad's finances may have changed since then.
When I lived in Washington, very expensive, showy weddings were side-eyed. Miss Manners' daughter was married in a garden, with sandwiches, cake, coffee and punch. The two of them wrote a wonderful (and funny) book about wedding planning and etiquette. I really think you should read it. It has so much helpful advice.
http://www.amazon.com/Manners-Guide-Surprisingly-Dignified-Wedding/dp/0393069141/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1401754598&sr=8-2&keywords=wedding+etiquette+Manners
I would just go with whatever you can afford dad, anything is appreciated. None of us know how big your guest list is going to be and what the prices are in the area that you live in. If you have to invite 300 people between your two sides @ $70.00 a person which from what I read can be normally depending on where you live, that's $21,000 right there.
Maybe try to find out what your guest list will look like from both families and then start checking out venues to get prices and ideas. That will help you know what you need for the reception and give you a good starting off place.
You have to remember that the internet is anonymous. We can only take what you write at face value, as we don't know the emotion or person behind the words. Based on what you wrote, you made it sound like your wedding would be imperfect or almost ruined if you had less than $30k to spend. Many people do not want or care to have $30k weddings and a lot of people simply cannot afford that. Again, we can only see words and it came across that you wanted that $30k wedding and nothing else!
Best wishes on planning with the budget you have!
That being said, I do hope you are grateful and appreciative of everything you have. I always used to take my grandma for granted when she would happily open her wallet to give me whatever I wanted (in her attempt to make up for the fact that both my parents were drug addicts and virtually absent from my life). When I lost her as a teenager, learning how to fend for myself and take care of myself was very difficult. Just my two cents on this situation. Have fun planning your dream wedding, and come back anytime (with an open mind, of course) you need advice on etiquette-related issues
I'm just saying, the regular posters here get bashed all the time for being rude, awful bitches (which I don't think we are). Coming down on the OP like this when she has said nothing that indicates she's planning to host her guests poorly, which is all etiquette should really be concerned about, is unnecessary.
The OP thoughtlessly insulted many of the brides on this board. It was not intentional on her part, but it was rude. People who are privileged should never flaunt their wealth. This is tacky, crass, and ill mannered. I hope the OP has learned from her mistake and will have a happy wedding.
I'm glad that everything went the way you hoped it would with your father. To me, it is hard to wrap my brain around 40K.. if someone threw 40k at me right now, the wedding and honeymoon would be paid for, my student loans would be paid off, and I'd have a decent down payment on a home.
In terms of "cutting corners" to have a more budget friendly wedding....
When I started looking around, there were tons of lovely venues that I enjoyed. But, I couldn't justify 12K minimums on food, etc. So I kept shopping. Then, I found it.
I am getting married in a venue that I consider absolutely stunning. I'm having a daytime wedding, with full lunch for my guests-- including salads, sodas, etc. (approx 100). My venue is all inclusive. They provide decor, the cake, the food, the DJ, the photographer, the officiant... all we have to do is pay up and show up. Our total for everything... venue, my dress, my bridesmaid dresses (I'm paying), his tux, the groomsmen tuxes (also paying), limo, STD's, invitations, thank you cards, AND our Honeymoon..... right at 10K. And that is with taking a 7 day all inclusive Honeymoon in a top-tier suite. One doesn't have to sacrifice ANYTHING... aside from maybe a little time shopping.
Lol-- can't help it. I mean, I can totally understand using your neighborhood when talking to others who live in the same metro... but in a national (International) forum... there is really no difference between Cherry Creek and Denver... or Highland Park and Dallas. I'm a fan of brevity.
I'm just saying, the regular posters here get bashed all the time for being rude, awful bitches (which I don't think we are). Coming down on the OP like this when she has said nothing that indicates she's planning to host her guests poorly, which is all etiquette should really be concerned about, is unnecessary.
She certainly did not offend me in any way. I had an open check book for my first wedding- no questions asked. It wasn't the idea of having a dream wedding either. Everyone has a dream! It was how she went about it. If you take the words at face value, it comes off poorly. As stated previously, etiquette is not just about how you host wedding guests, it's also manners. I totally understand being apprehensive about having to go about discussing a $30+k wedding budget with a father. And I get wanting to ask on here how to do it tactfully. Been there, done that. However, the way I read some of the posts was not just being concerned about chatting about money- it was being concerned that she wouldn't get the $30+k she thought she needed to have a perfect wedding and anything below that would be "sacrificing" and be beneath her ideas of what a wedding should be.