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randomnumber041616
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Is This As Terrible An Idea As Everyone Keeps Telling Me It Is?
in Chit Chat
I figured since I'm totally bored at work for the next hour and a half, I would run this by TK for some opinions.
FBIL and wife have 5 children ranging in age from 20 down to 9. They don't have a whole lot of money and apparently will be unable to give Christmas presents to everyone this year. Now, their children really do have pretty much everything. No one has any idea what to get them for Christmas. One of my thoughts was to make donations to Heifer International and basically tell each kid that they bought a family in an underdeveloped community a flock of geese/flock of chickens/half a goat/whatever. Here's my reasons:
1. Heifer International is my favorite charity.
2. This family loves animals.
3. These children break or lose anything you get them really quickly. They can't break a chicken in South America.
FI said first that he thought they may feel like a charity case. I was like "Um it's the opposite. It's saying, 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you.'" Then he basically said that they are kids and they will want presents. I gave a very sarcastic, "Right, because Christmas is about getting presents?" I mentioned this idea to a coworker who also said, "Yeah, they won't like that. That's a terrible idea."
So, Knotties, on a scale of 1 to Cash Bar, how bad an idea is this?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is This As Terrible An Idea As Everyone Keeps Telling Me It Is?
IMHO, I just personally dislike the whole "I gave something to a charity in your honour." It just screams condescending, and like you're patting yourself on the back (even if the intent is obviously not that).
If someone wants to give to charity, that's great! They should do it on their own time and not use it as a "gift" to someone. This is just my opinion though, I know tons of people out there probably do this all the time
Formerly martha1818
As an adult, I prefer money. That way I can give to the charity myself and get the tax write off.
I get what you're trying to say - but to me this goes along the lines of telling your guests at the wedding that in lieu of a favor you donated to PETA or something like that for them.
Either don't get them anything or take the money you'd spend on them as a family, find out their favorite restaurant and get a giftcard to there so they can enjoy a family night out.
As an adult do you know what I think when I receive a very generous and awesome gift?
I enjoy giving gifts to other people and I try very hard to give them things that they would really enjoy and appreciate. . . and are within the budgets I give myself. Never once have I ever worried about anyone feeling badly because they thought I had more money than they did.
You seem to be overly concerned with the fact that you have more money than your in laws.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Ditto to everything @lovegood90 said.
To the bolded, donating to a charity in someone's honor just doesn't seem right if it's not a charity or organization that they aren't passionate about. If you're doing it, just because you like the charity or because you don't know what else to do with the money, then you're doing it wrong. In my opinion.
Also,
I don't think giving gifts would be an insult to the children's parents. If anything it would show how much you care, and how thoughtful you are which is what a gift is intended for. You bought it because you thought about them. I have nieces and nephews, and every year it's a challenge to decide what to buy them because they too have EVERYTHING. But I do always get them a little something because I love them, and I want them to know that. And not that a gift is the only way to show that, but you get my drift... ok I'm rambling....
FBIL and wife have 5 children ranging in age from 20 down to 9. They don't have a whole lot of money and apparently will be unable to give Christmas presents to everyone this year. Now, their children really do have pretty much everything. No one has any idea what to get them for Christmas. One of my thoughts was to make donations to Heifer International and basically tell each kid that they bought a family in an underdeveloped community a flock of geese/flock of chickens/half a goat/whatever. Here's my reasons:
1. Heifer International is my favorite charity. 2. This family loves animals.3. These children break or lose anything you get them really quickly. They can't break a chicken in South America.
FI said first that he thought they may feel like a charity case. I was like "Um it's the opposite. It's saying, 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you.'" Then he basically said that they are kids and they will want presents. I gave a very sarcastic, "Right, because Christmas is about getting presents?" I mentioned this idea to a coworker who also said, "Yeah, they won't like that. That's a terrible idea."
So, Knotties, on a scale of 1 to Cash Bar, how bad an idea is this?
What does the parents not having a lot of money this year have to do with you not giving the children gifts? This sounds like a tit-for-tat, "if you're not gonna give me a gift I'm giving away the money I would have spent on your family" kind of thing, and that is super shitty. If the parents can't afford gifts for everyone, just accept that you won't be getting one. Don't take it out on the kids.
If they don't need physical things and/or break lots of toys easily, there are lots of things you could gift them that they'll appreciate more than you forcing your charitable values upon them. A family membership to a zoo or science center, magazine subscriptions, movie theater gift cards, etc. No, the holidays shouldn't be about physical gifts, but it's not your place to teach them that (especially since you seem hung up on whether you get one or not. Don't think you've learned that yet.) I really don't care if I get a present from them or not. I actually thought that not giving them $50 presents might be nicer than waving in their face that they don't have as much money as I do. I swear I did not intend it to be a thing about not giving them presents. I didn't even expect them to get me a gift last year and still bought them gifts.
ETA: Also, why does it seem like I want them to give me a present? I think I'm actually kind of the opposite of the person you think I am. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------[OMG BOXES]--------------------------------------------------------------------------Lolo will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think she got the impression you wanted a present because a) you made a point of saying FBIL and his family likely won't be getting other people presents, and b) this seemed to factor into your decision not to buy the kids presents. That may not have been your train of thought at all, but I can see how it could be interpreted that way.
I think you are really over thinking this. Also, I think it would make the kids feel pretty terrible to not receive a gift and to be told that their gift was given to someone else for charity.
I say give the kids a small gift and give the parents a nice card and a bottle of wine.
Gifts are given because we want to give them, not because we are obligated to via a tit for tat system. Adults need to understand this. Also, a gift does not need to be something one purchases foe another. Creativity can go a long way!
I can empathize with you because my brother and SIL told us they can't afford to buy everyone Christmas gifts this year. They want to focus on their two kids and save up to buy a house. Makes perfect sense.
We- my parents and the other siblings- are still going to buy my niece and nephew Christmas gifts. And I'm still going to get something for my brother and SIL.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Relax.
You are NOT responsible for the feelings of other adults. You cannot control or change how they feel, so let this concept go. You are sucking the life out of Christmas for yourself by trying not to make your in laws feel badly about gifts. Only your in laws can make themselves stop feeling badly.
Let it go, Elsa ;-)
Buy them all gifts if you want to and enjoy the act of giving them.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."