Asking about diamond size,...

lacqueredlover · October 2014

Since I've gotten engaged, I'm SHOCKED at how many people ask me how many carats the center stone is/how many carats is in the ring in total. I find that so rude! None of your business! Am I the only one who finds someone asking that incredibly tacky? You could have the biggest, most beautiful diamond in the world and it wouldn't cross my mind to ask you that! I have yet to come up with a response that doesn't upset people too (the first time I literally said "I can't believe you just asked me that" and walked away.)

sarawifenow · October 2014

This has got to be one of the rudest things I have had people ask me when I got engaged. I don't even bother answering them. I usually just stare, turn, and walk away.

lacqueredlover · October 2014

It's insane! It's like asking someone what their rent is or how much they paid for their home. Don't count other people's money!

slothiegal · October 2014

I'm convinced people lose all common sense when it comes to weddings and babies. I've already warned slothieguy that if somebody touches my belly without invitation when/if I get pregnant, he will have to start gathering bail money for me pronto.

falsara · October 2014

I have only had this question once. I answered "I don't know, I'm just happy FI asked me. I don't care how many carats I have on my hand." This involved serious snark on my part.

I actually don't know how many carats any part of my ring is. I never thought to ask FI, and I've been wearing it for over a year.

Cookie Pusher · October 2014

This pissed me off a lot when I first got engaged. I think our family was split into two camps: the half who think we make way more than we do and the half that think we make way less than we do. We got a mix of "how could you afford that?" and "that's not what I would have expected". I mean, look, I love the ring DH picked out for me. It's perfect. But even *I* don't know how much he spent on it and it's on *my* finger. What difference does it make to anyone else?

perdonami · October 2014

No one has asked me the carat weight (probably because its not that big), but I have had a friend ask me if it was real... She said it looked, "too sparkly to be real."

HaileyDancingbear · October 2014

People like to ask me if it's "Real," which I think is just an insanely stupid question. Because technically, no ring is "Fake-" Cubic Zirconia is "Real" Cubic Zirconia, not a "Fake" diamond. Same with Moissanite or other diamond substitutes. Even if it was plastic it would be "Real" plastic. Unless someone is nuts and is imagining a ring that doesn't exist, it's friggin real.

Also, I have a moonstone. It's not a diamond, nor is it intended to look like a diamond, it's intended to look like a damn moonstone because I think moonstones are pretty. I think it's stupid that people seem to categorize rings as either "Diamond" or "Fake." Not every stone is trying to be a diamond, and I personally prefer moonstones over diamonds.

plainjane0415 · October 2014

I have gotten a lot of questions as far as carat size goes too.. it makes me so uncomfortable. I don't know why people feel the need to ask such personal things like that.. It was really bad when we had JUST gotten engaged because everyone at work especially would make comments about the "rock" on my hand and even that bothered me... it's just weird.

falsara · October 2014

I feel like too many people focus on the size of the ring itself, versus weather or not it is the correct size/ style for your hand.

I know large diamonds are pretty, but there is such thing as a ring that is too big for the person's hand/ fingers. Which is why I HATE when people remark on the fact that my ring is "Dainty". I have small fingers dude, almost child sized wrists and hands. And i'm clumsy with my hands. The last thing I need is my ring wearing me, or me bashing it into counter tops and desks more than I already do.

ETA: Sorry for the rant.

princessleia22 · October 2014

I've been fairly lucky and I think I've only been asked about size once. I think some of that may be because it's an heirloom ring that was his grandmothers, so they may assume we don't know. But, we did get it appraised shortly after he gave it to me. I had to take it in to be resized anyway and we figured it would be good idea for insurance purposes... and we were both curious.

But, yeah, anything related to money (how much was your ring, how much is your wedding costing, what is your salary, etc.) or related to a persons body (when are you having babies, how often do you have sex, is he hung) should remain off limits in any conversation.

KLM7386 · October 2014

I've been lucky to not have anyone ask about the size or cost of my ring. They were mostly shocked that it was a Ruby as opposed to a diamond which I would say "Well it's what I wanted".
As long as you're happy with the ring, ignore those rude people.

princessleia22 · October 2014

cwradford said:

I feel like too many people focus on the size of the ring itself, versus weather or not it is the correct size/ style for your hand.

I know large diamonds are pretty, but there is such thing as a ring that is too big for the person's hand/ fingers. Which is why I HATE when people remark on the fact that my rings is "Dainty". I have small fingers dude, almost child sized wrists and hands. And i'm clumsy with my hands. The last thing I need is my ring wearing me, or me bashing it into counter tops and desks more than I already do.

ETA: Sorry for the rant.

I totally agree with you that a ring could be too big. I also have tiny fingers and have never been a fan of big showy rings. My stone is about 1/2 carat, but even then I thought it was too big at first. The setting also makes it look a bit larger than it really is. But, it's probably just about right for my hand. I probably would have hated anything larger. But, there is more to a diamond (or any stone) than just size. My stone may not be the largest, but it has history (it was his grandmothers), it has really good clarity & color, and it's fancy cut with a lot of facets, so it sparkles like crazy. You could have a large diamond that has crappy color, clarity, or cut, that isn't worth much. Or you could have small diamond that is flawless and expensive. Or you could have a different gemstone that is no less valuable. And none of that matters compared to the sentimental value put on it. Or if the ring doesn't fit with the person wearing it. There are too many factors that determine a rings value... and none of those factors should be anyone else's business.

lovesclimbing · October 2014

No one has asked me, probably because all my stones are the same size, and my ring does not look like a traditional engagement ring. It looks like this except in yellow gold.

H told me how many carats each was and how much they were combined, but I don't remember. And I don't care. And I think it's inappropriate to ask.

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

I've gotten all kinds of reactions, including several people commenting on trying to steal it from me, some telling me I traded up (I was married before) and one actually taking a picture of the ring on my hand and sending it to her boyfriend. I just go along with it, but AWK-WARD.

jenna8984 · October 2014

I have never been asked, except possibly by my bestie/ MOH. But I have to say, OP I saw the picture of yours on the chit chat board and it's fucking huge LOL. So I could definitely see people being curious about it, I kind of am just because I've never seen one that big in person. I would never ask you if I wasn't your best friend but I'd definitely wonder just for the sake of wondering. And to me it's not even about money, it's more like curiosity of the unknown, like how I'd admire a Lamborghini up close and personal if I got the chance haha.

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

jenna8984 said:

I have never been asked, except possibly by my bestie/ MOH.
But I have to say, OP I saw the picture of yours on the chit chat board and it's fucking huge LOL. So I could definitely see people being curious about it, I kind of am just because I've never seen one that big in person. I would never ask you if I wasn't your best friend but I'd definitely wonder just for the sake of wondering. And to me it's not even about money, it's more like curiosity of the unknown, like how I'd admire a Lamborghini up close and personal if I got the chance haha.

This made me look at the OP's user name. You're right- I saw it and was like "whoa" and then saw OP posted the carat size on the luxury board. I honestly thought the size was not true because it looks twice as big in the pic! LOL No wonder you get comments!

larrygaga · October 2014

I always used to respond that I don't know, until FMIL literally went and asked FI and then brought the information back to me. Now I do know, but I pretend like I don't know.

I had other engaged women around me say how theirs is embarassing next to mine, which is honestly the saddest thing I've heard and I make sure to tell them that the ring matters exactly 0 and what matters is the relationship.

Edit: I went and checked out OPs ring and damn is your arm tired from holding that thing up all day????

JUST KIDDING. It's beautiful, though. I can totally see why people ask you. Not excusing it, but I can see how curiousity outweighs politeness in their minds.

artbyallie · October 2014

I'm fortunate to get tons of compliments on my (sapphire) e-ring and band, though there are a handful that actually ask 'Is that your wedding set?' Uh, duh, it's two rings, one a solitaire, on my left ring finger.

I don't usually get questions on the carat size, though gemstones are weighed in carats too. But really, what a tacky think to ask. That's only ever appropriate when directed to an actual salesperson at a jewelry store while shopping. I swear some people don't think before they open their mouths.

lacqueredlover · October 2014

If I offer up the information then that's one thing but to be asked is just so incredibly tacky to me! It was a family ring (my grandmother's stone) that my mother had put the halo on when she wore it and then my Fiance and I reset the rest of it. I honestly only know the actual weight of it because of the appraisal to get it insured. (for the record, I have really small hands and wear a size 4 3/4 ring so proportionally speaking it looks larger.)

I guess I just hate it because it seems very judge-y to me when people ask. I know I have a larger ring than most of my peers but it's because it's a family family ring, I never asked for something large or "showy." It almost seems like people are trying to make me feel bad by asking (or then they ask me if it's fake.) I'm sure people do think it's too large for my hand but I just don't get the judgement of engagement rings. I'm happy with mine and think it's beautiful and I would have been just as happy with one that was much smaller because I love the man who gave it to me.

Basically, I just hate people most of the time haha. Thanks for letting me vent!

sarahufl · October 2014

Mine is a little over a carat, but it looks bigger because of how it is set. While I don't have a lot of people ask how big it is, a lot of people have said it is huge- which I don't really see.

The oddest thing I have had happen in awhile was I was interviewing a girl for a job in my office. At the end of our interview she launched into a whole discussion about my ring and how big it was and how she wanted one. It was SO ODD and so out of place. I wanted to tell her - "look, we are not friends. I do not care." but I just thanked her and went along with my day.

She isn't getting a second interview.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 · October 2014

People are very rude and presumptuous about engagement rings.

My ring is in a faux tension setting. It looks kind of like this:

I've received pretty positive assessments from my peers, but one manager said that if I had to, I could sell it if I got divorced quite easily, since it doesn't look like an engagement ring.

I was like "Wow, and you sounded so nice about it. That's amazing." Must. Not. Slap.

thisismynickname2 · October 2014

Curiosity definitely can outweigh politeness. I'm guilty of asking once. My coworker received the largest solitaire I've ever personally seen outside of the magazines. Since it was a solitaire, and not a diamond band with a diamond halo upping the overall blinding factor which is common in my area, I was blown away by hers. At the time, DH and I were talking about getting engaged (which this coworker knew) so I absolutely had rings on the brain. I said to her, "I'm sorry, feel free to not answer if this is tacky, but I'm dying to know how many carats that is."

She replied, "Oh, don't worry- I know you, it's not tacky. It would be tacky if you were a stranger! But yeah it's 2.3 carats." I complimented her on how beautiful it was and then moved along to another subject.

I know it sucks because people get jealous and make rude comments (trading up? really!?), but sometimes people just.... think your ring is amazing and want to know! My coworker handled my inquiry graciously.

I've never asked anyone else, no matter how beautiful the ring was.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

thisismynickname said:

Curiosity definitely can outweigh politeness. I'm guilty of asking once. My coworker received the largest solitaire I've ever personally seen outside of the magazines. Since it was a solitaire, and not a diamond band with a diamond halo upping the overall blinding factor which is common in my area, I was blown away by hers. At the time, DH and I were talking about getting engaged (which this coworker knew) so I absolutely had rings on the brain. I said to her, "I'm sorry, feel free to not answer if this is tacky, but I'm dying to know how many carats that is."
She replied, "Oh, don't worry- I know you, it's not tacky. It would be tacky if you were a stranger! But yeah it's 2.3 carats." I complimented her on how beautiful it was and then moved along to another subject.

I know it sucks because people get jealous and make rude comments (trading up? really!?), but sometimes people just.... think your ring is amazing and want to know! My coworker handled my inquiry graciously.
I've never asked anyone else, no matter how beautiful the ring was.

I kinda think asking like this makes it different. Like, I'd never tell anyone what I pay for my mortgage. But this one girl at work is also looking for a house, and she asked about my monthly payment kinda the same way you asked about your co-workers ring. So I told her, because she was honestly just asking to discover what kind of house she could afford.

Jells2dot0 · October 2014

thisismynickname said:

Curiosity definitely can outweigh politeness. I'm guilty of asking once. My coworker received the largest solitaire I've ever personally seen outside of the magazines. Since it was a solitaire, and not a diamond band with a diamond halo upping the overall blinding factor which is common in my area, I was blown away by hers. At the time, DH and I were talking about getting engaged (which this coworker knew) so I absolutely had rings on the brain. I said to her, "I'm sorry, feel free to not answer if this is tacky, but I'm dying to know how many carats that is."
She replied, "Oh, don't worry- I know you, it's not tacky. It would be tacky if you were a stranger! But yeah it's 2.3 carats." I complimented her on how beautiful it was and then moved along to another subject.

I know it sucks because people get jealous and make rude comments (trading up? really!?), but sometimes people just.... think your ring is amazing and want to know! My coworker handled my inquiry graciously.
I've never asked anyone else, no matter how beautiful the ring was.

I kinda think asking like this makes it different. Like, I'd never tell anyone what I pay for my mortgage. But this one girl at work is also looking for a house, and she asked about my monthly payment kinda the same way you asked about your co-workers ring. So I told her, because she was honestly just asking to discover what kind of house she could afford.

This. I had one person say " your ring is beautiful. The center stone is x carats, right?" I was a little taken aback, but then she started telling me how her hobby is gemology. She started telling me about various stones and their qualities. She genuinely had an interest in the stone itself and not the size/monetary value. We had a very interesting conversation about it all! Yeah, the trading up on my spouses thing was a bit much. My e-ring from my first marriage had a 1 carat center stone set into a 1 carat eternity band. So, it wasn't exactly nothing and they knew that.

spelling

lacqueredlover · October 2014

You can compliment someone's ring and say it's beautiful. Asking how big it is just seems so tacky to me. I'd never ask someone what they pay in rent, how much their home was, how expensive their purse was, etc. It's just mind boggling to me. To me, when someone is asking about the size, they aren't just complimenting it.

Think it would be appropriate if the next time someone asks, I ask them how big their Significant Others penis is as a response? haha

sarahufl · October 2014

lol, I live in New York City, where asking what people pay in rent is pretty standard on your first meeting.

vulpiepop · October 2014

I've gotten that question several times now. I hate it! All of the people who have asked me so far weren't married or engaged so my comeback has always been "how big is your's?" I'm a terrible person...

wajohnson09 · October 2014

2 friends asked me how many carats. One is now engaged and I'm sure other will be soon so that doesn't bother me. They are my BFFs looking at rings and trying to get a feel for what x number looks like.

A random co-worker who I am not close with at all asked like all the 4 c stats and that made me feel awkward. The only reason I even know the size is for the insurance paperwork, don't expect me to rattle off the damn details!

short+sassy · October 2014

I have a GORGEOUS costume jewelry ring that is a citrine color and at least 2 or so carats, plus some pretty CZs on the side. I used to wear it on my left hand...before I was engaged, just because I have another ring I always wear on my right hand. I never had anyone ask if it was "real" or how big it was. But I got comments fairly often about it that usually went along the lines of, "Oh, I love your ring! Is that your wedding ring?" I didn't think that was a rude question because, with the exception of the color of the main stone, it did have a wedding ring look. And, fun for me, it seemed like people just assumed it was genuine gemstones.

<p>

I personally LOVE wedding rings with gemstones other than a diamond. They are usually so unique and beautiful. I probably would have gone that route, except my mom offered us her wedding set (my father is deceased) when we were talking about getting married and it is lovely, so we accepted her generosity.

<p>

Not ring related, but I own a duplex and rent out the other side. There have been a number of times prospective tenants have asked me how much I paid for the house, lol. While it doesn't personally bother me to be asked that...heck, it's public record and they could look it up themselves online in about 30 seconds...it still seems like an odd question since most people would consider it rude.

Cookie Pusher · October 2014

sarahufl said:

lol, I live in New York City, where asking what people pay in rent is pretty standard on your first meeting.

QFT. It's fairly common for renters in my area to ask too since there are such huge price-ranges between properties. Our complex has a sister property about half a mile away that is pretty much identical in price but are significantly smaller than ours - their garage rentals are more expensive and they are further away from the train stations. If you cross into the next town over from us, you'd be paying significantly more for a smaller unit than ours with no parking/garages! But an e-ring isn't an apartment, and I'm not handing out specs and pricing like I'm about to rent it out to someone!

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