If I say it out, it all becomes real

Peaseblossom55 · July 2014

Why does crazy happen when I go into meeting

turtletrout · July 2014

Congrats!

luckya23 · July 2014

So when is your date? Do you have a venue?

I wish I had set up more stuff in my "waiting for the ring" period just because WTF why is a year not enough time to get good dates, but I also really did enjoy the "just between us" phase too!

Several times we've mentioned how we wish we could go back! lol

lennonkdc · July 2014

OP, its great that you and you SO have decided to take the next step together. I know you said you've set a date, but until you've signed a contract with a venue/vendor, its still just a 'time frame'. My advice would be to forget about 'pre planning' and 'official' announcements. Tell your SO that with everything going on, its best to wait for the fancy proposal until after Aug. 1st, so you don't have to hide anything from your kids.

Like Shoes said, its not that complicated. I get how exciting it is to know you're both on the same page and ready to tie the knot, but don't make it more complicated than it really is.

tuarceatha · July 2014

@Blue, SAB is one of my favorite shows. That's all I got to contribute.

GoldenPenguin · July 2014

Kelani23 said:

So when is your date? Do you have a venue?
I wish I had set up more stuff in my "waiting for the ring" period just because WTF why is a year not enough time to get good dates, but I also really did enjoy the "just between us" phase too!
Several times we've mentioned how we wish we could go back! lol

NO.

eilis1228 · July 2014

GoldenPenguin said:

Kelani23 said:

So when is your date? Do you have a venue?
I wish I had set up more stuff in my "waiting for the ring" period just because WTF why is a year not enough time to get good dates, but I also really did enjoy the "just between us" phase too!
Several times we've mentioned how we wish we could go back! lol

NO.

SITB
Yeah...no. While I understand that it's definitely overwhelming, FI and I are purposely waiting until the fall to start seriously planning a fall 2015 wedding. Basically every timeline on every website is for one year or less, and there's just no need to stretch it out. In the meantime, we're enjoying being engaged and looking on Pinterest and Etsy for general wedding-related ideas. All the fun stuff. The stress can come when we're a year out. A year is all you really need and what most vendors will recommend anyway.

GoldenPenguin · July 2014

Yea, we're getting married May 16, 2015. Originally, we wanted to do Oct. 2015, but decided with my job, the spring was easier. I started contacting venues in June, and our top choice venue had every Saturday except for one open in May. There is really zero reason to pre-plan.

eilis1228 · July 2014

^^^ Exactly! Instead of pre-planning, just focus on saving more to pay for everything. Plus, the more you pre-plan, the quicker you get burned out. Take it from someone who wanted to pre-plan sooooo badly--just chill. Enjoy the moment. Everything will come later.

carliealissa · July 2014

It might be regional, because when we started looking in November/December every venue we liked were pretty much booked solid for the whole of 2014. We did not want to wait until 2015, so we ended up taking a Friday in the off season. With that said, how on earth would you start "setting up stuff" before you're engaged? How would you know what year to pick, or if you'd ever end up getting engaged at all? That makes zero sense. Trying to come up with an available date is just part of the process.

GoldenPenguin · July 2014

We only asked two other places about dates, and they had all of May 2015 available as well. We're also getting married on the water in a fairly popular tourist spot, so doing it in May (prior to Memorial Day, when the busy season starts) was key.

bride2b71614 · July 2014

I'm late to the game...OP, I kind of understand where you are coming from with the timing. FI and I were unsure as to whether or not to announce our engagement due to the fact that within two days of getting engaged, his cousin was hit by a car and landed in the ICU (she is doing really well now thank goodness), and another cousin ran away from his in-patient treatment program the same day. We were worried that our good news was something that would be viewed as being insensitive rather than a happy announcement. Long story short, they were incredibly happy for us, and it didn't affect his family negatively.

The thing that bothers me is that you are keeping it a secret. Apparently his children found out about it via Facebook? I can understand their being upset at this. Could you imagine if an immediate family member got engaged/had a massive life event and you found out about it through social media/someone else? You'd be upset. Its better if the news comes directly from you, rather than a second hand source. As other PPs have said, there is nothing wrong with announcing it now, and no "formal" proposal is needed (a will you marry me is all thats required). Congratulations on your engagement and share the news with everyone you know!

Dignity100 · July 2014

As far as pre-planning and planning a year out. My venue has different tiers, the tier I am in, I could get 'penciled in' on a date 9 months; other brides in the same tier could still pencil in the same date/time/venue and then it would enter a lottery and the brides in the upper tier could just take that date/time/venue from the tier I was in. At 8 months, you found out if you got your date or not. So, besides the dress - I kind of feel I only will have had 8 months to plan my wedding (I even waited to get my dress because it would have been a much different wedding if we had it here). Guess what - totally doable!

carliealissa · July 2014

@GoldenPenguin- yeah, see, around here trying to book a Spring wedding date, on the water no less, the previous June- would be laughable, unless you were doing a Thursday or something. It's really cool your options were so open!

@Dignity100- woah, that process is dramatic! Never heard of such a thing. Kind of exciting, I guess?

Dignity100 · July 2014

@carliealissa - as long as you win your lottery if you get entered into one!! I was the first to get penciled in from my venue/date/location - 2 other brides in the same tier also got penciled in - I won the lottery though! Part of me wonders if the 1st person who pencil in gets the date unless a VIP Disney person wants to book the same thing and they just tell you that it's a lottery (in case you get bumped out).

carliealissa · July 2014

Dignity100 said:

@carliealissa - as long as you win your lottery if you get entered into one!! I was the first to get penciled in from my venue/date/location - 2 other brides in the same tier also got penciled in - I won the lottery though! Part of me wonders if the 1st person who pencil in gets the date unless a VIP Disney person wants to book the same thing and they just tell you that it's a lottery (in case you get bumped out).

That seems possible... I mean, I just don't understand the advantage otherwise to doing a "lottery", which is more complicated and likely more upsetting than just first come, first served. Could you pick more than one date I'm assuming?

Dignity100 · July 2014

carliealissa said:

Dignity100 said:

@carliealissa - as long as you win your lottery if you get entered into one!! I was the first to get penciled in from my venue/date/location - 2 other brides in the same tier also got penciled in - I won the lottery though! Part of me wonders if the 1st person who pencil in gets the date unless a VIP Disney person wants to book the same thing and they just tell you that it's a lottery (in case you get bumped out).

That seems possible... I mean, I just don't understand the advantage otherwise to doing a "lottery", which is more complicated and likely more upsetting than just first come, first served. Could you pick more than one date I'm assuming?

SITB
When I initially requested my date, the coordinator told me to give her my top 3 choices. I don't understand the whole lottery process either - it's not like they're feeling you out to see how much you might be willing to spend even.

hkda2003 · July 2014

I also booked the venue and date before we were "officially engaged". I didn't have the ring yet, but the venue was running a special deal that saved a ton of money if we booked it before a certain time, so it would have been foolish not to just go ahead and do it. I felt a little funny telling people we were engaged before I even had a ring on my finger. Although, it's none of anyone's business, I still felt some type of way about it. Shortly after we set the date, we went ring shopping together, and he also wanted to give me a special proposal, and I said, screw that, I don't wanna wait any longer! Lol. Anyway, what ever you chose to do, good luck!! And congrats!

carliealissa · July 2014

The ring is kind of irrelevant. If you've set a date together, you're engaged. If you're booking a venue and date before you and your significant other have set a date together, or otherwise booking/"setting up" vendors etc., that's crazypants in addition to making no logistical sense.

hkda2003 · July 2014

Obviously if one is making plans without even discussing it with the other, that is crazy. Yes. But I do know some people who think that without a ring, it's not official.

bethsmiles · July 2014

hkda2003 said:

Obviously if one is making plans without even discussing it with the other, that is crazy. Yes. But I do know some people who think that without a ring, it's not official.

That's fine but then they shouldn't be planning. BF and I know we're going to get married, to some I guess they could consider us engaged. However, we feel we're not engaged until after the proposal with a ring (just our style, totally not required for everyone) which is why we aren't planning. If you are planning you are engaged.

luckya23 · July 2014

How much time you need really comes down to how flexible you can be. My budget is low, I had a specific date I wanted, and it's not in any sort of major metro area, so total venues within 30 min of the church are limited. Out of the 4 places I thought we could probably afford, 2 of them were booked for my date, and the other 2 I didn't ask specifically. I'm still checking them out to see if they could sway me to change the date, but that's where I am. Plus you can find some deals more than a year out.

I'm sure June is the hardest though, which is what I'm planning.

You also have to get in the lottery for my college chapel a year out, so really there are different circumstances depending what you want. The closer you are to the date, the more limited you will likely be regardless of budget.

Of course I never really had a "oh man, when is he going to ask me??" period. I had a shopping-and-waiting-for-the-ring-to-be-made period. There wasn't much mystery. I thought I would want to just let planning ride for a while, but I found that I did want a date once I had the ring and everyone started asking, so I'm glad that I finally got a move on!

ETA: Plus, I only get up there every couple months, so I should have definitely starting thinking about it earlier. If I don't find something this weekend, we won't go back until late August, most likely. I wish I hadn't been so anti-planning, it has made for a very last-minute week :-P

luckya23 · July 2014

We were engaged according to the local definition, but just between us, because he wanted time to talk to the families and I wanted to have a ring before we said anything to anyone - which is why we called it "secret." It was the best time! He ended up "asking me" anyway once we had the ring, but only because I decided to ask him to! lol

I don't care when OP tells her family. She should do it when she's good and ready. I'm just curious if she actually has a concrete date or not, and if the wedding will be soon, which would be a really good reason to plan anyway without letting other people in on it for whatever reasons. She seems to consider herself engaged already. Maybe 8/1 is some sort of special date to her.

SO and I "planned" (mostly just talked about) our wedding before I had my ring, again just between us. Keeping the actual planning between us now is the major problem, which is why we wouldn't mind going back sometimes! I just wish we had done more actual research at the time. I don't even get to speak to SO every day, so I think we would have been much better off. I wasn't that interested in the particulars and I wasn't eager to deal with the planning hassle, since I had planned a wedding before. I guess partially the idea is changing too, so that couldn't really be helped I suppose.

I saw the church in that "between us" time, but I wish I had put more thought into reception options, even though at the time I thought the church hall would be fine. It still might be, but now I'd like to explore my options, which are dwindling due to being late in the game, even though almost 1 year "should" be enough!

If someone had asked if I was engaged (odd...?) I would have said "I don't see a ring, do you?" (Meaning: MYOB, weirdo) I wasn't ready to share anything without it. I guess honestly I only felt compelled to tell anyone so I could wear it around! I got lucky that it lined up and I could even announce it on the date I was hoping for, because the ring happened to come in that day. Obviously as far as the people I told know, that is when I got engaged. Personally, I can't imagine being surprised by a proposal - I was surprised enough by the ring shopping, which was our turning point.

If there had been a family crisis at the same time the ring came in, I'm not sure what I would have done... it probably would have stayed between us longer I suppose, like OP is describing. I totally would have rocked my ring home alone though! lol I don't have kids to worry about, of course.

I'm glad that didn't happen though, because although it's silly to feel time pressure so far out, that's just what I have found is the reality of my situation. I needed the push to concretely plan, apparently!

She's probably been scared away by now, but maybe we can talk about OP's situation instead of mine? I'm out! I've announced my engagement! I've even admitted it here! WE'RE LEGIT NOW!! I feel like I got a late start with the "wedding" crap, because we were too busy enjoying our engagement without it, especially privately.

I got from the post that OP was in a similar situation to mine that they are engaged but waiting for the ring and/or "right time" to announce it. OP will probably even have a good proposal story, even though she obviously does not need one. I think it's sweet that he still wants to give her that even though they are "doing things backwards". Everyone likes a good proposal story when you announce your engagement!

ETA: I don't diasgree that you should be engaged, ie, on the same page with your partner, to plan a wedding. But don't discount how much of a pain in the ass that planning could be, either, which I am learning the hard way.

luckya23 · July 2014

Dignity100 said:

@carliealissa - as long as you win your lottery if you get entered into one!! I was the first to get penciled in from my venue/date/location - 2 other brides in the same tier also got penciled in - I won the lottery though! Part of me wonders if the 1st person who pencil in gets the date unless a VIP Disney person wants to book the same thing and they just tell you that it's a lottery (in case you get bumped out).
But how did you get to it first? Is there a lottery for order within the tier too? And how do they assign tiers?

Sounds even more complicated than the college lottery.

luckya23 · July 2014

bride2b71614 said:

I'm late to the game...OP, I kind of understand where you are coming from with the timing. FI and I were unsure as to whether or not to announce our engagement due to the fact that within two days of getting engaged, his cousin was hit by a car and landed in the ICU (she is doing really well now thank goodness), and another cousin ran away from his in-patient treatment program the same day. We were worried that our good news was something that would be viewed as being insensitive rather than a happy announcement. Long story short, they were incredibly happy for us, and it didn't affect his family negatively.

The thing that bothers me is that you are keeping it a secret. Apparently his children found out about it via Facebook? I can understand their being upset at this. Could you imagine if an immediate family member got engaged/had a massive life event and you found out about it through social media/someone else? You'd be upset. Its better if the news comes directly from you, rather than a second hand source. As other PPs have said, there is nothing wrong with announcing it now, and no "formal" proposal is needed (a will you marry me is all thats required). Congratulations on your engagement and share the news with everyone you know!

I believe she was saying her ex is also newly engaged, and her own children found out about that on facebook.

luckya23 · July 2014

weewittlewizabeth said:

^^^ Exactly! Instead of pre-planning, just focus on saving more to pay for everything. Plus, the more you pre-plan, the quicker you get burned out. Take it from someone who wanted to pre-plan sooooo badly--just chill. Enjoy the moment. Everything will come later.

I would take being burned out to have it over with, FOR REALS.

I'm not pre-planning anything, I just wish I hadn't been anti-planning either. I screwed myself, it seems.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

To everything:

Dignity100 · July 2014

Kelani23 said:

Dignity100 said:

@carliealissa - as long as you win your lottery if you get entered into one!! I was the first to get penciled in from my venue/date/location - 2 other brides in the same tier also got penciled in - I won the lottery though! Part of me wonders if the 1st person who pencil in gets the date unless a VIP Disney person wants to book the same thing and they just tell you that it's a lottery (in case you get bumped out).
But how did you get to it first? Is there a lottery for order within the tier too? And how do they assign tiers?

Sounds even more complicated than the college lottery.

To the bolded:

Disney has 3 wedding tiers:
Wishes - This is your typical wedding; you have a ceremony, you have a reception. You can do this any day they are holding weddings (Which is just about every day of the year). There are minimum spend limits depending on location and dates. You can get penciled in at 16 months and a hard reserve date at 12 months out.

Escape - This is an intimate package (20 guests including bride and groom total). The package is basically you pick items from a 'catalog' that you want. You can still have some customization. What is included with this is the ceremony, cake, bride & groom floral, 4-hours of limo service (and annual passes!). If you want a reception beyond a toast and cake cutting and first dances; that is separate. You can get penciled in at 9 months out and a hard reserve date at 8 months out.

Memories - This is an elopement package (6 guests including bride and groom total). I'm not 100% sure what is included in it to be perfectly honest. You get penciled in at 5 months and you hard date at 4 months out.

As far as me getting my date/time first - I called January 2nd right when they opened so I was one of the first escape brides they called back. The date/time/venue happened to have nobody else waiting on it. I originally wanted a Saturday, but they no longer do my tier on Saturdays or Holidays. The way the lottery works is that - I got penciled in for my date/time/location. During that 1 month 'wait' period, other escape brides could also request the same date/time/location. If a wishes bride came in and requested that date/time/location, because she could actually book it as a hard date, she would get it over me.

lennonkdc · July 2014

FI proposed in June '12 without a ring, which I got 2 months later, and we didn't start planning until July 2013. I think the only 'rule' about engagements is that once you both agree that you're engaged, poof- you're engaged. Keeping it a 'secret', whatever the reason, (lack of ring, not wanting to rock the boat, whatever) is juvenile. Own your choices and move on.

GoldenPenguin · July 2014

carliealissa said:

@GoldenPenguin- yeah, see, around here trying to book a Spring wedding date, on the water no less, the previous June- would be laughable, unless you were doing a Thursday or something. It's really cool your options were so open!
@Dignity100- woah, that process is dramatic! Never heard of such a thing. Kind of exciting, I guess?

@carliealissa: Where are you again?

If I say it out, it all becomes real

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