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Wedding 911
saxxon88
member
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Getting married now, having a wedding in a year?
in Wedding 911
My fiance and I have been together for almost 9 years and engaged for 4 we have 2 children. We have been slowly planning our wedding for about a year now. My children go to a christian school and I found out this past year by volunteering in the preschool how much I love that age and the children a spot has opened up for an aid in the preschool and I want it so bad!!!!! Downfall is the headmaster of the school refuses to even consider hiring me until we are married due to moral values and us living together without being married and I do understand that.... but that means getting married now in august but we still want our wedding to be next year in September and for that to be our anniversary date. I am wondering if that's normal or if I should feel, I don't know stupid... Because I want the whole experience of planning, bridal shower, bacholarette party, bridesmaids, my father walking me down the aisle, and all the first dances and everything basically the whole shebang. I would wait for this job till next year but we are already on a tight budget of only 5,000 for the wedding and me having this job could help a bunch, maybe even double our budget.
On top of all this.... my fiances mom is making a huge deal of this...if we did get married now our plan was to just go to the court house and be done with it and not really tell anyone... but close family and everyone I know at the school would know I am married cause they all know I can't work there without being married... But anyways his mom wants us to do something with our parents, grandparents, and siblings I am super nervous about that because I don't want to feel worse about still wanting to have a wedding in year and I need some input. My mom just wants us to do what will make us happy my fiance says why not just make his mom happy our day will be in a year, my dad says it doesn't matter just make her happy and I'm so lost... and if i do do all that and then don't end up with the job I'm going to feel worse cause if we would have just gone to the court house and I didn't get the job nobody at all would have to know... Ugh I need some help with alllllll of this!!!! Please!!! And quick it needs to happen asap!!!!!
On top of all this.... my fiances mom is making a huge deal of this...if we did get married now our plan was to just go to the court house and be done with it and not really tell anyone... but close family and everyone I know at the school would know I am married cause they all know I can't work there without being married... But anyways his mom wants us to do something with our parents, grandparents, and siblings I am super nervous about that because I don't want to feel worse about still wanting to have a wedding in year and I need some input. My mom just wants us to do what will make us happy my fiance says why not just make his mom happy our day will be in a year, my dad says it doesn't matter just make her happy and I'm so lost... and if i do do all that and then don't end up with the job I'm going to feel worse cause if we would have just gone to the court house and I didn't get the job nobody at all would have to know... Ugh I need some help with alllllll of this!!!! Please!!! And quick it needs to happen asap!!!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Getting married now, having a wedding in a year?
As someone who is married, I'll tell you that the excitement you want to experience (showers, parties, walking down the aisle) is all good. But, what lasts is your marriage.
You and your FI need to evaluate what is more important to you - having the wedding experience or this new job. You COULD plan a wedding in a month, but it will be a simple one.
Good luck! Let us know what you do!
ETA: check this out.http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/996776/legally-married-now-having-a-real-wedding-stop-here-first-aka-the-ppd-faq-thread
Or that he even allows your kids to stay, or you to volunteer, since you (gasp!) aren't legally married.
Besides that? You get married when you make the promises to each other in front of witnesses, whether at the courthouse or elsewhere. The first place you do it? THAT'S your wedding. If you want that date in September, take your honey down to the courthouse that day and do it. Bring the kids. Or not.
Marriage is more than the fantasy and drama of walking down the aisle with your dad or any of the other things.
You only get one.
Why do you want this job? Your marital status is no one's business except your own. Public schools are not allowed do this. They are on shaky legal ground.
You could plan a simple traditional church wedding in a short time if that is your choice. An afternoon ceremony with a cake and punch reception is easy to plan, IF that is what you want. It doesn't have to be courthouse ceremony.
Anyway. I would recommend moving up your wedding and planning a simpler affair, do your legal and spiritual stuff all at once. Mainly, because it would be dishonest to legally marry for dickbag headmasterbater, and not consider yourselves "married". Though a part of me does like the bit of douchebaggery subversion.
If you do for some reason decide to courthouse and then hold a "wedding" later. Tell people. It's rude to lie to friends and family about your marital status.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
What I think is a terrible idea is getting married to be CONSIDERED for a job. That does NOT mean you get the job it means you will be one of a bunch of people interviewing for a job and you have to make a MAJOR life event happen for a consideration. It sounds like a terrible idea. How terrible will it feel if you get married by a JOP only to not get the job? I think you should think about that before making huge life decisions for a job you don't even have a guarantee of obtaining.
I personally don't understand big weddings when you've been together so long and you've been engaged 4 years and you have 2 children. Of course you're entitled to a wedding, but since this is the internet and I can say what I want, I think it's ridiculous to spend significant money on yourselves for a wedding at this point. So I'd go all in for a small family wedding and if you want to do it to be considered for this job, do it asap.
But yeah, having two "weddings" would be ridiculous. I'm a lot less likely to side eye a military bride for a "second wedding" than I am to side eye someone who has already gotten legally married and has kids with someone. It would be very hard for me not to judge someone for spending $5000 on a fake wedding when they admit to having a tight normal budget and that money could be used far better for things for the children.
SUPER JUDGE-Y, I know I know.
MAN, I didn't know I was going to ruffle so many feathers with this. There's some cranky old biddies with their corsets laced too tight on here!
It's not to downplay our civil ceremony as "not the real thing". It was meaningful and lovely. However, my husband's family is Catholic and it's important to them (and us) that we are married in the church, and this is what's happening in December. Oh, and it's technically a "convalidation ceremony". Everybody knows we're already civilly married, including the freakin' Archdiocese, so all the people currently clutching their pearls in horror can relax now.
That being said, I wasn't aware that the purpose of the message boards on this website was to trash all the other people that are posting on here. Had I known, I would never have gotten involved with the boards. I thought the boards were here for women to come with their problems and successes and be able to talk about it without having the Etiquette Patrol look down their noses at you with disdain. Ohh! Are we going to start hunting down all the unchaste, non-virgin brides too? Whee!
I'm so glad I know that the largesse of the people here are puckered at both ends. Really, it's great to be judged about the fact that I wasn't planning to have my civil ceremony when I did. It's great to know that everyone else here can afford to have a wedding on very short notice. Did it occur to anyone to consider that maybe the immigration laws in this country need a MASSIVE overhaul, so that it won't take eleven years (or longer) for someone to get the right to work in this country. Nope, let's just be rude and split hairs because there's apparently nothing better to do.
As I said, OP, it's no one else's business but yours. I hope you and your family are able to do what's best for yourselves.
Now if you'll excuse me, the corset and pearls shop are having a sale.
Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding!
Honestly, I loved this reply. I posted a similar issue to the boards a couple of weeks ago and got slammed by some judgmental morons. I'm glad you're doing it your way and owning it even if it may not be what you originally planned.