NWR (maybe TMI...?) - Does your SO know your number?

ShesSoCold · October 2014

A friend and I were talking about the dreaded "number". Does your SO know yours?

H and I do, but only because we've known each other since we were super young and through our entire dating histories.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

We've never talked about it. Actually we have a running joke that neither of us ever dated anyone before the other. We refer to exes as Sims.

I don't really talk about it with anyone, TBH. If they ask for a ballpark, I say "it's definitely less than a ballpark" and leave it at that.

esstee33 · October 2014

He does. It's not something I usually offer, but he asked, and I'm a very, very honest person so I told him. It became a huge ordeal (he felt inadequate because his # is much lower), which is why I don't usually like talking about it to begin with.

I think this is one of those bits of knowledge that can only cause problems in many cases.

emmaaa · October 2014

We know eachother's numbers. We've been friends since we were five so it was never a secret when we started dating.

dcbride86 · October 2014

Mine does because when we were first dating I drunkenly told him with no prompting. Our relationship started as more of a hookup, and I was trying to convince him I wasn't a slut (I'm sure this worked out wonderfully, given that I was very drunk and about to hook up with him...)

I don't know his. I honestly just don't care. He doesn't care about mine, either - if I hadn't volunteered the information, he wouldn't know

LittlePeachBlossom · October 2014

I think the number of people one has been with is irrelevant and nobody's business. Yes, even your SO. It's as if this defines a person in some way. The only thing the SO should be concerned with is that you're healthy and will be monogamous (or whatever you two agreed to.)

mschristie123 · October 2014

Well I was a virgin waiting for marriage when we started dating (he wasn't) so that had to be addressed pretty early. I knew that he'd had other relationships, etc. and we ended up talking about his "number" like 6 or 7 months into dating. He was a little bit embarrassed because he thought I would judge him/be dissapointed but it didn't bother me, I just wanted to know so I could know him better.

loro929 · October 2014

esstee33 said:

He does. It's not something I usually offer, but he asked, and I'm a very, very honest person so I told him. It became a huge ordeal (he felt inadequate because his # is much lower), which is why I don't usually like talking about it to begin with. I think this is one of those bits of knowledge that can only cause problems in many cases.

I feel like this is exactly my story! I am happy that I told because no secrets, but oooff being more vague would have omitted a lot of "Discussions".

However, FI is the only one who I have gave this information too. I am always a bit taken aback when a newer girl friend and I will go for drinks. She'll always get a little tipsy and ALWAYS ask and I am ALWAYS passing the bean dip. Girlfriend, it ain't none of yo' business.

afox007 · October 2014

I know his, but he just knows mine is a lot. To he honest I don't know mine. I feel awful saying that, but I definitely went through a slutty period and therefore can not remember every one night stand.

cafarrie · October 2014

We know each other's. He felt a little awkward since mine is more than his, but we were already engaged and 4 years into the relationship so it didn't affect anything.

jenna8984 · October 2014

I am very conservative about sex and I do think it should be for committed relationship only. I know a lot of others on here have admitted to being proud "whores" and swingers and whatnot and that's awesome. That works for you, this works for me, no judgments.

So I made sure we had a talk about it and got numbers before we even had sex because I wanted to know that he had similar views on it as I do. And I wanted him to know my views and know that my number was something I am proud of and don't take lightly.

Years ago before I met DH I had a crush on someone and a mutual friend told me that he was like the Gene Simmons of the area and had been with over 100 girls. My crush instantly went away. We were will still great friends but I could never look at him in the romantic way ever again.

lacqueredlover · October 2014

Nope. Never came up. Neither of us care. Neither one ever got an STD so it doesn't really matter to either of us about our previous sex lives.

birdybride2014 · October 2014

His number was zero, so I was the only one who had to give a number. I brought it up early in our relationship, which he later told me he thought was weird hahah. I'm all for honesty, but if he hadn't been a virgin before we met I'm not sure if I'd of wanted to really know the numbers.

He knows mine because I'd had one serious relationship before him, and one drunk/taken advantage of night with someone I knew once.

blabla89 · October 2014

My FI doesn't. I opened the discussion for him to ask me anything he wanted, but he prefers not to know. And that is fine with me.

ShesSoCold · October 2014

LittlePeachBlossom said:

I think the number of people one has been with is irrelevant and nobody's business. Yes, even your SO. It's as if this defines a person in some way. The only thing the SO should be concerned with is that you're healthy and will be monogamous (or whatever you two agreed to.)

I agree. If I didn't already know H's, I'd probably be super curious (I'm nosy, but not in a "I don't trust you" way) and then be upset when I found out.

cupcait927 · October 2014

We know each others. Neither of us was very adventurous when it came to sex before we met each other. We are relationship people and never got into the one night stand thing or just hooking up. We both have very conservative numbers and didn't feel that it was an issue that needed to be kept a secret between each other. I had a fairly good idea of his number due to his dating history and it was very similar to mine.

lacqueredlover · October 2014

For the record, I see my Fiance's ex wife at least 2 times a week and we are friendly. He's become friends with 2 of my exes. Neither of us are the jealous type. We just don't see a point in discussing our sexual pasts other than kids, std's and the disuse of condoms after both being tested.

It always seemed to me that talking about it just would lead to someone being upset/jealous/feel insecure/etc. None of my friends ever really talked about it with a SO either. The past is the past, it can't be changed, so who really cares? I prefer to focus on the present and the future that we have together.

chibiyui · October 2014

H and I know each others. It came up when we were discussing safe sex and testing.

I also think this is something that generally matters more when you're younger. I imagine if H and I had met in our 30's it would have never came up.

luckya23 · October 2014

We do not know each other's.

I think it's strange, and would kind of like to know, but I suspect mine is higher so I don't think he wants to. He likes to leave the past in the past, I suppose.

redoryx · October 2014

Nope, I don't know his and he doesn't know mine. It's never come up before and doesn't seem to really matter. If he ever asks my number I'll tell him but I don't see that happening and I honestly don't care how many women he slept with before me as long as I'm the last woman he sleeps with lol

doeydo · October 2014

Nope. I'd have to really think about it to figure out my number.

anjemon · October 2014

We've never really talked numbers. And I would be really guessing if I had to give my FI one. But he knows mine, although I don't think he knows that. I've just only had a few relationships and I've mentioned them to him (in stories or in talking about what we like) so he's heard of the guys in other contexts.

I really like this conversation because I recently realized I only have vague knowledge of FI's dating history (I think I have heard about all the serious girlfriends). And I was starting to wonder if I should know this stuff. It's not important to me and doesn't change anything, but was it weird that I didn't know? At least now I know we're not the only ones who haven't had a big discussion about it. And we don't need to because it's not an issue.

esstee33 · October 2014

jenna8984 said:
I am very conservative about sex and I do think it should be for committed relationship only. I know a lot of others on here have admitted to being proud "whores" and swingers and whatnot and that's awesome. That works for you, this works for me, no judgments.

So I made sure we had a talk about it and got numbers before we even had sex because I wanted to know that he had similar views on it as I do. And I wanted him to know my views and know that my number was something I am proud of and don't take lightly.

Years ago before I met DH I had a crush on someone and a mutual friend told me that he was like the Gene Simmons of the area and had been with over 100 girls. My crush instantly went away. We were will still great friends but I could never look at him in the romantic way ever again.

Oh, is this the part where we start slut-shaming? Because this is SO condescending.

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

Nope. It's not relevant.

I'm pretty sure his is quite low because I do know he was a virgin until college when he started dating a long-time girlfriend that he dated until graduation.

Mine is not low... we'll just leave it there.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

esstee33 said:

I am very conservative about sex and I do think it should be for committed relationship only. I know a lot of others on here have admitted to being proud "whores" and swingers and whatnot and that's awesome. That works for you, this works for me, no judgments. So I made sure we had a talk about it and got numbers before we even had sex because I wanted to know that he had similar views on it as I do. And I wanted him to know my views and know that my number was something I am proud of and don't take lightly. Years ago before I met DH I had a crush on someone and a mutual friend told me that he was like the Gene Simmons of the area and had been with over 100 girls. My crush instantly went away. We were will still great friends but I could never look at him in the romantic way ever again.
Oh, is this the part where we start slut-shaming? Because this is SO condescending.

I didn't take it that way at all. It's all personal preference.

beethery · October 2014

I don't know his, he doesn't know mine. We don't really talk about it. Actually, the closest discussion we had to it was general, "When was the last time you got tested?" after I had an allergic reaction to the condoms and then, "How old were you when you had sex the first time?" after we'd been together for a while and were shooting the shit.

Just hasn't been anything we've talked about.

jenna8984 · October 2014

Um no? Just because I believe in something I never said anyone is a horrible person for believing in the opposite. Others on here have called themselves whores in their past, I wasn't calling them that.

southernbelle0915 · October 2014

lolo883 said:

esstee33 said:

I am very conservative about sex and I do think it should be for committed relationship only. I know a lot of others on here have admitted to being proud "whores" and swingers and whatnot and that's awesome. That works for you, this works for me, no judgments. So I made sure we had a talk about it and got numbers before we even had sex because I wanted to know that he had similar views on it as I do. And I wanted him to know my views and know that my number was something I am proud of and don't take lightly. Years ago before I met DH I had a crush on someone and a mutual friend told me that he was like the Gene Simmons of the area and had been with over 100 girls. My crush instantly went away. We were will still great friends but I could never look at him in the romantic way ever again.
Oh, is this the part where we start slut-shaming? Because this is SO condescending.

I didn't take it that way at all. It's all personal preference.

Yea, I didn't take it that way either.

Even though I guess I would have qualified as a "proud whore" back int he day. Giddyup, cowboy!

What mattered to me was not anyone's number, but whether or not he practiced safe sex and was free and clear of STDs. I always got tested between partners and expected anyone I slept with to do the same. Numbers don't matter to me, but safe sex does.

thisismynickname2 · October 2014

LittlePeachBlossom said:

I think the number of people one has been with is irrelevant and nobody's business. Yes, even your SO. It's as if this defines a person in some way. The only thing the SO should be concerned with is that you're healthy and will be monogamous (or whatever you two agreed to.)

Totally agree. My number isn't that low, but it's because I had to date a lot to find Mr. Right. I was never into one-night-stands, but if I dated a guy for a month or so... it happened.

I think DH never asked partly because he doesn't want to know, but also, he was married before. It's simply just not a secret that either of us slept with other people before meeting each other, so why bother with an exact number?

jenna8984 · October 2014

@esstee33 it would be like one of our more religious members saying they don't feel compatible dating an atheist. Well I wouldn't feel compatible dating someone who had a lot of sex partners. That's all I was saying.

Simky906 · October 2014

Nope, we never had that discussion. Based on our dating histories I'm sure that his is higher (I'm a serial monogamist) but it doesn't really matter to me. We're each others one and only now and that's all I care about.

NWR (maybe TMI...?) - Does your SO know your number?

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