last minute decline after they rsvp'd yes

wrigleyville · June 2014

We had a couple of no-shows. I noticed fairly soon, as they were at the ceremony. I was worried they'd gotten lost on their way to the reception, so I called their cell phones.

"Sam" called back an hour later to apologize and say "Susan" felt pretty ill during the ceremony, so they went back to their room to give her a chance to drink some water, lay down, and see if it went away. They ended up falling asleep, and my call woke him up.

He apologized for not calling first, but he honestly thought they'd be able to make it a bit later, like after cocktail hour, and he didn't want to "bother" me. I totally understood, told him I hoped she felt better, and reminded him they were welcome to join us for brunch the next day (which they did).

Later, they announced she was pregnant, so yay! I felt bad that she felt ill, but at least it was for a good reason.

AddieCake · June 2014

I noticed because our wedding was fairly small and because of who they were.

MrsMack10612 · June 2014

We had 4 no shows. One I noticed before the ceremony. My father's wife chose not to come and he brought their oldest daughter instead. I was miffed for about 10 seconds (there's a lot of backstory) but then it was like, fuck it, it's my wedding day.

One I noticed at the reception because her escort card was still on the table. We found out later that she'd broken her leg the day before. It's been over a year and we haven't heard from her.

The other we knew about morning of, he texted H to tell him he wasn't coming. This was 100% a case of not putting on big boy pants to deal with an ex that was also going to be at the wedding. He pulled the same thing at another friends wedding a year later due to the same ex. They have been broken up for like 5 years at this point.

The last was a possibility and we knew about it. A friend's GF had surgery on her shoulder a couple weeks before the wedding and she wasn't sure if she'd be up for it. I told them we'll keep you on the list as a yes/maybe and play it by ear.

Except for the first example, I didn't notice any of this until after the ceremony.

mysticl · June 2014

phira said:

I have a question for the OMHs who had no-shows: did you notice at the wedding? I'm legit curious. I'm guessing that it depends on the size of the wedding, or the particular people who no-show, but I hadn't really thought about it.

I knew my friend was having car issues and probably wouldn't make it. We had also heard about the work issue that was going on so we knew some of those people wouldn't make it, we just weren't sure which ones. My mom made a point of coming up to me at some point and telling me there were still a bunch of escort cards on the table in the lobby area. I'm pretty sure my response was "I don't care". That was my response to a lot of stuff that day.

huskypuppy14 · June 2014

phira said:

I have a question for the OMHs who had no-shows: did you notice at the wedding? I'm legit curious. I'm guessing that it depends on the size of the wedding, or the particular people who no-show, but I hadn't really thought about it.

My grandmother no showed to my wedding. Do I win?

We had 2 other no shows including her (though that couple called my husband's mother that day to say that the wife was sick, and they weren't able to come.) The no shows were all sitting at the same table, so it was pretty noticeable. I went and apologized to that table (there were only 6 people at a table for 9, and one couple didn't know anyone else.) They all got along fine, so they said it was no problem at all.

Don't sweat no shows, it's going to happen, so there is no reason to stress over it.

ashleyep · June 2014

Jen4948 said:

At the wedding of a couple who are friends of mine (I wasn't there but my BF was), a mutual friend of theirs no-showed and simply called my BF to tell him to tell them that he was starting a new job that day and couldn't show up. The couple do not speak to this no-show, who I've met and who many people, including me, believe lacks social graces. It's been a problem at birthday celebrations for my BF, because they always decline the invitations and then arrange to get together with him later for some kind of private celebration.

My BF wants to invite both him and the other couple to our wedding (whenever that might take place) but he understands that they can't be seated together. I hope he can successfully explain to the couple that no, we aren't going to plan a separate wedding celebration for them just because he wants the no-show to attend. (I'd rather not invite the no-show myself, but I'm not sure whether or not it's a hill I want to die on.)

Jen4948

Wait. So they're mad at him for no-showing at their wedding (I'm assuming I read that right). And they're SO MAD that you can't sit them at the same table as the no-show and they're SO MAD that you think they'll threaten to not attend because of the no show? And they avoid events he'll be at? It's that big of a deal?

I'll be peeved and annoyed, it might even damage the friendship. But that's an awful lot of anger and resentment to harbor towards someone who used to be a friend.

Jen4948 · June 2014

ashleyep said:

Jen4948 said:

At the wedding of a couple who are friends of mine (I wasn't there but my BF was), a mutual friend of theirs no-showed and simply called my BF to tell him to tell them that he was starting a new job that day and couldn't show up. The couple do not speak to this no-show, who I've met and who many people, including me, believe lacks social graces. It's been a problem at birthday celebrations for my BF, because they always decline the invitations and then arrange to get together with him later for some kind of private celebration.

My BF wants to invite both him and the other couple to our wedding (whenever that might take place) but he understands that they can't be seated together. I hope he can successfully explain to the couple that no, we aren't going to plan a separate wedding celebration for them just because he wants the no-show to attend. (I'd rather not invite the no-show myself, but I'm not sure whether or not it's a hill I want to die on.)

Jen4948

Wait. So they're mad at him for no-showing at their wedding (I'm assuming I read that right). And they're SO MAD that you can't sit them at the same table as the no-show and they're SO MAD that you think they'll threaten to not attend because of the no show? And they avoid events he'll be at? It's that big of a deal?

I'll be peeved and annoyed, it might even damage the friendship. But that's an awful lot of anger and resentment to harbor towards someone who used to be a friend.

This couple is normally pretty calm and rational. I'm guessing that there may be some other issues between them and this guy as well, because he does have a tendency to behave like a jerk (my BF and I have another friend who said she doesn't want to socialize with the guy). But for sure they can't be seated with the guy.

There are some other seating issues we'll have to deal with too in order to minimize awkwardness. This one is the biggest though.

LDay2014 · June 2014

hyechica81 said:

so fi just called me up and said i just got a message on my phone from last night and i just got to checking it today this couple can no longer attend the wedding they had a change in there financial situation and wont be able to come..

we already got a bankers check for the amount the venue wanted and are doing final arrangements and payment with the venue tomorrow.
On top of all of this fi boss didnt rsvp by the due date. because of where fi works they send him to various places everyday, he finally was able to see him last Thursday and he asked him and the boss said i will get back to you by Tuesday i said are u serious? i needed an answer like today so we can get the bankers check. so now we have two people that are not coming and two people who might come.

ugh and to top it all off seating arrangements are almost done

I'm hoping to god you told them you don't care about a gift if that was their concern that you just wanted them to be there - as that's what's most important. Otherwise, it looks like you only wanted a gift and couldn't care about the couple themselves...

misshart00 · June 2014

LDay2014 said:

hyechica81 said:

so fi just called me up and said i just got a message on my phone from last night and i just got to checking it today this couple can no longer attend the wedding they had a change in there financial situation and wont be able to come..

we already got a bankers check for the amount the venue wanted and are doing final arrangements and payment with the venue tomorrow.
On top of all of this fi boss didnt rsvp by the due date. because of where fi works they send him to various places everyday, he finally was able to see him last Thursday and he asked him and the boss said i will get back to you by Tuesday i said are u serious? i needed an answer like today so we can get the bankers check. so now we have two people that are not coming and two people who might come.

ugh and to top it all off seating arrangements are almost done

I'm hoping to god you told them you don't care about a gift if that was their concern that you just wanted them to be there - as that's what's most important. Otherwise, it looks like you only wanted a gift and couldn't care about the couple themselves...

Where did she say anything about a gift? They may not have been able to come because they couldn't afford the gas or a hotel room.

schellzinator · June 2014

We had one couple be a no show - ended up one of them came down with what they thought was food poisoning - but I think it may have been morning sickness in hindsight. I didn't get upset because it was beyond my control. I also had a friend cancel the week before due to financial reasons. I totally got it - and it was tough for her to admit it to me. I felt awful for her because of the situation.

My advice to the bride-to-be, this is beyond your control...I'm sure there are PLENTY of other things for you to stress about - don't add this to the list.

crunchymamaof2 · June 2014

We had 2 couples not show. They were both friends of DH so I didn't notice right away. The first couple had an emergency with their daughter and let DH know the morning of. We were more concerned for them than we were about them not coming. The second couple just didn't show and DH still hasn't spoken to the man (wedding was October of last year). They had been a late responder. I noticed a bit into the reception. DH was irritated to say the least.

[Deleted User] · June 2014

I totally get your frustration, but at least you can still change the head count. About two weeks before my wedding a family that RSVP yes emailed me that they wouldn't be able to come. Their son completed in Special Olympics Regionals just finished & he placed for State level which was the same weekend as my weekend. As much as I would have loved to have them there, how do you tell a kid that after working so hard & achieving a great honor like that, that he can't go because of a wedding. It sucks that your guest can't make it due to finances. I'm guessing they had some unexpected bills come up. Now your FI boss, that's just rude not to give you a head count. But be prepared that you may have a guest or two that can't come at the last minute. We had one guest throw her back out the morning of our wedding and another who's newborn grandson got admitted to ICU the day before our wedding & her daughter needed her to stay with her older kids so her & her husband could be at the hospital with their baby. Of course those were really good reasons for them to no show. Things will happen & it will suck, but don't let it ruin the excitment of your big day & don't let it take away from everyone who did rsvp on time & was able to make it to your wedding to celebrate your big day with you.

gingerbride26 · June 2014

We were a no show once. I have struggled with digestive issues and food allergies for many years, and although I've gotten good at this whole gluten free thing, getting "glutened" at a restaurant or friend's house can occasionally occur despite your best efforts. I ended up being really sick the morning of and we couldn't make it (he would have gone alone but it was 3 hours away and my friends). I didn't text day of because I didn't want to disturb the bride getting ready and stress her out - so I contacted her the next day and we sent a sizable check to compensate for the wasted meals.

hyechica81 · June 2014

so venue ended up giving us money back for the 2 declines not a huge deal and we were not expecting it but today my fi called me and said one more person backed out im not stressing oh well they chose to go to another party instead of ours,

last minute decline after they rsvp'd yes

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