• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Attire and Accessories

Argument with my bridesmaid: who gets to decide hairstyle?

I would like all my bridesmaids hair to be in an up-do (nothing UGLY-- just different than me as I'm wearing mine down) but one of my bridesmaids (my sister) that I told this to said I was bring bridezilla and 'not caring' about her bridesmaids' comfort.  My other bridesmaids are my best friends and would smear mud on their faces if I asked them to. 

I was just wondering if anyone knew the actual ETIQUETTE on this topic?  Is it UNCOMMON for the bride to choose a hairstyle for their bridesmaids?
«1

Re: Argument with my bridesmaid: who gets to decide hairstyle?

  • ScoutFScoutF member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I say let them choose their own hairstyle. Just tell them they can do whatever they want as long as it's up. None of your guests will care what their hair looks like.
    japrincess24
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I would like all my bridesmaids hair to be in an up-do (nothing UGLY-- just different than me as I'm wearing mine down) but one of my bridesmaids (my sister) that I told this to said I was bring bridezilla and 'not caring' about her bridesmaids' comfort.  My other bridesmaids are my best friends and would smear mud on their faces if I asked them to. 

    I was just wondering if anyone knew the actual ETIQUETTE on this topic?  Is it UNCOMMON for the bride to choose a hairstyle for their bridesmaids?
    Etiquette states that aside from the dress, if there is any specific detail of your bridesmaid's appearance that you want to dictate, you have to pay for it. This goes for jewelry, shoes, makeup and hair. So yes you can require an up-do, if you pick up the tab for the stylist.

    I also vote for letting your bridesmaids choose their own hairstyle. You shouldn't worry about their hair looking like yours - you'll be the one in the wedding dress, you'll stand out enough. These girls know their own hair, their own abilities in styling it (if they're doing it themselves), and their own budgets if they're paying to have it done. They'll be most beautiful in what they're comfortable in.

    image
    image
    emmaaacharlottesmom0626ashley8918slothiegal
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I think it's silly for brides to choose hairstyles for their bridesmaids. What difference does it make what style their hair is in? 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    shaylagirllyndausvi
  • I would like all my bridesmaids hair to be in an up-do (nothing UGLY-- just different than me as I'm wearing mine down) but one of my bridesmaids (my sister) that I told this to said I was bring bridezilla and 'not caring' about her bridesmaids' comfort.  My other bridesmaids are my best friends and would smear mud on their faces if I asked them to. 

    I was just wondering if anyone knew the actual ETIQUETTE on this topic?  Is it UNCOMMON for the bride to choose a hairstyle for their bridesmaids?
    I HATE when a bride tells me how to do my hair for a few reasons.

    1. Whatever style you pick is your style, not mine, but it's something attached to me. I look terrible with my hair pulled all the way back from my face, for example, and was told once I had to do it for a wedding. So congrats to the bride, because her maids looked worse, not better, since she ignored our personal looks. 

    2. I cannot do a nice updo on my own, meaning I will go have to pay someone to do it. If you're demanding an updo, I think you should offer to pay for it.

    3. Who cares about bridesmaid hair?! If the bridesmaids all have their hair washed and it looks like they did something with it (even curled and pinned up on one side), no one will care at all. No one. People look at your hair because you are the bride. They do not care about your bridesmaid's hair. Honestly, when I see all very similar hairstyles on bridesmaids at a wedding, I'm quietly thinking bridezilla to myself. 

    This is not something to start a war over. Let her wear her hair how she wants. 
    image
    doeydohellohkbjenijoyk
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    MagicInk said:
    No one has ever looked at a bridesmaid hair and gone "Wait...is she the bride? I'm confused", you're the bride you'll stand out because you're the fucking bride.

    Listen to what you're sister is telling you. She's not comfortable with an up-do. She's not trying to outshine you, or look prettier, or be fancier, or anything like that. She just doesn't feel comfortable with an up-do. Maybe she doesn't like the way it looks on her. Maybe all the pins it takes to keep your hair up make her head her. Maybe the last time she had an up-do a bird tried to build a nest in her hair and now she's terrified of birds and up-dos. 

    If you decide you must dictate what their hair looks like then yes, you must pick up the tab for having it done. But I'd just skip worrying about this and let them do their own hair.
    *giggle* *snicker* *snort*

    ashley8918
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I paid for my BM's hair to be done and I still told them to pick whatever style they wanted. Everyone's hair looked different and it was very cute. None of them knew how I was wearing my hair and it wasn't a big deal. It made my life a lot easier the day of to not have to worry about what they were doing with their hair or if it was "right".
    image
  • OP, you are being rude and inconsiderate. If you are paying you technically have the say, but it's not very nice. Just let your girls pick whichever hairstyle they think will look best and make them feel the best. You would not like if someone dictated you to wear a hairstyle you didn't think was flattering to you, would you?

    You are the bride. Nobody is going to confuse one of your BMs for the bride or even notice they have a similar hairstyle. Let it go.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm with your sister. I think it's really silly and ridiculous to tell them how their hair needs to be done.

  • When I go to a wedding, I don't remember the bridesmaids hair.

    Fuck, I'm lucky if I remember their dresses.

    Don't worry so much about this, no one will care. :)
    JasperandOpalAddieCakegen148
  • Just want to say, OP, I think it's great that you came here and asked for etiquette advice before going through with your initial plans. As PP have said, either pay for the updos, or let them do whatever they want. 
    lizzypoo96hellohkbcafarrie
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    MagicInk said:
    No one has ever looked at a bridesmaid hair and gone "Wait...is she the bride? I'm confused", you're the bride you'll stand out because you're the fucking bride.

    Listen to what you're sister is telling you. She's not comfortable with an up-do. She's not trying to outshine you, or look prettier, or be fancier, or anything like that. She just doesn't feel comfortable with an up-do. Maybe she doesn't like the way it looks on her. Maybe all the pins it takes to keep your hair up make her head her. Maybe the last time she had an up-do a bird tried to build a nest in her hair and now she's terrified of birds and up-dos. 

    If you decide you must dictate what their hair looks like then yes, you must pick up the tab for having it done. But I'd just skip worrying about this and let them do their own hair.
    *giggle* *snicker* *snort*

    She better not watch The Birds, then.
    image

    image
  • Sorry, I think your sister is right on this one, you should let your bridesmaids choose how they want their hair. If you still insist on dictating how they wear it you should foot the bill.

     image

     

     

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    OP, here are some pictures so you can see what their different hairstyles might all look like together:
    image
    image
    image
    chibiyuisouthernbelle0915AngusaurOliveOilsMom
  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    I would never dictate how my BMs should wear their hair.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • doeydo said:
    OP, here are some pictures so you can see what their different hairstyles might all look like together:
    image
    image
    which one is the bride? I can't tell because some have similar hair!!!

    All snark aside, OP, hair isn't something you get to dictate without bucking etiquette and coming off as a 'zilla. People will know you are the bride even if your BMs wear @NickiRose710 masks. You're going to look gorgeous, they're going to look gorgeous (if you let them do what they think looks good on them) and you'll be married. Let this go.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    NYCMercedesOliveOilsMom
  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    doeydo said:
    OP, here are some pictures so you can see what their different hairstyles might all look like together:
    image
    image
    which one is the bride? I can't tell because some have similar hair!!!

    All snark aside, OP, hair isn't something you get to dictate without bucking etiquette and coming off as a 'zilla. People will know you are the bride even if your BMs wear @NickiRose710 masks. You're going to look gorgeous, they're going to look gorgeous (if you let them do what they think looks good on them) and you'll be married. Let this go.
    Oh no, in that last pic, not only do some of them have similar hairstyles they're all in white-toned dresses, so confused as to who is getting married!!

    If you want them to wear their hair a certain way, you should pay for it. 

    For my wedding, I'm having a lady come out to do my hair/makeup, I've asked the ladies if they wanted their hair and makeup done as well (so the company knows how many people to send out) and if any of them ask to have it done, I'll probably just pick up their tab too - even though it would be on their request.  I am doing this because beyond a basic pony tail, I stink at styling my hair.


    image
    Anniversary
  • Sorry if I wasn't clear-- I am definitely footing the bill for both hair and makeup =)
  • Thanks everyone! I had NO idea =)  My sister has been extremely controlling throughout this entire experience from hair to decor to venue..... I am just at my wits end and I have only been engaged for 3 months!  I appreciate the time spent reponding and you have made me change my mind. Thanks, again.
    She gets a say in the first one but not the other two.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thanks everyone! I had NO idea =)  My sister has been extremely controlling throughout this entire experience from hair to decor to venue..... I am just at my wits end and I have only been engaged for 3 months!  I appreciate the time spent reponding and you have made me change my mind. Thanks, again.

    3 months in and you're worrying about bridesmaids' hair?? When is your wedding?
  • Thanks everyone! I had NO idea =)  My sister has been extremely controlling throughout this entire experience from hair to decor to venue..... I am just at my wits end and I have only been engaged for 3 months!  I appreciate the time spent reponding and you have made me change my mind. Thanks, again.
    Good for your for not throwing a hissy fit for not hearing what you wanted. Stick around and you'll learn a lot. Plus, you need to disconnect your sister from your planning. She shouldn't have anything to say about anything non-BM related.
    southernbelle0915
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Good call, OP. Agree to just stop letting your sis engage in conversation over things she doesn't get a say in (i.e. anything that isn't personally on her body or being asked of her to do). Just smile and say "I'll consider that" and change the subject.

    image
    image
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Thanks everyone! I had NO idea =)  My sister has been extremely controlling throughout this entire experience from hair to decor to venue..... I am just at my wits end and I have only been engaged for 3 months!  I appreciate the time spent reponding and you have made me change my mind. Thanks, again.
    This is so good to read!
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
  • I'm paying for my BMs hair, but i'm letting them pick how they'd want it styled. It's their hair not mine, so I could careless haha.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



    www.MyVacationCountdown.com Ticker
  • I was just in a bridal party and the bride told us to do what we want with our hair. There was a hairstylist coming to our hotel room to do our hair. We all (except for one bridesmaid) ended up with an up-do (I didn't specify to the hairstylist, I just told her to do what she thought would look good on me), and the bride didn't care that we all had an up-do. She still stood out plenty, and none of the hairstyles were exactly the same.

    I say let your bridesmaids do whatever they want with their hair. Who cares if they end up with similar hair to you? You're still going to stand out no matter what.
    Knottie1445136220
  • Thank you so much, all! I sincerely appreciate the perspective!
    ashley8918lyndausvi
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards