How long is just right?

mrs4everhart · August 2014

k1b9sp1 said:

I love how everyone turned this into what the judge will say when you divorce, or how this insults same-sex couples who can't legally marry, blah blah blah. All you wanted was input on how to draft the ceremony script, right? Go here for a variety of script ideas, readings, etc.

If you want constructive input (not a barrage of insults and judgement) from like-minded nice people, you're in the wrong place.

SIB**********************************

Thank you for the link! I'm used to some of the usual suspects blathering on about how terrible what we're doing is. It's easy to not take it to heart. I just needed a double-check on whether 15-18 minutes on a non-religious ceremony is an acceptable time frame. I think it is, and we're super close to finishing writing the ceremony. Just a few more tweaks and we should be good to go!

Although I'm having troubles trying to convince Mr. E that the lead-in to our vows can't be "so apparently these two silly fucks wrote some things to each other they'd like to read......" And that there will be no LOTR references during the ring exchange.

ashleyep · August 2014

How long have you been married? And how long do you have between signing the marriage license anc changing your name? Have fun with that process if you're outside of that window.

We went to a PPD a few weeks ago - we knew about it least, and were happy to celebrate with them. But sitting there watching them pretend to become husband and wife was kind of ridiculous.

If you want a serious answer to your question, I would keep it to 10 minutes or so. Since you're already married and the vows/officiant don't actually matter for any sort of legal status.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

moved to quote ashley p as intended

beethery · August 2014

I can't wait to give birth to my secret baby. I will not feel like a mother until the day I have a sip and see.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

beethery said:

I can't wait to give birth to my secret baby. I will not feel like a mother until the day I have a sip and see.

I can't wait either. It should make for fabulous entertainment.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

ashleyep said:

How long have you been married? And how long do you have between signing the marriage license anc changing your name? Have fun with that process if you're outside of that window.

We went to a PPD a few weeks ago - we knew about it least, and were happy to celebrate with them. But sitting there watching them pretend to become husband and wife was kind of ridiculous.

If you want a serious answer to your question, I would keep it to 10 minutes or so. Since you're already married and the vows/officiant don't actually matter for any sort of legal status.
Since we don't consider ourselves married, I can't answer your first question with any seriousness. To the second, I was not made aware of any time limit on name changing, only the procedure, which I've already done once in the state of Colorado without incident. I can't possibly be the first person to not change their name directly after signing a marriage license. Whatever issues may arise, I'm positive they won't be insurmountable.

To the second paragraph, thanks for sharing. How lucky for your friends that you deigned to attend their "ridiculous" ceremony.

I wanted serious, actually useful answer back on July 19th. At this point our ceremony is nearly finished, we're pretty satisfied with it and it should come in somewhere between 15-18 minutes depending if the officiant adds anything additional, which we'd prefer not, but we won't get a chance to meet the person prior, so we'll find out next month. 10 minutes seemed a bit quick to us.

ETA - didn't attach to quote when my battery died.

ashleyep · August 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

ashleyep said:

How long have you been married? And how long do you have between signing the marriage license anc changing your name? Have fun with that process if you're outside of that window.

We went to a PPD a few weeks ago - we knew about it least, and were happy to celebrate with them. But sitting there watching them pretend to become husband and wife was kind of ridiculous.

If you want a serious answer to your question, I would keep it to 10 minutes or so. Since you're already married and the vows/officiant don't actually matter for any sort of legal status.
Since we don't consider ourselves married, I can't answer your first question with any seriousness. To the second, I was not made aware of any time limit on name changing, only the procedure, which I've already done once in the state of Colorado without incident. I can't possibly be the first person to not change their name directly after signing a marriage license. Whatever issues may arise, I'm positive they won't be insurmountable.

To the second paragraph, thanks for sharing. How lucky for your friends that you deigned to attend their "ridiculous" ceremony.

I wanted serious, actually useful answer back on July 19th. At this point our ceremony is nearly finished, we're pretty satisfied with it and it should come in somewhere between 15-18 minutes depending if the officiant adds anything additional, which we'd prefer not, but we won't get a chance to meet the person prior, so we'll find out next month. 10 minutes seemed a bit quick to us.

ETA - didn't attach to quote when my battery died.

Changing your name after marriage is easy. Changing your name otherwise can be a PITA. I'm not sure if there's a time limit after getting married. And you're a riot. Obviously I meant legally married since I was talking about changing your name which is a legal process.

I think my comment is the real reason you don't want to tell anyone. You don't anyone to feel annoyed to sit through a fake ceremony and you won't admit that to yourself. It was a great party, like I said, we wanted to celebrate with them. But they were already married and watching them vow for better and worse and be pronounced as man and wife was silly. Those chose to do it for immigration purposes.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

ashleyep said: STBMrsEverhart said: ashleyep said: How long have you been married? And how long do you have between signing the marriage license anc changing your name? Have fun with that process if you're outside of that window.

We went to a PPD a few weeks ago - we knew about it least, and were happy to celebrate with them. But sitting there watching them pretend to become husband and wife was kind of ridiculous.

If you want a serious answer to your question, I would keep it to 10 minutes or so. Since you're already married and the vows/officiant don't actually matter for any sort of legal status.Since we don't consider ourselves married, I can't answer your first question with any seriousness. To the second, I was not made aware of any time limit on name changing, only the procedure, which I've already done once in the state of Colorado without incident. I can't possibly be the first person to not change their name directly after signing a marriage license. Whatever issues may arise, I'm positive they won't be insurmountable.
To the second paragraph, thanks for sharing. How lucky for your friends that you deigned to attend their "ridiculous" ceremony.

I wanted serious, actually useful answer back on July 19th. At this point our ceremony is nearly finished, we're pretty satisfied with it and it should come in somewhere between 15-18 minutes depending if the officiant adds anything additional, which we'd prefer not, but we won't get a chance to meet the person prior, so we'll find out next month. 10 minutes seemed a bit quick to us.
ETA - didn't attach to quote when my battery died. Changing your name after marriage is easy. Changing your name otherwise can be a PITA. I'm not sure if there's a time limit after getting married. And you're a riot. Obviously I meant legally married since I was talking about changing your name which is a legal process.
I think my comment is the real reason you don't want to tell anyone. You don't anyone to feel annoyed to sit through a fake ceremony and you won't admit that to yourself. It was a great party, like I said, we wanted to celebrate with them. But they were already married and watching them vow for better and worse and be pronounced as man and wife was silly. Those chose to do it for immigration purposes.

ETA: SIB*********************************************

If that were the case, I wouldn't have told a soul. If those who do know don't want to "sit through" our wedding, why would they accept? Especially since we'll be throwing a party when we get back from our honeymoon? But it was fun all the same having our motives analyzed but a stranger on the internet. If anyone thinks our ceremony is "silly" that's really not my issue, now is it?

MobKaz · August 2014

ashleyep said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

ashleyep said:

How long have you been married? And how long do you have between signing the marriage license anc changing your name? Have fun with that process if you're outside of that window.

We went to a PPD a few weeks ago - we knew about it least, and were happy to celebrate with them. But sitting there watching them pretend to become husband and wife was kind of ridiculous.

If you want a serious answer to your question, I would keep it to 10 minutes or so. Since you're already married and the vows/officiant don't actually matter for any sort of legal status.
Since we don't consider ourselves married, I can't answer your first question with any seriousness. To the second, I was not made aware of any time limit on name changing, only the procedure, which I've already done once in the state of Colorado without incident. I can't possibly be the first person to not change their name directly after signing a marriage license. Whatever issues may arise, I'm positive they won't be insurmountable.

To the second paragraph, thanks for sharing. How lucky for your friends that you deigned to attend their "ridiculous" ceremony.

I wanted serious, actually useful answer back on July 19th. At this point our ceremony is nearly finished, we're pretty satisfied with it and it should come in somewhere between 15-18 minutes depending if the officiant adds anything additional, which we'd prefer not, but we won't get a chance to meet the person prior, so we'll find out next month. 10 minutes seemed a bit quick to us.

ETA - didn't attach to quote when my battery died.

Changing your name after marriage is easy. Changing your name otherwise can be a PITA. I'm not sure if there's a time limit after getting married. And you're a riot. Obviously I meant legally married since I was talking about changing your name which is a legal process.

I think my comment is the real reason you don't want to tell anyone. You don't anyone to feel annoyed to sit through a fake ceremony and you won't admit that to yourself. It was a great party, like I said, we wanted to celebrate with them. But they were already married and watching them vow for better and worse and be pronounced as man and wife was silly. Those chose to do it for immigration purposes.

I find it hysterically appropriate that Mrs. E. has chosen fake flowers for her ceremony.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

MobKaz said:

ashleyep said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

ashleyep said:

How long have you been married? And how long do you have between signing the marriage license anc changing your name? Have fun with that process if you're outside of that window.

We went to a PPD a few weeks ago - we knew about it least, and were happy to celebrate with them. But sitting there watching them pretend to become husband and wife was kind of ridiculous.

If you want a serious answer to your question, I would keep it to 10 minutes or so. Since you're already married and the vows/officiant don't actually matter for any sort of legal status.
Since we don't consider ourselves married, I can't answer your first question with any seriousness. To the second, I was not made aware of any time limit on name changing, only the procedure, which I've already done once in the state of Colorado without incident. I can't possibly be the first person to not change their name directly after signing a marriage license. Whatever issues may arise, I'm positive they won't be insurmountable.

To the second paragraph, thanks for sharing. How lucky for your friends that you deigned to attend their "ridiculous" ceremony.

I wanted serious, actually useful answer back on July 19th. At this point our ceremony is nearly finished, we're pretty satisfied with it and it should come in somewhere between 15-18 minutes depending if the officiant adds anything additional, which we'd prefer not, but we won't get a chance to meet the person prior, so we'll find out next month. 10 minutes seemed a bit quick to us.

ETA - didn't attach to quote when my battery died.

Changing your name after marriage is easy. Changing your name otherwise can be a PITA. I'm not sure if there's a time limit after getting married. And you're a riot. Obviously I meant legally married since I was talking about changing your name which is a legal process.

I think my comment is the real reason you don't want to tell anyone. You don't anyone to feel annoyed to sit through a fake ceremony and you won't admit that to yourself. It was a great party, like I said, we wanted to celebrate with them. But they were already married and watching them vow for better and worse and be pronounced as man and wife was silly. Those chose to do it for immigration purposes.

I find it hysterically appropriate that Mrs. E. has chosen fake flowers for her ceremony.

Wow @mobkaz, your snobbery is showing. But it shouldn't come as a surprise that I'm always after what I want if it's within my control. Fresh flowers are offered with my wedding package. I don't like any of the bouquets they offer, I think they're ugly. They won't offer any type of credit toward what I do want. They'll charge me full price even though I've already paid in part for my bouquet. I don't like being nickeled and dimed. So I'll still be spending additional money on flowers but I'll not be handing over the cash to the resort on basic principal, and I don't have the inclination to source and deal with finding an external florist in Mexico at this point. My real touch bouquet is gorgeous and is exactly what I want, flower wise. I would recommend real touch to anyone who couldn't get what she wanted fresh either due to something like my situation above or if she couldn't afford what she really wanted in fresh flowers.

artbyallie · August 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

MobKaz said:

ashleyep said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

ashleyep said:

How long have you been married? And how long do you have between signing the marriage license anc changing your name? Have fun with that process if you're outside of that window.

We went to a PPD a few weeks ago - we knew about it least, and were happy to celebrate with them. But sitting there watching them pretend to become husband and wife was kind of ridiculous.

If you want a serious answer to your question, I would keep it to 10 minutes or so. Since you're already married and the vows/officiant don't actually matter for any sort of legal status.
Since we don't consider ourselves married, I can't answer your first question with any seriousness. To the second, I was not made aware of any time limit on name changing, only the procedure, which I've already done once in the state of Colorado without incident. I can't possibly be the first person to not change their name directly after signing a marriage license. Whatever issues may arise, I'm positive they won't be insurmountable.

To the second paragraph, thanks for sharing. How lucky for your friends that you deigned to attend their "ridiculous" ceremony.

I wanted serious, actually useful answer back on July 19th. At this point our ceremony is nearly finished, we're pretty satisfied with it and it should come in somewhere between 15-18 minutes depending if the officiant adds anything additional, which we'd prefer not, but we won't get a chance to meet the person prior, so we'll find out next month. 10 minutes seemed a bit quick to us.

ETA - didn't attach to quote when my battery died.

Changing your name after marriage is easy. Changing your name otherwise can be a PITA. I'm not sure if there's a time limit after getting married. And you're a riot. Obviously I meant legally married since I was talking about changing your name which is a legal process.

I think my comment is the real reason you don't want to tell anyone. You don't anyone to feel annoyed to sit through a fake ceremony and you won't admit that to yourself. It was a great party, like I said, we wanted to celebrate with them. But they were already married and watching them vow for better and worse and be pronounced as man and wife was silly. Those chose to do it for immigration purposes.

I find it hysterically appropriate that Mrs. E. has chosen fake flowers for her ceremony.

Wow @mobkaz, your snobbery is showing. But it shouldn't come as a surprise that I'm always after what I want if it's within my control. Fresh flowers are offered with my wedding package. I don't like any of the bouquets they offer, I think they're ugly. They won't offer any type of credit toward what I do want. They'll charge me full price even though I've already paid in part for my bouquet. I don't like being nickeled and dimed. So I'll still be spending additional money on flowers but I'll not be handing over the cash to the resort on basic principal, and I don't have the inclination to source and deal with finding an external florist in Mexico at this point. My real touch bouquet is gorgeous and is exactly what I want, flower wise. I would recommend real touch to anyone who couldn't get what she wanted fresh either due to something like my situation above or if she couldn't afford what she really wanted in fresh flowers.

She's not making fun of your flowers. Just pointing out that you have fake flowers to go with a fake wedding. Because regardless of how you try to twist the facts to suit yourself, you are putting on a theatrical performance.

MobKaz · August 2014

artbyallie said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

MobKaz said:

ashleyep said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

ashleyep said:

How long have you been married? And how long do you have between signing the marriage license anc changing your name? Have fun with that process if you're outside of that window.

We went to a PPD a few weeks ago - we knew about it least, and were happy to celebrate with them. But sitting there watching them pretend to become husband and wife was kind of ridiculous.

If you want a serious answer to your question, I would keep it to 10 minutes or so. Since you're already married and the vows/officiant don't actually matter for any sort of legal status.
Since we don't consider ourselves married, I can't answer your first question with any seriousness. To the second, I was not made aware of any time limit on name changing, only the procedure, which I've already done once in the state of Colorado without incident. I can't possibly be the first person to not change their name directly after signing a marriage license. Whatever issues may arise, I'm positive they won't be insurmountable.

To the second paragraph, thanks for sharing. How lucky for your friends that you deigned to attend their "ridiculous" ceremony.

I wanted serious, actually useful answer back on July 19th. At this point our ceremony is nearly finished, we're pretty satisfied with it and it should come in somewhere between 15-18 minutes depending if the officiant adds anything additional, which we'd prefer not, but we won't get a chance to meet the person prior, so we'll find out next month. 10 minutes seemed a bit quick to us.

ETA - didn't attach to quote when my battery died.

Changing your name after marriage is easy. Changing your name otherwise can be a PITA. I'm not sure if there's a time limit after getting married. And you're a riot. Obviously I meant legally married since I was talking about changing your name which is a legal process.

I think my comment is the real reason you don't want to tell anyone. You don't anyone to feel annoyed to sit through a fake ceremony and you won't admit that to yourself. It was a great party, like I said, we wanted to celebrate with them. But they were already married and watching them vow for better and worse and be pronounced as man and wife was silly. Those chose to do it for immigration purposes.

I find it hysterically appropriate that Mrs. E. has chosen fake flowers for her ceremony.

Wow @mobkaz, your snobbery is showing. But it shouldn't come as a surprise that I'm always after what I want if it's within my control. Fresh flowers are offered with my wedding package. I don't like any of the bouquets they offer, I think they're ugly. They won't offer any type of credit toward what I do want. They'll charge me full price even though I've already paid in part for my bouquet. I don't like being nickeled and dimed. So I'll still be spending additional money on flowers but I'll not be handing over the cash to the resort on basic principal, and I don't have the inclination to source and deal with finding an external florist in Mexico at this point. My real touch bouquet is gorgeous and is exactly what I want, flower wise. I would recommend real touch to anyone who couldn't get what she wanted fresh either due to something like my situation above or if she couldn't afford what she really wanted in fresh flowers.

She's not making fun of your flowers. Just pointing out that you have fake flowers to go with a fake wedding. Because regardless of how you try to twist the facts to suit yourself, you are putting on a theatrical performance.

Exactly. Which I am sure Mrs. E understood. However, in typical fashion, she avoids the point and goes off on rambling tangents to derail the facts or point. And honestly, although nowhere near accurate, I will take the title of snob over liar any day of the week.

Jells2dot0 · August 2014

I find it a bit amusing that Mrs E is willing to spend extra money, when not needed, for flowers, but didn't want to spend extra money to follow the legal requirements in Mexico. I know there is probably a big difference in cost between the two, but to me, having a legal marriage is more important than a bouquet.

FWIW, I had fake flowers at my wedding. I had to because we got married in a National Park and they don't allow outside flora/fauna in order to preserve the island. They were beautiful, too (see avatar!)

edit- spelling

MobKaz · August 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

I find it a bit amusing that Mrs E is willing to spend extra money, when not needed, for flowers, but didn't want to spend extra money to follow the legal requirements in Mexico. I know there is probably a big difference in cost between the two, but to me, having a legal marriage is more important than a bouquet.

FWIW, I had fake flowers at my wedding. I had to because we got married in a National Park and they don't allow outside flora/fauna in order to preserve the island. They were beautiful, too (see avatar!)

edit- spelling

The hypocrisy and irony of her entire road tour is laughable. Her opening remark clarifies her position succinctly, "Wow @mobkaz, your snobbery is showing. But it shouldn't come as a surprise that I'm always after what I want if it's within my control." I'm pretty sure that is the motto of the Special Snowflake Club.

And although I know I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone else, my comment had nothing to do with an opinion regarding artificial flowers, and everything to do with Mrs. E's charade.

Jells2dot0 · August 2014

MobKaz said:

Jells2dot0 said:

I find it a bit amusing that Mrs E is willing to spend extra money, when not needed, for flowers, but didn't want to spend extra money to follow the legal requirements in Mexico. I know there is probably a big difference in cost between the two, but to me, having a legal marriage is more important than a bouquet.

FWIW, I had fake flowers at my wedding. I had to because we got married in a National Park and they don't allow outside flora/fauna in order to preserve the island. They were beautiful, too (see avatar!)

edit- spelling

The hypocrisy and irony of her entire road tour is laughable. Her opening remark clarifies her position succinctly, "Wow @mobkaz, your snobbery is showing. But it shouldn't come as a surprise that I'm always after what I want if it's within my control." I'm pretty sure that is the motto of the Special Snowflake Club.

And although I know I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone else, my comment had nothing to do with an opinion regarding artificial flowers, and everything to do with Mrs. E's charade.

I did not take offense to the comment @MobKaz‌

I just wanted to brag on my awesome fake flowers at my real wedding!

MobKaz · August 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

Jells2dot0 said:

I find it a bit amusing that Mrs E is willing to spend extra money, when not needed, for flowers, but didn't want to spend extra money to follow the legal requirements in Mexico. I know there is probably a big difference in cost between the two, but to me, having a legal marriage is more important than a bouquet.

FWIW, I had fake flowers at my wedding. I had to because we got married in a National Park and they don't allow outside flora/fauna in order to preserve the island. They were beautiful, too (see avatar!)

edit- spelling

The hypocrisy and irony of her entire road tour is laughable. Her opening remark clarifies her position succinctly, "Wow @mobkaz, your snobbery is showing. But it shouldn't come as a surprise that I'm always after what I want if it's within my control." I'm pretty sure that is the motto of the Special Snowflake Club.

And although I know I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone else, my comment had nothing to do with an opinion regarding artificial flowers, and everything to do with Mrs. E's charade.
I did not take offense to the comment @MobKaz‌ I just wanted to brag on my awesome fake flowers at my real wedding!

I have what amounts to be the antithesis of a green thumb. I have tried to brighten my home with silk plants, but even those end up dying........death by dust ;-(

mrs4everhart · August 2014

Making an allusion between so-called "fake" weddings and "fake" flowers is silly. Might as well lump my hair, nails and makeup in there too, because none of those things are "real" either. Luckily we don't find anything fake or disingenuous about our wedding and I'm not the sensitive type to worry that y'all do. And the bouquet is gorgeous, so win-win for me I guess.

I purposely wrote the line about going after exactly what I want if it's within my control. Why wouldn't I? I see absolutely nothing objectionable with getting what I want if it harms no one, and obviously I'm in the camp that believes our wedding plans harm no one, particularly my choice of bouquet. Let's not trot out the many reasons y'all believe it does, I think I've made my feelings clear all too often and I simply do not agree. If going after what I want when it's within my control and harms or effects no one else makes me a Special Snowflake, bring on the blizzard, I can handle being called silly names by Internet strangers.

As for my spending additional money on flowers versus a legal marriage in MX, of course I would. The decision to not waste nearly $1,000 when $35 would have the same outcome was made back when we decided to get married. 16 months ago. I'm not a mathematician but spending $35 and an hour of our time on a day off will always trump spending nearly $1,000 and wasting a day of vacation jumping through hoops to end up with the SAME EXACT THING will always win, subject matter being completely irrelevant. We choose MX as our venue to have a wedding ceremony. It never mattered to us where the legal stuff happened, we were never caught up in the notion they had to happen at the same time or place. We're going down there to relax, vacation and enjoy ourselves not jump through MX legal hoops while they drain our pockets. Gaff that, $35 was easy. I'm annoyed to spend more on a bouquet when I've already paid for one but I'm not going to carry ugly flowers when I have options. Oh yea, options, I'm a fan!

misshart00 · August 2014

FWIW, I read somewhere that you can change your name up to 2 years after filing your marriage license. I don't know if that's just for my state or anything though.

holyguacamole79 · August 2014

YOU ARE ALREADY MARRIED. Anything beyond 10 seconds is too long for your PPD.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

sarahbear31 said:

YOU ARE ALREADY MARRIED. Anything beyond 10 seconds is too long for your PPD.

You'll be sorely missed!

Knottie37373131 · August 2014

You only get one wedding. I am having a destination wedding in May and people keep asking me if we are going to go to the courthouse before we leave. My answer is no because if I were to go to the courthouse, there would be no reason to go to our destination. The day I sign my paperwork, is the day I want to say my vows and have my ceremony. I just do not think it is the same any other way. You can have a "celebration of your marriage" if you would like. We are certainly having a very small luncheon to share photos and celebrate with our family. But, we will not be walking down the isle, saying vows again, or cutting cake again.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

futuremrsk515 said:
You only get one wedding. I am having a destination wedding in May and people keep asking me if we are going to go to the courthouse before we leave. My answer is no because if I were to go to the courthouse, there would be no reason to go to our destination. The day I sign my paperwork, is the day I want to say my vows and have my ceremony. I just do not think it is the same any other way. You can have a "celebration of your marriage" if you would like. We are certainly having a very small luncheon to share photos and celebrate with our family. But, we will not be walking down the isle, saying vows again, or cutting cake again.

Excellent. Enjoy your DW. I sure plan to enjoy mine.

mrsmagicgeek · August 2014

I don't know why y'all bother. It's sort of like swimming upstream through jello.

mrs4everhart · August 2014

foundmymagicgeek said:
I don't know why y'all bother. It's sort of like swimming upstream through jello.

I haven't been able to understand it myself all this time. Must be for the lurkers? Because I was never going to change my mind.

I'm way too excited and giddy and focused on getting everything finished in time that I can't even get annoyed anymore. I'm just too psyched to GAF at this point. FTW!

How long is just right?

Re: How long is just right?

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