Wedding Timeline

Butterflyz419 · October 2014

novella1186 said:

mhoffman17 said:

adk19 said:

mhoffman17 said:

@knottie32752756
I am also getting married in a church and you are correct, the ceremony starts at 2pm and there is no other option. (We are 100% getting married in our catholic church, all other religious ceremonies in our area start at 2 as well).
Every wedding I've been to in my area has had a gap between the church ceremony and the reception. Every one of these weddings has had a gap and no one blinks an eye. Who on earth wants to go to a reception at 3pm??? So strange. I would be very disappointed if all my friends and my fiances friends had boring cake and punch receptions with no dancing or drinks. Dumb. My friends and family want to eat dinner at dinner time, then dance the night away with drinks and good music. No one does that in the afternoon. I even asked a few different girlfriends of different ages and in different friend groups. EVERY ONE OF THEM thought it was strange that so many people on this site think a gap is "so rude". It is completely normal. The bridal party typically gets pictures during this gap as there is no other time to do it since church ceremonies start so early. I look forward to the gap to hang out with friends, go to the bar, check into my room, recurl that hair since I may have been on the road for a few hours that morning, or just take my shoes off for a minute!
Calm down, you are not rude. It happens. I know this post will get eaten alive, but just know there are many, many people who have gaps, don't mind gaps, or never thought twice about that. It's just a part of the day.
Edited: Fiance and I have a wedding this saturday with a gap (gasp!!!!) and are so thrilled we don't have to ask anyone to watch the dogs again and we can go home to walk them before the reception.

Rude. You are rude. I seriously dislike you and "EVERY ONE OF" your friends. I am so glad I don't know you or your friends so I don't have to invite you to my afternoon wedding that is so going to kick some serious ass about how awesome it will be. Seriously, I can't get over how rude you are to call me and my plans dumb.

You are right, no one's wedding is dumb or boring, its just different from the norm where I live. Didn't mean to offend, I just don't get the passion some people have about how rude gaps are. Sure it might be inconvenient, but I never felt like I was "being treated like shit" or something simliar. I also think I am a nice, good friend who would never skip a ceremony and just attend a reception. I love watching my friends and family say vows and would give up my entire day for them no matter what.

I quite frankly don't care that being rude is the norm where you live. In some cultures, genital mutilation is the norm. In some cultures, cannibalism was the norm. Does that make it ok? How about Nazi Germany, where executing Jews and gay people was the norm? Do you understand?

Most people have lives and can't commit an entire day to every single wedding we attend. I personally would never deem myself important enough to take an entire day away from all 120 of our wedding guests and assume that none of them have other things they need to do.

I find your comments very annoying and naive, as well as rude.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??

You're comparing a 2-3 hour gap between a wedding ceremony and reception with genital mutilation and the holocaust?

Can you spell First World Problem? Can you spell self-absorbed?

If you don't like it--If every minute of your time is oh so important--I've got this magical word for you that will solve all of your troubles-NO. That's it. Don't attend. No one will imprison, mutilate or execute you if you say no. That much I can promise you. Then you have your whole day free for whatever you feel like.

Wow. That is the most insane thing I've ever read here.

dcbride86 · October 2014

novella1186 said:

mhoffman17 said:

adk19 said

You are right, no one's wedding is dumb or boring, its just different from the norm where I live. Didn't mean to offend, I just don't get the passion some people have about how rude gaps are. Sure it might be inconvenient, but I never felt like I was "being treated like shit" or something simliar. I also think I am a nice, good friend who would never skip a ceremony and just attend a reception. I love watching my friends and family say vows and would give up my entire day for them no matter what.

I quite frankly don't care that being rude is the norm where you live. In some cultures, genital mutilation is the norm. In some cultures, cannibalism was the norm. Does that make it ok? How about Nazi Germany, where executing Jews and gay people was the norm? Do you understand?

Most people have lives and can't commit an entire day to every single wedding we attend. I personally would never deem myself important enough to take an entire day away from all 120 of our wedding guests and assume that none of them have other things they need to do.

I find your comments very annoying and naive, as well as rude.

I think comparing a gap in time between a wedding cermony and reception to the Holocaust or genetic mutilation is a bit extreme. I understand you think it's rude to have a gap, but I don't think that type of overly extreme comparison is necessary.

I think it's more like... I don't know... not cleaning a guest room before invited guests come over. Sure, it reflects some poor planning, and even if that's the norm where she lives, could be considered rude. But, come on - Nazi Germany? You're still free to accept the invitation.

novella1186 · October 2014

Butterflyz419 said:

novella1186 said:

mhoffman17 said:

adk19 said:

mhoffman17 said:

@knottie32752756
I am also getting married in a church and you are correct, the ceremony starts at 2pm and there is no other option. (We are 100% getting married in our catholic church, all other religious ceremonies in our area start at 2 as well).
Every wedding I've been to in my area has had a gap between the church ceremony and the reception. Every one of these weddings has had a gap and no one blinks an eye. Who on earth wants to go to a reception at 3pm??? So strange. I would be very disappointed if all my friends and my fiances friends had boring cake and punch receptions with no dancing or drinks. Dumb. My friends and family want to eat dinner at dinner time, then dance the night away with drinks and good music. No one does that in the afternoon. I even asked a few different girlfriends of different ages and in different friend groups. EVERY ONE OF THEM thought it was strange that so many people on this site think a gap is "so rude". It is completely normal. The bridal party typically gets pictures during this gap as there is no other time to do it since church ceremonies start so early. I look forward to the gap to hang out with friends, go to the bar, check into my room, recurl that hair since I may have been on the road for a few hours that morning, or just take my shoes off for a minute!
Calm down, you are not rude. It happens. I know this post will get eaten alive, but just know there are many, many people who have gaps, don't mind gaps, or never thought twice about that. It's just a part of the day.
Edited: Fiance and I have a wedding this saturday with a gap (gasp!!!!) and are so thrilled we don't have to ask anyone to watch the dogs again and we can go home to walk them before the reception.

Rude. You are rude. I seriously dislike you and "EVERY ONE OF" your friends. I am so glad I don't know you or your friends so I don't have to invite you to my afternoon wedding that is so going to kick some serious ass about how awesome it will be. Seriously, I can't get over how rude you are to call me and my plans dumb.

You are right, no one's wedding is dumb or boring, its just different from the norm where I live. Didn't mean to offend, I just don't get the passion some people have about how rude gaps are. Sure it might be inconvenient, but I never felt like I was "being treated like shit" or something simliar. I also think I am a nice, good friend who would never skip a ceremony and just attend a reception. I love watching my friends and family say vows and would give up my entire day for them no matter what.

I quite frankly don't care that being rude is the norm where you live. In some cultures, genital mutilation is the norm. In some cultures, cannibalism was the norm. Does that make it ok? How about Nazi Germany, where executing Jews and gay people was the norm? Do you understand?

Most people have lives and can't commit an entire day to every single wedding we attend. I personally would never deem myself important enough to take an entire day away from all 120 of our wedding guests and assume that none of them have other things they need to do.

I find your comments very annoying and naive, as well as rude.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??

You're comparing a 2-3 hour gap between a wedding ceremony and reception with genital mutilation and the holocaust?

Can you spell First World Problem? Can you spell self-absorbed?

If you don't like it--If every minute of your time is oh so important--I've got this magical word for you that will solve all of your troubles-NO. That's it. Don't attend. No one will imprison, mutilate or execute you if you say no. That much I can promise you. Then you have your whole day free for whatever you feel like.

Wow. That is the most insane thing I've ever read here.

No. I absolutely did not compare gaps to those things. You are failing to understand. My ACTUAL point was that in some cultures/societies/whatever, certain things are the norm and people are used to them. That does not mean they are ok to EVERYONE in general. Calm down.

I was simply using extreme examples to make that point CLEAR because there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding about it.

Did I say a gap is like the holocaust? Nope. Did I say a gap is genital mutilation? Nope. Go back and re-read. I said it's considered the norm in some places but that doesn't make it ok.

Insulting me because you misunderstood my point is extremely immature, and you continue to be very rude.

And as many people on this thread have already pointed out, yes, they would decline to go to a wedding with a gap. Because they don't appreciate it. So I don't know why you're getting so worked up and nasty about it.

dcbride86 · October 2014

novella1186 said:

Butterflyz419 said:

novella1186 said:

mhoffman17 said:

adk19 said:

mhoffman17 said:

@knottie32752756
I am also getting married in a church and you are correct, the ceremony starts at 2pm and there is no other option. (We are 100% getting married in our catholic church, all other religious ceremonies in our area start at 2 as well).
Every wedding I've been to in my area has had a gap between the church ceremony and the reception. Every one of these weddings has had a gap and no one blinks an eye. Who on earth wants to go to a reception at 3pm??? So strange. I would be very disappointed if all my friends and my fiances friends had boring cake and punch receptions with no dancing or drinks. Dumb. My friends and family want to eat dinner at dinner time, then dance the night away with drinks and good music. No one does that in the afternoon. I even asked a few different girlfriends of different ages and in different friend groups. EVERY ONE OF THEM thought it was strange that so many people on this site think a gap is "so rude". It is completely normal. The bridal party typically gets pictures during this gap as there is no other time to do it since church ceremonies start so early. I look forward to the gap to hang out with friends, go to the bar, check into my room, recurl that hair since I may have been on the road for a few hours that morning, or just take my shoes off for a minute!
Calm down, you are not rude. It happens. I know this post will get eaten alive, but just know there are many, many people who have gaps, don't mind gaps, or never thought twice about that. It's just a part of the day.
Edited: Fiance and I have a wedding this saturday with a gap (gasp!!!!) and are so thrilled we don't have to ask anyone to watch the dogs again and we can go home to walk them before the reception.

Rude. You are rude. I seriously dislike you and "EVERY ONE OF" your friends. I am so glad I don't know you or your friends so I don't have to invite you to my afternoon wedding that is so going to kick some serious ass about how awesome it will be. Seriously, I can't get over how rude you are to call me and my plans dumb.

You are right, no one's wedding is dumb or boring, its just different from the norm where I live. Didn't mean to offend, I just don't get the passion some people have about how rude gaps are. Sure it might be inconvenient, but I never felt like I was "being treated like shit" or something simliar. I also think I am a nice, good friend who would never skip a ceremony and just attend a reception. I love watching my friends and family say vows and would give up my entire day for them no matter what.

I quite frankly don't care that being rude is the norm where you live. In some cultures, genital mutilation is the norm. In some cultures, cannibalism was the norm. Does that make it ok? How about Nazi Germany, where executing Jews and gay people was the norm? Do you understand?

Most people have lives and can't commit an entire day to every single wedding we attend. I personally would never deem myself important enough to take an entire day away from all 120 of our wedding guests and assume that none of them have other things they need to do.

I find your comments very annoying and naive, as well as rude.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??

You're comparing a 2-3 hour gap between a wedding ceremony and reception with genital mutilation and the holocaust?

Can you spell First World Problem? Can you spell self-absorbed?

If you don't like it--If every minute of your time is oh so important--I've got this magical word for you that will solve all of your troubles-NO. That's it. Don't attend. No one will imprison, mutilate or execute you if you say no. That much I can promise you. Then you have your whole day free for whatever you feel like.

Wow. That is the most insane thing I've ever read here.

No. I absolutely did not compare gaps to those things. You are failing to understand. My ACTUAL point was that in some cultures/societies/whatever, certain things are the norm and people are used to them. That does not mean they are ok to EVERYONE in general. Calm down.

I was simply using extreme examples to make that point CLEAR because there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding about it.

Did I say a gap is like the holocaust? Nope. Did I say a gap is genital mutilation? Nope. Go back and re-read. I said it's considered the norm in some places but that doesn't make it ok.

Insulting me because you misunderstood my point is extremely immature, and you continue to be very rude.

And as many people on this thread have already pointed out, yes, they would decline to go to a wedding with a gap. Because they don't appreciate it. So I don't know why you're getting so worked up and nasty about it.

@novella1186 - You actually DID compare the gap to the Holocaust. You literally made your point by comparing one "cultural norm" to another. However, that other "cultural norm" was the murder of millions of people. So, you can understand why people might be a bit "worked up and nasty" about such a comparison.

novella1186 · October 2014

ssautter said:

novella1186 said:

Butterflyz419 said:

novella1186 said:

mhoffman17 said:

adk19 said:

mhoffman17 said:

@knottie32752756
I am also getting married in a church and you are correct, the ceremony starts at 2pm and there is no other option. (We are 100% getting married in our catholic church, all other religious ceremonies in our area start at 2 as well).
Every wedding I've been to in my area has had a gap between the church ceremony and the reception. Every one of these weddings has had a gap and no one blinks an eye. Who on earth wants to go to a reception at 3pm??? So strange. I would be very disappointed if all my friends and my fiances friends had boring cake and punch receptions with no dancing or drinks. Dumb. My friends and family want to eat dinner at dinner time, then dance the night away with drinks and good music. No one does that in the afternoon. I even asked a few different girlfriends of different ages and in different friend groups. EVERY ONE OF THEM thought it was strange that so many people on this site think a gap is "so rude". It is completely normal. The bridal party typically gets pictures during this gap as there is no other time to do it since church ceremonies start so early. I look forward to the gap to hang out with friends, go to the bar, check into my room, recurl that hair since I may have been on the road for a few hours that morning, or just take my shoes off for a minute!
Calm down, you are not rude. It happens. I know this post will get eaten alive, but just know there are many, many people who have gaps, don't mind gaps, or never thought twice about that. It's just a part of the day.
Edited: Fiance and I have a wedding this saturday with a gap (gasp!!!!) and are so thrilled we don't have to ask anyone to watch the dogs again and we can go home to walk them before the reception.

Rude. You are rude. I seriously dislike you and "EVERY ONE OF" your friends. I am so glad I don't know you or your friends so I don't have to invite you to my afternoon wedding that is so going to kick some serious ass about how awesome it will be. Seriously, I can't get over how rude you are to call me and my plans dumb.

You are right, no one's wedding is dumb or boring, its just different from the norm where I live. Didn't mean to offend, I just don't get the passion some people have about how rude gaps are. Sure it might be inconvenient, but I never felt like I was "being treated like shit" or something simliar. I also think I am a nice, good friend who would never skip a ceremony and just attend a reception. I love watching my friends and family say vows and would give up my entire day for them no matter what.

I quite frankly don't care that being rude is the norm where you live. In some cultures, genital mutilation is the norm. In some cultures, cannibalism was the norm. Does that make it ok? How about Nazi Germany, where executing Jews and gay people was the norm? Do you understand?

Most people have lives and can't commit an entire day to every single wedding we attend. I personally would never deem myself important enough to take an entire day away from all 120 of our wedding guests and assume that none of them have other things they need to do.

I find your comments very annoying and naive, as well as rude.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??

You're comparing a 2-3 hour gap between a wedding ceremony and reception with genital mutilation and the holocaust?

Can you spell First World Problem? Can you spell self-absorbed?

If you don't like it--If every minute of your time is oh so important--I've got this magical word for you that will solve all of your troubles-NO. That's it. Don't attend. No one will imprison, mutilate or execute you if you say no. That much I can promise you. Then you have your whole day free for whatever you feel like.

Wow. That is the most insane thing I've ever read here.

No. I absolutely did not compare gaps to those things. You are failing to understand. My ACTUAL point was that in some cultures/societies/whatever, certain things are the norm and people are used to them. That does not mean they are ok to EVERYONE in general. Calm down.

I was simply using extreme examples to make that point CLEAR because there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding about it.

Did I say a gap is like the holocaust? Nope. Did I say a gap is genital mutilation? Nope. Go back and re-read. I said it's considered the norm in some places but that doesn't make it ok.

Insulting me because you misunderstood my point is extremely immature, and you continue to be very rude.

And as many people on this thread have already pointed out, yes, they would decline to go to a wedding with a gap. Because they don't appreciate it. So I don't know why you're getting so worked up and nasty about it.

@novella1186 - You actually DID compare the gap to the Holocaust. You literally made your point by comparing one "cultural norm" to another. However, that other "cultural norm" was the murder of millions of people. So, you can understand why people might be a bit "worked up and nasty" about such a comparison.

I repeat, I was merely using extreme examples to make it clear. A cultural norm one place does not make it acceptable or ok everywhere. I'm a Jew. So, sorry if that rubbed people the wrong way. I was just using the most obvious examples of -yes it was ok here- but it's not ok everywhere.

Butterflyz419 · October 2014

No, not all cultural norms are good. But many are devoid of moral content one way or another. Holocaust is not a matter of breeding, etiquette, or manners but a question of Good vs. Evil. Right and wrong. Immutable unchanging and permanent for all people, in all places, in all times.

You don't seem to understand that etiquette is not equivalent with morality. It is not permanent, unchanging, and the same for all people in all places. Indian Weddings aren't "wrong" or "rude" because they traditionally take place over multiple days. In the U.S. burping is considered rude, in other places burping after a meal is a sign of appreciation. Neither is right nor wrong.

To ascribe moral content to gaps is ridiculous and shows a lack of understanding of the nature of good and evil.

dcbride86 · October 2014

novella1186 said:

ssautter said:

novella1186 said:

Butterflyz419 said:

novella1186 said:

mhoffman17 said:

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??

You're comparing a 2-3 hour gap between a wedding ceremony and reception with genital mutilation and the holocaust?

Can you spell First World Problem? Can you spell self-absorbed?

If you don't like it--If every minute of your time is oh so important--I've got this magical word for you that will solve all of your troubles-NO. That's it. Don't attend. No one will imprison, mutilate or execute you if you say no. That much I can promise you. Then you have your whole day free for whatever you feel like.

Wow. That is the most insane thing I've ever read here.

No. I absolutely did not compare gaps to those things. You are failing to understand. My ACTUAL point was that in some cultures/societies/whatever, certain things are the norm and people are used to them. That does not mean they are ok to EVERYONE in general. Calm down.

I was simply using extreme examples to make that point CLEAR because there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding about it.

Did I say a gap is like the holocaust? Nope. Did I say a gap is genital mutilation? Nope. Go back and re-read. I said it's considered the norm in some places but that doesn't make it ok.

Insulting me because you misunderstood my point is extremely immature, and you continue to be very rude.

And as many people on this thread have already pointed out, yes, they would decline to go to a wedding with a gap. Because they don't appreciate it. So I don't know why you're getting so worked up and nasty about it.

@novella1186 - You actually DID compare the gap to the Holocaust. You literally made your point by comparing one "cultural norm" to another. However, that other "cultural norm" was the murder of millions of people. So, you can understand why people might be a bit "worked up and nasty" about such a comparison.

I repeat, I was merely using extreme examples to make it clear. A cultural norm one place does not make it acceptable or ok everywhere. I'm a Jew. So, sorry if that rubbed people the wrong way. I was just using the most obvious examples of -yes it was ok here- but it's not ok everywhere.

@novella1186 - And, I repeat - by using that as an example to show that cultural norms can be bad - you compared them. Maybe you didn't mean to, but I was just explaining why people were up in arms about it.

As has been pointed out, your examples are also not really relevant because they show immoral "norms" that consist of maiming and/or killing people. They also involve intruding on another's land to do this. Givng such extreme examples doesn't actually help prove your point - quite the opposite, actually. People can't take the mental leap from Holocaust and genital mutilation to a gap. And using that as an example or comparison of anything (other than the killing and/or battery of a group of people) just makes people think that the time gap is NOT a big deal - because obviously it isn't as extreme as the things you mentioned.

novella1186 · October 2014

ssautter said:

novella1186 said:

ssautter said:

novella1186 said:

Butterflyz419 said:

novella1186 said:

mhoffman17 said:

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??

You're comparing a 2-3 hour gap between a wedding ceremony and reception with genital mutilation and the holocaust?

Can you spell First World Problem? Can you spell self-absorbed?

If you don't like it--If every minute of your time is oh so important--I've got this magical word for you that will solve all of your troubles-NO. That's it. Don't attend. No one will imprison, mutilate or execute you if you say no. That much I can promise you. Then you have your whole day free for whatever you feel like.

Wow. That is the most insane thing I've ever read here.

No. I absolutely did not compare gaps to those things. You are failing to understand. My ACTUAL point was that in some cultures/societies/whatever, certain things are the norm and people are used to them. That does not mean they are ok to EVERYONE in general. Calm down.

I was simply using extreme examples to make that point CLEAR because there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding about it.

Did I say a gap is like the holocaust? Nope. Did I say a gap is genital mutilation? Nope. Go back and re-read. I said it's considered the norm in some places but that doesn't make it ok.

Insulting me because you misunderstood my point is extremely immature, and you continue to be very rude.

And as many people on this thread have already pointed out, yes, they would decline to go to a wedding with a gap. Because they don't appreciate it. So I don't know why you're getting so worked up and nasty about it.

@novella1186 - You actually DID compare the gap to the Holocaust. You literally made your point by comparing one "cultural norm" to another. However, that other "cultural norm" was the murder of millions of people. So, you can understand why people might be a bit "worked up and nasty" about such a comparison.

I repeat, I was merely using extreme examples to make it clear. A cultural norm one place does not make it acceptable or ok everywhere. I'm a Jew. So, sorry if that rubbed people the wrong way. I was just using the most obvious examples of -yes it was ok here- but it's not ok everywhere.

@novella1186 - And, I repeat - by using that as an example to show that cultural norms can be bad - you compared them. Maybe you didn't mean to, but I was just explaining why people were up in arms about it.
As has been pointed out, your examples are also not really relevant because they show immoral "norms" that consist of maiming and/or killing people. They also involve intruding on another's land to do this. Givng such extreme examples doesn't actually help prove your point - quite the opposite, actually. People can't take the mental leap from Holocaust and genital mutilation to a gap. And using that as an example or comparison of anything (other than the killing and/or battery of a group of people) just makes people think that the time gap is NOT a big deal - because obviously it isn't as extreme as the things you mentioned.

Fair enough. And I agree, that the gap is not a big deal. I think this thread has pretty much proven that some people see it as rude and some people are fine with it. Therefore, it's not like a life-ruining issue. If people decide to have one, that's fine, even though it's against general etiquette, which many of us have said. The worst that would happen is that some guests may decline to attend or judge to bride in a negative way.

Again, I'm sorry that my extreme examples rubbed people the wrong way. It gets annoying and frustrating when people have to make the same point over and over, so I decided to make an extreme point so that it would be clear.

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

Goodwin's law.

Yes a gap is rude, but come on.

martha1818 · October 2014

Ok, to the people who keep responding to the main message of "gaps are rude" with "but they're done all the time in my circle"- that has nothing to do with the fact that they're rude! Your statement is irrelevant and you may as well have responded with "but I like cheese."

If the main message we're trying to get across is "gaps are rarely done," THEN it would make sense for you to say "but they're done all the time in my circle." But we're not saying that, so your argument is irrelevant.

Just because something is done, doesn't change the fact that it could be rude. End of story.

lyndausvi · October 2014

Lord knows I'm not a gap fan. I'm happy to say out of the 50+ weddings I've attended (90% catholic) only 3 had a gap. 2 I was in the wedding and/or part of the immediate family so I had pictures and other things to keep me occupied. The 3rd I had another wedding that day and choose to skip the ceremony in order to attend the first reception.

I don't give a shit if anyone thought it was rude for me to skip the ceremony. My time was better served staying at the first reception the whole time then leaving the reception, go to a 2nd ceremony then find something to do during the gap.

The few brides I know who had a gap did not mine people skipping the ceremony. They knew their plans were inconvenient and understood that people might not be able to devote the entire day for their wedding. The last wedding I went to the bride is a hair stylist. Her entire salon skipped the ceremony so they could work (funny enough work on her WP and a few other WP). They all came to the reception NBD to the bride.

I tend to work weekend days. Should I get another wedding with a gap I would think about skipping the ceremony if that meant I could work a full day. I do not get PTO, seems silly to waste an entire day off work to attend an hour ceremony right in the middle of the day, when I could work the entire day and see everyone at the reception.

marie2785 · October 2014

This happened to me recently at 2 weddings this past summer (it seems to be a catholic issue since most churches are strict about which one you can marry in and start times). It's also happened a bunch at other weddings I've been to over the years. Yes, it's not a great situation, but it is totally not a "CANCEL A VENUE!" situation like some people on here are claiming.

My advice: warn the guests. Have your mom or someone else offer some ideas for fun activities around there. For both the weddings I went to, I either went home after the ceremony since I lived close ans hung out for 2-3 hrs, or I went to a bar/restaurant/mini golf/shopping mall with friends. At one wedding, a family member hosted a small pizza party at their nearby house for other family members and close friends. If you know anyone that lives close, you can see if they'd be willing to help out in that way if you cover the pizza/beer.

One of the weddings was my brothers, and my family is whiny. But guess what: NO ONE complained. Not a soul. People figured out stuff to do during the 2-3 hr gap, and everyone understood it's just how catholic weddings are sometimes. The world didn't fall down, no one claimed they were treated like shit...everything was ok. Did people whine that dinner was delayed by an hour due to a major college football game? Totally (well, the 25% who weren't watching the game during cocktail hour). But no one whined about the gap.

dcbride86 · October 2014

martha1818 said:

Ok, to the people who keep responding to the main message of "gaps are rude" with "but they're done all the time in my circle"- that has nothing to do with the fact that they're rude! Your statement is irrelevant and you may as well have responded with "but I like cheese."
If the main message we're trying to get across is "gaps are rarely done," THEN it would make sense for you to say "but they're done all the time in my circle." But we're not saying that, so your argument is irrelevant.
Just because something is done, doesn't change the fact that it could be rude. End of story.

I understand what you're saying, but I actually don't think it's irrelevant. I think that if gaps are so accepted amongst your guests that they would not think it was rude, than the breach in etiquette is not nearly as big of a deal. It's like - if something is rude, but nobody present actually thinks it is rude, can it actually be considered rude at all? Rudeness is defined in relation to those involved. If nobody involved would consider it to be rude, I definitely that is relevant.

By the way, I'm not suggestion nobody at her wedding would think it wasn't rude. I'm just saying I that I do, in fact, think it is relevant.

Butterflyz419 · October 2014

martha1818 said:

Ok, to the people who keep responding to the main message of "gaps are rude" with "but they're done all the time in my circle"- that has nothing to do with the fact that they're rude! Your statement is irrelevant and you may as well have responded with "but I like cheese."
If the main message we're trying to get across is "gaps are rarely done," THEN it would make sense for you to say "but they're done all the time in my circle." But we're not saying that, so your argument is irrelevant.
Just because something is done, doesn't change the fact that it could be rude. End of story.

That may or may not be the case. Because etiquette is not immutable moral law and is subject to change or cultural difference, it actually is relevant how an action is perceived by the local culture. With all of you people's busy schedules a multi-day wedding celebration would no doubt be your worse nightmare, that doesn't mean Indian people are rude to do that. That is their custom. It is devoid of moral content and is therefore neither good nor bad, simply it is. If you are in a position to be invited to such a celebration, you go or don't go as you are able but you are not to sit in judgment of them. It is therefore extremely relevant whether there are circles of people for whom this gap is expected/the norm because it lets someone see that they should consider their circle and not the abstract "masses" when making a decision that is not actually fraught with morality despite the overheated protestations to the contrary.

huskypuppy14 · October 2014

ssautter said:

martha1818 said:

Ok, to the people who keep responding to the main message of "gaps are rude" with "but they're done all the time in my circle"- that has nothing to do with the fact that they're rude! Your statement is irrelevant and you may as well have responded with "but I like cheese."
If the main message we're trying to get across is "gaps are rarely done," THEN it would make sense for you to say "but they're done all the time in my circle." But we're not saying that, so your argument is irrelevant.
Just because something is done, doesn't change the fact that it could be rude. End of story.

I understand what you're saying, but I actually don't think it's irrelevant. I think that if gaps are so accepted amongst your guests that they would not think it was rude, than the breach in etiquette is not nearly as big of a deal. It's like - if something is rude, but nobody present actually thinks it is rude, can it actually be considered rude at all? Rudeness is defined in relation to those involved. If nobody involved would consider it to be rude, I definitely that is relevant.
By the way, I'm not suggestion nobody at her wedding would think it wasn't rude. I'm just saying I that I do, in fact, think it is relevant.

Nope.

You can't be certain that every single person thinks it's ok. Even people who say they don't mind, may not be telling you the truth. Gaps are rude, period.

martha1818 · October 2014

ssautter said:

martha1818 said:

Ok, to the people who keep responding to the main message of "gaps are rude" with "but they're done all the time in my circle"- that has nothing to do with the fact that they're rude! Your statement is irrelevant and you may as well have responded with "but I like cheese."
If the main message we're trying to get across is "gaps are rarely done," THEN it would make sense for you to say "but they're done all the time in my circle." But we're not saying that, so your argument is irrelevant.
Just because something is done, doesn't change the fact that it could be rude. End of story.

I understand what you're saying, but I actually don't think it's irrelevant. I think that if gaps are so accepted amongst your guests that they would not think it was rude, than the breach in etiquette is not nearly as big of a deal. It's like - if something is rude, but nobody present actually thinks it is rude, can it actually be considered rude at all? Rudeness is defined in relation to those involved. If nobody involved would consider it to be rude, I definitely that is relevant.
By the way, I'm not suggestion nobody at her wedding would think it wasn't rude. I'm just saying I that I do, in fact, think it is relevant.

Fine, but then is there ever a foolproof, 100% accurate way of KNOWING you're not offending any of your guests? Not really.

Even if they're not offended, and if it's not "rude," there's really no denying that it's an inconvenience to your guests. And why would you want to inconvenience them when they're taking so much time, money and effort to celebrate you?

Honestly I think you're preaching to the wrong choir here. This is an etiquette board so most of the posters on here will never justify what you're trying to.

dcbride86 · October 2014

huskypuppy14 said:

ssautter said:

martha1818 said:

Ok, to the people who keep responding to the main message of "gaps are rude" with "but they're done all the time in my circle"- that has nothing to do with the fact that they're rude! Your statement is irrelevant and you may as well have responded with "but I like cheese."
If the main message we're trying to get across is "gaps are rarely done," THEN it would make sense for you to say "but they're done all the time in my circle." But we're not saying that, so your argument is irrelevant.
Just because something is done, doesn't change the fact that it could be rude. End of story.

I understand what you're saying, but I actually don't think it's irrelevant. I think that if gaps are so accepted amongst your guests that they would not think it was rude, than the breach in etiquette is not nearly as big of a deal. It's like - if something is rude, but nobody present actually thinks it is rude, can it actually be considered rude at all? Rudeness is defined in relation to those involved. If nobody involved would consider it to be rude, I definitely that is relevant.
By the way, I'm not suggestion nobody at her wedding would think it wasn't rude. I'm just saying I that I do, in fact, think it is relevant.

Nope.

You can't be certain that every single person thinks it's ok. Even people who say they don't mind, may not be telling you the truth. Gaps are rude, period.

The sentence right after what you bolded said "I'm not suggestion nobody at her wedding would think it wasn't rude."

I understand that nothing is certain. My only point was that whether it was common or totally accepted amongst her guests could be relevant. I agree it isn't the best idea. I'm not having one, and I would likely take note of a gap at a wedding I attended, but I certainly don't think it's as horrible as many poeple on this thread seem to think it is. Maybe that's mostly because I haven't been to a lot of weddings yet (I'm one of the first of my friends to get married), but I see it as a small annoyance, rather than a hugely rude be-all-end-all breach of wedding etiquette

raissyrais · October 2014

@huskypuppy14 and @novella1186 : ABANDON SHIP!!!!

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

martha1818 said:

Ok, to the people who keep responding to the main message of "gaps are rude" with "but they're done all the time in my circle"- that has nothing to do with the fact that they're rude! Your statement is irrelevant and you may as well have responded with "but I like cheese."
If the main message we're trying to get across is "gaps are rarely done," THEN it would make sense for you to say "but they're done all the time in my circle." But we're not saying that, so your argument is irrelevant.
Just because something is done, doesn't change the fact that it could be rude. End of story.

Quoted for truth. You're arguing the wrong points and thus arguing in circles. Being rude and being common are not mutually exclusive things. That's like me saying "I like hamburgers" and you saying "most people I know like pizza." Well, sure, but the fact that those people like pizza does not negate the fact that I like hamburgers.

Gaps are common. Gaps are also rude. Might someone not care that there's a gap? Absolutely. Might some other people be offended by the rudeness of the gap? Absolutely. Is it ideal as a host to do your absolute best to avoid any of your guests thinking you're rude? Absolutely.

This is why many, many people here advocate being mindful when shopping for venues of the earliest and latest start times available, so you don't get yourselves in the predicament of being stuck in contracts that require a gap. It's avoidable with enough prior planning.

beethery · October 2014

Having a gap puts you in violation of these commandments.

Butterflyz419 · October 2014

beethery said:

Having a gap puts you in violation of these commandments.

Funny, I think whining about them violates the same.

beethery · October 2014

Butterflyz419 said:

beethery said:

Having a gap puts you in violation of these commandments.

Funny, I think whining about them violates the same.

Incorrect, I am extremely cool.

Also, the only whining I'm seeing is the ones who are trying to justify a gap. WEEEEHHHHH MY FRIENDS ARE OK WITH IT, WEHHHHH EVERYONE AROUND HERE DOES IT WEHWEHHHHHH.

Sounds like whining to me.

Butterflyz419 · October 2014

And all I hear from the rest of you is: WEEHHHHH THIS WEDDING IS 2 HOURS LONGER THAN IT HAS TO BE, WEHHHH I'M NOT BEING ENTERTAINED CONTINUOUSLY, WEHHH MY TIME IS SOOOO IMPORTANT EVEN THOUGH I CHOSE TO BE HERE.

That sounds a lot like whining from where I sit.

beethery · October 2014

Butterflyz419 said:

And all I hear from the rest of you is: WEEHHHHH THIS WEDDING IS 2 HOURS LONGER THAN IT HAS TO BE, WEHHHH I'M NOT BEING ENTERTAINED CONTINUOUSLY, WEHHH MY TIME IS SOOOO IMPORTANT EVEN THOUGH I CHOSE TO BE HERE.

That sounds a lot like whining from where I sit.

Nobody is making you read this or respond, and yet here you are! Must be entertaining.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

Pope Beethery's rule is law.

I don't understand how anyone can say an afternoon wedding is boring, but having to sit around idly in a hotel lobby for the duration of a gap is not boring. Based on the above "2 hours longer" whine, that means you're counting the gap in the length of the wedding. So now you've got what, a 10+ hour wedding where for several hours at a time, NOTHING HAPPENS and the couple isn't even there?! How the hell is that a better experience than getting a your drank on at 3 in the afternoon?

[Deleted User] · October 2014

lolo883 said:

Pope Beethery's rule is law.

I don't understand how anyone can say an afternoon wedding is boring, but having to sit around idly in a hotel lobby for the duration of a gap is not boring. Based on the above "2 hours longer" whine, that means you're counting the gap in the length of the wedding. So now you've got what, a 10+ hour wedding where for several hours at a time, NOTHING HAPPENS and the couple isn't even there?! How the hell is that a better experience than getting a your drank on at 3 in the afternoon?

Exactly, and the excuse that Indian weddings goes on for days doesn't even fly. I've been to one Indian wedding, and everything is hosted! That's the difference! Yes, I think I went to 2 or 3 nights of parties, but I was hosted properly at every single one. And I didn't HAVE to attend, but when I did they fed me and kept me watered and gave me a place to sit every time.

novella1186 · October 2014

lolo883 said:

Pope Beethery's rule is law.

I don't understand how anyone can say an afternoon wedding is boring, but having to sit around idly in a hotel lobby for the duration of a gap is not boring. Based on the above "2 hours longer" whine, that means you're counting the gap in the length of the wedding. So now you've got what, a 10+ hour wedding where for several hours at a time, NOTHING HAPPENS and the couple isn't even there?! How the hell is that a better experience than getting a your drank on at 3 in the afternoon?

Q/BFT

Butterflyz419 · October 2014

I didn't say that an afternoon wedding is boring. I've been to them, and am going to another next week. They're fine. Sometimes they feel a little ant-climatic to me personally once they were over but I've enjoyed the ones I've been to. I've also been to weddings with gaps, also fine. This is not the world ending, friendship ending, oh my God how can you be so rude I don't want to ever socialize with you again, a despicable cultural norm on the level of genital mutilation type of situation. And to treat it like it is, is hyperventilated nonsense and I felt a desire to point it out today since I'm not particularly busy.

beethery · October 2014

lolo883 said:

Pope Beethery's rule is law.

I don't understand how anyone can say an afternoon wedding is boring, but having to sit around idly in a hotel lobby for the duration of a gap is not boring. Based on the above "2 hours longer" whine, that means you're counting the gap in the length of the wedding. So now you've got what, a 10+ hour wedding where for several hours at a time, NOTHING HAPPENS and the couple isn't even there?! How the hell is that a better experience than getting a your drank on at 3 in the afternoon?

My whole thing is about not dicking around. There's no reason to not just start the party right after.

If the host can't figure that out, they have problems. And I'm going to whiiiiiiiiiiine about them. I will whine about shitty planning all motherfucking day, because it's affecting me as a participant when you can't get your shit together.

novella1186 · October 2014

Butterflyz419 said:

I didn't say that an afternoon wedding is boring. I've been to them, and am going to another next week. They're fine. Sometimes they feel a little ant-climatic to me personally once they were over but I've enjoyed the ones I've been to. I've also been to weddings with gaps, also fine. This is not the world ending, friendship ending, oh my God how can you be so rude I don't want to ever socialize with you again, a despicable cultural norm on the level of genital mutilation type of situation. And to treat it like it is, is hyperventilated nonsense and I felt a desire to point it out today since I'm not particularly busy.

Nobody here is treating them that way. I was the only one that brought that stuff up, and I didn't mean to compare those things, which I've already explained plenty of times. So applying my odd choice of example to EVERYONE in this thread is nonsense.

Wedding Timeline

Re: Wedding Timeline

Choose Another Board

Search Boards