Wedding Reception Forum

Is the dollar dance tacky?

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Re: Is the dollar dance tacky?

  • jenna8984 said:
    jenna8984 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    It's very much Greek tradition. My MOH is from Greece and it's a big part of all their weddings. Telling her not to have one is like telling her not to kiss the groom or not to have a cake, it's just part of the wedding. Unless she marries a Greek while in Greece, or someone from a culture where this is acceptable and in a place where this is acceptable, it would be tacky and rude. It would be be especially tacky and rude to expect people who are not from such cultures and are not in such places to participate in money dances. If your friend is not in Greece or marrying a Greek, she would have to accept that and it would be in her best interest to not push that aspect of her culture on non-members of it.

    I'm sorry but I think that is ridiculous. Just because she lives in America now and may one day fall in love with an American (or any other nationality) she should not be able to honor her own? Many Indians who marry here wear the Sari and their new friends in the States have no problem accepting that as cultural. You don't go around telling Muslim people to take off their turbin or bindi simply because they live here now. Many people enjoy attending weddings of a different nationality of their own so they have the experience to see and appreciate the different culture.

    I know your argument is going to be some crap along the lines of costing money, and it doesn't cost a guest money for the Indian to wear her Sari, but it costs the guests money to participate in the dollar dance. So don't. Sit on the side pouting because you can't possibly spare a dollar to partake in a fun, cultural event. Doesn't mean everyone else in attendance and Greek family members should have to forgo it just because you are so American you can't get over thinking it's "tacky".

    I'm sorry but I do not find the dollar dance fun or cultural in any way.  It is just another way for the couple to wring you for every last dollar you have on you.  And by having the dollar dance, even if you say it is part of your culture, when potentially half of your guest list could be very offended or put off by it is probably not the best decision.  You can certainly represent your culture or heritage in other ways rather then trying to get money from people.
    YOU don't find anything cultural about it because you didn't grow up with it. She grew up attending literally hundreds of weddings (they invite out to 4th cousins) that all had this as part of the event so it is cultural to her just the same as crossing the crowns. And it's not about the money at all, or the couple trying to "wring you for every last dollar". That means nothing to them, she said often it's left behind as extra tip money for the venue and she even told my FI should would give him $10 in ones just to have him join in on the fun. It's not some awkward stripper feeling dance, the guests all join hands and make circles around the bride and groom and people throw money into the circle if they wish to. There's nothing stopping you from being in the circle and still participating without money.
    Again, there are many other ways to show your culture without making, possibly, half your guests uncomfortable and thinking of you as tacky and greedy.  A wedding is not just about the couple (or in this case the brides culture) it is also about the guests comfort and if doing a dollar dance would make a good portion of your guests uncomfortable then it should not be done, whether it is cultural or not.

    And unless all the guests know about this custom of their then they will think that the couple is trying to wring them for every last dollar.  Why can't they just do the dance without having to pull out any money at all?  And to use the money towards the tips?  So basically your guests are then tipping your vendors which is a huge no-no.

    I am sorry, but nothing will make me think the dollar dance is okay.


  • jenna8984 said:




    jenna8984 said:


    Jen4948 said:

    jenna8984 said:

    It's very much Greek tradition. My MOH is from Greece and it's a big part of all their weddings. Telling her not to have one is like telling her not to kiss the groom or not to have a cake, it's just part of the wedding.

    Unless she marries a Greek while in Greece, or someone from a culture where this is acceptable and in a place where this is acceptable, it would be tacky and rude. It would be be especially tacky and rude to expect people who are not from such cultures and are not in such places to participate in money dances. If your friend is not in Greece or marrying a Greek, she would have to accept that and it would be in her best interest to not push that aspect of her culture on non-members of it.




    I'm sorry but I think that is ridiculous. Just because she lives in America now and may one day fall in love with an American (or any other nationality) she should not be able to honor her own? Many Indians who marry here wear the Sari and their new friends in the States have no problem accepting that as cultural. You don't go around telling Muslim people to take off their turbin or bindi simply because they live here now. Many people enjoy attending weddings of a different nationality of their own so they have the experience to see and appreciate the different culture.

    I know your argument is going to be some crap along the lines of costing money, and it doesn't cost a guest money for the Indian to wear her Sari, but it costs the guests money to participate in the dollar dance. So don't. Sit on the side pouting because you can't possibly spare a dollar to partake in a fun, cultural event. Doesn't mean everyone else in attendance and Greek family members should have to forgo it just because you are so American you can't get over thinking it's "tacky".


    I'm sorry but I do not find the dollar dance fun or cultural in any way.  It is just another way for the couple to wring you for every last dollar you have on you.  And by having the dollar dance, even if you say it is part of your culture, when potentially half of your guest list could be very offended or put off by it is probably not the best decision.  You can certainly represent your culture or heritage in other ways rather then trying to get money from people.

    YOU don't find anything cultural about it because you didn't grow up with it. She grew up attending literally hundreds of weddings (they invite out to 4th cousins) that all had this as part of the event so it is cultural to her just the same as crossing the crowns. And it's not about the money at all, or the couple trying to "wring you for every last dollar". That means nothing to them, she said often it's left behind as extra tip money for the venue and she even told my FI should would give him $10 in ones just to have him join in on the fun. It's not some awkward stripper feeling dance, the guests all join hands and make circles around the bride and groom and people throw money into the circle if they wish to. There's nothing stopping you from being in the circle and still participating without money.



    Again, there are many other ways to show your culture without making, possibly, half your guests uncomfortable and thinking of you as tacky and greedy.  A wedding is not just about the couple (or in this case the brides culture) it is also about the guests comfort and if doing a dollar dance would make a good portion of your guests uncomfortable then it should not be done, whether it is cultural or not.

    And unless all the guests know about this custom of their then they will think that the couple is trying to wring them for every last dollar.  Why can't they just do the dance without having to pull out any money at all?  And to use the money towards the tips?  So basically your guests are then tipping your vendors which is a huge no-no.</
    div>

    I am sorry, but nothing will make me think the dollar dance is okay.</
    div>


    Sorry but my opinion stands. I don't have to agree with money dances to be "supportive" of anyone else's culure. I don't have to agree with other "
  • Regardless of what your friend claims is her cultural heritage, if she wants to live in mainstream Western culture, she'll have to accept that it is not considered polite there and people not of her cultural background aren't going to approve of expecting your guests to pay to dance with you, let alone actually do a money dance.

    If one really wants to maintain a "cultural tradtion" that's not accepted in mainstream culture, one has to accept that 1. Others not of that culture will frown on it and 2. It's not an excuse for those not of their own cultural background to violate mainstream culture.

    So if you (generic) aren't Greek or come from a background where money dances are "expected" then it's not appropriate for your friend to expect a money dance at your wedding or to expect you to do it at hers.

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    Firstly, you also lose all cultural sensitivity self-righteousness when you speak of "Muslims wearing bindis". Secondly, There are plenty of ways to honour ones culture without offending others. Do an advice dance or with Monopoly money dance. Unless it is all about getting cash, then it isn't about culture and all about greediness.
  • Whatever this argument is pointless. But people need to stop being "offended" by every little mother f-ing thing. They aren't parading around with Greek flags, burning American flags singing a song about how America sucks. They are doing a fun, tradition dance that you can chose to partake in with one measly dollar or you can hang out at your table for ten minutes and watch it. As someone not from their culture I hardly find that "offensive".

                                                                     

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  • jenna8984 said:
    Whatever this argument is pointless. But people need to stop being "offended" by every little mother f-ing thing. They aren't parading around with Greek flags, burning American flags singing a song about how America sucks. They are doing a fun, tradition dance that you can chose to partake in with one measly dollar or you can hang out at your table for ten minutes and watch it. As someone not from their culture I hardly find that "offensive".
    I will get offended every time a couple tries to wring more money out of me by having a dollar dance. Period.  We are supposed to be the couples nearest and dearest not their wallets.

    And as I said before, if it isn't about the money for them then why not cut the money out of it and just do the dance with no money?  You get to still have your traditional dance but without offending anyone at your wedding.  Win-win.

    And the bolded, what?  That has no bearing on this discussion what so ever.

  • Yes, I usually go to weddings with only a few dollars in singles to tip the bartenders. If I went to a wedding with a dollar dance, I wouldn't participate. I've been to 3 weddings this last year and they didn't have it either. In my opinion, the gift I bring is the gift you're getting. Asking for money on top of that just seems ungrateful.
  • jenna8984 said:
    Whatever this argument is pointless. But people need to stop being "offended" by every little mother f-ing thing. They aren't parading around with Greek flags, burning American flags singing a song about how America sucks. They are doing a fun, tradition dance that you can chose to partake in with one measly dollar or you can hang out at your table for ten minutes and watch it. As someone not from their culture I hardly find that "offensive".
    I will get offended every time a couple tries to wring more money out of me by having a dollar dance. Period.  We are supposed to be the couples nearest and dearest not their wallets.

    And as I said before, if it isn't about the money for them then why not cut the money out of it and just do the dance with no money?  You get to still have your traditional dance but without offending anyone at your wedding.  Win-win.

    And the bolded, what?  That has no bearing on this discussion what so ever.

    Because I was making the point that that's something to actually get offended over. Not giving your friend a dollar. You say your nearest and dearest shouldn't wring money out of you, but as your nearest and dearest you should not be so upset at giving them one dollar. If you were shopping together at the mall and you bought them a $1 soda you wouldn't ask them to repay you so I don't get the big deal over one dollar. If someone is my friend and that makes them happy, fine, I personally don't get offended to give them a damn dollar and I'm sorry that you do.

                                                                     

    image

  • jenna8984 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    It's very much Greek tradition. My MOH is from Greece and it's a big part of all their weddings. Telling her not to have one is like telling her not to kiss the groom or not to have a cake, it's just part of the wedding. Unless she marries a Greek while in Greece, or someone from a culture where this is acceptable and in a place where this is acceptable, it would be tacky and rude. It would be be especially tacky and rude to expect people who are not from such cultures and are not in such places to participate in money dances. If your friend is not in Greece or marrying a Greek, she would have to accept that and it would be in her best interest to not push that aspect of her culture on non-members of it.

    I'm sorry but I think that is ridiculous. Just because she lives in America now and may one day fall in love with an American (or any other nationality) she should not be able to honor her own? Many Indians who marry here wear the Sari and their new friends in the States have no problem accepting that as cultural. You don't go around telling Muslim people to take off their turbin or bindi simply because they live here now. Many people enjoy attending weddings of a different nationality of their own so they have the experience to see and appreciate the different culture.

    I know your argument is going to be some crap along the lines of costing money, and it doesn't cost a guest money for the Indian to wear her Sari, but it costs the guests money to participate in the dollar dance. So don't. Sit on the side pouting because you can't possibly spare a dollar to partake in a fun, cultural event. Doesn't mean everyone else in attendance and Greek family members should have to forgo it just because you are so American you can't get over thinking it's "tacky".

    Did you actually compare traditional clothing with dancing for money?  BIG difference here.  One is an observation of deep rooted cultural traditions, the other is soliciting money.  Since when has it ever been against etiquette to wear a sari/turban/toga/First Nations regalia?  NEVER why?  Because it doesn't affect other people...Doesn't even remotely compare to dancing for money at your wedding.
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited July 2014
    jenna8984 said:
    jenna8984 said:
    Whatever this argument is pointless. But people need to stop being "offended" by every little mother f-ing thing. They aren't parading around with Greek flags, burning American flags singing a song about how America sucks. They are doing a fun, tradition dance that you can chose to partake in with one measly dollar or you can hang out at your table for ten minutes and watch it. As someone not from their culture I hardly find that "offensive".
    I will get offended every time a couple tries to wring more money out of me by having a dollar dance. Period.  We are supposed to be the couples nearest and dearest not their wallets.

    And as I said before, if it isn't about the money for them then why not cut the money out of it and just do the dance with no money?  You get to still have your traditional dance but without offending anyone at your wedding.  Win-win.

    And the bolded, what?  That has no bearing on this discussion what so ever.

    Because I was making the point that that's something to actually get offended over. Not giving your friend a dollar. You say your nearest and dearest shouldn't wring money out of you, but as your nearest and dearest you should not be so upset at giving them one dollar. If you were shopping together at the mall and you bought them a $1 soda you wouldn't ask them to repay you so I don't get the big deal over one dollar. If someone is my friend and that makes them happy, fine, I personally don't get offended to give them a damn dollar and I'm sorry that you do.
    Because it is like your aunt, good friend, or cousin taking you to a fancy store, buying you expensive gifts that you requested, and then you turning to them and saying "I need you to buy me THIS now". 

    Look go ahead and have whatever you want at your wedding. No one is going to shut it down and make everyone go home. But when almost all internet strangers on here think it is tacky, I guarantee a few (if not a lot) of your guests think that as well. It is shameless begging, but if one is willing to conflate that with deeply held religious beliefs, then I doubt losing dignity for money is one's biggest problem. 

    If it isn't about the money and all about the culture, why not use one of the non-money options like advice or monopoly money? 

    And also, just because you can't claim that we don't respect other cultures and then get it horribly wrong by saying: "You don't go around telling Muslim people to take off their turbin or bindi simply because they live here now. " 
     99.9% of people that wear Turbans are Sikhs, Some Muslim men wear imama, kalansuwa, dulband or kaffiyeh depending on where they are from,  and Hindus wear bindis.

  • I never knew dollar dances were "tacky" either. 

    I live in South Eastern Michigan . . every single wedding I have ever gone to has had a dollar dance. I never knew it had any cultural or other significance. Maybe it's more demographic? Like how we call soda "pop" - we never ever refer to it as soda or soda pop. It's just POP. We also celebrate sweetest day whereas some parts of the US have no clue what that is either . . . 

    All that aside, I think it is incredibly FUN - I participate in all of them to dance with both the bride and groom.

    I've never heard any negative comments before reading this board. Not ever . . but then again I never wander too far out of Michigan. 
  • jenna8984 said:
    jenna8984 said:
    Whatever this argument is pointless. But people need to stop being "offended" by every little mother f-ing thing. They aren't parading around with Greek flags, burning American flags singing a song about how America sucks. They are doing a fun, tradition dance that you can chose to partake in with one measly dollar or you can hang out at your table for ten minutes and watch it. As someone not from their culture I hardly find that "offensive".
    I will get offended every time a couple tries to wring more money out of me by having a dollar dance. Period.  We are supposed to be the couples nearest and dearest not their wallets.

    And as I said before, if it isn't about the money for them then why not cut the money out of it and just do the dance with no money?  You get to still have your traditional dance but without offending anyone at your wedding.  Win-win.

    And the bolded, what?  That has no bearing on this discussion what so ever.

    Because I was making the point that that's something to actually get offended over. Not giving your friend a dollar. You say your nearest and dearest shouldn't wring money out of you, but as your nearest and dearest you should not be so upset at giving them one dollar. If you were shopping together at the mall and you bought them a $1 soda you wouldn't ask them to repay you so I don't get the big deal over one dollar. If someone is my friend and that makes them happy, fine, I personally don't get offended to give them a damn dollar and I'm sorry that you do.
    Because it is like your aunt, good friend, or cousin taking you to a fancy store, buying you expensive gifts that you requested, and then you turning to them and saying "I need you to buy me THIS now". 

    Look go ahead and have whatever you want at your wedding. No one is going to shut it down and make everyone go home. But when almost all internet strangers on here think it is tacky, I guarantee a few (if not a lot) of your guests think that as well. It is shameless begging, but if one is willing to conflate that with deeply held religious beliefs, then I doubt losing dignity for money is one's biggest problem. 

    If it isn't about the money and all about the culture, why not use one of the non-money options like advice or monopoly money? 

    And also, just because you can't claim that we don't respect other cultures and then get it horribly wrong by saying: "You don't go around telling Muslim people to take off their turbin or bindi simply because they live here now. " 
     99.9% of people that wear Turbans are Sikhs, Some Muslim men wear imama, kalansuwa, dulband or kaffiyeh depending on where they are from,  and Hindus wear bindis.

    I'm not having one. When I said my MOH that wasn't code for myself. All I'm saying is that I love my friend and show her respect by honoring her traditions. She's been in my life for 10 years and I went to Greece with her, I would not sit to the side and say "ugh this tradition of yours is gross and tacky and I'm not giving a dollar". Others like you can feel free to do that but I know how much she enjoys it so I'm not going to do that. 

    And I apologize, I was typing quickly at work and not paying attention. I realized after the fact that I had fucked up the Hindu and Muslim thing, my mistake totally. 

                                                                     

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  • This is starting to get unnecessarily heated. I think we actually agree on a lot more here. 

    Of course, I don't think anyone would say "you are being rude and tacky, Bride and groom!" to their face- that would be fairly harsh and rude. But what guests not familiar with this might think is: "oh wow, I already spend my allotted budget on a gift for them. I feel pressured to give more money and feel like a bad friend for not doing it even though I can't afford it". Especially in these cases where people are singled out if they don't do it, or if they don't know about the tradition and feel that they have to pin more than dollar bills. 

    I appreciate you apologising for the Turban comment. I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it. 
  • HauteRoxy said:
    I never knew dollar dances were "tacky" either. 

    I live in South Eastern Michigan . . every single wedding I have ever gone to has had a dollar dance. I never knew it had any cultural or other significance. Maybe it's more demographic? Like how we call soda "pop" - we never ever refer to it as soda or soda pop. It's just POP. We also celebrate sweetest day whereas some parts of the US have no clue what that is either . . . 

    All that aside, I think it is incredibly FUN - I participate in all of them to dance with both the bride and groom.

    I've never heard any negative comments before reading this board. Not ever . . but then again I never wander too far out of Michigan. 
    Even in Michigan they can be rude.

    They may seem incredibly FUN to you, but it is not polite to expect your guests to open their wallets at your wedding-whether for alcoholic drinks, money dances, to pay for valet parking, or whatever.
  • Jen4948 said:
    HauteRoxy said:
    I never knew dollar dances were "tacky" either. 

    I live in South Eastern Michigan . . every single wedding I have ever gone to has had a dollar dance. I never knew it had any cultural or other significance. Maybe it's more demographic? Like how we call soda "pop" - we never ever refer to it as soda or soda pop. It's just POP. We also celebrate sweetest day whereas some parts of the US have no clue what that is either . . . 

    All that aside, I think it is incredibly FUN - I participate in all of them to dance with both the bride and groom.

    I've never heard any negative comments before reading this board. Not ever . . but then again I never wander too far out of Michigan. 
    Even in Michigan they can be are rude.

    They may seem incredibly FUN to you, but it is not polite to expect your guests to open their wallets at your wedding-whether for alcoholic drinks, money dances, to pay for valet parking, or whatever.
    Exactly this. With one minor edit... ;)
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  • Because on multiple boards people have been saying that it is a Polish tradition, I asked my coworker who is from Warsaw about this. She was horrified! Maybe it is a Polish-American thing, but she was embarrassed that Poland was being used to justify this. Her exact words were: "Wait, so you have to pay the Bride and Groom money to dance with them!? No, no no no no!" 
    Plenty of cultures have dollar dances- Polish, Italian, Greek, etc.

    However it's not a cultural thing for any of them, it's a family thing.  I'm Italian and no one in my family or circle does Dollar Dances. .. we all think they are tacky.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • HauteRoxyHauteRoxy member
    First Answer Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited July 2014
    Jen4948 said:
    HauteRoxy said:
    I never knew dollar dances were "tacky" either. 

    I live in South Eastern Michigan . . every single wedding I have ever gone to has had a dollar dance. I never knew it had any cultural or other significance. Maybe it's more demographic? Like how we call soda "pop" - we never ever refer to it as soda or soda pop. It's just POP. We also celebrate sweetest day whereas some parts of the US have no clue what that is either . . . 

    All that aside, I think it is incredibly FUN - I participate in all of them to dance with both the bride and groom.

    I've never heard any negative comments before reading this board. Not ever . . but then again I never wander too far out of Michigan. 
    Even in Michigan they can be are rude.

    They may seem incredibly FUN to you, but it is not polite to expect your guests to open their wallets at your wedding-whether for alcoholic drinks, money dances, to pay for valet parking, or whatever.
    Exactly this. With one minor edit... ;)

  • HauteRoxyHauteRoxy member
    First Answer Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited July 2014
  • everyone has such strong opinions on this, but I feel the need to weigh in as well- I come from a Cajun background, and we pride ourselves on hospitality. I have seen a money dance in approximately 1/3 to 1/2 of the weddings I've been to, and it's been really fun. I never once thought as a guest that it was rude or money-grubbing, though I understand why it could be perceived as such. In all honesty, the times I've participated in it I've gotten kinda excited that I could bestow a gift on the couple in a more public/fun/playful way, and it felt good. I haven't decided about whether I will do it in my own wedding. Kinda depends on what the fiance wants, among other things.
  • A wedding is whatever that particular bride and groom wish for it to be. There was a time when it was tacky to have anything besides champagne at a wedding, but now it's weird not to provide your guests with what I like to call "tasty beverages"! To each his own. To the op, do whatever floats your boat girl!
  • denitagsu said:
    A wedding is whatever that particular bride and groom wish for it to be. There was a time when it was tacky to have anything besides champagne at a wedding, but now it's weird not to provide your guests with what I like to call "tasty beverages"! To each his own. To the op, do whatever floats your boat girl!
    What time was that, exactly?



  • denitagsu said:
    A wedding is whatever that particular bride and groom wish for it to be. There was a time when it was tacky to have anything besides champagne at a wedding, but now it's weird not to provide your guests with what I like to call "tasty beverages"! To each his own. To the op, do whatever floats your boat girl!
    Bullshit.  What's tacky is expecting guests to open their wallets for any fucking reason at an event YOU are supposed to be hosting.  So if making them pay "floats your boat," that boat is gonna sink to the bottom of the trench so fucking fast you might as well elope.
  • I don't understand thinking the dollar dance is "fun." Are people only allowed to dance with the bride and groom if they pay them? No. So what makes it any more "fun" than just dancing with them for free?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking any kind of dancing for money is tacky. I get cultural traditions but the whole wanting your guests to have a minute to congratulate you bit is ridiculous. You should be spending your time going around and thanking your guests for coming, not expecting people to pay you for your time... To each their own I guess but I won't be paying you for your time at your wedding.
  • I've observed dozens of Greek weddings and I have never seen a dollar dance. I have seen them do what looks like a really fun circle dance with linen napkins provided by the hall, but never a dollar dance.

    I am a firm believer that no one should ever do anything just because it's tradition. Ever. They should do it because they like the tradition and want it to continue. So if you (general you) wants to do a dollar dance, own it. Admit that it's because you want to do it and not just because it's tradition. That's a shitty reason. It was tradition for the bride's family to give a goat and two cows. That ended because it's a shitty tradition.

    What else is shitty? That the bride and groom would only spend time with a guest if they paid to dance with them. It's their wedding not the champagne room.
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  • Giving a woman cash to do something with her for a minute... isn't that a whore? Yeah. I saw a dollar dance at a wedding once and I was just like "holy crap. This is sad and gross and I'm embarrassed for her." If you're not at a strip club, there doesn't need to be dollar bills coming out. 
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