She is verbally and emotionally abusive to her mother which has caused many of our family to write her off. I get what you are saying about looking like a bitch for picking the same date, but I would put the odds of the wedding actually happening at 15 %.....just based on her past behavior. Is this 15% chance of a conflicting date enough to suck it up and choose another date?
It's actually a 50% chance because the only things that can happen are 1. she gets married on that day or 2. she doesn't get married on that day. 50/50 chance that she won't.
Now that I got that out of my system, pp's are right. If you pick this date you are going to look like a jerk whether her wedding happens or not. She already sent out STD's. I'm sure people are already planning on attending hers based on that information. I wouldn't attend your wedding if I received an STD from you now because I would think it was really shitty of you to book your wedding the exact same day as your cousin.
Regardless of drama in her life or how she treats her mother or anything else, there's no good reason for you to choose the same date as her. The only reason I can think of is you want everyone to see that your family thinks you're better than her and would rather come to your wedding than hers. That's what your posts make it seem like anyways.
She is verbally and emotionally abusive to her mother which has caused many of our family to write her off. I get what you are saying about looking like a bitch for picking the same date, but I would put the odds of the wedding actually happening at 15 %.....just based on her past behavior. Is this 15% chance of a conflicting date enough to suck it up and choose another date?
I should note that I would have to wait until 7 months later to get a date at this venue that works for my parents. Also, I am an older bride that wants kids so that puts us 7 months later at TTC.
Why do you need to be married to TTC? There are several things that you need to have biologically in order to have a child, and a marriage certificate and a wedding band aren't among those things.
What is more important to you- having a child, or getting married at this dream spot?
Regardless, pick another date.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
You are going to look like a total dick if you pick the same date. I also hope you haven't hinted at doing this to anyone IRL either, because you will still look like a dick for even considering it. It puts everyone in an awkward situation, feelings will be hurt, you will look like the ultimate bridezilla, and it will affect the way people see you. We wouldn't side eye a wedding that was the same month as your cousins. Hell, even a week's difference would probably get very little side eye. But the same day? With how judgey you are about your cousin? It's a dick move, for sure.
What about an earlier date, since you are so concerned about TTC?
Oh also, if you're so concerned about TTC, just go to a courthouse and get married ASAP! You don't need a big wedding in order for your wedding to be valid
My parents once went to a "wedding" that sounds the way you describe your cousin's plans. They were both divorcees who had been accused of infidelity. There were even rumours that the groom drove his first wife to an eating disorder. The groom's own mother didn't even attend the civil ceremony! My parents went to the wedding blessing and celebration, it wasn't even the real wedding! What chavy trash, right!?!?? Oh wait, no that was HRH The Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall's wedding! Quit judging others and pick another date!
My parents once went to a "wedding" that sounds the way you describe your cousin's plans. They were both divorcees who had been accused of infidelity. There were even rumours that the groom drove his first wife to an eating disorder. The groom's own mother didn't even attend the civil ceremony! My parents went to the wedding blessing and celebration, it wasn't even the real wedding! What chavy trash, right!?!?? Oh wait, no that was HRH The Prince of Wales and the Duchess of Cornwall's wedding! Quit judging others and pick another date!
I am equally impressed and jealous that your parents went to a royal wedding.
To the OP: I get it. To you, your cousin might be 100% crazypants. I've got some relatives I may say the same thing about. However, you're the one who's going to look like a jerk for picking the same day. I promise. I'm not saying its fair, but it WILL happen. You're either going to have to pick another venue or a different day. And then come here to vent to us if her wedding doesn't happen. We will say something along the lines of, "That sucks but WINE!!" And all will be well.
I appreciate all the comments. We actually haven't told anyone about the potential date conflicts because I know that my mom is her least biggest fan and will encourage us to have the wedding that day anyway.
That being said, I get that its only a day and I can have another venue and another day. I'm just going to be beyond pissed if and when this wedding, like the rest of them, falls through.
I appreciate all the comments. We actually haven't told anyone about the potential date conflicts because I know that my mom is her least biggest fan and will encourage us to have the wedding that day anyway.
That being said, I get that its only a day and I can have another venue and another day. I'm just going to be beyond pissed if and when this wedding, like the rest of them, falls through.
Good for you. Honestly, I bet once you are in the throes of wedding planning and have fallen in love with another venue or are at the venue you wanted at a later date it will not matter to you anymore, you'll just be excited to get married!
I appreciate all the comments. We actually haven't told anyone about the potential date conflicts because I know that my mom is her least biggest fan and will encourage us to have the wedding that day anyway.
That being said, I get that its only a day and I can have another venue and another day. I'm just going to be beyond pissed if and when this wedding, like the rest of them, falls through.
based on your attitude, defensive posture and back peddling it sounds like you are about 18 years old. So, good news. . . . . you have many years left of TTC.
If you are "an older bride" as you said, you should probably looking into growing up and being less spiteful, you'll likely have a happier existence!
I appreciate all the comments. We actually haven't told anyone about the potential date conflicts because I know that my mom is her least biggest fan and will encourage us to have the wedding that day anyway.
That being said, I get that its only a day and I can have another venue and another day. I'm just going to be beyond pissed if and when this wedding, like the rest of them, falls through.
Or you could be supportive of family member going through the trauma of a cancelled wedding...
This woman didn't pick her date after you to ruin your special day. She got engaged, she picked her date. It is in no way an issue for her. YOU chose to judge her. You continue to speak poorly of her, and you really need to just realize that if her wedding falls apart - it's not some thing that makes you win and makes you right. It's sad, and hard and not at all okay for you to route for or be pissed about because you lost this EXACT day.
ETA: We had some friends and some family members who had weddings planned for the same day next fall. They were upset as some friends and family would have to pick which wedding they would attend. Fast forward - said cousins wedding is called off. Friend did not go around getting all excited or anything like you would. She had class, and called the other girl (who's wedding got cancelled) to see if there was anything she could do for her.
By choosing another date, you will avoid looking like a big meany-pants/ bridezilla/ inconsiderate to the people you care about. Even if these people you care about WOULD choose your wedding over your cousin's, they would probably resent having to make that decision. And they would see you in a totally different light.
And if her wedding falls through? That will stink (particularly for her), but you'll still get to get married. And since your family members have already received her STDs, they'll know that you were willing to put them in a bad position. The damage will be done.
I appreciate all the comments. We actually haven't told anyone about the potential date conflicts because I know that my mom is her least biggest fan and will encourage us to have the wedding that day anyway.
That being said, I get that its only a day and I can have another venue and another day. I'm just going to be beyond pissed if and when this wedding, like the rest of them, falls through.
You really haven't been listening to a thing we have been saying have you?
I appreciate all the comments. We actually haven't told anyone about the potential date conflicts because I know that my mom is her least biggest fan and will encourage us to have the wedding that day anyway.
That being said, I get that its only a day and I can have another venue and another day. I'm just going to be beyond pissed if and when this wedding, like the rest of them, falls through.
Oh yeah, nevermind your cousin who will have to deal with another failed relationship that clearly she had faith in, let alone the embarrassment of cancelling. Clearly this is all about you.
Two words - DOUBLE WEDDING. Problem solved. If you are certain she will cancel, then it will just be your wedding anyway. If she doesn't cancel, the you can split the cost, save money, have the venue, the date and not wait TTC!!
Two words - DOUBLE WEDDING. Problem solved. If you are certain she will cancel, then it will just be your wedding anyway. If she doesn't cancel, the you can split the cost, save money, have the venue, the date and not wait TTC!!
I should note that I would have to wait until 7 months later to get a date at this venue that works for my parents. Also, I am an older bride that wants kids so that puts us 7 months later at TTC.
Why do you need to be married to TTC? There are several things that you need to have biologically in order to have a child, and a marriage certificate and a wedding band aren't among those things.
What is more important to you- having a child, or getting married at this dream spot?
Regardless, pick another date.
I'm glad you said this, PGL, because I was going to. Really, OP? If you're that concerned about TTC, and you want to be married to TTC, you'd still put the venue choice first?
Sometimes people on here put up "It's either _____ or _____" and I think, "Why on earth would those be the only two options?" and then realize that they're clinging to something. Like a dream venue. Or God help us, that girl who insisted on getting married on their dating anniversary, "didn't matter which year."
My first choice and cheapest venue option was booked by the time we decided on it. A second gorgeous place got pulled out from under us when the symphony director decided he wanted the option of setting up a more lucrative event. The third choice was still awesome, and we're married, at a time when it is good for us to be married. You'll be fine, and your wedding will be awesome.
I should note that I would have to wait until 7 months later to get a date at this venue that works for my parents. Also, I am an older bride that wants kids so that puts us 7 months later at TTC.
Why do you need to be married to TTC? There are several things that you need to have biologically in order to have a child, and a marriage certificate and a wedding band aren't among those things.
What is more important to you- having a child, or getting married at this dream spot?
Regardless, pick another date.
I'm glad you said this, PGL, because I was going to. Really, OP? If you're that concerned about TTC, and you want to be married to TTC, you'd still put the venue choice first?
Sometimes people on here put up "It's either _____ or _____" and I think, "Why on earth would those be the only two options?" and then realize that they're clinging to something. Like a dream venue. Or God help us, that girl who insisted on getting married on their dating anniversary, "didn't matter which year."
My first choice and cheapest venue option was booked by the time we decided on it. A second gorgeous place got pulled out from under us when the symphony director decided he wanted the option of setting up a more lucrative event. The third choice was still awesome, and we're married, at a time when it is good for us to be married. You'll be fine, and your wedding will be awesome.
edit for clarity in first paragraph
This. You learn to work around things that aren't that important. I was set on specific date (because I'm dumb and decided to pick a day before researching options) and when it came down to it, the best venue option for us was booked that day. We had to re-group and I got over it. I chose a different day and it's going to be just fine.
I'm getting married on a Thursday because all of the Saturdays in April at the place I'm getting married at were booked. Was I thrilled about that? No. But, What mattered to me was marrying my FI and I really didn't care about the date or day for that matter! He didn't either. There are so many more things that are important here... and you are really missing them!
Knottie02344586 said:
I appreciate all the comments. We actually haven't told anyone about the potential date conflicts because I know that my mom is her least biggest fan and will encourage us to have the wedding that day anyway.
That being said, I get that its only a day and I can have another venue and another day. I'm just going to be beyond pissed if and when this wedding, like the rest of them, falls through.
*WTF BOXES**
So, if your cousin who has had to deal with an abusive cheating boyfriend who also abused her kids has to deal with the heartbreak of her current relationship ending and the humiliation of cancelling a wedding after she's already sending out STDs...all you're gonna be concerned about is oh, poor you didn't get your dream venue.
Really? Wow. Sucks for you guys. My wedding was exactly what I had planned when I was 5 and totally, completely, all encompassingly perfect. Piss off cousins? Who cares. Parents? They'll get over it. Husband? He's replaceable. We're talking about my DREAM here. DREAM.
I appreciate all the comments. We actually haven't told anyone about the potential date conflicts because I know that my mom is her least biggest fan and will encourage us to have the wedding that day anyway.
That being said, I get that its only a day and I can have another venue and another day. I'm just going to be beyond pissed if and when this wedding, like the rest of them, falls through.
Stop being all Kayne West on this "Yo yo yo this is nice but imma let you finish..."
You sound like a child. Not like someone should be having a child. Do you think people that went to Liz Taylor's weddings had any idea that they'd all end in divorce? Um, yeah. Pretty sure they did. There were probably betting pools on it. But people still attended and people still celebrated them. Just because you think the wedding won't go on, although you back hand compliment saying "this one seems like a nice guy", it DOES. NOT. MATTER.
Pick a new date, be the bigger person. And if it falls through, just continue to sit highly upon your horse breathing in the thin air of smugness.
Look, whatever Vicki's history is, it's a dick move to book your wedding on the SAME DATE as a family member. There's really no way to do it without turning heads and hurting feelings. So pick another date, or find another venue. Or book it and deal with the drama.
But seriously just find another date or venue.
Agreed. Even if it doesn't come through for Vicki, family members will still raise their eyebrows at you picking the same date as a family member- especially after her save the dates went out. I know it sucks, but you'll either have to wait the 7 months or pick a date that isn't convenient for your family. Because even if you find a different venue on the same day, the problem still persists: it's mean to take someone's thunder.
Who are you to say whether Vicki's wedding will happen or not?!? If she sent out the save the date's then you should really pick another date. In re to you being an "older bride" and wanting to start a family issue of waiting 7 months for this venue to have a date open then pick another venue! If you really don't want to pick another venue then maybe you'll have to walk down the aisle with a bun in the oven.
I have this cousin- I will call her Vicki. Vicki is 30, but first got married when she was 19 and had 2 kids. She has since gotten divorced and has had a new boyfriend every year. She can't hold a job and has been evicted from many apartments. Her relationship with her mom (my aunt) ranges from not speaking to her mom bailing her out of another terrible living situation after the boyfriend 1.) cheated 2.) abused her 3.) abused her kids. Honestly, its hard to keep up with the drama.
Vicki has announced her engagements on facebook at least 3 times in the last 6 years, but every year that relationship has ended. This summer, she announced her engagement to another a guy who she has only been dating only 6 months. This guy actually seems to be a good guy, which makes me think that the marriage will actually happen. I have hard time believing that they can afford the wedding that she is planning because she has no money and no job and her fiancee doesn't seem to have a job at the moment. Her parents are in no position to help. I do not know about his family situation. For each wedding, she has created these fantasy wedding webpages with weddings that there is no way that she could afford.
Here is the problem: her wedding date is the day that our dream venue is open that would work best for both our immediate families. Because she has set so many wedding dates that have not come to fruition, I am loathe to push off our date because Vicki has chosen that date. I am also afraid of the WWW III drama that could erupt (mostly with her mother) if we set her wedding date on the same day as her wedding. Especially since she sent out STDs last month. Because of the drama involved with her faction of the family and because it's my first (and likely only) wedding, I am assuming that the majority of our large extended family would come to my wedding and not hers. That makes me feel terrible, but at the same time, I really don't want to miss out on the date and the venue when I'm not convinced her wedding can and will happen.
We aren't, and have never been, close, but at the same time her life has been so hard I don't want to hurt her feelings and make her feel like her wedding isn't important, but I will be so incredibly angry and upset if we miss out on our wedding date and venue and her wedding doesn't happen.
Any thoughts?
So your cousin gets divorced and she and her chilren are the victims of domestic violence and this is upsetting to you because it is hard to keep up with all of the drama?
You have bigger problems than setting a wedding date, and I don't think we can help you with them.
I have this cousin- I will call her Vicki. Vicki is 30, but first got married when she was 19 and had 2 kids. She has since gotten divorced and has had a new boyfriend every year. She can't hold a job and has been evicted from many apartments. Her relationship with her mom (my aunt) ranges from not speaking to her mom bailing her out of another terrible living situation after the boyfriend 1.) cheated 2.) abused her 3.) abused her kids. Honestly, its hard to keep up with the drama.
Vicki has announced her engagements on facebook at least 3 times in the last 6 years, but every year that relationship has ended. This summer, she announced her engagement to another a guy who she has only been dating only 6 months. This guy actually seems to be a good guy, which makes me think that the marriage will actually happen. I have hard time believing that they can afford the wedding that she is planning because she has no money and no job and her fiancee doesn't seem to have a job at the moment. Her parents are in no position to help. I do not know about his family situation. For each wedding, she has created these fantasy wedding webpages with weddings that there is no way that she could afford.
Here is the problem: her wedding date is the day that our dream venue is open that would work best for both our immediate families. Because she has set so many wedding dates that have not come to fruition, I am loathe to push off our date because Vicki has chosen that date. I am also afraid of the WWW III drama that could erupt (mostly with her mother) if we set her wedding date on the same day as her wedding. Especially since she sent out STDs last month. Because of the drama involved with her faction of the family and because it's my first (and likely only) wedding, I am assuming that the majority of our large extended family would come to my wedding and not hers. That makes me feel terrible, but at the same time, I really don't want to miss out on the date and the venue when I'm not convinced her wedding can and will happen.
We aren't, and have never been, close, but at the same time her life has been so hard I don't want to hurt her feelings and make her feel like her wedding isn't important, but I will be so incredibly angry and upset if we miss out on our wedding date and venue and her wedding doesn't happen.
Any thoughts?
So your cousin gets divorced and she and her chilren are the victims of domestic violence and this is upsetting to you because it is hard to keep up with all of the drama?
You have bigger problems than setting a wedding date, and I don't think we can help you with them.
DAMN STRAIGHT THAT'S MY CO-MOD, LAYING DOWN TRUTH BOMBS!
Think of it this way OP. What if you were the one to send out STD first, and Vicky picked your wedding day to get married on it? Wouldn't you be pissed? There are other days, and other venues.
Like others have said, you're going to look bad no matter what. If you don't care about that, than go ahead and pick the same wedding day as your cousin.
Re: Setting a date that conflicts with other family
What is more important to you- having a child, or getting married at this dream spot?
Regardless, pick another date.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
You are going to look like a total dick if you pick the same date. I also hope you haven't hinted at doing this to anyone IRL either, because you will still look like a dick for even considering it. It puts everyone in an awkward situation, feelings will be hurt, you will look like the ultimate bridezilla, and it will affect the way people see you. We wouldn't side eye a wedding that was the same month as your cousins. Hell, even a week's difference would probably get very little side eye. But the same day? With how judgey you are about your cousin? It's a dick move, for sure.
What about an earlier date, since you are so concerned about TTC?
And if her wedding falls through? That will stink (particularly for her), but you'll still get to get married. And since your family members have already received her STDs, they'll know that you were willing to put them in a bad position. The damage will be done.
You really haven't been listening to a thing we have been saying have you?
GROW UP.
Finally! A solution I'm sure she will agree to!
I'm glad you said this, PGL, because I was going to. Really, OP? If you're that concerned about TTC, and you want to be married to TTC, you'd still put the venue choice first?
Sometimes people on here put up "It's either _____ or _____" and I think, "Why on earth would those be the only two options?" and then realize that they're clinging to something. Like a dream venue. Or God help us, that girl who insisted on getting married on their dating anniversary, "didn't matter which year."
My first choice and cheapest venue option was booked by the time we decided on it. A second gorgeous place got pulled out from under us when the symphony director decided he wanted the option of setting up a more lucrative event. The third choice was still awesome, and we're married, at a time when it is good for us to be married. You'll be fine, and your wedding will be awesome.
edit for clarity in first paragraph
That being said, I get that its only a day and I can have another venue and another day. I'm just going to be beyond pissed if and when this wedding, like the rest of them, falls through.
*WTF BOXES**
You sound like a child. Not like someone should be having a child. Do you think people that went to Liz Taylor's weddings had any idea that they'd all end in divorce? Um, yeah. Pretty sure they did. There were probably betting pools on it. But people still attended and people still celebrated them. Just because you think the wedding won't go on, although you back hand compliment saying "this one seems like a nice guy", it DOES. NOT. MATTER.
Pick a new date, be the bigger person. And if it falls through, just continue to sit highly upon your horse breathing in the thin air of smugness.
So your cousin gets divorced and she and her chilren are the victims of domestic violence and this is upsetting to you because it is hard to keep up with all of the drama?
You have bigger problems than setting a wedding date, and I don't think we can help you with them.