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Would you be PO'd (semi-vent)?

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Re: Would you be PO'd (semi-vent)?

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    Meh, I would be miffed, but not pissed.      The majority of our wedding was family.  So I just can't get all up in arms over the possibility of a few common friends having to choose our wedding over a PPD.

    Our wedding was OOT for all of the guests, but a lot farther for our friends.  A lot of them could not make the trip anyway.     Fact is people often can not make OOT weddings for a variety of reasons, I do not see the need to borrow trouble by thinking they can't come to mine because of another wedding within a few months of each other. 

     I didn't attend one OOT wedding because we had another OOT wedding the next month and they were not even common friends.   The skipped couple's STDs came first, but fact was I was closer to the other people and choose which wedding I was going to accordingly.  Plus the wedding we skipped would have cost more and required more vacation time.  While a small point, it was a part of the reason why we picked the wedding we decide to attend.

    Stop borrowing trouble.  Just because a common friend does not come to you wedding may have nothing to do with the other couple.  It might be they have other stuff going on, cant get off work, low on funds or simply have no desire to travel to your home town.  Do not over-analyze this.  


    ETA - I forgot to say that even without the other wedding I'm not sure we would have attended the wedding anyway.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    raissyraisraissyrais member
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    I'd truly be super pissed mostly because it will be a massive PPD (they'll be married for 7 months already) even though I agree it might be a bit petty. But hey what can you do, you're disappointed! Just make sure your FI doesn't let out to many details of your wedding to them or you might have copycat scenarios here too. And as other pps have suggested, do try to send out your StDs before theirs. 
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    I'm in the camp that would not out them on Facebook, no matter that weddings are public record, so forth and so on. There's a big difference between saying to one close friend, "And I'm so excited for them that they got married!" and letting the rumor mill take over, and posting it where 225 people can see it. 
    It's fun to think petty, another to act on petty.  

    Plus, the way I'm reading it is that OP knows they're trying to keep it on the down-low. Knowing it, and letting it slip to everyone, makes OP a huge bitch. Knowing it, and staying mum, and throwing an amazing wedding that everyone's going to want to attend, is rising above. 
    My two cents. 
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    hellohkbhellohkb mod
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    I'm in the camp that would not out them on Facebook, no matter that weddings are public record, so forth and so on. There's a big difference between saying to one close friend, "And I'm so excited for them that they got married!" and letting the rumor mill take over, and posting it where 225 people can see it. 
    It's fun to think petty, another to act on petty.  

    Plus, the way I'm reading it is that OP knows they're trying to keep it on the down-low. Knowing it, and letting it slip to everyone, makes OP a huge bitch. Knowing it, and staying mum, and throwing an amazing wedding that everyone's going to want to attend, is rising above. 
    My two cents. 
    QFT. I would keep quiet. Outing someone could be seen as a very catty thing to do. Just go on with your fabulous self and focus on throwing an amazing wedding that's not a tacky PPD.

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    lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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    scribe95 said:
    Look, I wish all my friends Congratulations when they get married. Why would this one be any different?

    And it's PUBLIC RECORD. 

    Speaking of, funny story. I work at a newspaper and we run marriage licenses. Got a call the other day from a girl who asked us not to print hers. She begged and cried. Wouldn't tell us the reason, though. Just kept saying it's not time for everyone to know. We didn't make an exception.
    We don't run marriage license, but we do run court judgements in our paper. We get calls from people saying they don't want their court case printed, but we don't make exceptions. 
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    loro929loro929 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    *WWYD update?*
    SO, as I mentioned in a comment a bit further up. A lot of these feelings have been stronger lately as this group of friends is trying to organize a bachelor party for FI and FG in June, in which FG will already be married for 7 months.

    As I mentioned FG wrote back immediately to the organizational message saying "totally in guys! Sounds awesome!". FI did not respond to the message because he didn't really know what he wanted to say. However, one of the organizers contacted FI to ask if him received the message etc. FI told to the organizer, "Shouldn't we be organizing something now for FG - I mean he is marrying very soon!" Organizer friend told FI "I had no idea, I thought the wedding was in July." Fi explained "Well, they are having the party in July but marrying now." Organizer friend said "OK, no problem - we'll figure something out." Fi says: "Great, I am happy to organize his party now to celebrate the occasion".

    Well, this morning, Organizer friend sends FI another message and I quote "I talked with FG. He said it is fine to have the party in June because he won't really have the ring until July. The way he explained it to me the paper signing is not official. So, what do you think?"

    I mean, what do you even say to that?
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    loro929loro929 member
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    lurkergirl said:
    loro929 said:
    *WWYD update?*
    SO, as I mentioned in a comment a bit further up. A lot of these feelings have been stronger lately as this group of friends is trying to organize a bachelor party for FI and FG in June, in which FG will already be married for 7 months.

    As I mentioned FG wrote back immediately to the organizational message saying "totally in guys! Sounds awesome!". FI did not respond to the message because he didn't really know what he wanted to say. However, one of the organizers contacted FI to ask if him received the message etc. FI told to the organizer, "Shouldn't we be organizing something now for FG - I mean he is marrying very soon!" Organizer friend told FI "I had no idea, I thought the wedding was in July." Fi explained "Well, they are having the party in July but marrying now." Organizer friend said "OK, no problem - we'll figure something out." Fi says: "Great, I am happy to organize his party now to celebrate the occasion".

    Well, this morning, Organizer friend sends FI another message and I quote "I talked with FG. He said it is fine to have the party in June because he won't really have the ring until July. The way he explained it to me the paper signing is not official. So, what do you think?"

    I mean, what do you even say to that?
    The paper signing?  As in the marriage license?  As in the document that makes you officially married?



    Yes, as in, the piece of paper that legally binds them together, forever... apparently for some people it only magically becomes official with a big party.

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    lurkergirllurkergirl member
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    loro929 said:
    lurkergirl said:
    loro929 said:
    *WWYD update?*
    SO, as I mentioned in a comment a bit further up. A lot of these feelings have been stronger lately as this group of friends is trying to organize a bachelor party for FI and FG in June, in which FG will already be married for 7 months.

    As I mentioned FG wrote back immediately to the organizational message saying "totally in guys! Sounds awesome!". FI did not respond to the message because he didn't really know what he wanted to say. However, one of the organizers contacted FI to ask if him received the message etc. FI told to the organizer, "Shouldn't we be organizing something now for FG - I mean he is marrying very soon!" Organizer friend told FI "I had no idea, I thought the wedding was in July." Fi explained "Well, they are having the party in July but marrying now." Organizer friend said "OK, no problem - we'll figure something out." Fi says: "Great, I am happy to organize his party now to celebrate the occasion".

    Well, this morning, Organizer friend sends FI another message and I quote "I talked with FG. He said it is fine to have the party in June because he won't really have the ring until July. The way he explained it to me the paper signing is not official. So, what do you think?"

    I mean, what do you even say to that?
    The paper signing?  As in the marriage license?  As in the document that makes you officially married?



    Yes, as in, the piece of paper that legally binds them together, forever... apparently for some people it only magically becomes official with a big party.

    image





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    novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Wow. This is just disgusting. So none of the people that do courthouse weddings because that's what they want are married? NONE of those legally married people are actually officially married? WTF? How does a party make it "official," but singing the legal documents is somehow not official? Just what the flying fuck? 
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Bless their hearts.


    Honestly I do not know what to say. You are kind-of damned if you do, damned if you don't.     

    Who doesn't want a fun bachelor party just in your honor?  I would be disappointed to have to share this b-party with someone who has that kind of attitude towards a legal marriage. 

       That said, I bet these guys are all like "Cool, a  2 for 1 b-party is way better on the wallet and less time away/PTO needed".    They might not be bothered by FG's situation. Lets face it, we all know there are lots of people who support PPDs.

    I feel bad for your FI.  I'm not sure to convey that you want your own b-party without coming across as diva to the other guys.  Especially if these guys are not bothered by PPDs.  

    Good luck.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
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    I'd tell him I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a headache that day. 
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    loro929loro929 member
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    lyndausvi said:
    Bless their hearts.


    Honestly I do not know what to say. You are kind-of damned if you do, damned if you don't.     

    Who doesn't want a fun bachelor party just in your honor?  I would be disappointed to have to share this b-party with someone who has that kind of attitude towards a legal marriage. 

       That said, I bet these guys are all like "Cool, a  2 for 1 b-party is way better on the wallet and less time away/PTO needed".    They might not be bothered by FG's situation. Lets face it, we all know there are lots of people who support PPDs.

    I feel bad for your FI.  I'm not sure to convey that you want your own b-party without coming across as diva to the other guys.  Especially if these guys are not bothered by PPDs.  

    Good luck.
    You hit so many points on the head @lyndausvi

    I know that the guys definitely would prefer one night out instead of two (especially since they may or may not be travelling twice in a month to celebrate the weddings :P) and secondly what can you really say?

    FI tried to politely say something by explaining he would be happy to plan something NOW to celebrate the bachelorhood of FG, but when FGs response to organizer is THAT - who is FI to continue saying something without seeming petty or bitchy or something?

    It really is a shitty situation for him because I know that he feels  honored to be a part of a group of friends that thought to host a party in his honor and doesn't want to upset them.
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Like a ring makes it official?
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    AlexaF2014AlexaF2014 member
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    loro929 said:

    lyndausvi said:
    Bless their hearts.


    Honestly I do not know what to say. You are kind-of damned if you do, damned if you don't.     

    Who doesn't want a fun bachelor party just in your honor?  I would be disappointed to have to share this b-party with someone who has that kind of attitude towards a legal marriage. 

       That said, I bet these guys are all like "Cool, a  2 for 1 b-party is way better on the wallet and less time away/PTO needed".    They might not be bothered by FG's situation. Lets face it, we all know there are lots of people who support PPDs.

    I feel bad for your FI.  I'm not sure to convey that you want your own b-party without coming across as diva to the other guys.  Especially if these guys are not bothered by PPDs.  

    Good luck.
    You hit so many points on the head @lyndausvi

    I know that the guys definitely would prefer one night out instead of two (especially since they may or may not be travelling twice in a month to celebrate the weddings :P) and secondly what can you really say?

    FI tried to politely say something by explaining he would be happy to plan something NOW to celebrate the bachelorhood of FG, but when FGs response to organizer is THAT - who is FI to continue saying something without seeming petty or bitchy or something?

    It really is a shitty situation for him because I know that he feels  honored to be a part of a group of friends that thought to host a party in his honor and doesn't want to upset them.
    I think I skipped over the part where this is a joint bachelor party. 

    Again, say you're busy every day of June, but August works, since FG will be just as married then as he is in June. 

    Also, is planning a party this far out a bit weird? Or are all my friends just procrastinators? 
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    scribe95 said:
    Is your FI really good friends with this groom? If not I would simply tell the other friend, "look, it's not just a piece of paper. he will be legally married and I don't really understand throwing a bachelor party for a husband." And then I would step out of the planning and attending.


    This. Ugh. This situation really just sucks, and FG deserves a kick right to the junk. 
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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Wow that's really shitty. Even if you support PPDs I don't see how anyone would not understand that signing the marriage license is as official as it gets. I feel bad for your FI but if he wants a bachelor party with his friends it looks like he is just going to have to suck it up and do the joint one.

    I probably would've been a bitch and said something along the lines of "Oh I didn't realize a piece of jewelry was more official than signing the legal paperwork millions of couples are fighting very hard to have the right to do." but that just would've caused more problems.


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    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    These people are trash.


    Also, your friends should probably learn to deal with the fact that they have 2 separate dudes in their circle who are getting married, so they should budget for/get excited for 2 parties. I mean, I get that we all have our budgets, but a combo bachelor party seems cheap to me in the first place.
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    AlexaF2014 said:
    loro929 said:

    lyndausvi said:
    Bless their hearts.


    Honestly I do not know what to say. You are kind-of damned if you do, damned if you don't.     

    Who doesn't want a fun bachelor party just in your honor?  I would be disappointed to have to share this b-party with someone who has that kind of attitude towards a legal marriage. 

       That said, I bet these guys are all like "Cool, a  2 for 1 b-party is way better on the wallet and less time away/PTO needed".    They might not be bothered by FG's situation. Lets face it, we all know there are lots of people who support PPDs.

    I feel bad for your FI.  I'm not sure to convey that you want your own b-party without coming across as diva to the other guys.  Especially if these guys are not bothered by PPDs.  

    Good luck.
    You hit so many points on the head @lyndausvi

    I know that the guys definitely would prefer one night out instead of two (especially since they may or may not be travelling twice in a month to celebrate the weddings :P) and secondly what can you really say?

    FI tried to politely say something by explaining he would be happy to plan something NOW to celebrate the bachelorhood of FG, but when FGs response to organizer is THAT - who is FI to continue saying something without seeming petty or bitchy or something?

    It really is a shitty situation for him because I know that he feels  honored to be a part of a group of friends that thought to host a party in his honor and doesn't want to upset them.
    I think I skipped over the part where this is a joint bachelor party. 

    Again, say you're busy every day of June, but August works, since FG will be just as married then as he is in June. 

    Also, is planning a party this far out a bit weird? Or are all my friends just procrastinators? 
    it depends. If it's a destination b-party it's not really that far out to plan a trip.  At the very least get some dates confirmed.    While it doesn't happen in our jobs, some jobs ask for your vacation time for the next year in December.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    loro929loro929 member
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    They are planning ahead because it is supposed to be a destination weekend and I think they were trying to confirm dates where everyone is available more than anything.

    **begin petty rant**
    I already told FI that if he hears any rumblings of the ladies planning something joint for FB and myself to shoot that idea down quicker than a pheasant in a bird hunt in Downtown Abbey. I already unknowingly split the guest list and gave ideas to FB - I don't need to share a b-party too.
    **end petty rant**



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    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    edited October 2014
    loro929 said:
    They are planning ahead because it is supposed to be a destination weekend and I think they were trying to confirm dates where everyone is available more than anything.

    **begin petty rant**
    I already told FI that if he hears any rumblings of the ladies planning something joint for FB and myself to shoot that idea down quicker than a pheasant in a bird hunt in Downtown Abbey. I already unknowingly split the guest list and gave ideas to FB - I don't need to share a b-party too.
    **end petty rant**



    You're goddamn right! Why on earth would you share a party with a person who is increasingly alienating herself from you?


    ETA: I don't think your complaint here is altogether petty.
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    Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
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    edited October 2014
    Your FI should insist on having his own bachelors party and not sharing it with someone else, and you should also do the same :)

    Your friends suck. I'm sorry. I would totally be rude ass bitch about their PPD.

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    HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
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    Honestly I'd respond to that whole "The paper signing doesn't count" statement with a simple "I think that's pretty offensive to people who choose courthouse ceremonies over large weddings- do their marriages not count??"
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    steph861steph861 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I would absolutely be pissed, but like you, I would know that nothing could be done about it and I'd try to move past it. It sounds like everybody knew about yours first anyway, so it's the other couple that looks bad for knowingly holding it so close to your wedding when there's a large group of overlapping guests. 

    If I were in your shoes and people asked me about it, I would just say that FI and I have one day and that's enough for us. I would say this, even though I'd probably still be really pissed inside. I've used this tactic in the past, and people seem to think I'm being really patient and accommodating (even if that's not how I feel). It never hurts to be the bigger person.

    And personally, if I were in the position of having to choose between attending friends' weddings, I'd most likely go with the one I knew about first because I think it's inconsiderate to knowingly book a wedding a month before a friend's when both are DWs for a significant number of mutual guests.
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    mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
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    How they get married isn't really anyone else's business. You have no more right to be pissed about their style of wedding than you do any other. You get what you plan and when, so do they. Easy, peasy.

    Get your STD's out quick. I generally base my future plans on which I made first. In the case of multiple weddings, I wouldn't select the wedding which was sooner just because it comes along on the calendar first. I'd pick the one I knew an invitation was going to be extended first (whether by word of mouth, an email, an STD card in the mail, whatever). When each couple planned to sign their marriage license wouldn't be a factor, because that's of no interest to me.

    Lastly, if I had a friend who decided to be petty and maliciously tried to fuck things up for a mutual friend, particularly for the sake of trying to make her event seem better, "more legit" or whatever so we'd all attend her wedding instead of the other, she wouldn't have to worry about my attendance, because I'd know immediately who the "pretty, pretty princess" was in that situation, and we wouldn't be friends anymore.


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