My surprising reaction to a cash bar

MuppetOverlord · June 2014

AddieCake said:

It's probably my fault, your Muppetness. Your association with me and my photo in your sig have brought trouble upon you! I will try to behave and stop dragging you down!

Phooey! You....you raise me up!

MuppetOverlord · June 2014

lilacck28 said:

@muppetoverlord @addiecake I had no idea that was a picture of you! I always thought you both just happened to look alike!

LOL I'm the green one in the photo.

lilacck28 · June 2014

HA!

oops! Should not have been assuming gender!

aniluisa · June 2014

I know I said I wouldn't comment, but since people are asking, I was directly referring to the sarcastic response of @AddieCake (the one that I quoted in my comment). You all are right, most of you gave very nice and helpful responses.

If you want to give advice, give advice. You ladies are a wealth of knowledge, and I appreciate that. But FFS, give advice and leave it there. There's just no need to make condescending comments and post a million snide gifs about other posters because they make you and your Knottie regular friends laugh. That's your prerogative, obviously. But why would you take such pleasure in lording it over strangers on the internet? Like seriously, what is the appeal?

I know you don't care what I think, and I know that you will continue to behave this way, and I know that you will fling another handful of comments my way once I've posted this telling me how naive I am for expecting strangers to be nice on the internet.

MuppetOverlord · June 2014

aniluisa said:

I know I said I wouldn't comment, but since people are asking, I was directly referring to the sarcastic response of @AddieCake (the one that I quoted in my comment). You all are right, most of you gave very nice and helpful responses.

If you want to give advice, give advice. You ladies are a wealth of knowledge, and I appreciate that. But FFS, give advice and leave it there. There's just no need to make condescending comments and post a million snide gifs about other posters because they make you and your Knottie regular friends laugh. That's your prerogative, obviously. But why would you take such pleasure in lording it over strangers on the internet? Like seriously, what is the appeal?

I know you don't care what I think, and I know that you will continue to behave this way, and I know that you will fling another handful of comments my way once I've posted this telling me how naive I am for expecting strangers to be nice on the internet.

You said you didn't want to get into an argument and that you weren't coming back, I think people mostly ignored your post, but here you are again.

Do you think you're really driving your point home by repeating yourself?

In general, we are eager to help someone. Yet, so often, the people that come to these boards expect applause and validation for actions that go against etiquette. People always have exceptions to them. The fact of the matter is that regardless of what they think is an exception, it's still rude, and most of us will work to help people understand why it's rude. They can easily walk away from the conversation and do whatever it is they are going to do.

But instead, they return with ignorant, close-minded, ridiculous, arrogant, asinine or outright dumb, replies that further insult the situation. It gets quite tiresome and when people are unwilling to open their minds to the possibility that they are wrong, I lose all respect for them.

I wonder why you are only commenting about the sarcastic thing that was said here and not the outright rude things that were said to people who were actively giving constructive feedback?

MuppetOverlord · June 2014

lilacck28 said:

HA!

oops! Should not have been assuming gender!

Did you assume I was human too? Ribbit.

crunchymamaof2 · June 2014

AddieCake said:

It's probably my fault, your Muppetness. Your association with me and my photo in your sig have brought trouble upon you! I will try to behave and stop dragging you down!

THATS why I'd get you two confused (along with liatris lol) when I first joined. Duh. Lol

crunchymamaof2 · June 2014

MuppetOverlord said:

lilacck28 said:

HA!

oops! Should not have been assuming gender!

Did you assume I was human too? Ribbit.

Ok and now my head just exploded. I'm so confused lol

MaryGraceRich · June 2014

Fwiw my friend had a cash bar and a group of very pissed off friends.....who then got very drunk on their own dime. Then began to get rowdy. I don't drink so I didn't care because soda was free. On the other hand, I had an open bar. Yes people were drunk but they were not rowdy or angry drunks. There was a lot of the same people there. They were better behaved (using behaved for lack of a better word) at my wedding because they were not annoyed. I had a blast at a different friends dry wedding. Its about the people not how much you spend.

AddieCake · June 2014

Yeah, Lia had a 3-pic sig, too. I could not resist hooking up with a Muppet Overlord. Nobody makes a Muppet Overlord pay for drinks, bring their own food, wait through a gap, or get b-listed. And nobody says you can't have a +1 if your +1 is a Muppet Overlord!

AddieCake · June 2014

@aniluisa‌ So it was ok for her to decide she gets to deem whose comments are rude and to tell me how I need to post but not ok for me to be annoyed at her for declaring herself the decider of these things and make a sarcastic remark in response? Good to know. And I'm equally delighted that you have taken it upon yourself to tell me how to post as well.

MuppetOverlord · June 2014

@aniluisa No response? Might I note that the only gif on this whole thread still is the one I gave to Addie. Josh Groban is not offensive.

Nothing has been condescending either. Again, I gave really thoughtful advice and it was thrown in my face.

Why is that not recognized?

offensivekitten2 · June 2014

Ok, so we have to keep it to advice. Hm....

My advice is not to post/support rude shit on an etiquette forum, then expect not to be corrected/laughed at.

hyechica81 · June 2014

i have been to a few weddings where it was open bar for a few hours then switched over to cash.

and i have been to weddings where it was limited open bar or all cash

or it was full open bar

some of those weddings i was solo so i knew i had to drive home and im not a huge drinker

but i would never have a cash bar at my wedding. our package deal includes the full open bar for 4/12 hours last call is 10 minutes before the 30 minute mark reception is 5 hours long

MegEn1 · June 2014

I still don't get the seething hate for cash bars around this website. If you're so offended, if you don't feel you should have to stoop so low, stay home.

ashleyep · June 2014

MegEn1 said:

I still don't get the seething hate for cash bars around this website. If you're so offended, if you don't feel you should have to stoop so low, stay home.

They don't really bother me, I'm used to them. But in an etiquette forum and an etiquette-focused website, it's going to be hated on. It's poor hosting, period.

Nymeru · June 2014

As long as there were still some complimentary beverages (water, juice, soda, something), I'd be completely fine with a cash bar. I don't drink generally, and while I understand it's bad etiquette to have a cash bar, I'm not there for the free booze. I'm there to celebrate with my friends.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

MegEn1 said:

I still don't get the seething hate for cash bars around this website. If you're so offended, if you don't feel you should have to stoop so low, stay home.

I still don't understand how anybody can defend a cash bar with a straight face. Would you invite your friends over for dinner and say, "If you want wine, that will be $5 please?"

Just host what you (general you, no idea whether you @MegEn1 are having a cash bar) can afford. It's so goddamn simple. If you can't afford alcohol, have a dry wedding. If you can afford wine, beer, and a signature drink, host that. An open bar is not required. What is required is that you don't ask guests to open their wallets.

And don't say, "But they don't have to buy drinks." A cash bar separates your friends and family based on their level of disposable income. If you're a college student or low-income mom, and spent your entire budget on travel, then you show up to the wedding and you see everybody else drinking alcohol, but you don't have $5 or $8 or whatever? And you're walking around with water or soda while everyone else is drinking wine? That's infuriating. You're drawing distinctions among your guests, which is so not cool.

southernbelle0915 · June 2014

MegEn1 said:

I still don't get the seething hate for cash bars around this website. If you're so offended, if you don't feel you should have to stoop so low, stay home.

Here's the seething hate:

- a wedding is a hosted event

- guests don't pay for stuff at a hosted event (food, seats, drinks, using the bathroom... nothing)

A cash bar = not hosted = etiquette faux pas. DON'T HAVE ALCOHOL IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT. Sorry for internet yelling, but this is not complicated. If you can't afford filet mignon, pick something you can afford. If you can't afford roses, pick something you can afford. If you can't afford the venue you want, choose one you can afford. If you can't afford alcohol, serve something you can afford. It's so simple, I just.... *sigh*

I would much rather attend a dry wedding than a cash bar wedding. At least if I order a drink (lemonade, water...) I'm not charged for it.

JCbride2015 · June 2014

Nymeru said:

As long as there were still some complimentary beverages (water, juice, soda, something), I'd be completely fine with a cash bar. I don't drink generally, and while I understand it's bad etiquette to have a cash bar, I'm not there for the free booze. I'm there to celebrate with my friends.

Yeah, I wouldn't storm out of the wedding or anything like that. But it's poor hosting and poor etiquette.

AddieCake · June 2014

I wish everyone who thinks cash bars are ok would apply the food analogy.

ETA: Or the dinner at your home with a cash bar analogy. Seriously. When you look at it like that, how can anyone still be confused why it is inappropriate?

southernbelle0915 · June 2014

JCbride2015 said:

Nymeru said:

As long as there were still some complimentary beverages (water, juice, soda, something), I'd be completely fine with a cash bar. I don't drink generally, and while I understand it's bad etiquette to have a cash bar, I'm not there for the free booze. I'm there to celebrate with my friends.

Yeah, I wouldn't storm out of the wedding or anything like that. But it's poor hosting and poor etiquette.

I wouldn't storm out either. However, I have been in the super awkward position of ordering a drink, the bartender makes it up, hands it to me and says "$5, please" Ummm... I don't have any money. I'm embarrassed and there's a line. "I'm sorry, I don't have any cash.. do you want this back?" Head lowered and awkward turtle away from the bar.........

AddieCake · June 2014

Yeah, it's always nice to embarrass people like that, isn't it? Good times!

annathy03 · June 2014

AddieCake said:

I wish everyone who thinks cash bars are ok would apply the food analogy.

ETA: Or the dinner at your home with a cash bar analogy. Seriously. When you look at it like that, how can anyone still be confused why it is inappropriate?

Me too. No one would ever say "but they don't HAVE to eat steak!". If you're serving it, you need to be paying for it. Can't afford to serve steak? No problem, serve something cheaper. Can't afford to serve alcohol? No biggie, just don't have it.

PrettyGirlLost · June 2014

AddieCake said:
Yeah, it's always nice to embarrass people like that, isn't it? Good times!

That doesn't embarrass me, it just annoys me. Its not the norm in my circle, thank God, so it's obnoxious when it happens.

I did the same thing you did Southern, I left my drink on the bar and as I was walking away quite a few other people left the line as well. . .they saw it was a cash bar and had no cash either.

southernbelle0915 · June 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

Yeah, it's always nice to embarrass people like that, isn't it? Good times!
That doesn't embarrass me, it just annoys me. Its not the norm in my circle, thank God, so it's obnoxious when it happens. I did the same thing you did Southern, I left my drink on the bar and as I was walking away quite a few other people left the line as well. . .they saw it was a cash bar and had no cash either.

Someone offered to pay for me. "Oh honey you don't have any money, poor thing, here let me get yours" me: "Oh, no that's ok, really... I...." her: "bless your heart, I'll buy this for you" me: "oh wow. Gosh, umm.." her: "here you go sweetheart" me: "really I do have money.... thanks."

AHHH!!

ohannabelle · June 2014

MegEn1 said:

I still don't get the seething hate for cash bars around this website. If you're so offended, if you don't feel you should have to stoop so low, stay home.

What exactly is it that you don't get? It's been explained maybe 5000 times. And spelled out very clearly.

You don't offer an invitation and then charge money.

You don't make guests feel awkward.

You don't grant options to guests with money, and deny them to guests without.

If you want to charge people, host a fundraiser or open a restaurant.

If you want to invite a guest, you don't charge. Or they simply aren't a guest.

(5001 times.)

What is there in any of these explanations that you can't understand?

PrettyGirlLost · June 2014

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

AddieCake said:
Yeah, it's always nice to embarrass people like that, isn't it? Good times!
That doesn't embarrass me, it just annoys me. Its not the norm in my circle, thank God, so it's obnoxious when it happens.

I did the same thing you did Southern, I left my drink on the bar and as I was walking away quite a few other people left the line as well. . .they saw it was a cash bar and had no cash either.

Someone offered to pay for me. "Oh honey you don't have any money, poor thing, here let me get yours" me: "Oh, no that's ok, really... I...." her: "bless your heart, I'll buy this for you" me: "oh wow. Gosh, umm.." her: "here you go sweetheart" me: "really I do have money.... thanks."

AHHH!!

Oooooh that's embarrassing ><

perdonami · June 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Yeah, it's always nice to embarrass people like that, isn't it? Good times!
That doesn't embarrass me, it just annoys me. Its not the norm in my circle, thank God, so it's obnoxious when it happens. I did the same thing you did Southern, I left my drink on the bar and as I was walking away quite a few other people left the line as well. . .they saw it was a cash bar and had no cash either.

Someone offered to pay for me. "Oh honey you don't have any money, poor thing, here let me get yours" me: "Oh, no that's ok, really... I...." her: "bless your heart, I'll buy this for you" me: "oh wow. Gosh, umm.." her: "here you go sweetheart" me: "really I do have money.... thanks."

AHHH!!
Oooooh that's embarrassing ><

Smh... there is nothing worse than expecting something to be hosted and find out its not after you already ordered it.

Once a bartender gave me a diet coke on the house after a little bit of harmless flirting on his part and I realized it was a cash bar. I came back to the table I was sitting at and everyone was so enthralled by my diet coke. When asked how I got the diet coke, I whispered to my FI that the bartender was politely flirting with me and gave it to me on the house.

Bless his heart, my FI rudely annouced this to the table and I was mortified. Everyone just kind of gave me a glare and then ducked into their dinner. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

Just don't offer it if its not free and save your guests any possible embarassment.

AddieCake · June 2014

perdonami said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Yeah, it's always nice to embarrass people like that, isn't it? Good times!
That doesn't embarrass me, it just annoys me. Its not the norm in my circle, thank God, so it's obnoxious when it happens. I did the same thing you did Southern, I left my drink on the bar and as I was walking away quite a few other people left the line as well. . .they saw it was a cash bar and had no cash either.

Someone offered to pay for me. "Oh honey you don't have any money, poor thing, here let me get yours" me: "Oh, no that's ok, really... I...." her: "bless your heart, I'll buy this for you" me: "oh wow. Gosh, umm.." her: "here you go sweetheart" me: "really I do have money.... thanks."

AHHH!!
Oooooh that's embarrassing ><

Smh... there is nothing worse than expecting something to be hosted and find out its not after you already ordered it.

Once a bartender gave me a diet coke on the house after a little bit of harmless flirting on his part and I realized it was a cash bar. I came back to the table I was sitting at and everyone was so enthralled by my diet coke. When asked how I got the diet coke, I whispered to my FI that the bartender was politely flirting with me and gave it to me on the house.

Bless his heart, my FI rudely annouced this to the table and I was mortified. Everyone just kind of gave me a glare and then ducked into their dinner. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

Just don't offer it if its not free and save your guests any possible embarassment.

SODA wasn't even hosted?!

My surprising reaction to a cash bar

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