Etiquette grudge

1026pumpkin · June 2014

Hi Ladies! It's been a long time since I've posted, but thought you might be able to provide some good advice. DH and I were married 7 years ago and he has his best friend as his Best Man. We had a very small wedding (45ish people) and a small bridal party- just BM and MOH. BM was married at the time of our wedding; however, I did not know his wife nearly as well as we knew him because she traveled regularly for work and was almost never home. I would say I probably hung out with her less than 10 times before the wedding, and very much considered to be an acquaintance. We obviously invited her to the wedding, but I had never even considered including her in the bridal party because I barely knew her.

She called DH last week to complain that she is upset (7 frickin years later!!!) that I didn't include her in the bridal party and didn't include her in the bridal party pictures, made her feel like a 3rd wheel during the wedding weekend, and was upset that she wasn't invited to my bachelorette party (didn't have one! she thinks I hid it from her!)

From my perspective, we invited them to stay in our home for the wedding weekend, loaned them a car, invited them both to all wedding activities (rehearsal dinner, wedding, post-wedding brunch), she tagged along uninvited to DH's bachelor party. I didn't plan any special time with her, but I definitely welcomed them when they arrived, made casual conversation, thanked them for coming- just as I did for all of my guests. During the reception she was seated with her husband at the head table with us. Furthermore, we planned to do all of our formal pictures for an hour before our ceremony to avoid having a gap- I put her in touch with several different guests (including other friends staying at our house) who could give her a ride to the wedding so she wouldn't need to hang out during pictures. Well, she tagged along to pictures too, and after we got our pictures back from the photographer, we found that she had photo-bombed almost every single picture that had more than just me and DH. It's super obvious too, because our wedding colors were all neutral ivory and browns, and she is wearing a red lycra mini-dress....she didn't blend.

Anyhoo....we are all attending a wedding for a mutual friend over the 4th of July weekend and will be sharing a house with her family and some other friends, and I'm worried this is going to come up. So, did I goof up? Are you supposed to include wedding party SOs in the bridal party? In formal pictures? If I goofed, I guess I will make a very belated apology to her, but I kind of feel like she is bananas.....especially this long after our wedding!

ladyamanuet · June 2014

She's a honey crusted nut bar. No. You did nothing wrong.

misshart00 · June 2014

That is some weird grudge.

Jen4948 · June 2014

Yeah, I have to agree with @misshart00. It is weird that she held a grudge against you for 7 years when you did nothing wrong.

slothiegal · June 2014

Wait wut???

You are totally fine. If she wants to keep this silly grudge, say something along the lines of what @scribe95 suggested, and then let herself look the fool.

chibiyui · June 2014

huskypuppy14 · June 2014

JoanE2012 · June 2014

You didn't goof. This woman needs a life.

slothiegal · June 2014

chibiyui said:

1026pumpkin · June 2014

These gifs are totally making my afternoon :-) I'm glad I'm not being crazy! I have a feeling if I tell her we kept it to dearest friends, it would probably provoke her....I think her issue is that I don't treat her like my BFF when our husbands are good friends...but I just really don't like her that much. (Wish I could insert my RHONY Heather gif here!). I mean, I always make friendly chit chat with her, but purposefully keep it light. I don't feel like going to get my nails done with her, much less having her as a bridesmaid. I feel like if anyone is going to have a grudge in this situation, it should be me since my wedding pictures look like an internet meme. My mom was pissssssssed when she saw them! Thanks for the feedback, ladies! Virtual wedding cake to all!

misshart00 · June 2014

I kind of really want to see these pictures.

annathy03 · June 2014

Homegirl needs this how-to:

I mean, seriously? She's upset at not being a bridesmaid for someone she isn't super close with SEVEN YEARS later?

1026pumpkin · June 2014

misshart00 said:

I kind of really want to see these pictures.

DH made me promise not to post them....but picture all of the stereotypical formal wedding poses your mom always wants to see....bride and groom flanked by bridal party, B and G with parents, etc....all dressed in tuxes and bridesmaid/MOB/MOG dresses in shades of brown and taupe....and now picture someone in a red spandex/lycra mini "dress" popping their head between the B and G's or adding themselves in to the line of people at the end.....it's every bit as bad as you're picturing. It's a little bit funny 7 years later, but a little sad some of the bigger moments (hand ceremony, kiss, pictures with parents, pictures with wedding party) are ruined.

As a side note for brides that are still in the planning stage-for the record- I had *no clue* this was going on during the wedding. I was in such a bliss zone, I probably wouldn't have noticed bombs going off, so it didn't ruin my day. It would be nice to have some normal formal pics though...guess we could always do some photoshoping.

misshart00 · June 2014

She put herself between you and your husband?! This blows my mind.

alpacalunch · June 2014

wrigleyville · June 2014

I would have flown into a murderous rage upon seeing those pictures and never, ever speak to her again. These aren't just random Christmas photos you take every year. They are your WEDDING pictures.

She is a special kind of stupid and crazy.

NYCMercedes · June 2014

It's pathetic.

mrs4everhart · June 2014

If you really want to yank her chain have her 'shopped out of a picture, frame it, put it in a conspicuous location then invite them over and watch her quietly unravel.

MollyandD · June 2014

I kind of blame the photographer for part of the photo bombing. The photographer should have been more on top of that in my opinion. Can you post a picture but crop out faces? Haha

Inkdancer · June 2014

Banana Nut Bread is jealous of how totally bananas and how completely nuts this lady is.

huskypuppy14 · June 2014

Seroiusly who does that? I agree with Molly; I blame the photographer. He/she should of said, "Excuse me lady in the red dress? Can you move out of the picture please?"

lc07 · June 2014

It's jashley. Obviously. OP, run away from the crazy lady. Fear for your life.

aurianna · June 2014

Molly&Domenic said:

I kind of blame the photographer for part of the photo bombing. The photographer should have been more on top of that in my opinion. Can you post a picture but crop out faces? Haha

This. Maybe photographer couldn't have done anything for the candid shots but he/she should have noticed when random red person was in her posed shot and tried to get her out of it.

Also, this girl sounds wacko.

downtondiva · June 2014

1. What is wrong with your photographer that they didn't notice this woman and tell her to get out of the way?

2. You didn't do anything wrong. Your wedding party is supposed to be the people you feel closest to. Being married to a wedding party member doesn't guarantee anyone a spot.

3. You have nothing to apologize for. If it gets brought up, just say that you guys didn't know each other well at the time and that you hope you can get to know each other better moving forward, or something like that. But don't tell her you're sorry, because you have nothing to be sorry about. She's the one who messed up, not you.

KGold80 · June 2014

Well, I can't imagine why you don't like her! She sounds like such a peach!!

MollyandD · June 2014

I agree with @downtondiva‌ on that. You don't need to apologize. If she brings it up, all you have to say is that you barely knew her at the time. I'm a nice person, but I'd probably even say that with a little eye roll. This is creepy to me. I am annoyed that I've had now two people ask why they weren't invited to my wedding. I'd probably have a hard time controlling my facial expressions if someone asked why she wasn't a bridesmaid.

beethery · June 2014

1026pumpkin said:

Hi Ladies! It's been a long time since I've posted, but thought you might be able to provide some good advice. DH and I were married 7 years ago and he has his best friend as his Best Man. We had a very small wedding (45ish people) and a small bridal party- just BM and MOH. BM was married at the time of our wedding; however, I did not know his wife nearly as well as we knew him because she traveled regularly for work and was almost never home. I would say I probably hung out with her less than 10 times before the wedding, and very much considered to be an acquaintance. We obviously invited her to the wedding, but I had never even considered including her in the bridal party because I barely knew her.

She called DH last week to complain that she is upset (7 frickin years later!!!) that I didn't include her in the bridal party and didn't include her in the bridal party pictures, made her feel like a 3rd wheel during the wedding weekend, and was upset that she wasn't invited to my bachelorette party (didn't have one! she thinks I hid it from her!)

From my perspective, we invited them to stay in our home for the wedding weekend, loaned them a car, invited them both to all wedding activities (rehearsal dinner, wedding, post-wedding brunch), she tagged along uninvited to DH's bachelor party. I didn't plan any special time with her, but I definitely welcomed them when they arrived, made casual conversation, thanked them for coming- just as I did for all of my guests. During the reception she was seated with her husband at the head table with us. Furthermore, we planned to do all of our formal pictures for an hour before our ceremony to avoid having a gap- I put her in touch with several different guests (including other friends staying at our house) who could give her a ride to the wedding so she wouldn't need to hang out during pictures. Well, she tagged along to pictures too, and after we got our pictures back from the photographer, we found that she had photo-bombed almost every single picture that had more than just me and DH. It's super obvious too, because our wedding colors were all neutral ivory and browns, and she is wearing a red lycra mini-dress....she didn't blend.

Anyhoo....we are all attending a wedding for a mutual friend over the 4th of July weekend and will be sharing a house with her family and some other friends, and I'm worried this is going to come up. So, did I goof up? Are you supposed to include wedding party SOs in the bridal party? In formal pictures? If I goofed, I guess I will make a very belated apology to her, but I kind of feel like she is bananas.....especially this long after our wedding!

Your feeling is correct.

That lady is a fucking asshole. Especially when she got in your pictures, she crossed the damn line.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2014

1026pumpkin said:

misshart00 said:

I kind of really want to see these pictures.

DH made me promise not to post them....but picture all of the stereotypical formal wedding poses your mom always wants to see....bride and groom flanked by bridal party, B and G with parents, etc....all dressed in tuxes and bridesmaid/MOB/MOG dresses in shades of brown and taupe....and now picture someone in a red spandex/lycra mini "dress" popping their head between the B and G's or adding themselves in to the line of people at the end.....it's every bit as bad as you're picturing. It's a little bit funny 7 years later, but a little sad some of the bigger moments (hand ceremony, kiss, pictures with parents, pictures with wedding party) are ruined.

As a side note for brides that are still in the planning stage-for the record- I had *no clue* this was going on during the wedding. I was in such a bliss zone, I probably wouldn't have noticed bombs going off, so it didn't ruin my day. It would be nice to have some normal formal pics though...guess we could always do some photoshoping.

Um, this is where your photogapher should have seen what was going on and either said something to Cray Cray McGee directly, or to you and your husband and then you could have dealt with her.

ETA: I hope they knocked some money off of your photography package.

Personally, I would not want to share a house with this person. . . can you and your husband make other accommodations? If you decide to keep your arrangements as is, and Cray Cray McGee brings up your wedding and the WP, just smile and say, "Oh I didn't realize you weren't formally in the wedding party 7 years ago considering you are in all of our formal bridal portraits. That red dress really stood out." Then walk away.

Simply Fated · June 2014

She tagged along to the bachelor party? For reals? Did they say anything or did they not care?

I wonder if the photographer thought she was supposed to be there in the pics. I mean, no one else said anything, so maybe he assumed she belonged.

Anyway, she sounds crazy and the fact that she purposely put herself into all of the pictures as some form of vengeance makes me think she has a narcisistic personality disorder.

LondonLisa · June 2014

Anyone holding onto a perceived minor slight for seven years (!!) has serious issues. I would feel uncomfortable staying in the same house as her if she has been stewing on this for nearly a decade. I feel like she would want some sort of confrontation about it, so be aware- don't get sucked into her crazy.

As for the photos- it just proves that she is lacking major self awareness and that anything where she isn't included is a direct insult to her. If you took those photos to a good digital photographer, it would be easy and not too expensive to photoshop her out of it.

As I read your whole post, I could only keep saying "seriously?! who does that?!"

scrunchythief · June 2014

Photoshop, photoshop, photoshop. You might even have a friend who could do it. My friend once photoshopped someone out of a picture, and now people think the original is the photoshopped one.

All this after you let them stay in your house the weekend of your wedding?!? Even for family, unless it was emergency, there is no way I'd have let them stay in my house if that's where my new husband and I were spending our wedding night.

As for the weekend you're spending with them...I think there's a pretty high chance she'd bring it up. PP are much better at thinking what to say than I am, but might I also recommend trying to not be alone with her? If there's someone else there to witness this, maybe that'll mitigate her rant. Provided they're not as irrational as she is being. Has her husband said anything about this?

ETA for clarity.

Etiquette grudge

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