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Cash Bar? Dollar Dance? Cocktail Hour?

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Re: Cash Bar? Dollar Dance? Cocktail Hour?

  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    kavo0406 said:
    @southernbell0915 - what am I going to to about what?
    @SaraBrideSoon - upgrading the bar would be way more expensive than a bus/limo as our families can drink....and I mean REALLY drink.  They would drink over $100 in mixes just in cocktail hour.
    I would check with your venue about the hourly per person rate for open bar, because often it's a flat-rate, not dependent on how much your guests actually drink. My guests were very heavy drinkers and it didn't cost me anything more than it would've if everyone had only had one drink. 

    sarawifenowluckysnorkel
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  • kavo0406kavo0406 member
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    @southernbelle0915 and SaraBrideSoon-
    right now I have decided that:
    Partial cash bar - it is still up in the air....I may do as others have suggested and simply not have the liquor available at the bar in our area and simply have beer, wine and soda. 
    Dollar dance - against everyone's opinions about it, we will more than likely have it. 
    Bar hopping - it may still happen, depending on the time frame of the pictures and stuff.  If we have time great - we might stop at a bar on the way back or just drink on the bus and have it drive us around a little.
    Right now my time frame might look a little something like this: 
    ***Try to get most brides/bridesmaids pictures - father/daughter - mother/daughter - sister/sister pics done along with groom/groomsmen - mother/son - father/son - brother/brother 
    Then get the large family pictures, wedding party and bride and groom pics after ceremony
    So:
    3-330 ceremony
    330-350 - receiving line
    4PM - Guests begin arrive at reception - drinks and food
    4-445 - Pictures 
    445-515 - drive back/ride around/ arrive at reception
    515 - wedding party introduction
    530 - meal will start
    holyguacamole79sarawifenowPrettyGirlLost
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
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    kavo0406 said:
    @southernbelle0915 and SaraBrideSoon-
    right now I have decided that:
    Partial cash bar - it is still up in the air....I may do as others have suggested and simply not have the liquor available at the bar in our area and simply have beer, wine and soda. 
    Dollar dance - against everyone's opinions about it, we will more than likely have it. 
    Bar hopping - it may still happen, depending on the time frame of the pictures and stuff.  If we have time great - we might stop at a bar on the way back or just drink on the bus and have it drive us around a little.
    Right now my time frame might look a little something like this: 
    ***Try to get most brides/bridesmaids pictures - father/daughter - mother/daughter - sister/sister pics done along with groom/groomsmen - mother/son - father/son - brother/brother 
    Then get the large family pictures, wedding party and bride and groom pics after ceremony
    So:
    3-330 ceremony
    330-350 - receiving line
    4PM - Guests begin arrive at reception - drinks and food
    4-445 - Pictures 
    445-515 - drive back/ride around/ arrive at reception
    515 - wedding party introduction
    530 - meal will start

    While I still think it is weird to do the bar hopping thing and I think an hour and 15 min cocktail hour is pushing it, I think your timeline sounds ok.

     

    Please reconsider doing a partial bar. It is super rude and, honestly, I would be more pissed about that than a dollar dance. I am glad you are re-thinking it.

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    PrettyGirlLost
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  • allisonelizallisoneliz member
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    Honestly, I wouldn't have a problem with the locally-accepted, quick bar-hopping as long as it didn't make the cocktail hour too much longer than an hour. Best of luck in making your timeline work!
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    kavo0406chibiyui
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  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Okayyyyy. So what was the point of coming to an etiquette forum for advice if you're going to disregard most of what people told you? 

    I also don't have an etiquette-related issue with the party bus during the cocktail hour if it's actually no longer than an hour and people aren't just standing around waiting for them. Etiquette-wise, I think it's fine. On a personal level, though, I'd be hella pearl-clutching and think it's a dumb idea in general that is likely to offend people, just like the partial cash bar and dollar dance will. 

    And, by the way -- dollar dances are super common in my family. They were scandalized that I didn't want to do one, and my now-XH tried to do it without me anyway. I was having none of that bullshit and refused to go along with it. You can be the combo breaker, OP! Be strong! 
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  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    kavo0406 said:
    One PP said that if I can pay for a bus/limo then I should be able to pay for liquor for my guests (which was one of the issues way at the beginning me hosting beer, wine and soda and then if they want mixed drinks they're on their own aka cash bar) So with that being said, I was wondering why the PP felt that I should pay more for liquor, when I'm not the one paying for the bus/limo.   
    This was me with the snarky comment, which I said because you hadn't clarified that you weren't paying for the party bus. I was under the impression that you were paying for it, in which case it was super rude for you to skimp on other things so you could have your happy fun bar time. ESPECIALLY when you were also talking about doing a dollar dance. 
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
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    aurianna said:
    OP, I'm glad  you're considering leaving the liquor off of your reception bar. I disagree with other posters that suggest you look into the price of opening the bar for liquor too (unless it's something you want to do and can afford to do). You do not need to provide liquor to your guests. If a guest is being offered beer and wine and then feels short changed for some reason because they find out the bridal party had a limo/bus, that would be a very petty, ungrateful guest.

    Think of the bar this way.

    Pros of having partial cash bar:
    • Guests that want to buy liquor instead of taking what is graciously hosted can get it in the same room instead of walking 15 extra feet to the  external bar.
    • Ummm... ummmm... can't think of anything else

    Cons of having a partial cash bar:
    • Lines will be longer/slower because the bartenders in your room will have to handle purchases instead of just handing out free drinks
    • You're going to have to print up signs that specify what is hosted to avoid guests mistaking the liquor as free
    • Some guests will still miss the signs, order a drink and be surprised when the bill comes.
    • Many guests will see the liquor bottles and then become disappointed when they realize it costs money. Raising expectations only to dash is sad.
    • Having something nice put in front of your guests and then making them pay for it will annoy some of them.

    Consequences of not having a partial cash bar:

    • The guests who aren't satisfied with what you are already generously hosting will have to walk outside to the other bar? Darn?


    It just seems very logical to me to not do it. But maybe I'm missing something.


    As far as the regional thing... My BILs wedding was in ND and while they did have a limo, they just used it to drive to picture locations. My husband mixed their drinks in the back. No bar-hopping.

    I have been to some weddings in MN where the couples went bar-hopping (specifically both of the bad ones I mentioned before). And in both cases all the guests were really bored waiting around. And in one they came back 45 minutes late. We were starving. We even said "if they aren't here in 10 more minutes, we're finding a McDonalds." Luckily they did show up in that last 10 minutes. So maybe they happen more commonly there than other places (?) but that doesn't mean guests don't hate it.


    BUT if you can keep your cocktail hour under 90 minutes (60 is better), I guess do what you want, as long as there's no possibility of your being late to the reception.


    The dollar dance... yuck. What exactly are your reasons for keeping it? If you have logical justification, I'd be interested, honestly.



    I just want to clarify that I was just thinking that if she wanted this, she could see if she could put her family's money towards that, too.

     

    OP, I am just hosting beer, wine, champagne, and then all of the staples (soda, water, etc) and if any of my guests have an issue with that, then they are being ungrateful.

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  • abbyj700abbyj700 member
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    kavo0406 said:
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was something like $100 or so; so how is that my fault (when I already said that I said no and they said we ARE doing this end of discussion) and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins, each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I think we will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. Suggestions or advice on other options where expected, but saying things like it's still rude - it's basically saying that my entire family and circle of friends is rude for doing something that they have always done.
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 
    Our shuttle costs $550. We paid for it. We are doing a polite thing and letting our out of town guests use it as transportation from the hotel. We aren't being rude and riding around for hours to leave them wondering where we are during our cocktail hour. We are using it to transport all the hotel guests and our bridal party to our favorite local bar (2 trips so the bridal party can clean up after the reception)- where WE are hosting an hour of alcohol and a late night fried food buffet.

    Learn from another midwesterner - you can have a party bus and still be an awesome host. 
    esstee33southernbelle0915PrettyGirlLost
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    abbyj700 said:
    kavo0406 said:
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was something like $100 or so; so how is that my fault (when I already said that I said no and they said we ARE doing this end of discussion) and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins, each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I think we will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. Suggestions or advice on other options where expected, but saying things like it's still rude - it's basically saying that my entire family and circle of friends is rude for doing something that they have always done.
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 
    Our shuttle costs $550. We paid for it. We are doing a polite thing and letting our out of town guests use it as transportation from the hotel. We aren't being rude and riding around for hours to leave them wondering where we are during our cocktail hour. We are using it to transport all the hotel guests and our bridal party to our favorite local bar (2 trips so the bridal party can clean up after the reception)- where WE are hosting an hour of alcohol and a late night fried food buffet.

    Learn from another midwesterner - you can have a party bus and still be an awesome host. 
    What?  Bridal party is cleaning in dresses and suits?
    southernbelle0915PrettyGirlLosthuskypuppy14
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    adk19 said:
    abbyj700 said:
    kavo0406 said:
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was something like $100 or so; so how is that my fault (when I already said that I said no and they said we ARE doing this end of discussion) and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins, each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I think we will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. Suggestions or advice on other options where expected, but saying things like it's still rude - it's basically saying that my entire family and circle of friends is rude for doing something that they have always done.
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 
    Our shuttle costs $550. We paid for it. We are doing a polite thing and letting our out of town guests use it as transportation from the hotel. We aren't being rude and riding around for hours to leave them wondering where we are during our cocktail hour. We are using it to transport all the hotel guests and our bridal party to our favorite local bar (2 trips so the bridal party can clean up after the reception)- where WE are hosting an hour of alcohol and a late night fried food buffet.

    Learn from another midwesterner - you can have a party bus and still be an awesome host. 
    What?  Bridal party is cleaning in dresses and suits?
    FTFY. But basically the same question - why is the wedding party cleaning after the reception? They're guests of honor, not paid vendors. 
    *********************************************************************************

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    [Deleted User]holyguacamole79PrettyGirlLost
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    martha1818 said:
    adk19 said:
    abbyj700 said:
    kavo0406 said:
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was something like $100 or so; so how is that my fault (when I already said that I said no and they said we ARE doing this end of discussion) and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins, each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I think we will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. Suggestions or advice on other options where expected, but saying things like it's still rude - it's basically saying that my entire family and circle of friends is rude for doing something that they have always done.
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 
    Our shuttle costs $550. We paid for it. We are doing a polite thing and letting our out of town guests use it as transportation from the hotel. We aren't being rude and riding around for hours to leave them wondering where we are during our cocktail hour. We are using it to transport all the hotel guests and our bridal party to our favorite local bar (2 trips so the bridal party can clean up after the reception)- where WE are hosting an hour of alcohol and a late night fried food buffet.

    Learn from another midwesterner - you can have a party bus and still be an awesome host. 
    What?  Bridal party is cleaning in dresses and suits?
    Oh HELL no. Why am I surprised.
    I think she means (or hope she means) clean up as in go back to their rooms to freshen up/get changed.  But if she means clean up the reception venue then no, not cool.

    ashley8918PrettyGirlLostmanillabar
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  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    martha1818 said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    martha1818 said:
    adk19 said:
    abbyj700 said:
    kavo0406 said:
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was something like $100 or so; so how is that my fault (when I already said that I said no and they said we ARE doing this end of discussion) and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins, each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I think we will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. Suggestions or advice on other options where expected, but saying things like it's still rude - it's basically saying that my entire family and circle of friends is rude for doing something that they have always done.
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 
    Our shuttle costs $550. We paid for it. We are doing a polite thing and letting our out of town guests use it as transportation from the hotel. We aren't being rude and riding around for hours to leave them wondering where we are during our cocktail hour. We are using it to transport all the hotel guests and our bridal party to our favorite local bar (2 trips so the bridal party can clean up after the reception)- where WE are hosting an hour of alcohol and a late night fried food buffet.

    Learn from another midwesterner - you can have a party bus and still be an awesome host. 
    What?  Bridal party is cleaning in dresses and suits?
    Oh HELL no. Why am I surprised.
    I think she means (or hope she means) clean up as in go back to their rooms to freshen up/get changed.  But if she means clean up the reception venue then no, not cool.
    Oh, fair. I will give the benefit of the doubt..even though...well, the last 5 pages..

    OP isn't the one who said that.
    kavo0406
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  • kavo0406kavo0406 member
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    Just to clarify.....that is NOT me who is having her bridal party cleaning up....please go back and re-read the PP original post.
    holyguacamole79
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    kavo0406 said:
    Just to clarify.....that is NOT me who is having her bridal party cleaning up....please go back and re-read the PP original post.
    Just quoting for emphasis. I'm all for Real Talk (TM) but prefer it to be directed in the proper direction...
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  • mimivacmimivac member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 100 Love Its
    In fairness to the OP, it sounds as if the pictures and bar hopping will take place in the 90 minutes while the guests attend cocktail hour. Am I right? I didn't read this as bar hopping for hours while the guests have cheese and crackers. I still wouldn't go bar hopping, but maybe she can accomplish this in a reasonable amount of time so that the guests are not waiting around for longer than an hour and a half (still think it should be an hour though).
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    mimivac said:
    In fairness to the OP, it sounds as if the pictures and bar hopping will take place in the 90 minutes while the guests attend cocktail hour. Am I right? I didn't read this as bar hopping for hours while the guests have cheese and crackers. I still wouldn't go bar hopping, but maybe she can accomplish this in a reasonable amount of time so that the guests are not waiting around for longer than an hour and a half (still think it should be an hour though).
    That is not how it originally started out.  We were able to talk her into lessening the cocktail hour to 90 minutes rather then the 3 hours she first had planned.

    mimivacPrettyGirlLost
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  • mimivacmimivac member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments 100 Love Its
    Maggie0829 said:
    That is not how it originally started out.  We were able to talk her into lessening the cocktail hour to 90 minutes rather then the 3 hours she first had planned.

    Well, that's something at least. The OP isn't completely closed to a new way of thinking about things.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    kavo0406 said:

    Now that I am pushing my ceremony time back to about 3ish, this leaves me with time to get a lot of pictures done before leaving about 45 minutes worth of pictures left.....leaving me with the appropriate time of 15 minutes to stop at one place...if I choose to....get our one shot, hop back on the bus and be there right at the end of that hour.  (Since we will use the bus/limo for our transportation to pictures, that would also cover the time issue with the bus/limo that I had previously mentioned.)
    This sounds great.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    PrettyGirlLost
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  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
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    Hope your wedding is awesome!
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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
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