Gluten free - an annoying guest rant

mysticl · June 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

I have a coworker with a dairy allergy. Our cake comes as part of our catering package and I asked about having something dairy-free made (as a courtesy). The price we'd have to pay (as the caterer only covers the basic package) was astronomical. Then we asked about having a dairy-free cupcake or something for my coworker and were told the smallest item they could make for us was a 7" cake... and it would cost us far too much to justify for only one person. Sorry, dude, but you've lived without eating cake this long so you can go without at my wedding. I already made sure the buffet was 75% dairy-free for you.

The alternate dessert for my relative would be something like a dish of sorbet. Not a specially created egg free version of the same thing everyone else was getting.

scrunchythief · June 2014

I think there's a pretty big difference, from a caterer's perspective about vegetarian vs. gluten free. To do true gluten free you need completely separate utensils, work surfaces, etc. The college dinning commons I used to work at had a dedicated GF station. To expect that level of separation for Celiac's is perfectly reasonable because even small amounts of gluten are harmful. However, I don't think that level of separation is reasonable for a non-allergy. If I had a vegetarian friend over for dinner and s/he didn't want to eat what I'd prepared simply because at one point the pan had cooked meat, I'd be pretty confused.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · June 2014

My father is type 1 diabetic, our best man is a vegetarian. We will accommodate these guys. But my FBIL just wants a 'burger' and can't we just make one? Because he won't like beef tournados. He hasn't had them and knows he's gonna hate them. So if we could just get a plain burger for him, that'd be great. I mutter maybe we should put the tournados on a bun. That's the same thing, right?

Go to A&W before you stop off for pictures then! GAH!

I don't like food shaming. I don't like it when people switch their diets and proceed to think they are holier-than-thou and they are the wise ones. Go GF, just please don't shove it in my face. It gives me the sads.

ejpentecost · June 2014

I have a wheat allergy which was diagnosed 30 years ago. I would never expect anyone to change their menu for me; I know what I can eat and what I can't, and I know to eat before I go and bring snacks.

One of my daughters has food allergies - nuts, melons, apples, and strawberries. Same thing. We might ask if a dish has one of those ingredients, but usually she just eats before we go to a party and then she nibbles what she can.

We manage just fine and try not to put anyone out!

Cookie Pusher · June 2014

mysticl said:
The alternate dessert for my relative would be something like a dish of sorbet. Not a specially created egg free version of the same thing everyone else was getting.

The wedding cake is the only dessert being provided by the caterer (the caterer themselves do not do dessert, it's contracted out to the bakery), so it's cake or nothing. Nothing else is included with the catering package we chose unless we add the Viennese option, which we cannot afford to do. We can't even just add an alternate dessert for him without having to pay an extra fee. So yea, dude can live without cake. I don't eat cake, so I just drink coffee during dessert time.

monkeysip · June 2014

https://player.vimeo.com/video/53270909

Anyone ever watch the SNL commercial for "Flaritin"? You know, it's to treat your fake allergies! This conversation reminded me of it.

mysticl · June 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

mysticl said:
The alternate dessert for my relative would be something like a dish of sorbet. Not a specially created egg free version of the same thing everyone else was getting.

The wedding cake is the only dessert being provided by the caterer (the caterer themselves do not do dessert, it's contracted out to the bakery), so it's cake or nothing. Nothing else is included with the catering package we chose unless we add the Viennese option, which we cannot afford to do. We can't even just add an alternate dessert for him without having to pay an extra fee. So yea, dude can live without cake. I don't eat cake, so I just drink coffee during dessert time.

I totally get it. And I bet he doesn't expect to be able to eat the cake.

t think the sorbet was either something the place had on hand or the hosts brought in their selves. And it was for a family member who was a child, not just any guest. That was at an actual event. At family gatherings it's easy enough to have two desserts and one of them be something he can eat.

adverb1129 · June 2014

I have a good friend who is a bit of a drama queen and hopped on the GF train with abandon. She contacted me about a month before my wedding to make sure there would be a GF option for her to eat- not only a dish without gluten in it but one that had not come into contact with anything that might have had gluten in it.

I was a little annoyed at first but it ended up working out. I let my caterer know that there needed to be a GF plate made up before all of the other plates and I tipped my coordinator off as to which guest needed the special plate. She was happy with her dinner and I was glad I could host her. Of course, I was very lucky that my planned meal was already easily customized to be GF.

Good luck with your aunt!

aspoonfulofsugar · June 2014

I can understand your frustrations. I'll happily work to accommodate guests with allergies, or who are vegan/vegetarian, as I have a few on my side alone. It does bother me when people jump on the bandwagon, because I've dealt with very severe cases before (as a nanny before, and now as a teacher). I had a student two years ago who has Celiac, and even if someone next to him was eating a sandwich, touched the table where they sit, and then the child (with Celiac) touched the same spot on the table and put his hand to his mouth, he was out of school for the next day with severe GI issues. We also had a girl this year who had an airborne peanut allergy. These kids happily adapted to whatever snack they were given though, knew what they could and couldn't have (but I always check the packaging/email parents to check), and never complained about having Oreos while everyone else had cupcakes. Sorry, TK hates my paragraphs today.

Wegl13 · June 2014

By the way, some religious vegetarians (Hindu for example) aren't supposed to eat food that has been prepared with the same tools, etc as meat. Same goes for some versions of a strict Jewish diet and pork. I had a friend of each growing up and my Hindu friend had the hardest time in the world eating out on class trips.

I am all for being as accommodating as possible when it comes to providing info on what's in the food and trying to provide options, but I've gotten burned enough times by people being overly demanding about their food choices that at some point I'm like if you're going to be that specific dude bring a snack and get over yourself.

I am a big fan of the gluten free craze for one reason: a good friend of mine has celiac disease and when she went to college had to go on the required meal plan no exceptions... And she ate incredibly unhealthy her first year of school because there were so few options for her. So in the instance I'm all for greater awareness of ingredient use and providing alternatives!

abbyj700 · June 2014

I've been a vegetarian for 14 years. At least 2 people invited to our wedding have celiacs. I welcome questions about our food and would want to accommodate anyone with restrictions/allergies and preferences. I'm not allergic to meat - but if a friend or family member refused to tell me if something was vegetarian strictly because they thought "oh that's a fad diet and not an allergy so I don't care" - I'd feel rather hurt. Most venues will provide vegetarian, vegan or GF meals with no extra charge. They usually don't even make you count it as one of your choices (say if you only get 2). Ask your caterer. This could be a really easy thing that costs you a 5 minute phone call to host your guests correctly.

climbingsingle · June 2014

FI got me hooked on this book/diet called Eat Right For Your Blood Type. It talks about how certain blood types aren't good at processing certain foods. I'm supposed to stay away from wheat and gluten (which makes sense for me. I feel terrible when I eat them). I'm also supposed to avoid dairy (ugh. Cheese, I love you). Of course sometimes I still sneak cake and a sandwich here and there, because damn that shit is good. But again, I never impose those restrictions on anyone. I just try to eat things I know won't make me sick.

FI has been following this diet for the last year and a half. He went from having to eat Tums almost every day to not ever needing them any more. So we're pretty firm believers of this diet. It's pretty neat.

larrygaga · June 2014

I hate those people too. FI is allergic and all these "gluten-free" foods in stores or restaurants aren't actually gluten free sometimes. This makes it really easy for FI to accidentally eat something and get really sick. I laugh at any and all people who think gluten is bad for you, and I love watching them continue to be fat, stupid and unhealthy. Gluten isn't the problem for these stupid trend dieters. Eat more veggies and fruits. Goddamn.

wandajune6 · June 2014

And this is why we're doing a buffet.

We've got vegetarians, vegans, a raw foodie, GF eaters, folks with nut allergies, and a kosher friend coming. That's not including the people who are on low fat or low carb diets. Fortunately, only the person with nut allergies is super-strict (I confirmed that we didn't need a special kosher kitchen). We're also on a super-tight budget and are allocating about 70% of our budget to the reception food and drink.

We're doing a simple beef dish, a simple chicken dish, a vegan pasta dish, and a few vegetable options, including a salad. We're having cake and a fruit platter for dessert. The GFs can skip the pasta, the vegans and veggies can skip the meat, the nut allergies are safe, and there's no dairy in anything (except for salad dressing options). It's a very simple and not terribly glamorous menu but it covers everything we need.

I'd love to have more exciting options but we would need to trade in universally acceptable foods in order to afford them.

Jen4948 · June 2014

I think there is at least one of every type of food allergy or condition among my family and friends. I do have at least two persons who would need to be gluten free for medical reasons. There are diabetics, glatt kosher people (this is the ultimate degree of kosher), vegans, other types of vegetarians, acid reflux, assorted allergies and intolerances, and just plain dislikes of various types of food.

I will do my best to have at least one thing each person can eat, but I don't think I can accommodate every single person's non-religious or non-medical food preferences.

alpacalunch · June 2014

Ugh. FMIL is allergic to wheat, pork, beef AND corn (and a host of other things) and has asked for zero special treatment. My mom has Crohn's, and has expected the same. While I've told her we want to provide things they can eat, they're kind of important people at the wedding, she's replied "If *FMIL's name* and I are sitting somewhere eating sandwiches we brought from home, that's cool. Please try to have 7up though".

I kinda feel like accommodating the best you can is appreciated, but people with allergies/sensitivities generally know when they're being a PITA. Do what you can, but people can easily fend for themselves if they need to.

OP, your Aunt sounds annoying. Sorry this is an issue.

jdluvr06 · June 2014

I think that when you're hosting an event and you know that someone has an allergy then you should do everything you can to accommodate that. However, following a food fad does not qualify. I will admit I have been a bit of a bridezilla about the food. FI has started calling me the nut slayer (haha) because I have an uncle who is severely allergic to most kinds of nuts. So I have done everything I can to make sure that there is absolutely no trace of nuts anywhere near my wedding. I don't have to worry about the venue because that is my other uncle's house so he knows. However I've admittedly been a bit of a bitch to the caterer and baker about it. The caterer kept having me taste things made with peanut oil, I finally had to tell him that if he showed us one more thing with any nut in it we wouldn't hire them.

phira · June 2014

I try not to judge too much because I choose not to eat pork (not an allergy) and my partner chooses not to eat pork, poultry, or beef (not an allergy), and I just don't think it's okay to police other people's diets. Eat whatever, I don't care.

But when it comes to hosting, it's tougher. We didn't have trouble figuring out appetizers and entrees to make sure that people can have whatever kind of allergy or dietary restriction and still eat. But I don't accommodate pickiness. I know one of my friends, who's on the gluten-free train based on, well, no evidence, is a vegetarian, and is one of the pickiest eaters I've ever met, will want to know what the vegetarian option is. We won't know it in advance, though, and we'll just promise her that it'll be gluten-free and vegetarian. I'm not going to also make sure it contains none of the myriad foods she dislikes.

Dessert is different. I'm not buying multiple kinds of cake--our venue cuts and serves cake for free, but they can't promise that certain flavors can go to certain guests. So no, we're not having gluten-free cake as well.

ladyamanuet · June 2014

tammym1001 said:

ashley8918 said:

I guess i'm in the minority here, but I don't think she is being totally ridiculous. It doesn't sound like was she was DEMANDING that you provide a GF option. She probably just wants to know whether or not she should figure out alternative food for herself and her son.

To be clear, I think the GF fad diet is stupid; however, how do you judge what food restrictions are legitimate? For example, I am a vegitarian and I expect that anyone who cares about properly hosting guests would provide me with a suitable meal. I have no allergy. I have no religious justification. I don't even have a moral issue. Does that make this not a "legitimate" food restriction?

ETA - I simply don't like meat and will not eat it. Do i really need a "legitimate" justification?

This is kind of what I've been thinking the entire time I was reading this thread. People on here would flip their shit if someone said a guest was vegetarian and wanted to know if any of their dishes were vegetarian and everyone on here told them the vegetarian should bring snacks with them or eat side dishes. LOL

@tammym1001 and @ashley8918 OP said her aunt emailed back after and said that if none of the options they already had were GF that she needed to provide one for her and her son. Invites were out a while ago. She had plenty of time, didn't actually RSVP, and waited until the bride said "hey are you coming or not" to say "oh I am, but I am gluten free now so you need to accommodate me" - and as stated, she is not doing it for medical reasons, bride checked up on that.

Bride said she is looking into whether the options are gluten free or not. What she is not doing is having an entirely different option added just for these two because they hopped on a fad diet. And there is nothing wrong with that. Being a vegetarian/vegan and deciding "oh I'm gluten free now" are two very different things. If someone said "Oh I'm on the all cabbage soup diet now, so I expect you'll have that for me at your wedding?" would you feel it is the same as a vegan/vegetarian request? No. Because it isn't. It's a diet, not a lifestyle or allergy.

abbyj700 · June 2014

@phira - I know we've had this conversation elsewhere on here - why isn't your caterer telling you you're vegetarian option in advance? I always find that super odd. It's like saying "oh well, we'll be serving a seafood option but we literally have no clue if it's tuna tar tar, crabcakes or a salmon filet." Plenty of people won't like all of those things. And forget your guests - don't YOU want to know what you're paying for? As a vegetarian if a caterer told me I could just show up and find out what I'm serving my guests - I would never sign a contract with them. It's just bad business.

phira · June 2014

@abbyj700 I don't think we have talked about this, but basically, we can request a particular vegetarian option, or we can let the chef decide and ask what it is, but we're paying for a two-way split entree, and we picked beef and fish options for those. If we also directly offer a particular vegetarian entree, we have to pay an additional fee. It's a little complicated; as long as 10% or fewer guests request vegetarian or kids meals, we don't have to pay the additional fee.

So we're going to request one in particular, but honestly, I'm going to avoid giving a lot of information to this friend in particular because it's not a restaurant, so she can't just ask for a different vegetarian option than other people are having, and the one we're requesting has mushroom in it. She's not allergic, just picky.

tammym1001 · June 2014

ladyamanuet said:

tammym1001 said:

ashley8918 said:

I guess i'm in the minority here, but I don't think she is being totally ridiculous. It doesn't sound like was she was DEMANDING that you provide a GF option. She probably just wants to know whether or not she should figure out alternative food for herself and her son.

To be clear, I think the GF fad diet is stupid; however, how do you judge what food restrictions are legitimate? For example, I am a vegitarian and I expect that anyone who cares about properly hosting guests would provide me with a suitable meal. I have no allergy. I have no religious justification. I don't even have a moral issue. Does that make this not a "legitimate" food restriction?

ETA - I simply don't like meat and will not eat it. Do i really need a "legitimate" justification?

This is kind of what I've been thinking the entire time I was reading this thread. People on here would flip their shit if someone said a guest was vegetarian and wanted to know if any of their dishes were vegetarian and everyone on here told them the vegetarian should bring snacks with them or eat side dishes. LOL

@tammym1001 and @ashley8918 OP said her aunt emailed back after and said that if none of the options they already had were GF that she needed to provide one for her and her son. Invites were out a while ago. She had plenty of time, didn't actually RSVP, and waited until the bride said "hey are you coming or not" to say "oh I am, but I am gluten free now so you need to accommodate me" - and as stated, she is not doing it for medical reasons, bride checked up on that.

Bride said she is looking into whether the options are gluten free or not. What she is not doing is having an entirely different option added just for these two because they hopped on a fad diet. And there is nothing wrong with that. Being a vegetarian/vegan and deciding "oh I'm gluten free now" are two very different things. If someone said "Oh I'm on the all cabbage soup diet now, so I expect you'll have that for me at your wedding?" would you feel it is the same as a vegan/vegetarian request? No. Because it isn't. It's a diet, not a lifestyle or allergy.

SIB:

OP actually said in her original post that Aunt asked if any of the meal options were gluten free and if they weren't would they be able to get a gluten free meal? I don't see that as demanding or asking for different options to be added. She's just simply asking to find out if her and her son are going to be able to eat at the wedding or not. Also, just because OP doesn't think that the aunt has a reason to be gluten free doesn't mean that she doesn't . I don't go around sharing all of my medical information with everyone and if someone was telling people I was just jumping on a fad diet to be trendy when I was eating a certain way for a reason they didn't know about it would tick me off.

Also, I do think it's the same thing as someone asking if there will be a vegetarian option. I know people who don't eat meat because they think it's healthier for them. There is no medical or "moral" reason for it. If they asked if I was serving a vegetarian option or if they could get a vegetarian option I would not think poorly of them for it. If you don't eat something, then you don't eat something. I would NEVER suggest that someone eat at home or bring a snack with them to my wedding because I didn't want to accommodate their dietary needs (whatever the reasons for them).

Besides the gluten free person at my wedding, we also had a vegetarian, several people allergic to shellfish, a mushroom allergy, multiple strawberry allergies, and a peanut allergy. I had to order a few extra things and not get a cake flavor that I really wanted, but all of these people had food to eat at my wedding. I had no problems making sure everyone got to eat and if someone had to come to my wedding and bring their own food I would have felt like the worst host in the world. I knew about all of these food issues, but if someone had asked me about something else I didn't know about I would have accommodated them as well. I don't understand why everyone thinks this aunt is a horrible person for asking if food could be made that she could eat.

BreMR · June 2014

I know that there are some serious allergies out there, I've had a lot of stomach issues in my life and a friend keeps telling me to get tested for gluten intolerance, F to the no. I don't even care, because I am not giving up all of the goodness in my life to eliminate bloat and nausea on occasion. I feel even better about that decision now that they debunked this intolerance.

Food allergies aret no joke, but sometimes I question if people use it as an excuse...(trust me, I've been tempted to throw out the "I'm allergic to mayo" at Subway so they stop cutting my effin' sub with the same mayo filled knife they just used on the guy with the tuna in front of me, but I don't.) I watched a woman recently spit out food after being told they couldn't guarantee that it didn't come in contact with nuts... seriously lady.. if your allergy was that serious wouldn't you have asked BEFORE you put the food in your mouth??

ladyamanuet · June 2014

tammym1001 said:

SIB:

OP actually said in her original post that Aunt asked if any of the meal options were gluten free and if they weren't would they be able to get a gluten free meal? I don't see that as demanding or asking for different options to be added. She's just simply asking to find out if her and her son are going to be able to eat at the wedding or not. Also, just because OP doesn't think that the aunt has a reason to be gluten free doesn't mean that she doesn't . I don't go around sharing all of my medical information with everyone and if someone was telling people I was just jumping on a fad diet to be trendy when I was eating a certain way for a reason they didn't know about it would tick me off.

Also, I do think it's the same thing as someone asking if there will be a vegetarian option. I know people who don't eat meat because they think it's healthier for them. There is no medical or "moral" reason for it. If they asked if I was serving a vegetarian option or if they could get a vegetarian option I would not think poorly of them for it. If you don't eat something, then you don't eat something. I would NEVER suggest that someone eat at home or bring a snack with them to my wedding because I didn't want to accommodate their dietary needs (whatever the reasons for them).

Besides the gluten free person at my wedding, we also had a vegetarian, several people allergic to shellfish, a mushroom allergy, multiple strawberry allergies, and a peanut allergy. I had to order a few extra things and not get a cake flavor that I really wanted, but all of these people had food to eat at my wedding. I had no problems making sure everyone got to eat and if someone had to come to my wedding and bring their own food I would have felt like the worst host in the world. I knew about all of these food issues, but if someone had asked me about something else I didn't know about I would have accommodated them as well. I don't understand why everyone thinks this aunt is a horrible person for asking if food could be made that she could eat.

Because she's a big ball of rude, that's why. She didn't RSVP. She's had the invite for weeks (or even over a month I think the OP said?) and didn't bother to send in an RSVP. OP had to call her to see if she is even coming. Wedding is obviously soon, since OP's final numbers are due in less than a week. So, she didn't bother to RSVP, and at the last minute asked for special treatment food wise. And she does know it isn't medical related - she asked the family and they are in fact just jumping on a trendy diet. This is not like being a vegetarian or a vegan. This is like doing the cabbage diet and expecting the hosts to have a bowl of cabbage soup just for you.

I have no problem accommodating guests who give advance notice. She got the invite, saw the meal choices - if it was that important, why didn't she reach out to the OP immediately? Or at least before the RSVP deadline?

I follow a specific food lifestyle, and part of that includes 7 day periods that are basically paleo. If a wedding fell on those days, I wouldn't insist the couple have meat and veggies that are without butter and breading and other things just for me. I would find things that I could eat - if that means going slightly off my eating habits or piling up 1 or 2 items instead of a sampling of all, thems-the-breaks. I would never request a bride a groom accommodate my eating habits that aren't allergy related (again, I put vegetarians and vegans at the level of allergy - even if you just do it to be healthy, your body physically cannot handle meat any more).

Will it be awesome if OPs current choices do end up already being GF? Yes. Great for rude-ass auntie. But if not? Because she couldn't even do the courtesy of RSVPing without being contacted by the OP, then no, I do not think spending extra money or going out of her way is necessary for the OP. Especially since it is not an allergy, it's just jumping on a fad diet. It's like telling a restaurant you are allergic to parsley or cilantro because you just don't like it.

Edited to truncate quote box and fix typo

ladyamanuet · June 2014

BreMR said:

I know that there are some serious allergies out there, I've had a lot of stomach issues in my life and a friend keeps telling me to get tested for gluten intolerance, F to the no. I don't even care, because I am not giving up all of the goodness in my life to eliminate bloat and nausea on occasion. I feel even better about that decision now that they debunked this intolerance.

Food allergies aret no joke, but sometimes I question if people use it as an excuse...(trust me, I've been tempted to throw out the "I'm allergic to mayo" at Subway so they stop cutting my effin' sub with the same mayo filled knife they just used on the guy with the tuna in front of me, but I don't.) I watched a woman recently spit out food after being told they couldn't guarantee that it didn't come in contact with nuts... seriously lady.. if your allergy was that serious wouldn't you have asked BEFORE you put the food in your mouth??

For real. My friend has a serious tomato allergy. Whenever we go to a sandwich shop, she watches them wash a knife and wipe down the cutting areas before making her a sandwich. They are very accommodating. And if any of the toppings she wants are housed near the tomatoes, she skips them, just in case. It's not that hard.

abbyj700 · June 2014

BreMR said:

I know that there are some serious allergies out there, I've had a lot of stomach issues in my life and a friend keeps telling me to get tested for gluten intolerance, F to the no. I don't even care, because I am not giving up all of the goodness in my life to eliminate bloat and nausea on occasion. I feel even better about that decision now that they debunked this intolerance.

Food allergies aret no joke, but sometimes I question if people use it as an excuse...(trust me, I've been tempted to throw out the "I'm allergic to mayo" at Subway so they stop cutting my effin' sub with the same mayo filled knife they just used on the guy with the tuna in front of me, but I don't.) I watched a woman recently spit out food after being told they couldn't guarantee that it didn't come in contact with nuts... seriously lady.. if your allergy was that serious wouldn't you have asked BEFORE you put the food in your mouth??

Just and FYI -To the bolded - if you do have celiacs it can cause long term damage to just ignore it. While gluten free diets are a trendy fad - celiacs is a very real disease that often goes undiagnosed. When it does, people highly damage their small intestine and can have serious issues with absorbing nutrients they need in their body. If you think you may have celiacs - getting tested would be a good idea.

lkristenj · June 2014

@BreMR - I ask the employees at Subway to get out a new, clean knife to cut my sandwich. I hate that they just stick the mayo, mustard, marinara, tuna, etc. encrusted knife into the same slot with all the other knives and expect me to be okay with them cutting my food with it. Subway makes me all nervous, though, with all the different foods so close together. I have found them to be accommodating if you only ask.

I don't have a food allergy (though sometimes I think it would be easier/more justifiable if I did). I just have an extreme anxiety disorder about some foods. Call it extreme pickiness if you will, to the point where I would rather starve to death than eat a tomato (among other things). Not even kidding. I've been to therapy about it and have been trying to improve, but there are some things that I just don't eat and don't even like to smell. Forcing me to come in contact with these things only results in extreme panic attacks, so I avoid them. That's okay. I deal with it. I don't ask for special exceptions and if there's nothing I'm willing to eat, I'll eat beforehand (if I know) or afterwards (if I don't). No big deal. I try to never make a fuss or call attention to myself, though sometimes other people notice and make a big deal of it, which is quite embarrassing for me.

I'm actually serving things I don't like to eat at my wedding reception. Because I'm the odd one, not everyone else. None of our guests are vegetarians. I want to have options that most people do enjoy and not limit them just because I don't. I'm having a Texas BBQ buffet with beef brisket, sausage, and grilled chicken. We will also be having BBQ beans, potato salad, garden salad, and mac and cheese as sides, along with all the bread and fixin's and unsweet tea (with provided sweeteners). Out of this, the only things I would want to eat are the chicken (if not touching other meats) and the mac and cheese. Since we're having a somewhat large group of children, we swapped a included side for mac and cheese for more kid-friendly food. It was just a bonus that I also like it.

BreMR · June 2014

abbyj700 said:

BreMR said:

I know that there are some serious allergies out there, I've had a lot of stomach issues in my life and a friend keeps telling me to get tested for gluten intolerance, F to the no. I don't even care, because I am not giving up all of the goodness in my life to eliminate bloat and nausea on occasion. I feel even better about that decision now that they debunked this intolerance.

Food allergies aret no joke, but sometimes I question if people use it as an excuse...(trust me, I've been tempted to throw out the "I'm allergic to mayo" at Subway so they stop cutting my effin' sub with the same mayo filled knife they just used on the guy with the tuna in front of me, but I don't.) I watched a woman recently spit out food after being told they couldn't guarantee that it didn't come in contact with nuts... seriously lady.. if your allergy was that serious wouldn't you have asked BEFORE you put the food in your mouth??

Just and FYI -To the bolded - if you do have celiacs it can cause long term damage to just ignore it. While gluten free diets are a trendy fad - celiacs is a very real disease that often goes undiagnosed. When it does, people highly damage their small intestine and can have serious issues with absorbing nutrients they need in their body. If you think you may have celiacs - getting tested would be a good idea.

Well, shoot.. That's good to know I appreciate that!! I'll mention it to my doctor next time around. I've been tested for a lot of random things (upper GI's, ct scans, MRI, blood tests) but no allergies :-/ I guess it is probably a wise idea.

mysticl · June 2014

tammym1001 said:

ladyamanuet said:

tammym1001 said:

ashley8918 said:

I guess i'm in the minority here, but I don't think she is being totally ridiculous. It doesn't sound like was she was DEMANDING that you provide a GF option. She probably just wants to know whether or not she should figure out alternative food for herself and her son.

To be clear, I think the GF fad diet is stupid; however, how do you judge what food restrictions are legitimate? For example, I am a vegitarian and I expect that anyone who cares about properly hosting guests would provide me with a suitable meal. I have no allergy. I have no religious justification. I don't even have a moral issue. Does that make this not a "legitimate" food restriction?

ETA - I simply don't like meat and will not eat it. Do i really need a "legitimate" justification?

This is kind of what I've been thinking the entire time I was reading this thread. People on here would flip their shit if someone said a guest was vegetarian and wanted to know if any of their dishes were vegetarian and everyone on here told them the vegetarian should bring snacks with them or eat side dishes. LOL

@tammym1001 and @ashley8918 OP said her aunt emailed back after and said that if none of the options they already had were GF that she needed to provide one for her and her son. Invites were out a while ago. She had plenty of time, didn't actually RSVP, and waited until the bride said "hey are you coming or not" to say "oh I am, but I am gluten free now so you need to accommodate me" - and as stated, she is not doing it for medical reasons, bride checked up on that.

Bride said she is looking into whether the options are gluten free or not. What she is not doing is having an entirely different option added just for these two because they hopped on a fad diet. And there is nothing wrong with that. Being a vegetarian/vegan and deciding "oh I'm gluten free now" are two very different things. If someone said "Oh I'm on the all cabbage soup diet now, so I expect you'll have that for me at your wedding?" would you feel it is the same as a vegan/vegetarian request? No. Because it isn't. It's a diet, not a lifestyle or allergy.

SIB:

OP actually said in her original post that Aunt asked if any of the meal options were gluten free and if they weren't would they be able to get a gluten free meal? I don't see that as demanding or asking for different options to be added. She's just simply asking to find out if her and her son are going to be able to eat at the wedding or not. Also, just because OP doesn't think that the aunt has a reason to be gluten free doesn't mean that she doesn't . I don't go around sharing all of my medical information with everyone and if someone was telling people I was just jumping on a fad diet to be trendy when I was eating a certain way for a reason they didn't know about it would tick me off.

Also, I do think it's the same thing as someone asking if there will be a vegetarian option. I know people who don't eat meat because they think it's healthier for them. There is no medical or "moral" reason for it. If they asked if I was serving a vegetarian option or if they could get a vegetarian option I would not think poorly of them for it. If you don't eat something, then you don't eat something. I would NEVER suggest that someone eat at home or bring a snack with them to my wedding because I didn't want to accommodate their dietary needs (whatever the reasons for them).

Besides the gluten free person at my wedding, we also had a vegetarian, several people allergic to shellfish, a mushroom allergy, multiple strawberry allergies, and a peanut allergy. I had to order a few extra things and not get a cake flavor that I really wanted, but all of these people had food to eat at my wedding. I had no problems making sure everyone got to eat and if someone had to come to my wedding and bring their own food I would have felt like the worst host in the world. I knew about all of these food issues, but if someone had asked me about something else I didn't know about I would have accommodated them as well. I don't understand why everyone thinks this aunt is a horrible person for asking if food could be made that she could eat.

Except the last time the OP saw her aunt the aunt had no problems eating bread. And if she was diagnosed with Celiac since that time what is the big deal about saying "hey, I've undergone some testing and it turns out I have Celiac so it's really dangerous for me to eat gluten"? I have a friend who went gluten free and took all of her kids with her. She is careful to make sure the school knows it's not Celiac and just a sensitivity. That way they don't panic if one of the kids does touch something or shares food with a friend. Not sure if she let the school know she's the one who diagnosed the sensitivity though but that's a whole other story.

tammym1001 · June 2014

I understand being irritated about having to track the aunt down for an RSVP and venting about that. I even understand being upset that she didn't let OP know about her gluten free eating before hand, but saying she needs to bring her own food or eat before she comes is rude.

Let me use a metaphor that is used on this site all the time and see if that helps to convey what I'm trying to say: You invite aunt over to your house for dinner. She asks what you're serving because she eats gluten free. You say pasta. Aunt asks if you have anything else available that is gluten free. Would you tell her no and suggest she eats before she comes to your house or brings her own food with her because you already bought pasta and that's what you're making? No you wouldn't because that would be rude.

Gluten free - an annoying guest rant

Re: Gluten free - an annoying guest rant

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