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BM just got engaged, chose same wedding month

Knottie1445136220Knottie1445136220 member
Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
in Wedding 911
My best friend/ bridesmaid got engaged recently ( 8 months after me ) and just chose a wedding date two weekends after mine. (I set my wedding date 6 months ago). I'm just having weird emotions and am wondering if anyone ever had this happen to them?

Side notes: We have mutual family friends and I'm also concerned about her focus and dedication to being a bridesmaid at mine. Do I offer her an "out"?
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Re: BM just got engaged, chose same wedding month

  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's all right here......
    http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1042457/bridal-party-101-check-here-first#latest

    Pay particular attention to paragraphs 6 and 7.
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  • alpacalunchalpacalunch member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Congrats to your friend! That's great! Regarding timing, you get one day for your wedding (and as PP said, it's still not 'your day'), not a month or even entire weekend. Just be happy that this is an experience you can share! That, and it's so much more enjoyable talking wedding to someone who is going through the same things.
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  • rnsoonrnsoon member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    You get ONE day. Your friend gets ONE day. And the only thing she has to do is buy a dress and walk down the aisle. Please do not schedule craft days or anything crazy like that. That is YOUR job. And your fiance's of course.
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  • ohannabelleohannabelle member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Seriously, "offer her an out?" I'm genuinely confused. Do you mean let it go, and forgive her?
    Because she's done nothing wrong at all.
    Or do you mean offer to release her from your wedding party? 

    I don't get it.

    Exactly what is it that you expect a bridesmaid to do that requires focus and dedication? Buy a dress, be there the day of your wedding, stand for the ceremony....I think that she will have recovered from the experience well enough to get married a couple of weeks later.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So....you only get one day. All she has to do is show up on time and in the dress in a good mood.  

    Just like she only gets one day, and if you are her bridesmaid all you have to do is show up happy and on time in the dress.

    Super simple.  Hell, it might even be super fun for you guys to plan together.  Be happy for her.  Stressing about this will get you no where, will harm the friendship, and is ultimately pointless.  She has done nothing wrong by getting married the same month.  


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  • Knottie1445136220Knottie1445136220 member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
    Oh, sorry I didn't explain. My wedding is DIY and the bridesmaids (I only have 2) offered to "do the design/decor" to help contribute. I don't want her to be stressed out since she's now going to be planning her own wedding, so should I tell her it's OK if she doesn't want to be a BM anymore?
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  • Knottie1445136220Knottie1445136220 member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
    And yes, very concerned about family choosing one wedding over the other.
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  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    ^^^ Good answer. Release her from any duty or activity you've planned. That way she only needs to do what bridesmaids need to do: buy the dress, walk down the aisle, stand beside their BFF while they get married.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    NikkiRose710 said:
    Oh, sorry I didn't explain. My wedding is DIY and the bridesmaids (I only have 2) offered to "do the design/decor" to help contribute. I don't want her to be stressed out since she's now going to be planning her own wedding, so should I tell her it's OK if she doesn't want to be a BM anymore?
    DIY means YOU do it. Not other people. Don't give her an out. If she asks to step down, let her. But this really is not a big deal. 

    My cousin got engaged after me, and then had her wedding 3 weeks before mine. We had family traveling for both. And guess what? They attended both weddings. And if someone had choose hers over mine, that's OK. It's not the end of the world. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    edited November 2014
    OH NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Call the police! Alert the authorities!

    *******
    NikkiRose710 said:
    Oh, sorry I didn't explain. My wedding is DIY and the bridesmaids (I only have 2) offered to "do the design/decor" to help contribute. I don't want her to be stressed out since she's now going to be planning her own wedding, so should I tell her it's OK if she doesn't want to be a BM anymore?
    ********

    You "don't want her to be stressed out"? So that's why you're upset? My bullshit detector just went off! In another thread, you said you're getting married next October. If you have more DIY projects than you (just you) can do in one year, then you've bitten off more than you can chew and should reassess. I think you don't want her to "steal your thunder" or for the spotlight to be shifted.

    I have great news though! You only get the spotlight for one day anyway. Any more than that and you are asking too much of people. So that should relieve some of your worries. Unless the booked the same exact day. THEN I would agree you may have a problem.

    ETF: Boxes
    *********************************************************************************

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    MagicInk said:
    We got married November first. One of the wonderful people who stood up on my side is getting married November 15th. It had zero impact on our wedding. None. Not even a tiny bit. He still managed to show up, in his suit, day of the wedding and walk down the aisle. Even gave a toast.

    I'll be in his wedding. I feel pretty confident in my abilities to also show up, walk down an aisle and maybe give a toast. We've helped each other because we're friends, but no one stressed about anything.
    OMG he must have been so stressed though!! j/k

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  • redoryxredoryx member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer

    Okay. So, to make sure I'm understanding things: You are worried your BM won't be able to help you because she'll be too busy planning her own wedding. So instead of giving her an "out" from helping you with your wedding, you want to give her an "out" from being a BM altogether? So, what, you can then find someone who can help you? That's not the purpose of a bridal party. If they offered, cool, but if they suddenly can't it's not a good reason to drop them.

    DIY is do it yourself. If you need help you should tap the only person who actually should be expected and required to assist, which is your FI. I think you perhaps have unrealistic expectations of the "focus" and "dedication" your bridal party has.

     

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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Maggie0829 said:
    MagicInk said:
    We got married November first. One of the wonderful people who stood up on my side is getting married November 15th. It had zero impact on our wedding. None. Not even a tiny bit. He still managed to show up, in his suit, day of the wedding and walk down the aisle. Even gave a toast.

    I'll be in his wedding. I feel pretty confident in my abilities to also show up, walk down an aisle and maybe give a toast. We've helped each other because we're friends, but no one stressed about anything.
    OMG he must have been so stressed though!! j/k
    Eh, I just kept plying him with liquor. Got him over that stress real easy.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    redoryx said:

    Okay. So, to make sure I'm understanding things: You are worried your BM won't be able to help you because she'll be too busy planning her own wedding. So instead of giving her an "out" from helping you with your wedding, you want to give her an "out" from being a BM altogether? So, what, you can then find someone who can help you? That's not the purpose of a bridal party. If they offered, cool, but if they suddenly can't it's not a good reason to drop them.

    DIY is do it yourself. If you need help you should tap the only person who actually should be expected and required to assist, which is your FI. I think you perhaps have unrealistic expectations of the "focus" and "dedication" your bridal party has.

     

    A millions times yes to the bolded. I did a lot of DIY too. And guess who helped me? My now husband. He stuffed put together all the invitations with me, and made all the centerpieces with me. 
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  • fwtx5815fwtx5815 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Bridesmaids are guests of honor, not contract employees.

    If you're considering dismissing her from the WP, it's going to send the message that her helping craft things and throw parties for you is the most important aspect of her participation in your wedding, and if she can't do her "job," she's free to move along.
    Ask yourself if that's how you want her to feel.

    ----


     fka dallasbetch 


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    Lilypie Maternity tickers

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  • Knottie1445136220Knottie1445136220 member
    Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments
    MagicInk said:

    We got married November first. One of the wonderful people who stood up on my side is getting married November 15th. It had zero impact on our wedding. None. Not even a tiny bit. He still managed to show up, in his suit, day of the wedding and walk down the aisle. Even gave a toast.


    I'll be in his wedding. I feel pretty confident in my abilities to also show up, walk down an aisle and maybe give a toast. We've helped each other because we're friends, but no one stressed about anything.
    Thank you. Was looking for people with similar situations to see if it was overwhelming. That's all.
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I understand your pain. I got engaged Nov '13, my close friend got engaged April '14. She was already in my bridal party and while she was selecting a date, she chose the day after my wedding. After I had a mini silent freakout, I reminded her of my wedding date - told her to do whatever made her happy. She did choose another date, one month after my wedding. HOW DARE SHE TRY TO TAKE MY SPOTLIGHT?! Seriously. Total brat moment I had. But in my own head.

    It took a lot of me being an adult and not being a total brat (even though it would be SO much easier) over the whole thing. I'm happy for her and that's what I'm focusing on. We all get our own day. And I know that its really hard not to take the "They skipped my wedding to go to hers!" personally, but you'll make yourself crazy over it. Just try not to. Not everybody can afford to make the trips or buy all the gifts etc.

    Good luck! :)

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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    NikkiRose710 said:
    Oh, sorry I didn't explain. My wedding is DIY and the bridesmaids (I only have 2) offered to "do the design/decor" to help contribute. I don't want her to be stressed out since she's now going to be planning her own wedding, so should I tell her it's OK if she doesn't want to be a BM anymore?
    No.  Regardless of how you say it, that will sound like "You're not going to have as much time to be my wedding bitch so I'm kicking you to the curb."  If she can no longer do the design/decor of your wedding, oh well.  That's not her job anyway. 



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  • yogablossomyogablossom member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    My cousin got engaged two weeks after me last December, and is getting married exactly two weeks after me this upcoming spring.  We are bridesmaids in each others weddings and I could not be happier for her. Yes our family is going to be wedding-ed out by the end, but we are so excited that we're both getting married and get to partake in each other's weddings . I don't think we will be stressed. We are both having different weddings. All she has to do for mine is buy her dress and show up the day-of.  The same is expected of me for her wedding.

    Look at it as a wedding saga of fun where you both can enjoy being brides and bridesmaids. It's actually pretty cool!
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  • bridet0be15bridet0be15 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary
    I will admit I would initially be slightly bummed if a BM choice a date close to mine.  However, after thinking about it for more then a few seconds I would be thrilled for them.  I am not asking my BM to do anything for my wedding.  My sister volunteered to address the STDs because she tells me all the time how terrible my handwriting is.  I took her up on this... I will bring the wine and dessert!

    Two other BM keep saying whatever I want they will do.. I just want them to have fun!  One BM hasn't offered to do anything and I don't expect her to... to be honest, I didn't even realize until i started writing this.  All four of them are wonderful and the only people I want next to me.  I wouldn't want any to "bow down" because they didn't have enough time.  All I need them to do is show up on time and most importantly HAVE FUN.  If they can keep me from panicking thats a plus too ;)
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  • dragonaviciousdragonavicious member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Here's the thing. I think it is totally understandable for you to be a little irritated that she picked a date within two weeks (we are all human after all) but you just can't say anything about it. 

    It is a little inconsiderate of someone in your wedding to choose a wedding date within the week of your wedding, but it is also inconsiderate of you to hint for them to change it or anything like that since there are any number of reasons they picked that day. (Maybe it's the only day Aunt Helen can fly in from Japan and she's the FI's favorite relative). 

    So instead of looking at it like a negative thing just think about how you can bounce ideas off each other. You both will be looking for vendors around the same time. You both will need to go on shopping trips at the same time. Maybe you can have a DIY day and both work on a craft for your own weddings together with a bit of wine.  Situations are what you make of them. 
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  • 3131531315 member
    First Comment
    Who cares. You are getting married first and people most likely already planned on coming to yours. if she planned her date before yours that would have been a different story and totally awful after accepting to be your bridesmaid. Now if she was your MOH that would be a different story as well. It should totally work out just fine. 
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