Wedding 911

BM just got engaged, chose same wedding month

24

Re: BM just got engaged, chose same wedding month

  • Just maybe keep some stuff to yourself that you don't want her to copy from you...because by the time the wedding comes around it will be too late to copy you :) if it does happen though take it as a compliment. Like I said, your day is first and that is all that matters

  • Who cares. You are getting married first and people most likely already planned on coming to yours. if she planned her date before yours that would have been a different story and totally awful after accepting to be your bridesmaid. Now if she was your MOH that would be a different story as well. It should totally work out just fine. 
    What exactly would have been so "awful' about that or why would the friend being the MOH make any difference at all?
    image
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Not everyone requires 24/7 focus on their wedding. By the time we were into the last two weeks before our wedding, everything was finished and ready to go. All we had to do was pack. I could have been in someone's wedding, and I could have helped them with anything I'd offered to help with. I'm really good at scheduling my time, and wedding planning honestly doesn't soak up that much time. I was able to do the bulk of it online (narrowing down venues, etc).

    It really just comes down to her timeline and time management. She's your friend, so you should trust her to let you know if she can't help you one/some weekend(s). I would be really hurt if someone gave me an out, because I'd feel like they didn't want me around anymore. My friends know that if I can't do something, I'll say, "Hey, I can't do this," and they don't take it personally. It just is what it is.

  • do not let her go just offer to do the stuff yourself since it is DO IT YOURSELF. as for doing it 2 weeks after yours yes it will take away from her wedding and thats her fault not yours. We planned on doing our a month after my cousins but because of money issues right now we decided to push it off.
    my cousin did this got engaged a few days before our other cousins wedding and his is in 2 weeks from tomorrow. It took away from his because a lot of us have plans already or cant afford to go but thats his concern not my other cousins. 
    image
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    31315 said:

    Who cares. You are getting married first and people most likely already planned on coming to yours. if she planned her date before yours that would have been a different story and totally awful after accepting to be your bridesmaid. Now if she was your MOH that would be a different story as well. It should totally work out just fine. 

    Da fuq?
    Anniversary

    image
    larrygaga
  • Thank you for all of the positive comments and advice!!
  • I don't feel like anyone is really being sympathetic or supportive at all which is what these forums should be for.  She's stressed out.  We've all had moments of being overwhelmed and panicked due to wedding planning.  Even if you think she's being irrational, you should still at least be able to say so  and give advice without being rude which many of these comments have been.

    In my opinion, I am getting that you mostly seem upset because you had an understanding of how things were going to go and that has now changed.  I can understand that as changes with regards to your wedding can be scary when for many of us we've never done this before and so it's new territory and also such a big deal so not something you want to mess up.  From what you said I think that when you found out you were basically just concerned because she had made certain commitments to you and you were worried that she might no longer meet them.  Also, I think part of that concern was coming from that you wouldn't know until possibly too late whether or not this would be the case (thus wanting to offer her the out now rather than waiting to be disappointed).  Also, I can totally understand being worried about some of your family/friends having to choose one wedding over the other.  This is unfortunate, but hopefully none of your must haves will fall into this category.  If it were me and a friend had already set her date I would likely have tried to pick a date little further away from it, but there's many other factors that might have forced me to do what your friend did.  Maybe she had always dreamed of getting married in that month and didn't want to wait an entire extra year?  Maybe that date is special for some reason?  Maybe she had a certain venue in mind and that was the best possible date they had available (who knows, maybe her only other option was even closer to your date)?  If it were me I might ask my friend why she picked that date if I knew it would continue to bother me or let it go if I could.

    What might help more than anything is to just try to work together.  If she is doing DIY stuff too then maybe try to have a DIY girls night or weekend.  If one of your fiances is going out of town that might be a great time to do it!  I would go to one of your houses and just set up TV trays or on tables for bigger projects and work away with a wedding themed movie on in the background.  Then either she works on her project and you work on yours or you both work on one and then the other.  Order pizza and have a glass of wine.  Try to make it a way to bond rather than a divisive issue.

    Weddings can be a really sensitive topic and a very emotional time for people.  Personally, I think it never hurts to let each bride have her spotlight for an extra little while.  After all, we all hope to only do it once (and we really all hope it's our last time down the aisle at least) so we want to savor it.  For me, my fiance and I have been planning for about 6 months with him telling me that he had a certain day that he wanted to propose but that since he knew I wanted a fall wedding he wasn't going to leave me with much time so to just go ahead and book a venue, do whatever I needed and that I would get the ring soon.  Well when I got it a little less than a month ago it was 3 weeks before his cousins wedding.  I didn't want to go all out and steal her thunder right before her big day so I let all the important people know first, then posted a simple announcement to facebook.  Past that I won't do anything public or announce the date or anything until at least a couple weeks after her wedding even though we already know many details.  Right now only my mom and MOH know anything other than that we are getting married.  I haven't even asked my other BMs because I want to be able to go nuts and dive right in at that point so I will wait.  I see nothing wrong with letting each bride have her moment for a little longer when possible.  Right now she is enjoying posting last minute updates and for the first couple weeks after she will be posting pics of the day.  I can certainly wait until after that to start talking about my planning.  If anyone asks about it at her wedding I will just say that it will be next september and leave it at that.  If pressed I will point out that I don't want to go into it on someone elses day (and then make a comment about something pretty there).

    Just enjoy your planning and it will all fall into place.  And forgive yourself the occasional freakout!
    edenisleapromise22
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2014
    I don't feel like anyone is really being sympathetic or supportive at all which is what these forums should be for.  She's stressed out.  We've all had moments of being overwhelmed and panicked due to wedding planning.  Even if you think she's being irrational, you should still at least be able to say so  and give advice without being rude which many of these comments have been.
    I would like you to re-read my response to her and explain how I was neither sympathetic nor supportive.

    beetherylevioosaedenisle
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    31315 said:
    Who cares. You are getting married first and people most likely already planned on coming to yours. if she planned her date before yours that would have been a different story and totally awful after accepting to be your bridesmaid. Now if she was your MOH that would be a different story as well. It should totally work out just fine. 
    No.



  • arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited November 2014
    I don't feel like anyone is really being sympathetic or supportive at all which is what these forums should be for.  She's stressed out.  We've all had moments of being overwhelmed and panicked due to wedding planning.  Even if you think she's being irrational, you should still at least be able to say so  and give advice without being rude which many of these comments have been.

    Pay me first. Then I'll be sympathetic.

    One of my bridesmaids just got engaged. A week ago. We went out to dinner last night to celebrate and she was worried that she was going to "steal my thunder" in regards to wedding stuff, since up to that point I was the only one in our big group of friends who was engaged. Ridiculous! I'm ECSTATIC for her, and am so excited for us to talk wedding together over the next year. And if I'm worried about my bridesmaids being too busy to help me with things, then I'm doing something wrong and/or managed my time poorly. They're not there to be my workhorses.
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

                                                   image
    Denise40
  • dcbride86dcbride86 Washington, DC member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    I don't feel like anyone is really being sympathetic or supportive at all which is what these forums should be for.  She's stressed out.  We've all had moments of being overwhelmed and panicked due to wedding planning.  Even if you think she's being irrational, you should still at least be able to say so  and give advice without being rude which many of these comments have been.

    Pay me first. Then I'll be sympathic.

    One of my bridesmaids just got engaged. A week ago. We went out to dinner last night to celebrate and she was worried that she was going to "steal my thunder" in regards to wedding stuff, since up to that point I was the only one in our big group of friends who was engaged. Ridiculous! I'm ECSTATIC for her, and am so excited for us to talk wedding together over the next year. And if I'm worried about my bridesmaids being too busy to help me with things, then I'm doing something wrong and/or managed my time poorly. They're not there to be my workhorses.
    I'm with you!!  2 of my BMs got engaged after me, and I'm SOOOO excited for them!!!  It's so much fun to have BMs who I can talk to about random wedding stuff, and I'm so excited for the weddings I get to attend after my own!  Just be happy for your BM!
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers



    I don't feel like anyone is really being sympathetic or supportive at all which is what these forums should be for.

    This is where I stopped reading. This is a public forum. I am not paid to be here. I have no obligation to be nice about bad ideas. Sometimes a hard slap in the face is exactly what a person needs. The OP has come back and been fine, so unwad your panties and don't tell me how to post. It will just end in me laughing as you get progressively more pissy.


    If you can't be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
    Viczaesarbanana468

  • I don't feel like anyone is really being sympathetic or supportive at all which is what these forums should be for.  She's stressed out.  We've all had moments of being overwhelmed and panicked due to wedding planning.  Even if you think she's being irrational, you should still at least be able to say so  and give advice without being rude which many of these comments have been.

    In my opinion, I am getting that you mostly seem upset because you had an understanding of how things were going to go and that has now changed.  I can understand that as changes with regards to your wedding can be scary when for many of us we've never done this before and so it's new territory and also such a big deal so not something you want to mess up.  From what you said I think that when you found out you were basically just concerned because she had made certain commitments to you and you were worried that she might no longer meet them.  Also, I think part of that concern was coming from that you wouldn't know until possibly too late whether or not this would be the case (thus wanting to offer her the out now rather than waiting to be disappointed).  Also, I can totally understand being worried about some of your family/friends having to choose one wedding over the other.  This is unfortunate, but hopefully none of your must haves will fall into this category.  If it were me and a friend had already set her date I would likely have tried to pick a date little further away from it, but there's many other factors that might have forced me to do what your friend did.  Maybe she had always dreamed of getting married in that month and didn't want to wait an entire extra year?  Maybe that date is special for some reason?  Maybe she had a certain venue in mind and that was the best possible date they had available (who knows, maybe her only other option was even closer to your date)?  If it were me I might ask my friend why she picked that date if I knew it would continue to bother me or let it go if I could.

    What might help more than anything is to just try to work together.  If she is doing DIY stuff too then maybe try to have a DIY girls night or weekend.  If one of your fiances is going out of town that might be a great time to do it!  I would go to one of your houses and just set up TV trays or on tables for bigger projects and work away with a wedding themed movie on in the background.  Then either she works on her project and you work on yours or you both work on one and then the other.  Order pizza and have a glass of wine.  Try to make it a way to bond rather than a divisive issue.

    Weddings can be a really sensitive topic and a very emotional time for people.  Personally, I think it never hurts to let each bride have her spotlight for an extra little while.  After all, we all hope to only do it once (and we really all hope it's our last time down the aisle at least) so we want to savor it.  For me, my fiance and I have been planning for about 6 months with him telling me that he had a certain day that he wanted to propose but that since he knew I wanted a fall wedding he wasn't going to leave me with much time so to just go ahead and book a venue, do whatever I needed and that I would get the ring soon.  Well when I got it a little less than a month ago it was 3 weeks before his cousins wedding.  I didn't want to go all out and steal her thunder right before her big day so I let all the important people know first, then posted a simple announcement to facebook.  Past that I won't do anything public or announce the date or anything until at least a couple weeks after her wedding even though we already know many details.  Right now only my mom and MOH know anything other than that we are getting married.  I haven't even asked my other BMs because I want to be able to go nuts and dive right in at that point so I will wait.  I see nothing wrong with letting each bride have her moment for a little longer when possible.  Right now she is enjoying posting last minute updates and for the first couple weeks after she will be posting pics of the day.  I can certainly wait until after that to start talking about my planning.  If anyone asks about it at her wedding I will just say that it will be next september and leave it at that.  If pressed I will point out that I don't want to go into it on someone elses day (and then make a comment about something pretty there).

    Just enjoy your planning and it will all fall into place.  And forgive yourself the occasional freakout!
    image

    etf bolded
    Thank you, sweetheart. I think her point is, were all on here together, as future brides to be, and we're obviously coming on this forum for support--to talk with women who are in the same boat. Women (and people in general for that matter) tend to jump immediately to giving their SUBJECTIVE opinion (which is what all opinions are) as if they are the objective truth, and with rude undertones. I just don't read those. I don't want the opinion from someone who can be so rude to a stranger seeking advice. They wouldn't even BEGIN to understand that some people actually DO care about the comfort of their families having to attend two back to back weddings or having a BM be stressed about her own wedding instead of having fun... And while I'm at it, I don't think it's irrational OR something I need to forgive myself for for being concerned about my topic. It's an intrinsic desire to not have anyone steal their shine be it a wedding the same day, week, month; a shared birthday with Jesus; whatever it is... Humans are selfish by nature... Why do we have to pretend to be otherwise?! This is my opinion and you don't have to agree with it. You don't have to reply with snooty comments that are rude and condescending (cuz I don't read them). I really appreciated the comments of brides who had similar situations that were able to turn it into something positive because, unless we all get our heads out of our asses from smelling our own farts, it's *not* necessarily a positive thing. Ok OK.... Maybe it is for you, maybe YOU think humans should bury their instincts to save face, but not everyone is like you. To ME, it intrinsically felt icky and added stress to my life. Of COURSE I'm happy for my best friend, are you kidding?!? And another annoying thing about forums is someone will pick apart one word or sentence and base their reply on that instead of looking at the big picture. To those, my opinion is that I think you're ignorant so I can't bring myself to reading your opinions either. So, thank you to the mature, insightful comments with actual supportive advice (just because you aren't getting paid doesn't mean you have to automatically resort to bitch). This will be my last post on this website as the majority are just here to cut you down. We're women. We're brides to be. We're all stressed. We're all human. Lighten up the negative replies. It's a support forum. Not an outloutlet for bored, rude girls.
    edenisleEunoiaPhoenix
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I don't feel like anyone is really being sympathetic or supportive at all which is what these forums should be for.  She's stressed out.  We've all had moments of being overwhelmed and panicked due to wedding planning.  Even if you think she's being irrational, you should still at least be able to say so  and give advice without being rude which many of these comments have been.

    In my opinion, I am getting that you mostly seem upset because you had an understanding of how things were going to go and that has now changed.  I can understand that as changes with regards to your wedding can be scary when for many of us we've never done this before and so it's new territory and also such a big deal so not something you want to mess up.  From what you said I think that when you found out you were basically just concerned because she had made certain commitments to you and you were worried that she might no longer meet them.  Also, I think part of that concern was coming from that you wouldn't know until possibly too late whether or not this would be the case (thus wanting to offer her the out now rather than waiting to be disappointed).  Also, I can totally understand being worried about some of your family/friends having to choose one wedding over the other.  This is unfortunate, but hopefully none of your must haves will fall into this category.  If it were me and a friend had already set her date I would likely have tried to pick a date little further away from it, but there's many other factors that might have forced me to do what your friend did.  Maybe she had always dreamed of getting married in that month and didn't want to wait an entire extra year?  Maybe that date is special for some reason?  Maybe she had a certain venue in mind and that was the best possible date they had available (who knows, maybe her only other option was even closer to your date)?  If it were me I might ask my friend why she picked that date if I knew it would continue to bother me or let it go if I could.

    What might help more than anything is to just try to work together.  If she is doing DIY stuff too then maybe try to have a DIY girls night or weekend.  If one of your fiances is going out of town that might be a great time to do it!  I would go to one of your houses and just set up TV trays or on tables for bigger projects and work away with a wedding themed movie on in the background.  Then either she works on her project and you work on yours or you both work on one and then the other.  Order pizza and have a glass of wine.  Try to make it a way to bond rather than a divisive issue.

    Weddings can be a really sensitive topic and a very emotional time for people.  Personally, I think it never hurts to let each bride have her spotlight for an extra little while.  After all, we all hope to only do it once (and we really all hope it's our last time down the aisle at least) so we want to savor it.  For me, my fiance and I have been planning for about 6 months with him telling me that he had a certain day that he wanted to propose but that since he knew I wanted a fall wedding he wasn't going to leave me with much time so to just go ahead and book a venue, do whatever I needed and that I would get the ring soon.  Well when I got it a little less than a month ago it was 3 weeks before his cousins wedding.  I didn't want to go all out and steal her thunder right before her big day so I let all the important people know first, then posted a simple announcement to facebook.  Past that I won't do anything public or announce the date or anything until at least a couple weeks after her wedding even though we already know many details.  Right now only my mom and MOH know anything other than that we are getting married.  I haven't even asked my other BMs because I want to be able to go nuts and dive right in at that point so I will wait.  I see nothing wrong with letting each bride have her moment for a little longer when possible.  Right now she is enjoying posting last minute updates and for the first couple weeks after she will be posting pics of the day.  I can certainly wait until after that to start talking about my planning.  If anyone asks about it at her wedding I will just say that it will be next september and leave it at that.  If pressed I will point out that I don't want to go into it on someone elses day (and then make a comment about something pretty there).

    Just enjoy your planning and it will all fall into place.  And forgive yourself the occasional freakout!
    image

    etf bolded
    Thank you, sweetheart. I think her point is, were all on here together, as future brides to be, and we're obviously coming on this forum for support--to talk with women who are in the same boat. Women (and people in general for that matter) tend to jump immediately to giving their SUBJECTIVE opinion (which is what all opinions are) as if they are the objective truth, and with rude undertones. I just don't read those. I don't want the opinion from someone who can be so rude to a stranger seeking advice. They wouldn't even BEGIN to understand that some people actually DO care about the comfort of their families having to attend two back to back weddings or having a BM be stressed about her own wedding instead of having fun... And while I'm at it, I don't think it's irrational OR something I need to forgive myself for for being concerned about my topic. It's an intrinsic desire to not have anyone steal their shine be it a wedding the same day, week, month; a shared birthday with Jesus; whatever it is... Humans are selfish by nature... Why do we have to pretend to be otherwise?! This is my opinion and you don't have to agree with it. You don't have to reply with snooty comments that are rude and condescending (cuz I don't read them). I really appreciated the comments of brides who had similar situations that were able to turn it into something positive because, unless we all get our heads out of our asses from smelling our own farts, it's *not* necessarily a positive thing. Ok OK.... Maybe it is for you, maybe YOU think humans should bury their instincts to save face, but not everyone is like you. To ME, it intrinsically felt icky and added stress to my life. Of COURSE I'm happy for my best friend, are you kidding?!? And another annoying thing about forums is someone will pick apart one word or sentence and base their reply on that instead of looking at the big picture. To those, my opinion is that I think you're ignorant so I can't bring myself to reading your opinions either. So, thank you to the mature, insightful comments with actual supportive advice (just because you aren't getting paid doesn't mean you have to automatically resort to bitch). This will be my last post on this website as the majority are just here to cut you down. We're women. We're brides to be. We're all stressed. We're all human. Lighten up the negative replies. It's a support forum. Not an outloutlet for bored, rude girls.
    Like finds like.

    Or, in this case, SS finds another SS.  


    image
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I don't feel like anyone is really being sympathetic or supportive at all which is what these forums should be for.  She's stressed out.  We've all had moments of being overwhelmed and panicked due to wedding planning.  Even if you think she's being irrational, you should still at least be able to say so  and give advice without being rude which many of these comments have been.

    In my opinion, I am getting that you mostly seem upset because you had an understanding of how things were going to go and that has now changed.  I can understand that as changes with regards to your wedding can be scary when for many of us we've never done this before and so it's new territory and also such a big deal so not something you want to mess up.  From what you said I think that when you found out you were basically just concerned because she had made certain commitments to you and you were worried that she might no longer meet them.  Also, I think part of that concern was coming from that you wouldn't know until possibly too late whether or not this would be the case (thus wanting to offer her the out now rather than waiting to be disappointed).  Also, I can totally understand being worried about some of your family/friends having to choose one wedding over the other.  This is unfortunate, but hopefully none of your must haves will fall into this category.  If it were me and a friend had already set her date I would likely have tried to pick a date little further away from it, but there's many other factors that might have forced me to do what your friend did.  Maybe she had always dreamed of getting married in that month and didn't want to wait an entire extra year?  Maybe that date is special for some reason?  Maybe she had a certain venue in mind and that was the best possible date they had available (who knows, maybe her only other option was even closer to your date)?  If it were me I might ask my friend why she picked that date if I knew it would continue to bother me or let it go if I could.

    What might help more than anything is to just try to work together.  If she is doing DIY stuff too then maybe try to have a DIY girls night or weekend.  If one of your fiances is going out of town that might be a great time to do it!  I would go to one of your houses and just set up TV trays or on tables for bigger projects and work away with a wedding themed movie on in the background.  Then either she works on her project and you work on yours or you both work on one and then the other.  Order pizza and have a glass of wine.  Try to make it a way to bond rather than a divisive issue.

    Weddings can be a really sensitive topic and a very emotional time for people.  Personally, I think it never hurts to let each bride have her spotlight for an extra little while.  After all, we all hope to only do it once (and we really all hope it's our last time down the aisle at least) so we want to savor it.  For me, my fiance and I have been planning for about 6 months with him telling me that he had a certain day that he wanted to propose but that since he knew I wanted a fall wedding he wasn't going to leave me with much time so to just go ahead and book a venue, do whatever I needed and that I would get the ring soon.  Well when I got it a little less than a month ago it was 3 weeks before his cousins wedding.  I didn't want to go all out and steal her thunder right before her big day so I let all the important people know first, then posted a simple announcement to facebook.  Past that I won't do anything public or announce the date or anything until at least a couple weeks after her wedding even though we already know many details.  Right now only my mom and MOH know anything other than that we are getting married.  I haven't even asked my other BMs because I want to be able to go nuts and dive right in at that point so I will wait.  I see nothing wrong with letting each bride have her moment for a little longer when possible.  Right now she is enjoying posting last minute updates and for the first couple weeks after she will be posting pics of the day.  I can certainly wait until after that to start talking about my planning.  If anyone asks about it at her wedding I will just say that it will be next september and leave it at that.  If pressed I will point out that I don't want to go into it on someone elses day (and then make a comment about something pretty there).

    Just enjoy your planning and it will all fall into place.  And forgive yourself the occasional freakout!
    image

    etf bolded
    Thank you, sweetheart. I think her point is, were all on here together, as future brides to be, and we're obviously coming on this forum for support--to talk with women who are in the same boat. Women (and people in general for that matter) tend to jump immediately to giving their SUBJECTIVE opinion (which is what all opinions are) as if they are the objective truth, and with rude undertones. I just don't read those. I don't want the opinion from someone who can be so rude to a stranger seeking advice. They wouldn't even BEGIN to understand that some people actually DO care about the comfort of their families having to attend two back to back weddings or having a BM be stressed about her own wedding instead of having fun... And while I'm at it, I don't think it's irrational OR something I need to forgive myself for for being concerned about my topic. It's an intrinsic desire to not have anyone steal their shine be it a wedding the same day, week, month; a shared birthday with Jesus; whatever it is... Humans are selfish by nature... Why do we have to pretend to be otherwise?! This is my opinion and you don't have to agree with it. You don't have to reply with snooty comments that are rude and condescending (cuz I don't read them). I really appreciated the comments of brides who had similar situations that were able to turn it into something positive because, unless we all get our heads out of our asses from smelling our own farts, it's *not* necessarily a positive thing. Ok OK.... Maybe it is for you, maybe YOU think humans should bury their instincts to save face, but not everyone is like you. To ME, it intrinsically felt icky and added stress to my life. Of COURSE I'm happy for my best friend, are you kidding?!? And another annoying thing about forums is someone will pick apart one word or sentence and base their reply on that instead of looking at the big picture. To those, my opinion is that I think you're ignorant so I can't bring myself to reading your opinions either. So, thank you to the mature, insightful comments with actual supportive advice (just because you aren't getting paid doesn't mean you have to automatically resort to bitch). This will be my last post on this website as the majority are just here to cut you down. We're women. We're brides to be. We're all stressed. We're all human. Lighten up the negative replies. It's a support forum. Not an outloutlet for bored, rude girls.
    K bye.
    atlastmrsg
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I don't feel like anyone is really being sympathetic or supportive at all which is what these forums should be for.  She's stressed out.  We've all had moments of being overwhelmed and panicked due to wedding planning.  Even if you think she's being irrational, you should still at least be able to say so  and give advice without being rude which many of these comments have been.

    In my opinion, I am getting that you mostly seem upset because you had an understanding of how things were going to go and that has now changed.  I can understand that as changes with regards to your wedding can be scary when for many of us we've never done this before and so it's new territory and also such a big deal so not something you want to mess up.  From what you said I think that when you found out you were basically just concerned because she had made certain commitments to you and you were worried that she might no longer meet them.  Also, I think part of that concern was coming from that you wouldn't know until possibly too late whether or not this would be the case (thus wanting to offer her the out now rather than waiting to be disappointed).  Also, I can totally understand being worried about some of your family/friends having to choose one wedding over the other.  This is unfortunate, but hopefully none of your must haves will fall into this category.  If it were me and a friend had already set her date I would likely have tried to pick a date little further away from it, but there's many other factors that might have forced me to do what your friend did.  Maybe she had always dreamed of getting married in that month and didn't want to wait an entire extra year?  Maybe that date is special for some reason?  Maybe she had a certain venue in mind and that was the best possible date they had available (who knows, maybe her only other option was even closer to your date)?  If it were me I might ask my friend why she picked that date if I knew it would continue to bother me or let it go if I could.

    What might help more than anything is to just try to work together.  If she is doing DIY stuff too then maybe try to have a DIY girls night or weekend.  If one of your fiances is going out of town that might be a great time to do it!  I would go to one of your houses and just set up TV trays or on tables for bigger projects and work away with a wedding themed movie on in the background.  Then either she works on her project and you work on yours or you both work on one and then the other.  Order pizza and have a glass of wine.  Try to make it a way to bond rather than a divisive issue.

    Weddings can be a really sensitive topic and a very emotional time for people.  Personally, I think it never hurts to let each bride have her spotlight for an extra little while.  After all, we all hope to only do it once (and we really all hope it's our last time down the aisle at least) so we want to savor it.  For me, my fiance and I have been planning for about 6 months with him telling me that he had a certain day that he wanted to propose but that since he knew I wanted a fall wedding he wasn't going to leave me with much time so to just go ahead and book a venue, do whatever I needed and that I would get the ring soon.  Well when I got it a little less than a month ago it was 3 weeks before his cousins wedding.  I didn't want to go all out and steal her thunder right before her big day so I let all the important people know first, then posted a simple announcement to facebook.  Past that I won't do anything public or announce the date or anything until at least a couple weeks after her wedding even though we already know many details.  Right now only my mom and MOH know anything other than that we are getting married.  I haven't even asked my other BMs because I want to be able to go nuts and dive right in at that point so I will wait.  I see nothing wrong with letting each bride have her moment for a little longer when possible.  Right now she is enjoying posting last minute updates and for the first couple weeks after she will be posting pics of the day.  I can certainly wait until after that to start talking about my planning.  If anyone asks about it at her wedding I will just say that it will be next september and leave it at that.  If pressed I will point out that I don't want to go into it on someone elses day (and then make a comment about something pretty there).

    Just enjoy your planning and it will all fall into place.  And forgive yourself the occasional freakout!
    image

    etf bolded
    Thank you, sweetheart. I think her point is, were all on here together, as future brides to be, and we're obviously coming on this forum for support--to talk with women who are in the same boat. Women (and people in general for that matter) tend to jump immediately to giving their SUBJECTIVE opinion (which is what all opinions are) as if they are the objective truth, and with rude undertones. I just don't read those. I don't want the opinion from someone who can be so rude to a stranger seeking advice. They wouldn't even BEGIN to understand that some people actually DO care about the comfort of their families having to attend two back to back weddings or having a BM be stressed about her own wedding instead of having fun... And while I'm at it, I don't think it's irrational OR something I need to forgive myself for for being concerned about my topic. It's an intrinsic desire to not have anyone steal their shine be it a wedding the same day, week, month; a shared birthday with Jesus; whatever it is... Humans are selfish by nature... Why do we have to pretend to be otherwise?! This is my opinion and you don't have to agree with it. You don't have to reply with snooty comments that are rude and condescending (cuz I don't read them). I really appreciated the comments of brides who had similar situations that were able to turn it into something positive because, unless we all get our heads out of our asses from smelling our own farts, it's *not* necessarily a positive thing. Ok OK.... Maybe it is for you, maybe YOU think humans should bury their instincts to save face, but not everyone is like you. To ME, it intrinsically felt icky and added stress to my life. Of COURSE I'm happy for my best friend, are you kidding?!? And another annoying thing about forums is someone will pick apart one word or sentence and base their reply on that instead of looking at the big picture. To those, my opinion is that I think you're ignorant so I can't bring myself to reading your opinions either. So, thank you to the mature, insightful comments with actual supportive advice (just because you aren't getting paid doesn't mean you have to automatically resort to bitch). This will be my last post on this website as the majority are just here to cut you down. We're women. We're brides to be. We're all stressed. We're all human. Lighten up the negative replies. It's a support forum. Not an outloutlet for bored, rude girls.
    Everything was going so well with you...

    Re: the bolded - we do care about those situations, but there is just a limited number of ways you can deal with them, considering another person's choice of wedding day is entirely outside your business or control. (How would you expect we advise you to solve the travel/expense problem for your family? Berate the other bride until she thought better of her date? Except you acknowledge that it's really about selfishness.) 

    Kicking out a BM isn't one of the caring solutions, no matter how well-meaning you thought you were being. That's all.
    atlastmrsg
  • It's generally nice to have someone who is also go through wedding planning the same time as you are. They are not sick of wedding talk. We had a bunch of people over on Saturday and one of them was the sister of a friend, and she said, "I'm really boring right now because all I want to talk about is wedding stuff" (she's getting married next month). I was like, "oh girl, tell me all about your wedding". 

    It is not ok to kick her out of your wedding for this reason. If you do that, you are doing her a favor because she clearly is better off without you as a friend. 

    There are a lot of things that go into picking a date - family constraints, venue availability, etc. It would be a different story if she picked the same weekend as you, but two weeks later is absolutely not a big deal. Get over it. 
    image

  • I don't feel like anyone is really being sympathetic or supportive at all which is what these forums should be for.  She's stressed out.  We've all had moments of being overwhelmed and panicked due to wedding planning.  Even if you think she's being irrational, you should still at least be able to say so  and give advice without being rude which many of these comments have been.

    In my opinion, I am getting that you mostly seem upset because you had an understanding of how things were going to go and that has now changed.  I can understand that as changes with regards to your wedding can be scary when for many of us we've never done this before and so it's new territory and also such a big deal so not something you want to mess up.  From what you said I think that when you found out you were basically just concerned because she had made certain commitments to you and you were worried that she might no longer meet them.  Also, I think part of that concern was coming from that you wouldn't know until possibly too late whether or not this would be the case (thus wanting to offer her the out now rather than waiting to be disappointed).  Also, I can totally understand being worried about some of your family/friends having to choose one wedding over the other.  This is unfortunate, but hopefully none of your must haves will fall into this category.  If it were me and a friend had already set her date I would likely have tried to pick a date little further away from it, but there's many other factors that might have forced me to do what your friend did.  Maybe she had always dreamed of getting married in that month and didn't want to wait an entire extra year?  Maybe that date is special for some reason?  Maybe she had a certain venue in mind and that was the best possible date they had available (who knows, maybe her only other option was even closer to your date)?  If it were me I might ask my friend why she picked that date if I knew it would continue to bother me or let it go if I could.

    What might help more than anything is to just try to work together.  If she is doing DIY stuff too then maybe try to have a DIY girls night or weekend.  If one of your fiances is going out of town that might be a great time to do it!  I would go to one of your houses and just set up TV trays or on tables for bigger projects and work away with a wedding themed movie on in the background.  Then either she works on her project and you work on yours or you both work on one and then the other.  Order pizza and have a glass of wine.  Try to make it a way to bond rather than a divisive issue.

    Weddings can be a really sensitive topic and a very emotional time for people.  Personally, I think it never hurts to let each bride have her spotlight for an extra little while.  After all, we all hope to only do it once (and we really all hope it's our last time down the aisle at least) so we want to savor it.  For me, my fiance and I have been planning for about 6 months with him telling me that he had a certain day that he wanted to propose but that since he knew I wanted a fall wedding he wasn't going to leave me with much time so to just go ahead and book a venue, do whatever I needed and that I would get the ring soon.  Well when I got it a little less than a month ago it was 3 weeks before his cousins wedding.  I didn't want to go all out and steal her thunder right before her big day so I let all the important people know first, then posted a simple announcement to facebook.  Past that I won't do anything public or announce the date or anything until at least a couple weeks after her wedding even though we already know many details.  Right now only my mom and MOH know anything other than that we are getting married.  I haven't even asked my other BMs because I want to be able to go nuts and dive right in at that point so I will wait.  I see nothing wrong with letting each bride have her moment for a little longer when possible.  Right now she is enjoying posting last minute updates and for the first couple weeks after she will be posting pics of the day.  I can certainly wait until after that to start talking about my planning.  If anyone asks about it at her wedding I will just say that it will be next september and leave it at that.  If pressed I will point out that I don't want to go into it on someone elses day (and then make a comment about something pretty there).

    Just enjoy your planning and it will all fall into place.  And forgive yourself the occasional freakout!
    image

    etf bolded
    Thank you, sweetheart. I think her point is, were all on here together, as future brides to be, and we're obviously coming on this forum for support--to talk with women who are in the same boat. Women (and people in general for that matter) tend to jump immediately to giving their SUBJECTIVE opinion (which is what all opinions are) as if they are the objective truth, and with rude undertones. I just don't read those. I don't want the opinion from someone who can be so rude to a stranger seeking advice. They wouldn't even BEGIN to understand that some people actually DO care about the comfort of their families having to attend two back to back weddings or having a BM be stressed about her own wedding instead of having fun... And while I'm at it, I don't think it's irrational OR something I need to forgive myself for for being concerned about my topic. It's an intrinsic desire to not have anyone steal their shine be it a wedding the same day, week, month; a shared birthday with Jesus; whatever it is... Humans are selfish by nature... Why do we have to pretend to be otherwise?! This is my opinion and you don't have to agree with it. You don't have to reply with snooty comments that are rude and condescending (cuz I don't read them). I really appreciated the comments of brides who had similar situations that were able to turn it into something positive because, unless we all get our heads out of our asses from smelling our own farts, it's *not* necessarily a positive thing. Ok OK.... Maybe it is for you, maybe YOU think humans should bury their instincts to save face, but not everyone is like you. To ME, it intrinsically felt icky and added stress to my life. Of COURSE I'm happy for my best friend, are you kidding?!? And another annoying thing about forums is someone will pick apart one word or sentence and base their reply on that instead of looking at the big picture. To those, my opinion is that I think you're ignorant so I can't bring myself to reading your opinions either. So, thank you to the mature, insightful comments with actual supportive advice (just because you aren't getting paid doesn't mean you have to automatically resort to bitch). This will be my last post on this website as the majority are just here to cut you down. We're women. We're brides to be. We're all stressed. We're all human. Lighten up the negative replies. It's a support forum. Not an outloutlet for bored, rude girls.
    hahah oh my god, how did I miss this gem?

    I guess a picture (or a gif in this case), really was worth 1,000 words...  Thank you, @nottienikki. I hope you took a dramatic bow and blew kisses to all your supporters after this performance. You deserve it!
    *********************************************************************************

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    esstee33Knottie1445136220
  • Deal with it. Just focus on your wedding. It is another day of the year.

     
  • So my best friend/ MOH got engaged this past July and set a wedding date for February 2016.  I got engaged in September and set a wedding date for April 2015.  I am her MOH as well.  All is well and then suddenly, 2 weeks ago she said she wanted to move her wedding date to 2 weeks before my wedding (also April 2015) as long as it didn't "step on my toes".  I joked with her as she told me once that I better not beat her down the aisle.  But ultimately it is fine.  I told her it would be fine and I wanted her to get married whenever she wanted.  It doesn't have any bearing on my wedding or more importantly, my marriage.  I am doing a lot of DIY, my fiancé is helping or I am doing it myself.  It has been really fun to go dress shopping together, go to bridal shows together and generally be wedding obsessed and not be judged!
    abbyj700[Deleted User]
  • svoigt99 said:
    So my best friend/ MOH got engaged this past July and set a wedding date for February 2016.  I got engaged in September and set a wedding date for April 2015.  I am her MOH as well.  All is well and then suddenly, 2 weeks ago she said she wanted to move her wedding date to 2 weeks before my wedding (also April 2015) as long as it didn't "step on my toes".  I joked with her as she told me once that I better not beat her down the aisle.  But ultimately it is fine.  I told her it would be fine and I wanted her to get married whenever she wanted.  It doesn't have any bearing on my wedding or more importantly, my marriage.  I am doing a lot of DIY, my fiancé is helping or I am doing it myself.  It has been really fun to go dress shopping together, go to bridal shows together and generally be wedding obsessed and not be judged!
    Yes. 
    image
    [Deleted User]
  • This happened to a friend of mine.  Her BM picked a wedding date 2 wknds after hers and actually wanted to book the same venue.  She ended up booking a different venue, but my friend felt that her BM was trying to be in competition w her the entire time leading up to the weddings.  It caused quite a rift and they recently mutually decided to end their friendship (a year after their weddings)
  • disaiak said:
    This happened to a friend of mine.  Her BM picked a wedding date 2 wknds after hers and actually wanted to book the same venue.  She ended up booking a different venue, but my friend felt that her BM was trying to be in competition w her the entire time leading up to the weddings.  It caused quite a rift and they recently mutually decided to end their friendship (a year after their weddings)
    Your friend and/or her friend sound like terrible people if they let that come between them. 

    image
    image
    charcoalandblush
  • Hahahahahha! Thanks, guys ;) 

    Guess what?  I didn't say a WORD and she said she felt bad and moved it to the next month.  Guess my original post wasn't so OUTRAGEOUS after all as even she felt the need to move it for me.  I would do the same for any friend of mine.
  • Hi, I think I get what you are saying. My niece just got engaged in October (so happy for her) and is getting married 6mths later (Easter weekend) then 6nths later is my wedding. My sister and the bride (niece) and her sister (other niece) don't get why we can't fly 4 people (fiancé, and 2 kids and myself)(over $1500.00) plus rent a car and hotel for overnight. I am sad about not being able to see her married. However the $$ is not there. It's earmarked for our wedding 6mths after. #2. She just got bridesmaid dresses in the same color that my girls dresses are. (She knew the color). So I get what you are saying. But i wouldn't offer to let her go because she can't help. I am doing a lot of DIY, and my fiancé will help if needed otherwise if anyone offers great, but otherwise I am on my own. Also , I am making favors for niece. Only cause I offered BEFORE the dress issue. Try a relax, the bottom line , nothing can take away that you are marrying the man of your dreams and that's the most important thing. I hope you aren't offended my response, I tried not to make it sound judgmental or nasty. Just sympathizing with you and sharing. :) Congratulation by the way.!
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