Wedding 911
Tetchie777
member
Help?! Uninvited Guests
Tetchie777
member
in Wedding 911
My grandmother invited a childhood friend of my father's-- whom my father has been estranged from for his ENTIRE adult life. My father has no interest in rekindling this relationship & has firmly stated-- especially at my wedding. The childhood friend, who has never met me or my future husband has reported (on a post my grandmother tagged me in on facebook-- uggh facebook!) that he, his girlfriend and adult son will be attending so and so's wedding (my name and fiance's name!!) and he needed details.
How do I solve this? Do I ask my grandmother to solve this?
I don't think I should put my father in the middle. I don't know the man and don't want to be seen as a nasty jerk, but I'll do what I have to do, because, we don't have the space nor does my father desire these peoples' presence... and then of course, it's on facebook now and I just had to uninvite uninvited adult cousins of my fiance's-- The aunt and uncle were invited but rsvp'd for themselves, their adult/married wife and her husband and their NEW baby (that live in a different home/town!!) (she, by the way, has been married twice and never invited my fiance to either of her weddings?!) so I explained that we had a very small chapel and couldn't accommodate all of our family-- that they weren't able to be invited...was that the correct move?
Any feedback about these things that will stop my racing mind are greatly appreciated.
uggh. weddings!
Any thoughts?
How do I solve this? Do I ask my grandmother to solve this?
I don't think I should put my father in the middle. I don't know the man and don't want to be seen as a nasty jerk, but I'll do what I have to do, because, we don't have the space nor does my father desire these peoples' presence... and then of course, it's on facebook now and I just had to uninvite uninvited adult cousins of my fiance's-- The aunt and uncle were invited but rsvp'd for themselves, their adult/married wife and her husband and their NEW baby (that live in a different home/town!!) (she, by the way, has been married twice and never invited my fiance to either of her weddings?!) so I explained that we had a very small chapel and couldn't accommodate all of our family-- that they weren't able to be invited...was that the correct move?
Any feedback about these things that will stop my racing mind are greatly appreciated.
uggh. weddings!
Any thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help?! Uninvited Guests
Is grandma paying for the wedding? If not, here's what you do. 1). Untag yourself from grandma's post. 2). Call grandma and tell her the guest list for the wedding is set and you cannot accommodate any more people. Ask her not to invite anyone else. Also ask her to contact the random dude and let him know they are not included in the wedding plans. 3). Contact the random dude and say "I'm sorry for any miscommunications. We are not able to accommodate you and your guests for the wedding. Perhaps after the honeymoon we can get together and catch up?" (Obviously that last sentence is just bullshit, but it will sound like you aren't just blowing him off, although you are).
I feel ya. I was trying to keep my guest list relatively low and my Dad (who is paying for the majority so it's his right) tells me to invite a branch of family that I haven't personally seen in ages and who haven't invited any of us to their recent weddings. Then I ended up having to add his business partner and wife (who I was okay with because I grew up around them so I didn't mind terribly) but then one of his biggest clients as well - which I didn't appreciate as much because it's my wedding, not a networking event. Again, he's paying so I did as requested - though I didn't appreciate getting the blame when the food costs were higher than expected because of our headcount.
Anyways - to answer your question: You need to have a conversation with your Grandma. Be polite and calm but stay strong. She has no right to be adding whoever she wants to your guestlist, regardless of whether or not it falls on her birthday. Additionally, I agree that you will probably need to reach out to the former family friend yourself to make sure he gets the message. I also would find a way to let family, etc. know that no one gets to add extra guests, especially without discussing with you first. It seems like you are having issues with multiple family members inviting extra people and that is something that needs to get nipped in the bud.
Seriously, my thoughts exactly-- I could entertain you for hours though with stories about her. I'm the only granddaughter and we've never had a particularly close relationship-- which I thought was weird b/c I'm so close with my maternal grandmother, but she posts this stuff about how ecstatic she is about the wedding on her birthday, etc-- and he isn't a random person to her-- just to my dad/immediate family. I found out yesterday that this StrangerMan stole my uncle's (Father's brother) girlfriend in their early 20's-- this is the woman that StrangerMan wants to bring to the wedding... the plot thickens. I am just going to have to man up and email him myself. Gaaaah! I can't wait for it to be done!
50 days and it will be over!!!
Thanks for all your feedback, suggestions and just helping me not scream & curse someone (particularly the gma) out !!
When I first got engaged, my aunt was posting about my wedding EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. She would tag me and my fiance in pictures of cakes she liked, dresses she thought would look good on me, ideas she had, etc. It was SO public and it was getting to the point where my friends would be like "who is this lady constantly spamming your facebook with wedding stuff?" I at first would reply to her privately saying like, "thanks for the cake suggestion! Fi and I have a cake already picked out, wait till you see it!" and such. But it did not stop.
So it finally got to a point where I had to send her an email asking her to please send me these messages privately, as all my other girlfriends do, and to keep the public/facebook stuff to a minimum. I bookended every request with gratitude for her excitement for us and that we are so excited for her to be a part of our big day, etc etc. She was SO OFFENDED by my email that she defriended me and has had nothing nice to say about our wedding since then. All this for f*cking Facebook. UGH!
Sorry for the rant.... but I feel your pain. It's so inappropriate, and I feel like our elders should know this!