Budget Weddings Forum

Instead of a traditional caterer.. "family cooked" wedding?

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Re: Instead of a traditional caterer.. "family cooked" wedding?

  • Don't take it as an insult! Take it as a "we want to help but aren't sure how, so we made x-dish because we want to shoe you we care," because 99% of the time that's what it is.
  • MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I never said it did! I clearly have an entirely different view on this to you - by WANTING to do.something, they would have genuinely offered, not been asked! The best wedding ive been to was a close friends - myself and three other friends pitched in and catered it for her for cost. She was so grateful, and you know? I really enjoyed myself. I didn't mind staying up til 3 washing.up, because I'd helped make her day special. My point is, its nice to have a family cooked wedding - it ends up being more personal than having a stranger do it; otherwise, what's the difference between that and going to a restaurant? I agree - don't force someone to do a job at your wedding because you think you're entitled to it, but, if people offer, take them up on it!
    You are missing my point.  People will offer help, even if they don't want to do it.  I am guilty of it myself - "just let me know if you need anything else!" comes out of my mouth several times a day.  You could take the high road and decline the help and let your guests be guests.  It's a matter of respect towards them.  I would feel like a horrible human if my MIL had to mop floors after my wedding.  In fact, I would find every way possible to make sure that didn't happen, even if it meant hard decisions and major cuts.

    This is my new challenge question.  "Is it appropriate for me to think that (insert name here)'s time would be better suited (insert task here) than enjoying my wedding?"

    Please tell us why it is appropriate for a bride to think that their guests's time would be better suited setting tables/serving food/cleaning up/etc. than enjoying their wedding, even if they offered?

    So far no one will answer it.
  • @emmiejayne, my dear.  If you are responding to a particular post, please push Quote rather than Reply so we know who you're talking to.  Otherwise it just looks like a bunch of random responses that I'm trying to puzzle together.


    Don't take it as an insult! Take it as a "we want to help but aren't sure how, so we made x-dish because we want to shoe you we care," because 99% of the time that's what it is.
    So, you're trying to SHOW me you care by bringing me warm chocolate pudding made from powder from a box, that my guests are now going to get food poisoning from because the milk has curdled from sitting in your car for the past hour while you drove here?  Awesome, thanks.
  • MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    Don't take it as an insult! Take it as a "we want to help but aren't sure how, so we made x-dish because we want to shoe you we care," because 99% of the time that's what it is.
    They can show they care by showing up and having a good time.  Not bringing food that messes with my vision and aesthetic for my menu and making me feel like you don't have faith in my hosting skills.

    I'm a pretty straightforward person.  If I say I don't need help I don't need it.  I pay people to do paid jobs, and treat my guests like guests.  If someone has a problem with that they don't have to come to anything I host.

    We will just agree to disagree.  It's all good.

    PS - sorry to everyone derailing this thread.  :)

  • This is my new challenge question.  "Is it appropriate for me to think that (insert name here)'s time would be better suited (insert task here) than enjoying my wedding?"

    Please tell us why it is appropriate for a bride to think that their guests's time would be better suited setting tables/serving food/cleaning up/etc. than enjoying their wedding, even if they offered?
    So far no one will answer it. I'm answering it! In my social circle (not everyone elses, and that's fine,
    I'm just trying to offer an alternative view) it's not about where their time would be better spent, it's about coming together as a community.  A couple of friends are helping me faff with invitations.  They offered, I gave them a chance to  back out and they're more excited than I am about it. I'm catering our food. It's about making the day special for EVERYONE, which, for some people (myself included) means helping out.  Helping make someone elses day awesome.  
    They can show they care by showing up and having a good time.  Not bringing food that messes with my vision and aesthetic for my menu and making me feel like you don't have faith in my hosting skills.
    I don't think it has anything to do with that at all, again, it's most likely to be because they want to help, to show they care.  Try understanding it more rather than getting too pissy over it.

    Yes, agree to disagree :)
  • I feel like this all depends on your guests. I went to the weddings of two cousins. At one of them, the bride's parents wanted to pay for everything and were financially capable of hosting a wedding in a ballroom that was catered and decorated professionally. But the other cousin had his parents and aunts and grandparents make various side dishes and extra deserts to go with the wedding cake and catered local barbeque. Granted these were older Southern ladies who think food equals love.

    Both weddings had about 100 or so guests, and everyone lived within 50 miles of the ceremony/reception venues. Also, both weddings were in the afternoon; well after lunch but the perfect time for snacking. I personally felt like the second wedding with the "potluck" was more personable and friendly. I don't think they're tacky or unacceptable, but you have to know your guests.

  • You do not throw a wedding and then put the burden on your guests to provide food. Why is this so hard to understand? It's rude. It's tacky. End of story.
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  • lglepper said:

    I'm going to start this by saying that I have read every post of this thread over the past few days. It is apparent that some members have not.

    The OP opened herself up to criticism with her question, and maybe she should have been more prepared for that. However, I can't imagine that Emily Post, who was so often quoted or mentioned, would be proud to see the responses that were given. They were way more harsh than what was necessary. The truth does not have to mean, especially when the criticism was not followed up with any sort of solution in most cases.

    I'm not saying that a potluck wedding is a good or a bad idea. I'm not sure how much of a money saver it would be based on the cost of food and equipment needing to be purchased. I'm not going to comment on food safety. I personally have had to make the decision to cut the guest list to 50, and have my wedding in the afternoon so heavy appetizers and cocktails are appropriate refreshments. However, if the B & G are specifically asking for a family guest to bring a dish in lieu of a gift, then that seems acceptable. From the sounds of things, I'm guessing the grooms family would be of the generation that does find potluck receptions, both acceptable and normal.

    I just feel that this poor girl has been raked over the coals. She did not deserve to be berated for her question. I believe that most commenters could have easily said, "I don't think that is the most socially acceptable option any more, and I would be concerned about food safety. Have you considered X, Y, or Z as alternatives?".

    OP, planning a wedding is hard. Whether it is a $50,000 wedding, $5,000, or $500. I'm not sure that having more money would have helped me anyway- I think I would have still been stressed to the max! I'm sure you will have a beautiful day. Conratulations on this special time. Please take what you can from these comments and don't let mean words ruin your planning process.

    image

    You obviously didn't read, because the first fucking response the OP got was "Consider these cheaper and easier to make yourself, not your guests, option" There were like, 5 freaking different options on the first half of the page alone, cake and punch, cold cuts from the grocery store, cutting the guest list, BBQ, AND MORE.

    Sometimes, the truth hurts.
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    Anniversary
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  • lglepper said:
    I said some or most cases, not all, when I mentioned other commenters. I think that the alternatives mentioned are great, and am even utilizing many of the suggestions for my own wedding reception (which I also stated). I find it disheartening that the some members on this site find it so appropriate to pick apart others ideas in such a vulgar way- especially when the issues at hand often come down to "appropriateness" or etiquette. Much like many people hold the opinion that it is "tacky" to have a potluck (in any sense), I feel that many responses were not in good taste. That is all. I'm just trying to show support to a fellow bride who seems to have been beaten down.
    Yeah, you should probably go back and read the whole post. 
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  • @lglepper - personally, I don't care if "Emily Post would be proud of posts in this thread". Emily Post probably wouldn't approve of some of the things her CHILDREN have done with her name and advice. 

    Look, the point of these forums is to help people plan weddings. If you lurk a little, you'll notice that about 9 out of 10 posters with ideas (that go against Emily Post's advice, btw) are looking for validation. In other words, they're like "here's what I'm doing, tell me how great it is!!" And when people are like "hm, no...." they get all stompy and pouty. No one here is personally invested in the posters or their events. So I have no problem telling someone they are offending and being rude to their guests.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • lglepper said:

    I'm going to start this by saying that I have read every post of this thread over the past few days. It is apparent that some members have not.

    The OP opened herself up to criticism with her question, and maybe she should have been more prepared for that. However, I can't imagine that Emily Post, who was so often quoted or mentioned, would be proud to see the responses that were given. They were way more harsh than what was necessary. The truth does not have to mean, especially when the criticism was not followed up with any sort of solution in most cases.

    I'm not saying that a potluck wedding is a good or a bad idea. I'm not sure how much of a money saver it would be based on the cost of food and equipment needing to be purchased. I'm not going to comment on food safety. I personally have had to make the decision to cut the guest list to 50, and have my wedding in the afternoon so heavy appetizers and cocktails are appropriate refreshments. However, if the B & G are specifically asking for a family guest to bring a dish in lieu of a gift, then that seems acceptable. From the sounds of things, I'm guessing the grooms family would be of the generation that does find potluck receptions, both acceptable and normal.

    I just feel that this poor girl has been raked over the coals. She did not deserve to be berated for her question. I believe that most commenters could have easily said, "I don't think that is the most socially acceptable option any more, and I would be concerned about food safety. Have you considered X, Y, or Z as alternatives?".

    OP, planning a wedding is hard. Whether it is a $50,000 wedding, $5,000, or $500. I'm not sure that having more money would have helped me anyway- I think I would have still been stressed to the max! I'm sure you will have a beautiful day. Conratulations on this special time. Please take what you can from these comments and don't let mean words ruin your planning process.

    1.  It was never socially acceptable, actually.
    2.  You are free to word your advice in any way you want, barring name calling.  You are not, however, free to tell us how to respond.  If you want to beat around the bush, have at it.  Telling someone straight-forwardly that their idea is rude and inappropriate is not in itself rude in any way. 



  • lglepper said:

    I also said that the OP opened herself up to criticism with her question, and maybe she should have been more prepared for that. I'm not excusing her behavior either.

    I see where her reaction came from, but don't think that she expressed it in the most appropriate way. I can also see how her comment would elicit some unkind responses by people who had taken offense at her statement. She added fuel to the fire, that probably wasn't constructive to overall direction of her own thread.

     

    So basically you're just here to lecture a bunch of adults about "appropriate" message board behavior and how to politely give advice even when the OP was rude as fuck in response to polite advice? 

    Maybe you can give me this wise mom advice about how to live the rest of my life, too, while you're at it, since you apparently believe that we need you to show us how adulting is done. Here's a list of what else I'd like you to patronize me about: 

    1. Absolutely fucking nothing. 
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