I've only been to one wedding in my life and I was a bridesmaid so I'm really not sure of the proper etiquette on anything wedding. My Catholic ceremony is set to start at 5:30 and then the hall we have booked is only available for an 8:30 cocktail hour start. They told us this was the norm and that guests usually go to the hotel (across the parking lot) and check in or walk in the gardens. The only flexibility I have would be to change my ceremony to a later start time. Should I?
Well, Amanda, that depends on whether you want to listen to the people over the past 23 pages telling you how annoying gaps are or listen to the people telling you they are fine.
What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
I've only been to one wedding in my life and I was a bridesmaid so I'm really not sure of the proper etiquette on anything wedding. My Catholic ceremony is set to start at 5:30 and then the hall we have booked is only available for an 8:30 cocktail hour start. They told us this was the norm and that guests usually go to the hotel (across the parking lot) and check in or walk in the gardens. The only flexibility I have would be to change my ceremony to a later start time. Should I?
I've only been to one wedding in my life and I was a bridesmaid so I'm really not sure of the proper etiquette on anything wedding. My Catholic ceremony is set to start at 5:30 and then the hall we have booked is only available for an 8:30 cocktail hour start. They told us this was the norm and that guests usually go to the hotel (across the parking lot) and check in or walk in the gardens. The only flexibility I have would be to change my ceremony to a later start time. Should I?
I've only been to one wedding in my life and I was a bridesmaid so I'm really not sure of the proper etiquette on anything wedding. My Catholic ceremony is set to start at 5:30 and then the hall we have booked is only available for an 8:30 cocktail hour start. They told us this was the norm and that guests usually go to the hotel (across the parking lot) and check in or walk in the gardens. The only flexibility I have would be to change my ceremony to a later start time. Should I?
Yes.
Yes Yes
Yes yes yes.
"I'm not a rude bitch. I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."
I've only been to one wedding in my life and I was a bridesmaid so I'm really not sure of the proper etiquette on anything wedding. My Catholic ceremony is set to start at 5:30 and then the hall we have booked is only available for an 8:30 cocktail hour start. They told us this was the norm and that guests usually go to the hotel (across the parking lot) and check in or walk in the gardens. The only flexibility I have would be to change my ceremony to a later start time. Should I?
So I'm not sure if this is a regional thing, but where I'm from, I've been to about 10 weddings and every single one of them had a gap. It's normal, it's not offensive and nobody really cares. It's a wedding. When I'm going to a wedding I assume my entire day is taken up, whether I'm waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle, for pictures to be taken, dinner to be served, whatever. I'm excited to share the day with the happy couple and want it to be as stress free for them as possible. If they need a gap, I'd say let them have it. I don't know anybody so into themselves that they can't figure out something to do for an hour or two between a ceremony and reception. Catch up with family and friends, try out a local bar in the area, freshen up in your hotel, walk your dog, take a nap, grab a coffee. Come on people, this is not the end of the world.
I agree with ^ this...I don't know why everyone's panties are in such a bunch. I'm getting married next summer, and I don't know if this is maybe just an easy-going young adult's opinion or what, but we have pictures to take and whatnot! Sorry, but your wedding day is about you. Do what YOU need to do to make your day less stressful for YOU (and your hubby, of course ). You should enjoy it! I think all the wedding "rules" are stupid though, so that's just my opinion...
So I'm not sure if this is a regional thing, but where I'm from, I've been to about 10 weddings and every single one of them had a gap. It's normal, it's not offensive and nobody really cares. It's a wedding. When I'm going to a wedding I assume my entire day is taken up, whether I'm waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle, for pictures to be taken, dinner to be served, whatever. I'm excited to share the day with the happy couple and want it to be as stress free for them as possible. If they need a gap, I'd say let them have it. I don't know anybody so into themselves that they can't figure out something to do for an hour or two between a ceremony and reception. Catch up with family and friends, try out a local bar in the area, freshen up in your hotel, walk your dog, take a nap, grab a coffee. Come on people, this is not the end of the world.
I agree with ^ this...I don't know why everyone's panties are in such a bunch. I'm getting married next summer, and I don't know if this is maybe just an easy-going young adult's opinion or what, but we have pictures to take and whatnot! Sorry, but your wedding day is about you. Do what YOU need to do to make your day less stressful for YOU (and your hubby, of course ). You should enjoy it! I think all the wedding "rules" are stupid though, so that's just my opinion...
So what you are saying is that you don't give a shit about your guests. Awesome. And this is why the current generation is looked at like idiots and entitled brats.
So I'm not sure if this is a regional thing, but where I'm from, I've been to about 10 weddings and every single one of them had a gap. It's normal, it's not offensive and nobody really cares. It's a wedding. When I'm going to a wedding I assume my entire day is taken up, whether I'm waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle, for pictures to be taken, dinner to be served, whatever. I'm excited to share the day with the happy couple and want it to be as stress free for them as possible. If they need a gap, I'd say let them have it. I don't know anybody so into themselves that they can't figure out something to do for an hour or two between a ceremony and reception. Catch up with family and friends, try out a local bar in the area, freshen up in your hotel, walk your dog, take a nap, grab a coffee. Come on people, this is not the end of the world.
I agree with ^ this...I don't know why everyone's panties are in such a bunch. I'm getting married next summer, and I don't know if this is maybe just an easy-going young adult's opinion or what, but we have pictures to take and whatnot! Sorry, but your wedding day is about you. Do what YOU need to do to make your day less stressful for YOU (and your hubby, of course ). You should enjoy it! I think all the wedding "rules" are stupid though, so that's just my opinion...
You don't know this unless you live inside the head of everyone at those weddings. They may not have voiced an opinion that they were okay with it, but that doesn't mean that nobody found it offensive. Nor does this negate the etiquette rule that gaps are not appropriate or exempt anyone from it.
Nor should anyone have to "figure out something to do for an hour or two between a ceremony and reception." The expectation that they do is BS. A good host doesn't abandon his or her guests to "figure out something to do for an hour or two between a ceremony and reception.'
Oh, and your thinking etiquette rules are "stupid" doesn't exempt you from being subject to them either.
So I'm not sure if this is a regional thing, but where I'm from, I've been to about 10 weddings and every single one of them had a gap. It's normal, it's not offensive and nobody really cares. It's a wedding. When I'm going to a wedding I assume my entire day is taken up, whether I'm waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle, for pictures to be taken, dinner to be served, whatever. I'm excited to share the day with the happy couple and want it to be as stress free for them as possible. If they need a gap, I'd say let them have it. I don't know anybody so into themselves that they can't figure out something to do for an hour or two between a ceremony and reception. Catch up with family and friends, try out a local bar in the area, freshen up in your hotel, walk your dog, take a nap, grab a coffee. Come on people, this is not the end of the world.
I agree with ^ this...I don't know why everyone's panties are in such a bunch. I'm getting married next summer, and I don't know if this is maybe just an easy-going young adult's opinion or what, but we have pictures to take and whatnot! Sorry, but your wedding day is about you. Do what YOU need to do to make your day less stressful for YOU (and your hubby, of course ). You should enjoy it! I think all the wedding "rules" are stupid though, so that's just my opinion...
I really hate the phrase "panties in a bunch" Most of that is probably because I hate the word "panties" and find it to be an icky word usually used by creeps who get a little too breathless when the say it, but anyway, I feel like the phrase its self is just another gendered dig at "silly women". "Oh, you're upset about my 6 hour gap? Don't you know I have pictures to take? why are your panties so bunched?" I don't know, maybe because a supposed friend thinks I've got nothing better to do then twiddle my thumbs while she takes 2 hours of pictures and does who knows the fuck what for the other 4 hours. For fuck's sake, I work retail, Saturdays off are a goddamn gift (and a curse since I'm commission) having to take the whole day off to cover your six hour gap is fucking with my livelihood. It is a big deal. Just because it's convenient for you doesn't make it okay, and just because everyone you know did it doesn't make it okay.
So I'm not sure if this is a regional thing, but where I'm from, I've been to about 10 weddings and every single one of them had a gap. It's normal, it's not offensive and nobody really cares. It's a wedding. When I'm going to a wedding I assume my entire day is taken up, whether I'm waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle, for pictures to be taken, dinner to be served, whatever. I'm excited to share the day with the happy couple and want it to be as stress free for them as possible. If they need a gap, I'd say let them have it. I don't know anybody so into themselves that they can't figure out something to do for an hour or two between a ceremony and reception. Catch up with family and friends, try out a local bar in the area, freshen up in your hotel, walk your dog, take a nap, grab a coffee. Come on people, this is not the end of the world.
I agree with ^ this...I don't know why everyone's panties are in such a bunch. I'm getting married next summer, and I don't know if this is maybe just an easy-going young adult's opinion or what, but we have pictures to take and whatnot! Sorry, but your wedding day is about you. Do what YOU need to do to make your day less stressful for YOU (and your hubby, of course ). You should enjoy it! I think all the wedding "rules" are stupid though, so that's just my opinion...
Actually, that opinion sounds like a self-entitled, spoiled brat who doesn't give a damn about their guests.
Guess what......we took pictures too and we had no gap! We even went to our cocktail hour! Gasp! It CAN be done. It's not hard. Really.
If all you care about is YOU and YOUR day, don't bother why even bother inviting guests?
I do not know exactly where you live, but I live in Buffalo, NY and I have never been to a wedding where there has not been a gap in between the church and reception (unless the ceremony and reception was at the same place). I am getting married in July and neither my church nor my venue gave us any option for start times. We did not have any say in when things started. Nor do the majority of venues in Buffalo, NY give you an option. We have a 3 1/2 hour break in between the end of the ceremony and reception. In my opinion, people are used to it. They use that time to go home and change, drop off their kids at home or with a babysitter, take a nap, etc. I would not worry one bit about having a gap in between the ceremony and reception.
I do not know exactly where you live, but I live in Buffalo, NY and I have never been to a wedding where there has not been a gap in between the church and reception (unless the ceremony and reception was at the same place). I am getting married in July and neither my church nor my venue gave us any option for start times. We did not have any say in when things started. Nor do the majority of venues in Buffalo, NY give you an option. We have a 3 1/2 hour break in between the end of the ceremony and reception. In my opinion, people are used to it. They use that time to go home and change, drop off their kids at home or with a babysitter, take a nap, etc. I would not worry one bit about having a gap in between the ceremony and reception.
None of this is justification for a gap, and sorry, but nobody I know wants to use that time to "go home and change, drop off their kids at home or with a babysitter, take a nap, etc." They all want the reception to immediately follow the ceremony in order to minimize the time involved in the whole event. And for people from out of town, they cannot "go home and change, etc." They would worry a whole lot about having a gap in between the ceremony and reception because there is no place they can go and nothing they can do during the gap-and they can't change their clothes.
I find it difficult to believe that there isn't a single venue- hotel, banquet room, parks and rec building, hall, restaurant space, whatever- in the entire Buffalo area, that can't accommodate an afternoon wedding. This is an excuse, because people have a "vision" of an evening reception, and that means more to them than their guests. If the "majority" of places can't, you book one of the minority that can.
You didn't "have a say in when things started?" Unless someone held a gun to your head and forced you to sign for a particular venue, yes, you did have a say.
I do not know exactly where you live, but I live in Buffalo, NY and I have never been to a wedding where there has not been a gap in between the church and reception (unless the ceremony and reception was at the same place). I am getting married in July and neither my church nor my venue gave us any option for start times. We did not have any say in when things started. Nor do the majority of venues in Buffalo, NY give you an option. We have a 3 1/2 hour break in between the end of the ceremony and reception. In my opinion, people are used to it. They use that time to go home and change, drop off their kids at home or with a babysitter, take a nap, etc. I would not worry one bit about having a gap in between the ceremony and reception.
Well, good for you. You're another rude bride. Next?
What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
I do not know exactly where you live, but I live in Buffalo, NY and I have never been to a wedding where there has not been a gap in between the church and reception (unless the ceremony and reception was at the same place). I am getting married in July and neither my church nor my venue gave us any option for start times. We did not have any say in when things started. Nor do the majority of venues in Buffalo, NY give you an option. We have a 3 1/2 hour break in between the end of the ceremony and reception. In my opinion, people are used to it. They use that time to go home and change, drop off their kids at home or with a babysitter, take a nap, etc. I would not worry one bit about having a gap in between the ceremony and reception.
You're an adult. It's a wedding between you and your FI. Of course you have a say! If you don't, there's something wrong with this whole picture.
If I went home to take a nap after your ceremony, you might find 2 empty places at the reception that you already paid for.
I do not know exactly where you live, but I live in Buffalo, NY and I have never been to a wedding where there has not been a gap in between the church and reception (unless the ceremony and reception was at the same place). I am getting married in July and neither my church nor my venue gave us any option for start times. We did not have any say in when things started. Nor do the majority of venues in Buffalo, NY give you an option. We have a 3 1/2 hour break in between the end of the ceremony and reception. In my opinion, people are used to it. They use that time to go home and change, drop off their kids at home or with a babysitter, take a nap, etc. I would not worry one bit about having a gap in between the ceremony and reception.
Does the entire city of Buffalo close down for the afternoon? Are Buffalo venues incapable of hosting corporate day time events? Are there no restaurants that serve luncheons? Do all the morning workers go home, change, siesta and return for an evening shift?
I do not know exactly where you live, but I live in Buffalo, NY and I have never been to a wedding where there has not been a gap in between the church and reception (unless the ceremony and reception was at the same place). I am getting married in July and neither my church nor my venue gave us any option for start times. We did not have any say in when things started. Nor do the majority of venues in Buffalo, NY give you an option. We have a 3 1/2 hour break in between the end of the ceremony and reception. In my opinion, people are used to it. They use that time to go home and change, drop off their kids at home or with a babysitter, take a nap, etc. I would not worry one bit about having a gap in between the ceremony and reception.
You're an adult. It's a wedding between you and your FI. Of course you have a say! If you don't, there's something wrong with this whole picture.
If I went home to take a nap after your ceremony, you might find 2 empty places at the reception that you already paid for.
Agreed. If I go home and have a nap, like hell I'm going to get dressed again and my hair is going to look like crap. I usually feel groggy after a nap too.
My time is too valuable to be sitting around waiting for you because you couldn't plan properly.
My favorite excuse for the gap is that guests can go home and nap. YOUR CEREMONY WAS AN HOUR. AT 3PM. WHO COULD POSSIBLY NEED A NAP AFTER THAT.
I laugh every time I see this and the "freshen up" excuse. It makes me imagine that weddings in America and Canada have a physical challenge element for the guests like an obstacle course into the church. On what planet does one need to nap after sitting for an hour?! Also, I love that Buffalo, NY apparently has a Barcelona-style afternoon shutdown siesta that forced her to have a gap...
My favorite excuse for the gap is that guests can go home and nap. YOUR CEREMONY WAS AN HOUR. AT 3PM. WHO COULD POSSIBLY NEED A NAP AFTER THAT.
I laugh every time I see this and the "freshen up" excuse. It makes me imagine that weddings in America and Canada have a physical challenge element for the guests like an obstacle course into the church. On what planet does one need to nap after sitting for an hour?! Also, I love that Buffalo, NY apparently has a Barcelona-style afternoon shutdown siesta that forced her to have a gap...
I know. I've never needed to freshen up after sitting quietly for 30 minutes to an hour. I may start asking these brides if they go to dinner and then go home and freshen up before going back out for dessert. Went to a movie....gonna go for some ice cream after, but first we better go home and freshen up!
What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
Only instance I could think of where I'd need to "fresh up" would be after a ceremony in sunlight with 90°F and no parasols/sunshades/awning/trees nearby to cool me down... and yet... that would be poor planning on the bride and groom's part, too. Plus, I'd be desperate for water or other refreshments, so I'd still have plenty of time to fresh up during cocktail hour. So it's still no excuse for a gap.
I am really surprised about the uproar of a gap between the ceremony and reception. I mean, it can't be an unreasonable amount of time, but a small gap is ok if the situation warrants it. For example, my wedding will be at 5:30 pm at the botanic gardens. The ceremony itself will be very short and will likely end by 6:00. The cocktail hour and reception is at a nearby hotel (15 mins away) but doesn't start until 7:00 pm. On our invitations and our web site we noted that guests should take time to enjoy the gardens prior to heading over to the reception. In all honesty though, once the ceremony is over, they make their way out of the gardens, find their car, drive to the hotel, find parking, it will probably be 7:00 anyway. I guess I don't feel too bad about an hour gap because there is a lovely place to walk around and enjoy. If for some reason guests haven't checked in already (which I requested my hotel let them check in a little early) then theoretically they could check into the hotel before the reception if they wanted to. Our cocktail hour has appetizers and an open bar, the DJ will be there already and we will have a photo booth ready to go when they arrive. I think they will all be fine. As long as you provide something hosted for your guests to do, I don't think a gap is a bad thing. I wouldn't go much longer than 1 - 1.5 hours though between ceremony and reception. That gets really long and boring for guests!
You could do cocktails and refreshments starting at 4:00 and also offer suggestions of places to go, things to do... and start the actual reception/dinner at 6:00. You can also have an optional after party so for those who really want to stay and party there's an option, and for those who are tired and want to leave, the formal activities are over. As long as it's all reasonable and makes sense, and you're providing food to eat and beverages to drink, I think it's ok.
I am really surprised about the uproar of a gap between the ceremony and reception. I mean, it can't be an unreasonable amount of time, but a small gap is ok if the situation warrants it. For example, my wedding will be at 5:30 pm at the botanic gardens. The ceremony itself will be very short and will likely end by 6:00. The cocktail hour and reception is at a nearby hotel (15 mins away) but doesn't start until 7:00 pm. On our invitations and our web site we noted that guests should take time to enjoy the gardens prior to heading over to the reception. In all honesty though, once the ceremony is over, they make their way out of the gardens, find their car, drive to the hotel, find parking, it will probably be 7:00 anyway. I guess I don't feel too bad about an hour gap because there is a lovely place to walk around and enjoy. If for some reason guests haven't checked in already (which I requested my hotel let them check in a little early) then theoretically they could check into the hotel before the reception if they wanted to. Our cocktail hour has appetizers and an open bar, the DJ will be there already and we will have a photo booth ready to go when they arrive. I think they will all be fine. As long as you provide something hosted for your guests to do, I don't think a gap is a bad thing. I wouldn't go much longer than 1 - 1.5 hours though between ceremony and reception. That gets really long and boring for guests!
You could do cocktails and refreshments starting at 4:00 and also offer suggestions of places to go, things to do... and start the actual reception/dinner at 6:00. You can also have an optional after party so for those who really want to stay and party there's an option, and for those who are tired and want to leave, the formal activities are over. As long as it's all reasonable and makes sense, and you're providing food to eat and beverages to drink, I think it's ok.
The bolded is correct. A Gap = unhosted down time. But I wouldn't exactly call wandering around in a garden for 45 minutes hosted.
I am really surprised about the uproar of a gap between the ceremony and reception. I mean, it can't be an unreasonable amount of time, but a small gap is ok if the situation warrants it. For example, my wedding will be at 5:30 pm at the botanic gardens. The ceremony itself will be very short and will likely end by 6:00. The cocktail hour and reception is at a nearby hotel (15 mins away) but doesn't start until 7:00 pm. On our invitations and our web site we noted that guests should take time to enjoy the gardens prior to heading over to the reception. In all honesty though, once the ceremony is over, they make their way out of the gardens, find their car, drive to the hotel, find parking, it will probably be 7:00 anyway. I guess I don't feel too bad about an hour gap because there is a lovely place to walk around and enjoy. If for some reason guests haven't checked in already (which I requested my hotel let them check in a little early) then theoretically they could check into the hotel before the reception if they wanted to. Our cocktail hour has appetizers and an open bar, the DJ will be there already and we will have a photo booth ready to go when they arrive. I think they will all be fine. As long as you provide something hosted for your guests to do, I don't think a gap is a bad thing. I wouldn't go much longer than 1 - 1.5 hours though between ceremony and reception. That gets really long and boring for guests!
You could do cocktails and refreshments starting at 4:00 and also offer suggestions of places to go, things to do... and start the actual reception/dinner at 6:00. You can also have an optional after party so for those who really want to stay and party there's an option, and for those who are tired and want to leave, the formal activities are over. As long as it's all reasonable and makes sense, and you're providing food to eat and beverages to drink, I think it's ok.
I don't agree with the premise that a gap is okay and I wouldn't advise it, but I do have to say that I probably wouldn't mind your particular gap. I love gardens, and when you factor in that travel time, it's not too bad. They always seem avoidable to me, though. I think couples should always plan for a gap-free day.
I am really surprised about the uproar of a gap between the ceremony and reception. I mean, it can't be an unreasonable amount of time, but a small gap is ok if the situation warrants it. For example, my wedding will be at 5:30 pm at the botanic gardens. The ceremony itself will be very short and will likely end by 6:00. The cocktail hour and reception is at a nearby hotel (15 mins away) but doesn't start until 7:00 pm. On our invitations and our web site we noted that guests should take time to enjoy the gardens prior to heading over to the reception. In all honesty though, once the ceremony is over, they make their way out of the gardens, find their car, drive to the hotel, find parking, it will probably be 7:00 anyway. I guess I don't feel too bad about an hour gap because there is a lovely place to walk around and enjoy. If for some reason guests haven't checked in already (which I requested my hotel let them check in a little early) then theoretically they could check into the hotel before the reception if they wanted to. Our cocktail hour has appetizers and an open bar, the DJ will be there already and we will have a photo booth ready to go when they arrive. I think they will all be fine. As long as you provide something hosted for your guests to do, I don't think a gap is a bad thing. I wouldn't go much longer than 1 - 1.5 hours though between ceremony and reception. That gets really long and boring for guests!
You could do cocktails and refreshments starting at 4:00 and also offer suggestions of places to go, things to do... and start the actual reception/dinner at 6:00. You can also have an optional after party so for those who really want to stay and party there's an option, and for those who are tired and want to leave, the formal activities are over. As long as it's all reasonable and makes sense, and you're providing food to eat and beverages to drink, I think it's ok.
But many, many people don't want to walk around a garden.
Also, the way you say "find their car" makes it sound like that is a challenging, time consuming thing. Won't they just walk out of the ceremony and to the car?
Re: The dreaded "gap"
Yes Yes
I laugh every time I see this and the "freshen up" excuse. It makes me imagine that weddings in America and Canada have a physical challenge element for the guests like an obstacle course into the church. On what planet does one need to nap after sitting for an hour?! Also, I love that Buffalo, NY apparently has a Barcelona-style afternoon shutdown siesta that forced her to have a gap...
But many, many people don't want to walk around a garden.
Also, the way you say "find their car" makes it sound like that is a challenging, time consuming thing. Won't they just walk out of the ceremony and to the car?