I'm just not sure how to handle the lack of support from my mother. A little history: this is my 2nd wedding, my fiancé's first. I was married for almost 12 years, together for 14 and have now been separated/divorced for 5 years. My ex and I have two children together, ages 16 & 11. I have been with my fiancé for 4.5 years and he proposed about 3 years ago. When my parents first found out about that they commented about how it was too soon to get re-married. I'm not stupid and surely wasn't about to jump into anything blindly (btw, I'm now 39 so I'm not a child lol).
Fast forward to June of this year -- we finally set a date! We have been living together for quite sometime and by the time we're married, we will have been together for about 6 years. When I told my parents we were talking about an upcoming vacation that the fiancé and I were taking the kids on early next year. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to tell them (it was just the kids and I there). I said well you had better plan on a trip March 2016 because you'll be going to Vegas. My dad was onboard right away! My mother said "why Vegas?!" Well, fiancé proposed in Vegas, we vacation there all of the time and had said right from the start that we will get married there. All of the excuses from my mom started then "we can't afford it", "why can't you just get married here", "why are you getting married again", blah, blah, blah.....
I dropped it at that point and figured I'd give her some time to get used to the idea. I've brought it up a couple of times since and at one point she informed me that neither of them think I should get married again. I then talked to my dad and he said they would support me no matter what but they just don't see why I would want to waste the money to get married again when so many people just live together nowadays.... I asked him if that's what he thought when he divorced his first wife and married mom. He said it was different back then. Ummmm no, you wanted to get married again so you did.
Fast forward to last Saturday. My daughter (16) and I were at my parents for a woman's card party with a bunch of family and one friend that I work with. That friend is getting married in Mexico next year and we were discussing destination weddings and the struggles she's having. My mom, who was obviously not listening to the entire conversation said to me in front of EVERYONE "I don't know why you have to get married there and can't just get married here", I said "mom, we weren't even talking about me. What does it matter though? That's where we want to do it and you don't have to come if you really don't want to". She replied "I already went to your first wedding"............................... The room went quiet. I responded "Thanks mom" and just dropped it at that point. Once everyone left I asked her why she would say something like that. She said "that's how I feel" (like that gives her an excuse to embarrass me in front of everyone). My dad was in the room at this point and I asked them both how they would have felt if his parents didn't support their marriage, since it was his second. She said that his dad didn't and his mom forced him to go. I said, but he did go. She said yes, but he didn't want to. I again, dropped it.
I have thought about this since then and it really upsets me. Of course my work friend came and talked to me about it this week and said how bad she felt for me and how everyone at the table looked shocked (I did not notice this because I was looking at my mom). Then of course it upset me even more. Sigh. On Wednesday my mom texted me telling me about something I HAD to do in her 'I'm your mother and you don't know any better' way she has and I kinda lost it. It wasn't even the thing she was telling me to do that upset me lol I had held this in for months now and this little text just set me off. I told her that I'm not an idiot and she doesn't need to tell me to do things that I already know about. She replied in her snarky way about never telling me anything ever again and I responded that she had already told me enough on Saturday and has made it very clear her feelings about me. She said she didn't know what I was talking about.......I chose not to respond.
That's the last time I have talked to her. I believe I deserve an apology, one I will probably not get. I'm at the point now that I don't even care if she comes but then I know my dad won't if she doesn't. It's not like I'm jumping into this blindly and she acts as though I'm think child that has no idea how big a decision to marry is. The kids are good with it, our friends are thrilled and the rest of the family have been supportive (at least to my face but who knows). I know this has hurt my fiancé's feelings because he's thinking they hate him (they don't) and now I'm worried that all of this drama will eventually get to his parents who are over the moon excited about it and then they will feel like my parents hate their son and cause all sorts of drama. Does that make sense? I don't want them to think my parents are against me marrying their son because if it were me, I'd be pretty upset about that.
Anyways, sorry about the long vent. I'm just so hurt about this and I'm really not sure how I should handle it. If they don't come to the wedding then it's going to look bad with his family (my friends already know what my mother is like so none of them would be surprised) and honestly, I just want my parents to support me and be happy about it lol Any suggestions?