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The baby question.....

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Re: The baby question.....

  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
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    beethery said:
    huskypuppy14 said:
    No one has really bugged us yet. A few random people made a comment here or there, but nothing major. Our parents aren't bugging us. I they would love a grand baby, but they are cool.  

    I really hate when people say, oh now it's time for a baby. And when you say: "oh not yet, we just want to enjoy being married" they say "oh well sometimes you don't have control over those things" (this came from a co worker that recently had a child).

    WTF. I've been having sex for 16 years and I haven't gotten pregnant yet.  And it's certainly not god that's made me not get pregnant, it's called birth control.


    I would have lost my shit and probably gotten fired for what I would have said to that coworker.
    I just gave her a weird look. This was like the day I came back to work after my wedding. I'm sure she meant well, but seriously.  This same woman also was obviously pregnant for months before she said anything to anyone at work (including her boss).

    Yeah, sometimes people accidentally get pregnant, but it hasn't happened to me yet. I also have to get off one of my medications before I get pregnant, because it  can cause birth defects and miscarriage. Not that that's any of her business. 
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    wrigleyville said:
    I always wonder what would happen if one of the Duggar girls/sons/in-laws were infertile. I mean, when you look at the sheer numbers, the odds say it's possible.

    I've been watching the latest episodes, and every single time they talk about the wedding (which is next week on the show) or buy furniture for Jill and Derick or set up their room, Jim Bob says, "And when you call me... hopefully in a few months... to tell me you're pregnant..." It's insane. Like, that's a lot of pressure. Even people who are super fertile can't always conceive that easily.

    Obviously, they did, but geez.
    People with insane ideas about Woman as Babymaker and Uterus as Clowncar always seem to be fertile as fuck.
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  • slothiegalslothiegal member
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    edited October 2014
    KatieinBkln said: slothiegal said: huskypuppy14 said: No one has really bugged us yet. A few random people made a comment here or there, but nothing major. Our parents aren't bugging us. I they would love a grand baby, but they are cool.  
    I really hate when people say, oh now it's time for a baby. And when you say: "oh not yet, we just want to enjoy being married" they say "oh well sometimes you don't have control over those things" (this came from a co worker that recently had a child).
    WTF. I've been having sex for 16 years and I haven't gotten pregnant yet.  And it's certainly not god that's made me not get pregnant, it's called birth control.


    AHHH.  I had an assistant once who constantly told me, "You're so lucky you don't have kids!"
    No, honey.  I know accidents happen, but c'mon.  Luck is not the difference between me and her (and her four kids).  Being a responsible adult and planning is.   That makes me really sad, actually. I mean, I'm a sassy bitch most of the time, but I don't think even I would talk shit about my future kids by implying someone else would be "lucky" not to have them. Also: People are lucky if they, say, tan evenly. Or have blonde armpit hair or something. Pretty sure the sperm doesn't just fall into the fallopian tubes accidentally.
    -------
    It     was really sad.  She was, by her own admission, ill equipped to be a mother and resentful of the situation she felt her children "put" her in (she never took responsibility for her own poor choices that led her to the point she was at in life).  I met her kids a few times, and two of them were getting old enough to start to sense some of dissatisfaction.  I really hope she got her shit together; no kid should ever feel like they are a burden or unwanted.
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  • amelishaamelisha member
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    huskypuppy14 said:
    beethery said:
    huskypuppy14 said:
    No one has really bugged us yet. A few random people made a comment here or there, but nothing major. Our parents aren't bugging us. I they would love a grand baby, but they are cool.  

    I really hate when people say, oh now it's time for a baby. And when you say: "oh not yet, we just want to enjoy being married" they say "oh well sometimes you don't have control over those things" (this came from a co worker that recently had a child).

    WTF. I've been having sex for 16 years and I haven't gotten pregnant yet.  And it's certainly not god that's made me not get pregnant, it's called birth control.


    I would have lost my shit and probably gotten fired for what I would have said to that coworker.
    I just gave her a weird look. This was like the day I came back to work after my wedding. I'm sure she meant well, but seriously.  This same woman also was obviously pregnant for months before she said anything to anyone at work (including her boss).

    Yeah, sometimes people accidentally get pregnant, but it hasn't happened to me yet. I also have to get off one of my medications before I get pregnant, because it  can cause birth defects and miscarriage. Not that that's any of her business. 

    So much this. My parents' friends' kids all have multiple babies already (mostly while unmarried, not that it matters to me but I bet it does to said parents' friends) and they occasionally make snarky comments to my mother about how lucky she is not to be grandmother yet ("but aren't you excited? Bet it'll be soon!") and whenever she tells me this I always tell her that luck has nothing to do with it and her excellent, responsible parenting and sex education does, haha. Accidents do happen, but I've always been very careful about contraception because I don't want a baby now and probably not ever. In fact, I'm planning to get an IUD shortly so I'll have longer-term, less hormonal, reliable birth control for five years or so.

    I'm selfish, I like my money, time, and my body the way it is. I'd rather take care of my fiancé than a kid...I've been a nanny and I know how much work kids are even when they aren't yours. Nopenopenope.

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  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
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    edited October 2014
    In my circle, if you don't get pregnant within the first two years, questions start being asked. Or at least eye brow raises from afar. Wondering what's wrong, why don't you have kids yet. Most of my friends got pregnant within the first year. So when the next friend is going on 3 or 4 years, girls start wondering.

    So, honeymoon babies would be considered awesome and "normal" on the time frame in my circle.

    DH and I were very upfront saying we wanted to wait 5 years (he wanted school loans paid off and debt free), but I really wasn't happy with that time frame. We rediscussed and evaluated plans for finances, and we plan to be pregnant in about 3 years, without school loans being paid off yet. Compromised.
    We got some eyebrows for wanting to wait that long. But it really doesn't bother me that they expect babies sooner.

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  • pumpkincreamcake15pumpkincreamcake15 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited October 2014
    wrigleyville said:
    I always wonder what would happen if one of the Duggar girls/sons/in-laws were infertile. I mean, when you look at the sheer numbers, the odds say it's possible.

    I've been watching the latest episodes, and every single time they talk about the wedding (which is next week on the show) or buy furniture for Jill and Derick or set up their room, Jim Bob says, "And when you call me... hopefully in a few months... to tell me you're pregnant..." It's insane. Like, that's a lot of pressure. Even people who are super fertile can't always conceive that easily.

    Obviously, they did, but geez.
    It is sad, it's like they have this expectation once your married the baby making factory opens right away,and thats all you can do in life. I mean my fiance and I want a baby once we are married but thats our choice not anyone else's pressure.It's like extremely sad and demeaning.What if they don't want children? or want to travel or do something else with their life? They take no consideration. I know Jill said she wanted to do missionary work that would be extremely hard to work and travel in a 3rd world country with a new baby, I bet she never thought of that. I have always been curious to what would happen if one of their children rebelled like, one of the girls wearing pants, or deciding to dance, decided to join a different religion or sect or God forbid actually properly date someone and not court them.lol
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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
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    jdluvr06 said:
    All I'm going to say about the god stuff is that if I were to say that as a Pagan, and changed God to Demete or Diana people would call me crazy or "woo woo" however if a Christian says it is typically considered acceptable. Double standard. I'm happy to see so many people point out how high handed that sounded.


    My DH and I are currently TTC and while we haven't officially told any relatives they kind of know. They know how much we want a baby. No one has really super bugged us though. Our families are cool.
    I always tell people, how can you believe in a dead man rising three days after his death and not believe in a unicorn? It's the same thing!
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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
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    goldchocobo said:
    QueerFemme said:
    God doesn't love me. I have no special gift. That's all you need right? Just gods gift? Not like sperm or anything?
    All you need is two Sims, a Woohoo, and a hot tub.
    Don't forget to click on "Try for Baby" first. No condoms and they have to let the Sim God in.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    edited October 2014
    raissyrais said:


    jdluvr06 said:

    All I'm going to say about the god stuff is that if I were to say that as a Pagan, and changed God to Demete or Diana people would call me crazy or "woo woo" however if a Christian says it is typically considered acceptable. Double standard. I'm happy to see so many people point out how high handed that sounded.


    My DH and I are currently TTC and while we haven't officially told any relatives they kind of know. They know how much we want a baby. No one has really super bugged us though. Our families are cool.

    I always tell people, how can you believe in a dead man rising three days after his death and not believe in a unicorn? It's the same thing!

    ------------

    I've never heard of people willing to be martyred for believing in a uniform. History clearly shows people have been martyred for believing in Jesus.

    I'm ambivalent regarding believing in unicorns. Their existence doesn't impact my life. Jesus' existence does.




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  • novella1186novella1186 member
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    Sorry, I'm late to the party. 
    But here's what I don't understand: It's super common for couples to live together before marriage these days, and no one seems to think twice about it. But they will STILL snicker and whisper if the bride finds out she's pregnant right after the wedding, and they'll STILL wonder if she was pregnant at the alter. WTF does it matter? 

    Clearly the couple is already having sex cuz they've been sleeping in the same bed for years. Pregnancy happens due to sex. So having sex before marriage is fine, but getting pregnant by having sex (possibly) before marriage is a scandal? 

    If you're gonna judge, get your shit straight. 
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  • emmaaaemmaaa mod
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    Kahlyla said:
    emmaaa said:
    ...

    I'm a little taken back by the comments regarding religion. It is one thing to not believe in a certain thing but another thing entirely to condemn people for believing. (Yes, I agree that CMG's comment was OOT but it was made with good intentions....I think).
    I'm an atheist who tries to NEVER condemn people for believing, but what I do find a little hard to swallow is when people insist on stating things as fact that are actually only valid within their belief systems. I personally don't go around stating "There is no God, God doesn't exist" - I will always preface it with "I believe..." or "I don't believe...", or "My personal feeling is that...".

    And I feel like if atheists did go around doing the former, many people would find it very offensive, yet we're supposed to just accept it and see it as good-intentioned when Christians do the same. And when they literally persist in doing so even after they're asked, "what about for people who don't believe in God?" Wow. That's incredibly dismissive and patronizing, and again, imagine if the roles were inverted. Imagine if we were talking not just about the conception of babies but about our loved ones who've passed away. We're all supposed to just be okay with Christians reminding us that our loved ones are in Heaven now (and yes, many persist in doing so even if they know we don't believe - as CMG was so happy to demonstrate), but you know, there are very good reasons why I don't go around telling people, "Actually, there is no Heaven, your grandmother is just worm food now, neener neener neener. It doesn't matter if you don't actually believe that, it's still true."

    At some point, just stop. At least when people specifically ask you to (not you personally, emmaaa). It really doesn't apply to or help everyone, and erring on the side of God does not automatically make it okay.
    No, I agree with what you said. No one deserves to have someone else's views forced upon them. If CMG had said:"I think God plays a hand in deciding when a couple is or is not ready for a baby. Even for adoptive parents" it may have been received better by stating that it is her belief and not fact. 

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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
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    steph861 said:
    Wow my original question of this thread has gone all over the place, completely trailed off, I'm lost.LOL:p
    To answer your original question (or at least give my opinion), I think the stereotype depends in part on the bride's age. I think expectations increase with the bride's age.
    I agree with this (an am guilty for thinking it too... although I keep my comments to myself), In H's family it seems to happen very fast and here we are 1 year and 1 month into marriage and still not ready. When SIL got pregnant (presumably on the HM) the over all consensus was very happy. The couple was 30, had great jobs and owned a house. They were also pretty vocal about wanting a baby quickly. 2 years later when cousin in the same family get's pregnant... lots of whispers behind her back (this was 2-3 months after the wedding). Bride is 23, neither have high paying jobs, moved into a tiny 1 BR 4 months before the wedding because they finally saved up enough to move out of their parents, bride is still on parents insurance. So 2 different scenarios within the same family, with very different opinions (not that these opinions matter.

    We have already started getting pressure. Mostly nice from my family - like my mom told me she thinks she is ready to be a grandmother... lol ok thanks mom. My sister and step sisters always call the office in our new house the "nursery". H's family is a little more pressure to the point as @pinkrevenge said above I need to start drinking asap to any family function for them to leave me alone.

    I do want kids, and it makes me kind of sad and worried that I don't feel ready at all, and not sure I will be anytime soon. H and I just turned 28 so we have time... but not TONS of time (I don't want kids in my late 30's). I also worry about the pressure to conceive. Again, those in H's family make it look so easy by happening so quickly.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Kahlyla said:
    emmaaa said:
    ...

    I'm a little taken back by the comments regarding religion. It is one thing to not believe in a certain thing but another thing entirely to condemn people for believing. (Yes, I agree that CMG's comment was OOT but it was made with good intentions....I think).
    I'm an atheist who tries to NEVER condemn people for believing, but what I do find a little hard to swallow is when people insist on stating things as fact that are actually only valid within their belief systems. I personally don't go around stating "There is no God, God doesn't exist" - I will always preface it with "I believe..." or "I don't believe...", or "My personal feeling is that...".

    And I feel like if atheists did go around doing the former, many people would find it very offensive, yet we're supposed to just accept it and see it as good-intentioned when Christians do the same. And when they literally persist in doing so even after they're asked, "what about for people who don't believe in God?" Wow. That's incredibly dismissive and patronizing, and again, imagine if the roles were inverted. Imagine if we were talking not just about the conception of babies but about our loved ones who've passed away. We're all supposed to just be okay with Christians reminding us that our loved ones are in Heaven now (and yes, many persist in doing so even if they know we don't believe - as CMG was so happy to demonstrate), but you know, there are very good reasons why I don't go around telling people, "Actually, there is no Heaven, your grandmother is just worm food now, neener neener neener. It doesn't matter if you don't actually believe that, it's still true."

    At some point, just stop. At least when people specifically ask you to (not you personally, emmaaa). It really doesn't apply to or help everyone, and erring on the side of God does not automatically make it okay.
    I feel like @raissyrais sort of did this with the comment above about Jesus being akin to a unicorn.  So why is that okay?




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  • KahlylaKahlyla member
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    edited October 2014
    sarahbear31 said:
    Kahlyla said:
    emmaaa said:
    ...

    I'm a little taken back by the comments regarding religion. It is one thing to not believe in a certain thing but another thing entirely to condemn people for believing. (Yes, I agree that CMG's comment was OOT but it was made with good intentions....I think).
    I'm an atheist who tries to NEVER condemn people for believing, but what I do find a little hard to swallow is when people insist on stating things as fact that are actually only valid within their belief systems. I personally don't go around stating "There is no God, God doesn't exist" - I will always preface it with "I believe..." or "I don't believe...", or "My personal feeling is that...".

    And I feel like if atheists did go around doing the former, many people would find it very offensive, yet we're supposed to just accept it and see it as good-intentioned when Christians do the same. And when they literally persist in doing so even after they're asked, "what about for people who don't believe in God?" Wow. That's incredibly dismissive and patronizing, and again, imagine if the roles were inverted. Imagine if we were talking not just about the conception of babies but about our loved ones who've passed away. We're all supposed to just be okay with Christians reminding us that our loved ones are in Heaven now (and yes, many persist in doing so even if they know we don't believe - as CMG was so happy to demonstrate), but you know, there are very good reasons why I don't go around telling people, "Actually, there is no Heaven, your grandmother is just worm food now, neener neener neener. It doesn't matter if you don't actually believe that, it's still true."

    At some point, just stop. At least when people specifically ask you to (not you personally, emmaaa). It really doesn't apply to or help everyone, and erring on the side of God does not automatically make it okay.
    I feel like @raissyrais sort of did this with the comment above about Jesus being akin to a unicorn.  So why is that okay?
    I never said it was okay. I don't speak for all atheists, just as I'm sure CMG doesn't speak for all Christians. That's why I never said that emmaaa's comment was wrong or out of place, I just used it as a springboard to say some things I think are important.
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Kahlyla said:
    sarahbear31 said:
    Kahlyla said:
    emmaaa said:
    ...

    I'm a little taken back by the comments regarding religion. It is one thing to not believe in a certain thing but another thing entirely to condemn people for believing. (Yes, I agree that CMG's comment was OOT but it was made with good intentions....I think).
    I'm an atheist who tries to NEVER condemn people for believing, but what I do find a little hard to swallow is when people insist on stating things as fact that are actually only valid within their belief systems. I personally don't go around stating "There is no God, God doesn't exist" - I will always preface it with "I believe..." or "I don't believe...", or "My personal feeling is that...".

    And I feel like if atheists did go around doing the former, many people would find it very offensive, yet we're supposed to just accept it and see it as good-intentioned when Christians do the same. And when they literally persist in doing so even after they're asked, "what about for people who don't believe in God?" Wow. That's incredibly dismissive and patronizing, and again, imagine if the roles were inverted. Imagine if we were talking not just about the conception of babies but about our loved ones who've passed away. We're all supposed to just be okay with Christians reminding us that our loved ones are in Heaven now (and yes, many persist in doing so even if they know we don't believe - as CMG was so happy to demonstrate), but you know, there are very good reasons why I don't go around telling people, "Actually, there is no Heaven, your grandmother is just worm food now, neener neener neener. It doesn't matter if you don't actually believe that, it's still true."

    At some point, just stop. At least when people specifically ask you to (not you personally, emmaaa). It really doesn't apply to or help everyone, and erring on the side of God does not automatically make it okay.
    I feel like @raissyrais sort of did this with the comment above about Jesus being akin to a unicorn.  So why is that okay?
    I never said it was okay. I don't speak for all atheists, just as I'm sure CMG doesn't speak for all Christians.
    Fair enough.  Thanks for the clarification.




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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Kahlyla said:
    emmaaa said:
    ...

    I'm a little taken back by the comments regarding religion. It is one thing to not believe in a certain thing but another thing entirely to condemn people for believing. (Yes, I agree that CMG's comment was OOT but it was made with good intentions....I think).
    I'm an atheist who tries to NEVER condemn people for believing, but what I do find a little hard to swallow is when people insist on stating things as fact that are actually only valid within their belief systems. I personally don't go around stating "There is no God, God doesn't exist" - I will always preface it with "I believe..." or "I don't believe...", or "My personal feeling is that...".

    And I feel like if atheists did go around doing the former, many people would find it very offensive, yet we're supposed to just accept it and see it as good-intentioned when Christians do the same. And when they literally persist in doing so even after they're asked, "what about for people who don't believe in God?" Wow. That's incredibly dismissive and patronizing, and again, imagine if the roles were inverted. Imagine if we were talking not just about the conception of babies but about our loved ones who've passed away. We're all supposed to just be okay with Christians reminding us that our loved ones are in Heaven now (and yes, many persist in doing so even if they know we don't believe - as CMG was so happy to demonstrate), but you know, there are very good reasons why I don't go around telling people, "Actually, there is no Heaven, your grandmother is just worm food now, neener neener neener. It doesn't matter if you don't actually believe that, it's still true."

    At some point, just stop. At least when people specifically ask you to (not you personally, emmaaa). It really doesn't apply to or help everyone, and erring on the side of God does not automatically make it okay.
    YES. This, a million times! 
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    raissyrais said:
    @sarahbear31 Sorry I did not mean to be offensive. It was slightly immature on my part, but it was also unnecessary for CMGragain to bring God in all of this, like religious people tend to do with everything it seems. Religion is something you keep for yourself and in your heart and there's no need to push views, ides, opinions or even remarks about religion unless the topic is being specifically discussed. Again, I apologize.
    It's all good.  No harm, no foul.

    Personally, as a Christian, I agree with @cmgragain 's statement.  And, I know that the majority of the posters here don't, so that's why I didn't reference my faith in my initial comment to the OP.  I think it's a "know your audience" thing.




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  • raissyraisraissyrais member
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    sarahbear31 said:
    raissyrais said:
    @sarahbear31 Sorry I did not mean to be offensive. It was slightly immature on my part, but it was also unnecessary for CMGragain to bring God in all of this, like religious people tend to do with everything it seems. Religion is something you keep for yourself and in your heart and there's no need to push views, ides, opinions or even remarks about religion unless the topic is being specifically discussed. Again, I apologize.
    It's all good.  No harm, no foul.

    Personally, as a Christian, I agree with @cmgragain 's statement.  And, I know that the majority of the posters here don't, so that's why I didn't reference my faith in my initial comment to the OP.  I think it's a "know your audience" thing.
    Exactly :)
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    pinkrevenge said:
    I mean, to me, Jesus and a Unicorn are close to the same thing (both magical, fictional-ish, but would be awesome to have at a party), but I wouldn't say that unless someone was flat-out being a huge dick and I wanted to piss them off.
    image




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  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit member
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    lolo883 said:
    This is my favorite.

    image
    Best. Analogy. Ever.
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  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    pinkrevenge said:
    Oh, and in medieval art, Jesus / God was represented in several different shapes, and Unicorn was one of them.


    Want to love it a million times. I love medieval art/literature more than I can possibly express in words so here: 

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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
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    Kahlyla said:
    emmaaa said:
    ...

    I'm a little taken back by the comments regarding religion. It is one thing to not believe in a certain thing but another thing entirely to condemn people for believing. (Yes, I agree that CMG's comment was OOT but it was made with good intentions....I think).
    I'm an atheist who tries to NEVER condemn people for believing, but what I do find a little hard to swallow is when people insist on stating things as fact that are actually only valid within their belief systems. I personally don't go around stating "There is no God, God doesn't exist" - I will always preface it with "I believe..." or "I don't believe...", or "My personal feeling is that...".

    And I feel like if atheists did go around doing the former, many people would find it very offensive, yet we're supposed to just accept it and see it as good-intentioned when Christians do the same. And when they literally persist in doing so even after they're asked, "what about for people who don't believe in God?" Wow. That's incredibly dismissive and patronizing, and again, imagine if the roles were inverted. Imagine if we were talking not just about the conception of babies but about our loved ones who've passed away. We're all supposed to just be okay with Christians reminding us that our loved ones are in Heaven now (and yes, many persist in doing so even if they know we don't believe - as CMG was so happy to demonstrate), but you know, there are very good reasons why I don't go around telling people, "Actually, there is no Heaven, your grandmother is just worm food now, neener neener neener. It doesn't matter if you don't actually believe that, it's still true."

    At some point, just stop. At least when people specifically ask you to (not you personally, emmaaa). It really doesn't apply to or help everyone, and erring on the side of God does not automatically make it okay.
    Damn straight! 

     I'm an atheist Jew (wrap your head around THAT) and I hide both in most cases just to avoid the whole "omg why? really?" and so on, awkward invasive conversation and being judged. 

    In almost every situation, I think it's best to just leave religion out of it, because you never know who you might offend or make uncomfortable. In the spirit of the penis analogy, just keep it in your pants. 
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